Cherish

by Sherryl Woods

  Some of the rooms were already empty. Walking through the nearly barren house hadn’t affected Kevin nearly as much as he’d expected it to. He was looking forward to building a new life with his wife.

  Lacey had never liked this house and Jason had lived in it only briefly. Kevin’s son had always preferred the smaller house he’d grown up in, more than this one that Lacey referred to as a mausoleum. They’d kept the other house, renting it out, and several years ago Jason had bought it from them and was about to start filling up its rooms with his own family.

  As a result, this day, which was winding down now with coffee and dessert on the patio, seemed more of a celebration than a bittersweet farewell. At least it had until Kevin shattered the festive mood with his bombshell.

  “You did what!” three members of the Halloran family exclaimed in unison when he told them about hiring his father’s detective to do a further check on Elizabeth Newton.

  “Well, you don’t have to act so horrified,” he shot back defensively. “Dad’s obviously not thinking straight or he never would have done something this foolish. Somebody had to look out for his interests.”

  “Darling, what is so foolish about your father wanting some companionship in his life?” Lacey asked.

  “Lacey’s right,” Dana chimed in. “I think the whole story of how he and Elizabeth were separated and how he found her again is rather sweet. Downright romantic in fact.”

  “There are plenty of women right here in Boston. Women we know,” Kevin argued, though he could see now that it was a useless protest. Obviously no one saw this the way he did. In fact, none of them knew what he’d discovered about Elizabeth Forsythe Newton. He was only just now beginning to absorb the implications himself. She had an illegitimate daughter, a daughter only slightly older than himself. Given everything else he knew about his father’s obsession with this woman, it was possible this daughter was his half sister.

  “In other words, you figured you had the right to choose for him, just as he tried to choose for you before we got married,” Lacey countered with quiet calm and a deadly accuracy that had Kevin wincing. “Darling,” she said, “don’t you see what you’re doing?”

  “I am trying to protect my father from a woman he obviously knows nothing about.” Was it possible though, that his father did know, that he had kept such a secret from all of them?

  “He knows he loves her,” Jason said quietly. “Dad, I really think we have to trust him. If he’s happy, isn’t that all that matters?”

  Kevin tried one last time to make them see his point. “But if he knew everything—”

  “Maybe he does,” Lacey said. “And maybe it doesn’t matter to him.”

  “It would matter,” Kevin said darkly. “I think I know Dad better than any of you, and I’m telling you that it would matter.”

  He picked up the detective’s report that had thoroughly shaken him and offered it to them. “Read it for yourselves. You’ll see what I mean.”

  But after exchanging glances, not one of them took him up on the offer. It appeared they were all as stubborn as his father. They’d rather avoid the truth than deal with it.

  “You called Granddad about it, didn’t you?” Jason asked mildly.

  “Yes.”

  “Would he listen?”

  “No,” Kevin admitted in frustration. “He hung up on me.”

  “Darling, if Brandon didn’t want to hear the report, then I think we should respect that,” Lacey said. “Frankly, if I were you, I’d burn the damn thing and try to forget you ever read it yourself.”

  “How the devil am I supposed to do that?” he demanded, then sighed deeply. “Okay, fine then. But I just hope it isn’t too late when Dad finds this out. You think my telling him is a mistake, but when the information comes out eventually, I’m convinced he’ll never recover from it.”

  “Maybe not,” Lacey said gently, “but it’s not up to you to deliver the blow. If your father finds out whatever it is some other way and is truly distressed by it, then it will be up to all of us to support him the same way he’s been there for us anytime we’ve been in trouble.”

  “I suppose you’re right,” Kevin conceded reluctantly. But God help them all when the information finally was revealed. With the sort of moral code his father had always adhered to, with his absolute belief in honesty, Kevin was convinced that his father would be inconsolable when he learned the truth about Elizabeth Forsythe Newton and her illegitimate daughter.

