The Heavenly Heart

by Jackie Lee Miles

  It looks just like the ship they used to film the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. The ceremony’s going to be conducted directly in front of the plank. Maybe they’ll jump in the water right after they say their vows. I saw that on TV once. This couple takes a flying leap into the water. But Kirsten’s wedding down is to die for, so maybe that’s not such a good idea.

  It’s a Carolina Herrera original and it’s got silk and tulle and satin and a bunch of lace. It’s kind of hard to describe, but the bodice part has the satin. It’s strapless and it’s got this princess skirt that’s gathered in layers and layers with beads, and it has this long train that can be made into a bustle if she wants to dance. And there’s a veil that comes down to her waits. Jeffery’s tuxedo’s been altered to look like a pirate’s tuxedo. It’s got this jabot and a vest and some gold chains on the front.

  The wedding celebration will begin on Friday night with a tour of the public squares in Savannah. Check it out: the squares are a central part of downtown Savannah. They’re a very interesting grid of streets and alleys that follow a pattern established by General James Oglethorpe when he founded Savannah in the 1700’s. They’re considered the most intelligent grid in America, possibly the world. It says so on a fancy bronze sign. Every square is set in the middle of a nearly square rectangle of about 600 feet per side, and is bound by a narrow one-way street running east to west and on the south by a narrow one-way street running west to east. Confused yet? Anyway, the sides of the square are intersected by a wider two-way street. There’s a bunch of Live oak trees that give a lot of shade and there’s these nice benches to sit on and a gazebos and some fountains and some monuments. It’s the perfect spot for a wedding.

  The Squares are pretty nifty because there are no stoplights at any of the intersection all around the square. They don’t need any. Cars can’t cut through the middle; they have to go around, so traffic kind of flows at a very slow pace. They’re like little oases. A person can walk from square to square to square, crossing street after street without having to stop for a car. Isn’t that cool? They should do all cities this way. There’s also a trolley that winds its way around the squares and they have horse-drawn carriages and Pedi cabs. They’re all very popular with the tourists.

  Anybody staying at the Westin Harbor Hotel can reach the squares by a two-minute ferry ride. Because the squares are so easy to get to, they’re also easy to see. As soon as you leave one square another one comes into view. They’ve thought of everything. It’s a totally cool place. You know you’re in the United States, but it feels you’re not on the same planet. It’s freaky and fun!

  Savannah’s not a very big—the sign says less than 200,000 residents—but over five million visitors come each year. The sign says that, too. And the squares are where they hold the second largest St. Patrick’s Day Parade in America. They can also be rented. Jeffery and Kirsten are holding their Friday night rehearsal dinner on the Johnson and Wright Squares. There’s Live oak canopies, brick sidewalks, benches, fountains, monuments and some public art work. I’m thinking what a spectacular wedding this is going to be and then I remember this is a wedding that will never be. This is the Silver Lining. This would be Kirsten’s future if I had survived. I didn’t. Kirsten’s reality’s totally different.

  * * *

  This is Kirsten’s real life: She broke up with Jeffery when she met my father, and now Jeffery’s dating this girl named Helen. She’s pretty and has long blonde hair. She works as a paralegal in the same law firm as Jeffery and Kirsten, so Kirsten probably knows her. I wonder now that my father is dead, if Kirsten is having second thoughts about losing Jeffery. If she is, she needs to hurry up and let him know before things get out of hand with Helen.

  SEVENTY

  The Golden Window

  Onetta’s doctor’s outlining her treatment plan. I hate to say it, but if you get breast cancer you’re really in for it, honey. I’m going to tell Pete that anybody who doesn’t beat this disease better have a mighty special place all ready for them up here.

  “You have cancer in both breasts,” the doctor says. Onetta already knows this and doesn’t react. “The left breast shows extensive ductal carcinoma in situ, approximately two centimeters. The right is infiltrating ductal carcinoma, around one centimeter.” Which he explains is about the size of a dime—which shows you how deadly small things can be.

  “They’re both highly treatable, though it would be better if the right wasn’t infiltrating.”

