Nothing would ever console me. Nothing would bring meaning or an understanding to this, to the loss of my true heart, the one infallible companion that had lived his entire life to see mine through. My eyes and face burned, but such a minuscule comparison to the pain that bore through my heart and soul.
Hunter was dead.
Chapter Forty-Two
My mind wouldn’t wrap around it. My heart wouldn’t let me bear it. Had ever there been a more sublime and beautifully tragic torture to watch from a window than someone losing their heart’s speak? No. I wouldn’t reconcile it. I wouldn’t bear this. Not him. Not now. Not this.
Jasper came in the room, having sat just outside the door for the remainder of the night. He picked me up and took me to my room. He held me there and let me cry even more than I’d thought could possibly come out of me. I shook with the sobs and thought my head might explode from the pressure that comes with an unyielding grief. But I thought, I don’t care if it does. Hunter was gone, and gone because of the poison I had brought into our lives.
Another thing to add to the long list of things I would never forgive myself for.
Jasper just held me and let me get it out. He was hurting, too. I watched the dawn through puffy eyes and chapped cheeks, praying for a miracle.
But the sun came and went on with its routine across the sky as if nothing profound had happened while it slept.
I remembered Laura’s words when we’d met in the vision the night in the woods with the shield wolves. Not all sacrifices will be the same when the demon dies. It may take weeks; it may take many forms.
“Beware the hunter,” she had said, that day I was on the train. The statement I did not understand and had written off as nothing. But she had had a vision of Hunter’s death! She had known, even if she hadn’t known what the hunter was! How could I have been so blind?
Hayden came in with Duke and Theo at her heels. Theo was covered in scratches and had his arm in a sling. Duke had a gigantic black eye, and his hands were scabbed at the knuckles. Both of their heads were bowed.
Hayden had a sympathetic smile. “Sweetie, we have to take him away now.”
I nodded. I knew that, of course. I was angry now. Angry at Lou, at Hayden, at Hunter, at myself, at the whole world. None of this was fair. Where had he gone? Was he okay wherever he was? And where were they going to take his body? Why had he done this? I would have sacrificed myself for the family. For him I was prepared to do it!
Jasper put a hand on my chest and calmed my heart, having known my mind was taking off in a million directions. I took a deep breath. I felt nothing now. I was numb and cold inside.
“Hayden, I want him cremated, and I want the ashes put in an urn made of cedar wood. Duke and Theo, can you do this for him?”
They all nodded solemnly. Hayden clipped some of Hunter’s soft white fur and closed my palm around it. I closed my eyes and dreamed of the first day I’d held him, which melded in with the last. My dear, sweet Hunter. One hurt I could never get over.
Everyone agreed and went on with the business of death. I laid my head on Jasper’s shoulder and just waited. For what? Nothing. really. I just waited.
I felt a piece of me leave Autumn Moors with Hunter. A singular part of me escaped to that eternal ethereal plain with him, but the majority of myself stayed to forever be constrained and condemned to live on this earth and to live what was left of this life out without him. My best friend.
And now he was no more.
I waited for grief to be done with me at last. For this sickness to ease off the edge, for the pain and aging of life to give me one break so that I could rest, close my eyes, and not see death and pain etched in the back of my eyelids. So I could forgive myself and thank God quietly where our relationship always resided: in the peace of moments and still times. Where we could hear each other. But at the moment, my faith lay elsewhere. I didn’t trust even Him. He had taken my dog. I wasn’t ready to give. The sacrifice I couldn’t lay bare in my arms.
I felt sick again.
What had been won here? It felt like we’d lost so much over the past months. Relationships had suffered, time had been wasted, people had been hurt, and precious family members had been killed. Lou was gone for good, but I couldn’t bring myself to find any joy or even relief in that fact. I didn’t think at that moment that I would ever see the way out. How did you get over something as epic as this? How did you figure out to live without your best friend at your side? Who filled that empty space in your heart and your hand? Jasper, seeming to have read my thoughts again, took up my hand and linked his fingers through mine. Betty came and stood with her paws on my lap, scratching lightly with a waiting face. I looked at her and smiled. I still had her and Jasper. She dropped off me.