  * * *

  Nothing in his life had prepared Brandon for the emotions that thundered through him at Lizzy’s announcement. Shock was chased by rage, only to be replaced by a terrible, terrible sense of loss.

  Brandon thought of the beautiful, gracious woman who’d greeted him back in California with a delighted twinkle in her blue eyes. Those eyes were alive like Lizzy’s and the same color as his own. She had hair that caught the light in its burnished gold strands. Knowing what he knew now, he could see the Halloran genes at play.

  He thought of the generous, caring woman who’d risked her mother’s wrath last night in an attempt to keep Lizzy from making a mistake she would regret the rest of her life. That action bore Lizzy’s sense of daring and his own determination.

  That lovely, strong woman was his daughter, the daughter he’d never known, never even dreamed existed.

  At least he finally understood why Lizzy had been jumpy as a june bug whenever he mentioned going to California, why she’d been so determined to keep him away, why she’d turned so pale when he’d shown up at Ellen’s. Lizzy had been right to be afraid. The aftershocks from this would keep their worlds trembling for a long time to come. If this was what Kevin had discovered, what must he think? No wonder he’d been so distraught.

  Brandon needed to be alone for a minute. He needed to gather his thoughts. He didn’t want to say something to Elizabeth in anger. He didn’t want to hurl terrible accusations at this woman he’d loved so deeply for so long. He wanted to go someplace and search his soul for the right way out of this.

  There was no denying the depth of hurt he felt at Lizzy’s betrayal. My God, he had a daughter and grandchildren he could claim. A daughter he’d met only fleetingly. Grandchildren he’d never even seen.

  “Does she know?” he asked finally, his voice toneless, wondering if that explained the reason for last night’s call. Had Ellen spent a lifetime yearning for a father she thought had abandoned her? Had she worried that this chance to have her parents reunited was slipping away? Starry-eyed and sentimental, had she envisioned a future as a family?

  “No,” Lizzy said, robbing him of the fantasy. Then at his look of dismay, she added in a rush, “She can never know, Brandon. Never.”

  “Why the hell not?” he shot back.

  Her eyes flashed at his tone, but her voice was even. “Because David Newton adopted Ellen when we got married. She was just a baby. I owed him for being willing to take on another man’s child. I vowed to him that she would never know. He was the only father she ever knew, and he couldn’t have loved her more if she’d been his own. He gave her stability. You can’t want me to rob her of that.”

  Lizzy couldn’t have hurt Brandon more if she’d taken a knife and cut out his heart. Another man had known his daughter’s love. Another man had been there to care for her, to nurture her. He’d been robbed of all that. And even now Lizzy expected him to keep the secret, to protect her lie.

  “What about the truth, Lizzy?” he said, as a bone-deep weariness stole through him. For the first time since Grace’s death he felt every one of his sixty-eight years. “Didn’t you think you owed her the truth? And what about me? All these years, all this time I’ve thought there was nothing left to connect us, but you knew differently.” He regarded her angrily. “Just how hard did you try to find me back then? Or was it easier to find some poor, unselfish bastard and let him take my place?”

  She looked as if he’d slapped her. For an instant he was filled with regret and then the ra
ge began to build again until he was almost blinded by it.

  “I don’t deserve that,” she said just as angrily. “I did the best I could. I was seventeen when you left, eigh-teen when Ellen was born. For all I knew you were dead.”

  He studied Elizabeth as if he’d never seen her before. The woman he’d fallen in love with would have been incapable of such lies, such deceit. The fact that she expected him to perpetuate it simply proved that she didn’t know him at all, either. He felt as if all his dreams and illusions had been shattered with a single blow. Maybe that’s what came of trying to recapture the past. It would never live up to the memory.

  “I have to get away,” he said. He dragged himself to his feet as if he had no energy left for anything.

  “Brandon, please,” she whispered, her face pale and panic in her eyes. “I’m sorry. Whatever else you think, you must believe that I never meant to hurt you. Maybe it wasn’t your fault, but you simply weren’t there. I had to do something. Stay. Let’s talk about it.”