  Onetta and my mother both looked relieved. With cancer, the word “treatable” is better than winning the lottery. The doctor explains that the cancer in the left breast is potentially fast growing and killing healthy cells, but it hasn’t yet broken out of the ducts. The right breast has an infiltrating tumor with the greatest measurable dimension, but presently it shows no vascularization, meaning, he says, that the tumor is not creating its own blood vessels.

  “You’ll need to determine if you want a lumpectomy versus a mastectomy with or without reconstruction,” the doctor explains.

  Isn’t that his job to determine which one’s best?

  “If you forgo reconstruction, you can opt to wear a prosthesis,” the doctor continues.

  Onetta looks confused.

  “Artificial breasts,” the doctor explains.

  I picture Onetta’s enormous breasts replaced with artificial pillows shaped like breasts. Mind boggling.

  After conferring with two other specialists my mother contacted, Onetta opts for a bilateral mastectomy without immediate reconstruction. Reconstruction can be done later if she changes her mind, but in order for the insurance to cover it, she’ll have to have a letter of medical necessity from her doctor. What would constitute a medical necessity—a nervous breakdown over your appearance? The doctor doesn’t explain any further.

  I need this cancer be gone,” Onetta says. ”I don’t needs these breasts anymore. They’s done their job.”

  He schedules her surgery for Thursday, two days away. My mother insists that Onetta move in with her and stay in the guest room.

  “I won’t take no for an answer,” she says. “I’m going to take care of you and that’s final.”

  My mother then calls Mr. Warren and leaves a message on his machine.

  “Wendell, this is Grace. A friend of mine is very ill. I can’t go to dinner right now or anywhere else. I’ll call you when I can.”

  “Mz. Goodroe,” Onetta says, “I’s your hired help.”

  “Maybe so,” my mother says, “but you are my dear friend, none-the-less.”

  Will miracles never cease?

  THE PORTHOLE OF TRUTH

  Garrett Jennings

  Toby and Daisy will have a good home. That’s the important thing.

  This liver I got ain’t working. That’s the sad thing.

  I’m checking out. That’s the bad thing.

  Amy Jo hasn’t called even once. That’s the worst thing.

  SEVENTY-ONE

  The Golden Window

  Kirsten’s home and having dinner by herself. She’s got a copy of the Savannah Morning News on the kitchen counter. It’s turned to the social page. There’s a picture of Jeffery and Helen. He’s wearing a tuxedo; she has on a wedding gown. Need I say more?

  My father’s ruined her life!

  I want to tell him. I want to shake him. I want to ask him why. Why? Why? And there’s plenty more I want to say. We’ve haven’t been close since I was a little girl. I was hoping that would change now that he’s here. But he spends all his time on the Steps to the Hereafter. This makes Pete very happy. Maybe I should talk to Pete. Why’s my father in such a hurry to leave, anyway? I thought he might like to stick around for awhile. Maybe we could get better acquainted. I’d like to know if he realizes how much damage he’s done to Kirsten’s life. The only way I’ll find out is to ask him. He’s on the Step of Devotion, so I better hurry. That leaves just one step to go: the Step of Discovery. After that, there’s no coming back.


  * * *

  I’m on my way to the Steps to the Hereafter and who do you think I run smack into?

  If you guessed my father, think again.

  SEVENTY-TWO

  The Step of Attrition

  It’s Garrett! I nearly knocked him over on my way to find my father.

  “Oh, my goodness,” I say. “You’re Garrett Jennings! I’ve been wanting to meet you for ages.”

  “Really?” he says. “I’m not used to being so popular. Who are you, anyway?”

  He’s no longer wearing glasses. His eyesight is perfect here and his skin is as smooth and clear as a newborns.

  “I—I—I’m Lorelei,” I stammer. The love of my live arrives and I’m tongue-tied.

  Why do you want to meet me?” he asks, and scratches his head.

  “It’s kind of a long story,” I answer.

  “Take your time,” he says. “I understand we have forever.”

  He’s adorakable!

  “I see you’ve met Pete,” I say.