That was when Betty let out a long, low moan before she circled thrice, pawed at the ground, and collapsed.
Chapter Forty-Three
Betty was in labor! We’d had no idea she was even pregnant! And to go into labor now? It must have been brought on by the exertion of shape-shifting and fighting our demonic assailant. I was panicking and running around like a maniac. I couldn’t think straight from the adrenaline pumping through my system from the war and the shock of Betty’s condition.
This would explain the look I got from you when I thought about you putting on weight, I thought. Betty just rolled her eyes.
I tried to think of what to do and organize my thoughts, which were being muddled by excitement and fear. Jasper picked her up gently, like he was carrying a colt, and carried her downstairs. I ran for cupboards and drawers, grabbing towels from the bathroom and bowls of water from the kitchen. All the while Betty lay elongated on her side, panting gently.
Jasper, sitting next to her on one knee, motioned for me to come to them and to settle myself down. My heart was like a caged bird, and my hands trembled mildly as I walked over and sat next to her. I was not going to lose Betty now too.
I managed to calm myself as I looked into those gorgeous, dark, almond eyes. She stretched out and yawned, staring up at me. I softened my gaze in an instant and wrapped my fingers around her paw. We stared at each other this way for a spell.
I’m here, my girl. We are all in this together. Don’t you worry, sweet girl. We are staying right here by your side.
Betty let out a deep huff of breath and lifted her one leg. She began licking her stomach and then settled back down again. Now the business began. Water and fluids moved quickly, like a bubble had burst from her small body, which had shrunk considerably since the ordeal with Lou. Jasper kept changing out her towels and blankets to keep her comfortable. I stayed at her side, rubbing her neck and offering water when she needed a break. We helped her whelping as much as we could, but in the end, Betty had the most work to do. We stood back and let her bring this new life forward.
She had one single pup: a female Yorkie so beautiful and fragile that we were all instantly in love. This tiny life, which was no bigger than a mouse, had blue eyes that could not stay open long, a snowy white belly, and black fur as dark as raven’s wings on her back. She whimpered and sniffed around for her mother, who pawed her close to clean her from her passage into this world.
Jasper and I were wide-eyed. We could scarcely believe it. The shock wore off and gave way to pure, unconditional, unwavering love. I cried tears of joy as the wonderful feeling filled my soul with happiness. Jasper wrapped his arms around me, and we laughed and cried together. The little pup nestled into her mother, who was drained from the birth, but in love just the same.
She was in all of our hands now. She was the newest member of our pack, and we would protect her to the ends of the earth.
Roomie had made it back from wherever he’d flown off to after being blown out of the makeshift tomb with Lou and the other spirits. He let out a musical sigh and sent a shower of tiny orbs dancing around like fire fairies around the scene. My eyes welled up with tears as I gazed at the puppy, Betty, and then Jasper. He smiled back at me wi
th the same wet look and hugged me tight.
Oh, Hunter, my good boy, I wish you were here to see this.
All of a sudden, a perfectly healthy, ethereal Hunter came strutting around the corner with a confidence that I hadn’t seen since he was a young pup. My mouth agape and my heart soaring, I watched as Hunter stopped and wagged his tail and bowed out his legs to broaden his chest area. Proud papa he was. He came trotting over ever so delicately, with his head low to the new baby. He sniffed the new pup, who tried to open her eyes to meet her father, having sensed him there. Instead, she lifted up her tiny head and sniffed him back before snuggling in closer to her mama’s belly for a well-deserved milking. They were both too exhausted from her journey into this world to be concerned with anything else. Hunter did not seem to mind as he looked at me with a wagging tail and gave us the hugest grin.