  “Not now, Lizzy,” he said, unable to even meet her gaze. “Dammit, not now.”

  Elizabeth trembled as Brandon vanished from sight, leaving her at a table cluttered with dishes. There went her life, she thought with a cry of dismay, even as she also thought, how dare he make judgments? Though she had to let him go, had no choice really, she resented his accusations while accepting the blame for his despair. For the first time in her life, she felt defeated.

  Her shoulders shook with silent sobs, which she barely managed to contain until she got back to her room. Then she flung herself onto the bed and cried for what seemed like hours, cried in a way she hadn’t since she’d sent Brandon off to war. It was much, much later when she finally fell into an exhausted sleep, only to have troubled dreams that gave no peace.

  It was hours before she woke to the sound of knocking on the door. She opened it to find Brandon looking haggard and defeated. She would have given anything to have the right to console him, but this morning had taken away all of her rights where he was concerned.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, thinking that in her worst nightmares he had never taken the news like this. He’d been rocked, but never destroyed. What had she done to him? What had she done to all of them?

  “I’m just shell-shocked, I think,” he said. “May I come in?”

  “Of course,” she said, stepping aside.

  When he was in the room, he finally met her gaze, then took in the reddened eyes, the rumpled clothes. “What about you? Are you okay?”

  “I’m sad more than anything. Sad over what you’ve been deprived of. Sadder still that Ellen hasn’t had the same chance to know you that I have.”

  He sat on the edge of the bed, his hands folded together, his shoulders slumped. “I need answers, Lizzy.”

  Her own hands clenched, she sat in the chair opposite him. “I’ll tell you whatever I can.”

  “Will you tell me what she was like as a baby? Can you describe her first words, her first steps?” he demanded heatedly. “Was she a good student? Did she go to college? Is her marriage strong? What about my grandchildren? How can you possibly expect to tell me everything I want to know?”

  She drew in a deep breath and decided she would dare one more risk. “If you come back to California with me for a few days, I’ll show you her baby book. I’ll bring out all the photo albums, the old movies. If it will help you, I will tell you every single thing I can remember.”

  “A lifetime of memories in how long, Lizzy? A single afternoon? An evening?”

  “In however long it takes.”

  “But you won’t let me spend time with her. You won’t let me claim her. You’ll expect me to get on a plane and go back to Boston and forget all about her. Is that it?”

  Though his wistful expression came close to breaking her heart, she whispered, “Yes. That’s how it has to be.”

  As if he were unable to bear her sad expression, he got up and crossed the room. Brandon stood at the window, gazing out at the last flames of an orange sunset. Elizabeth found she couldn’t even appreciate the beauty of the splashy display. She doubted he could, either.

  “Will you tell me one more thing?” he asked finally. “Why did you do it, Lizzy? Why did you keep on lying to me?” He turned to face her, his expression bleak. “When you came to Boston, why in God’s name didn’t you tell me everything then?”

  “Brandon, I’ve had years to go over and over the decision I made when I married David Newton. No matter how I look at it, even now knowing that you’re alive, that you still love me, I think what I did was what I had to do for Ellen’s sake.”

  “I can’t argue with you about what you decided then,” he conceded reluctantly. “As much as I’d like to think I have a right to criticize your choice, I know that you did what you did out of love for your daughter. But what about now?”

  He met her gaze steadily then, holding it until she trembled inside.

  “What about now, Lizzy?” he demanded again. “David Newton wouldn’t hold you to that promise now. If he was as fine a man as you’ve told me, he wouldn’t deny a daughter the chance to know her natural father.”

  “You make it sound so simple,” she said.

  “It is.”

  “No!” she argued as if her life depended on it. “Don’t you see? If the truth comes out now, she’ll hate me. She’ll never forgive me for lying to her all this time. I know you’ll think it’s selfish, but I don’t think I could bear losing her. And I’m not so sure she could stand it, either. Kate was always her father’s daughter, but Ellen, she was mine. Just as Kate mourned her father’s death, I think Ellen would mourn the loss of her trust in me.”