  “Ah, yes, Pete—quite a guy.”

  Did he show you your Golden Window?”

  “Oh yes, and the Steps to the Hereafter and The Window of Dreams—I got the grand tour.”

  I can’t think of anything to say, so I stand here looking stupid. Boys always make me nervous, especially ones I like. Thankfully Carla picks this very moment to come bouncing up.

  “Hi!” she says, and for the first time I notice how much she looks like Amy Jo! It’s strange that I never realized this before, but maybe it’s because Carla is so nice and Amy Jo makes me sick.

  “This is Garrett,” I say, before realizing I should be introducing Carla to him first. It’s the proper way. Garrett doesn’t notice. He takes one look at Carla and I can read his face like it’s a trailer for a major motion picture. It says, I’m absolutely, nuts about this girl. I will never ever look at anyone else as long as I live.

  So I’m losing Garrett before I even get a chance with him. I didn’t think we had to worry about stuff like that up here. I leave the two of them alone and go to find my father.

  * * *

  My father’s on the Step of Attrition. Behind the door is a lake larger than the ocean and clearer than glass. The sun’s shining brighter than a star and the water beneath it’s more inviting than a bubble bath in winter.

  I don’t want to startle him so I call out to let him know I’m close by.

  “Hello, Daddy.”

  He swings around full circle and smiles. He’s as handsome as ever. A lump forms in my throat. I want to be so mad at him, but when I see him it’s a hard feeling to hang on to. All I want to do is hug him.

  “Lorelei,” he says, looking very happy to see me. “Let’s go up together.”

  He reaches for my hand and motions to the gold and purple mist above. “There are only two more steps,” he says, pointing to the Step of Devotion, and the Step of Discovery, which is the point of no return. “We’re almost there.”

  I don’t want to go yet,” I say. “I’m not ready.”

  “We can wait awhile,” he says. “No hurry; let’s take a swim first. I’ll race you.”

  We used to do that when I was little and he always gave me a big head start. The lump in my throat grows larger. I rub at the front of my neck, hoping the hurt will go away.

  “Actually I—I—I came to talk to you about—about—”

  “What is it Lorelei? You can tell me.”

  He holds out his arms to me. I fall into them and hug him tight. “Oh Daddy,” I say, “I know all about you and Kirsten and her leaving Jeffery and you leaving her and—” My tears turn quickly into sobs. “Why, Daddy? Why did you do that?”

  “Sssshhh, ssshhhh,” he croons, and pats my back like I’m a little kid with a boo-boo.

  “I mean it, Daddy. Why did you do that?”

  I plop down on the bank next to the lake and dip my feet into the cool water. My father rolls the cuffs of his pants up and joins me. I drag my feet slowly back and forth and make circles in the water. My father watches my every movement, but doesn’t speak. I turn and look at him, brushing the tears from my eyes.

  “I hurt a lot of people, Lorelei,” he says, “but I didn’t know one of them was you.”

  I sniff, realizing I don’t have a hanky handy. My father reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a familiar starched white one. It has his initials in gold, just like always. He was never without one on earth.

  “Lorelei,” he says, and takes hold of my hand. “I was selfish. I wasn’t worried about hurting other people. I was only interested in satisfying my own desires. I was wrong. I shouldn’t even be here—”

  “Oh, don’t say that, Daddy,” I say. “Pete says we don’t have to earn our way here. We just have to want very bad to be here—to choose to be here.”

  My father chuckles. “That’s good,” he says. “I was thinking maybe my being here was a mistake. I’ve been anxious to get up there, just in case.” My father nods at the mist above us.

  Now it’s my turn to laugh. “I was wondering why you were in such a hurry. I’ve been here forever and hardly go near the steps if I can help it.”

  My father puts his arm around my shoulder and draws me close. “I’m sorry, Lorelei,” he says. “For everything—I hope you can forgive me.”

  “What about Kirsten? Her life is ruined.”

  “No, no,” my father insists. “She may think so for awhile, but not forever. Kirsten is a beautiful and vibrant—”

  “And intelligent, don’t forget that,” I point out.