“I love you so much, Hunter. You’re mom’s good boy,” I managed through bubbling tears. I was so sad; I was filled with regret that Hunter had taken my sacrifice onto himself, and now he was gone and wouldn’t be here to watch his pup grow. “You didn’t have to do this.” I was beginning to choke. “It was my burden, not yours.”
He stared at me with those beautiful eyes of his for a few moments, which I read to say, “I didn’t know how to live any other way but taking care of you.” He then dropped his head and walked toward me, like he used to do when he was coming in for a pet, his tail wagging. I was able to feel his fur with the tips of my outstretched fingers as he got closer, but then he was gone.
“No! Not yet—” I was desperate.
Jasper covered my hands with his. “It’s okay, Bubs. He showed you he is okay; he came to you. He’s always going to be by your side.”
I realized that what Jasper had said made perfect sense. I had to take comfort in that; I had to let him go now, knowing he was happy and healthy. I had to believe what he believed: that he had made the right choice. Hunter would stay here with us, just in a different form; one that we were all destined to be in one day. I had no choice then but to accept that. Not just for me, but for his sake. He had always protected me his entire life. It only made sense that he would blindly give his own life in order to protect mine.
In the end, I hadn’t had to give up my magic or die alongside Lou in order to save everyone from the fate of a Lightning Witch after the demon had been destroyed. Jasper and I had shared the lightning with the weapon made of nickel, bathed in fire. As a family, as a coven we had defeated Lou together.
Hunter though, would forever be in my prayers. I would thank him every night for what he did.
What a wonderful moment. I was overcome with emotion. After the battle with Lou and finally sending him off for good, the worry of Joel and his injuries, the heartbreak of losing Hunter, Betty having a new puppy, and getting to see Hunter one last time, I was totally overwhelmed by it all. I had almost believed we couldn’t do what we did. I had almost lost faith there. Thank God Lou hadn’t beaten us. Thank God we had been able to hold strong together and defeat the evilness that had entered this family. This is what we had won: the opportunity to fight for what we believed in, for what was right and what we held sacred. We had fought for each other to have another chance at greatness. To hold our love true.
Our reward was the chance to continue on, to follow these paths we’d set out for ourselves before we’d even been born. We could understand true love now; we could nourish each other and this earth, and we could create and be who we were meant to be and do it in God’s love. What more could anyone ask for?
Jasper took me out onto the grounds of Autumn Moors at twilight to get some air and to give Betty some rest time with her new pup. We strolled casually, lost in thoughts, letting the important points absorb and leaving out the nonsense of the past we didn’t need.
As we walked back to the house, Jasper threw his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in. I was so happy in my heart at that moment. Could everything be this perfect? Well, yes, because it once had been, once upon a time, and history loved to repeat itself. I looked up at Jasper. He looked deep into my eyes.
“Everything is okay now, yeah?” He searched there, looking for any stones left unturned, half seriously.
I nodded. “We are complete, Jasper. Whatever happens, after tonight we can take anything. We know we can conquer anything that tries to hurt us. We can keep out whatever tries to separate our love. We are complete as a family.” I felt a twinge in my heart for a moment, letting Hunter come into my mind. I pictured him beside us and pulled the thought in close. I could almost smell his lush fur, which reminded me of apples and snow.
Jasper smiled and winked back a tear of relief. “I love you, Bubs,” was all he could manage.
“Loves, Bubs,” I managed back.
We walked inside and joined the group of our treasured friends in the living room. Hayden was checking on the little one, and Tracey was snuggled into Joel, who was awake now and sitting on the sofa, seeming to be no worse for wear with Tracey doting on him. It would take time to heal. For the time being he was unable to walk, but we all had a strong faith in the powers we now knew much more about than we had before. Our magic worked the best when we used it together and used it for good.
Joel winced slightly when Tracey leaned up to kiss him, causing him to bend his healing neck. But the mysterious Joel, who never showed emotion, was smitten on our sofa with my best friend. He gave me a sidelong glance challenging me to poke fun, but I just smiled and winked. Then I took Jasper’s hand and squeezed it tight.