  As she said it, she knew she was leaving the fate of her relationship with her daughter in Brandon’s hands. If he chose to ignore her wishes, there was nothing she could do about it. She simply had to trust him to reach a conclusion they all could live with.

  Funny, she thought, almost unable to bear the irony, it all came down to trust again. Years ago she hadn’t trusted Brandon’s love enough to wait for him despite the lack of letters. Now she had no choice but to place her trust in a man whom she’d betrayed in a way he might never be able to forgive.

  “There’s no point in talking about this anymore tonight. I think it’s best if we sleep on it,” Brandon told her finally.

  Right now he wanted to argue with her, wanted to tell her that Ellen would understand, but how could he make that sort of promise when his own world was shaken as it had never been before? If he was having trouble with the truth, if he felt this horrible, aching sense of loss, what would Lizzy’s Ellen feel? Did he dare to turn her world upside down?

  “I don’t know how long I’ll be able to stand the uncertainty,” Lizzy said, her expression imploring him to reach a final decision now.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ll find any answers tonight. All I can promise is that I won’t do anything rash. We’ll take our time and decide together what’s best.”

  If his promise wasn’t enough to reassure her, that was unfortunate. It was the best he could do. He gathered from her miserable expression that it wasn’t enough.

  “Don’t try running out on me, Lizzy,” he warned. “That won’t solve anything.”

  “Brandon, please. I think it’s best if I go back to California first thing in the morning. There’s no future for us. I owe that much to my daughter and, for that matter, to you. It would kill you to keep silent around her day in and day out knowing what you know.”

  “She is our daughter,” he reminded her angrily, forgetting all about the resolve to let things be until morning when he’d be calmer, more rational. “Remember, I do know the truth now. Maybe it wouldn’t be right to claim her, but I do intend to get to know her with or without your blessing. When you go back to California, I intend to be right by your side. You owe me that.”

  Her eyes widened in dismay. “You can’t,” she breathed. “Oh, Brandon, no. Please don’t be that cruel.
”

  “To whom, Lizzy? You or Ellen?”

  “Both of us. How would I ever explain what you’re doing there?”

  “That’s your problem,” he said coldly. “I’ve told you that I will do nothing to hurt Ellen. That’s the last thing I want. But I believe it’s always better to know the truth than to try to protect lies.”

  Brandon left her then, because he was afraid to stay. He was afraid that the terrible pain he saw in her eyes would begin to touch him. He was terrified that the love he’d treasured for so long would force him to try to understand, to forgive—not the past, but the lies of the last few weeks.

  He couldn’t allow that to happen. Right now, his anger was the only thing sustaining him. Without it he wasn’t sure how he’d survive the hurt.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Brandon’s harsh words, which carried the weight of a threat, were still ringing in Elizabeth’s ears as she returned alone to California first thing the next morning. Despite his warning, she hadn’t been able to bear a single second more of the condemnation in Brandon’s eyes.

  Nor had she wanted to put him to the test. If he came with her, surely there would be hell to pay. The truth would be out and there would be nothing she could do to stop it. She might not be able to prevent him from following her, but she would not willingly set things up for him to destroy her daughter’s life.

  Not that having Brandon for a father would be so terrible. He was a wonderful, loving man. But he was not the father Ellen had known and loved. He was not the one who had taught her that honesty was a trait to be treasured and deceit something to be scorned. Ellen wouldn’t blame Brandon for the lies, but she would blame Elizabeth.

  Back home alone, though, she discovered no peace. Elizabeth wasn’t sure how long she could weather the terrible strain of waiting for Brandon to make good on his threat. When he didn’t come on the next flight to Los Angeles, she took heart. When he didn’t appear the next day, she began to believe that he might not come at all. That didn’t stop her from worrying.