  “Precisely.” My father nods. “Far too intelligent to think that she will only love once. Another man will come along. A young man, a healthy man; the kind of man she deserves. Not an old geezer like me with a bad heart, and bad morals—”

  “Oh Daddy,” I say, “I love you so much. And it hurt me so bad to see what you were—were doing—”

  “Sssshhhh,” my father says. “That’s all over now. Will you forgive me?”

  He takes his handkerchief from my hand and dabs at the rest of my tears. “Will you?”

  I nod my head. “Of course, I will,” I say. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tight. “This is Heaven, Daddy. Everything’s forgiven here.”

  SEVENTY-THREE

  The Window of Dreams

  I’m in the Window of Dreams pretending that Garrett is madly in love with me and we’re planning our wedding. It’s fashioned after the very wedding Kirsten would have had with Jeffery in the Pirate ship in the Savannah Harbor if she’d stayed with him. My mother’s radiant as the mother-of-the-bride. Her blonde hair’s swept back in her classic chignon and she’s wearing a blue silk Vera Wang ensemble with a matching jacket with crystal beads. My father’s dashing in his tuxedo and completely in love with my mother. This I do not have to make up. My father was really broken up when my mother told him she intended to file for divorce and marry Mr. Warren. But in my dreams they’re back together and very happy.

  Johan Pachelbel’s Canon in D’s playing softly in the background as our guests make their way to their seats, which are these special chairs installed on the aft deck. Once the guests are seated and the concerto’s finished, a trumpet announces that the wedding procession’s to begin. My father holds out his arm to me and we stroll slowly down the deck towards the plank, where Pete’s waiting to perform the ceremony.

  Garrett and I’ve decided not to use Wagner’s Bridal Chorus from Lohengrin for our wedding procession because Here Comes the Bride just doesn’t cut it. We’ve decided on Vivaldi’s Guitar Concert in D Major, which is soft and romantic and makes my mother and all the other ladies cry. It’s awesome music.

  I’m wearing the same wedding dress Kirsten picked out for her wedding. It’s perfect for a pirate wedding. It’s got the satin bodice and the princess skirt that’s gathered with row after row of beads and it has the train with a hook so it can be made into a bustle for dancing. I don’t much care for the fingertip veil, so I pick out a floor leng
th one with a headband that has all these pearls sewn on it. It holds the veil in place and looks really good on me.

  Carla’s my maid-of-honor. Here in the Window of Dreams, Garrett only likes her as a friend, so it’s not a problem. I love this window. I can have exactly what I want.

  My father and I arrive at the plank, which is the alter, remember?

  “Who gives the women in marriage?” Pete asks.

  “I do,” my father says, and puts my arm on Garrett’s. The grin on his face is as wide as Texas.

  The ceremony begins. We’re just about to exchange rings when Carla yells, “Lorelei, come quick!”

  I mean for real, Carla’s yelling, not the Carla standing next to me playing my maid-of honor.

  “Everyone’s leaving!” she says.

  “Who’s leaving?” I say. My wedding guests and groom are gone in a blink.

  “Garrett, your father, Miss Lily—” Carla says, out of breath. “They’re having a big party on the Step of Devotion and they’re going to the Step of Discovery to go up together.”

  “Can they do that?”

  “Who’s going to stop them?” Carla says, with her hands on her hips. “You better get up there fast if you want to say goodbye.”

  * * *

  “Come with us,” my father says.

  “Yes dear, please join us,” Miss Lily says, smiling and waving her hanky. “We are having the best time, truly.”

  Garrett calls to Carla to hurry it up.

  “You’ll miss the boat!” he says cupping his hands and laughing.

  Carla turns to be and gives me an unexpected hug. “I’m gonna go, Lorelei. I’m ready. Please come with us.”

  I shake my head and back away from the Step of Devotion. “I can’t,” I say. I—I—I’m not nearly ready. Carla, I don’t know if I even want to be here. I might just stay in the Silver Window—forever. I don’t know. I just don’t know.”