All eyes were on the new pup. Hayden was carefully inspecting her. Duke and Theo had whipped up a beautiful bed with carvings along the frame of Hunter’s paw prints and polar bear cubs rising above a frozen river. I knelt down and traced my fingers along the expert carvings and read the story of his birth. I would tell the pup about it one day. What an amazing father she had. The bed was lined in goose feathers and plaid scraps from an old flannel blanket of Hunter’s.
“Do you like it, Nicky?” Duke asked shyly.
“Of course I do, Duke. It is so beautiful; your finest piece of work yet.” Tears began to dot down my cheeks again. With that, he beamed at me and tapped Theo on the forehead, who fell backward off the chair.
Jasper sighed and moved on. “What should we name her?”
I thought about it for a beat. I thought about Hunter and his spirit, determined and strong. How it still felt like he was here among us, at my side perpetually. I missed him so much, and my heart ached for what he had done for me, but in the circle of life we would all end up somewhere one day where nothing ended and it all began. We would be together there again one day. We would begin again.
“Betty will let us know; after all, it is her decision.”
Jasper agreed silently, then moved toward the fireplace to do what he did best. Well, one of the things he did best. “I will get a fire going for a little extra warmth for the little one.” Jasper grabbed a few small pieces of wood from the pile and began the ancient task of fire building.
Hayden looked up from the new mother and baby and gave me a nod of approval. A flutter passed through my heart.
All of a sudden, a very soft rustling whispered through the room as something began stirring through the crumbly, powdery ash of the fireplace. Whatever it was must have set up house underneath the old embers in the warmer months and now felt its impending doom after the placement of poplar and spruce kindling disturbed its snowy home. As Jasper slightly spread the chain mail, hundreds of moths burst forth in a chaotic cloud of fluttering and blind flight. In a matter of seconds, like a million phoenixes escaping their fiery trenches too soon, they had transposed throughout the house to the high-up locations, such as the shelves, light fixtures, and crown mouldings. I watched their flight with a cringing face and a slight awe at the sheer number of them—never mind the fact that they had enjoyed a nest right under our noses for some time without our slightest clue! Well, since our last fire, anyway.
I felt the goose
bumps rise on my skin as our Roomie entered at the sound of all the commotion. He clearly was not impressed by any of this. He quickly began shooing them out of windows into the night.
Now Betty, in her newly protective mother mode, became a fox, her ears perked as high as they would go, her colour more red than tawny as she hovered over top the new pup. Her head swivelled around and back and forth, looking up as the moths scattered everywhere. I don’t think she could believe what was happening, either. She kept a watchful eye, but none came near her pup.
After the eclipse of moths had somewhat settled in the eaves of the room and out the windows, my eyes slowly dipped down at Jasper’s face where he sat crouched by the fireplace, his head tilted up, mouth agape with one corner crooked into a smile, all in a stare soaking in some sort of amazed pleasure at the sight of them all. After the initial shock of the scattering moths, he slowly turned toward me. He was waking himself up from a gap out, not really wanting to take his gaze away but had to make sure I was appreciating it, too. Our eyes smiled at each other first; then our mouths followed suit. Our life may not have been perfect, but it was perfect for us.
We opened the doors, and I blew kisses off my hands to coax the tiny flying creatures out and away. Roomie finally relaxed and was gone to wherever he goes. The moths swirled off in a streaming cloud up toward the trees and into the clear night. I gritted my teeth, thinking what a surprise breakfast the birds would be feasting on when they woke in the morning and hopped out of their nests.
Oops.
Epilogue
I was finally able to go back to work at my shop. The seasons came; the seasons went. Time flowed through the water of the earth like a pouring fountain holding its coins in its depths. The wind carried its messages of new histories and new battles fought, and something may have been won throughout what had been lost. Our voices rang throughout the world. One day people would write about this. We would be remembered for everything fought, for everything lost. One day something would be remembered and won with that knowing.
The Lightning Witch (Elements Book 2) Page 19
