Amelia

by Marie, Bernadette

  “I’m scared. Adam told me he loved me too. I took that for face value and ran off and married him.”

  “You don’t think Adam loved you?” Penelope said in a small voice.

  “How can I?” Amelia asked. “I don’t think he could love. Look what he did to us.”

  Penelope nodded and licked her lips. “Yes, but you feel love. I mean I had boys tell me they loved me all the time. But you knew they were using you. Trying to just have sex with you. But Adam, he was different.”

  “How so?”

  Penelope shrugged. “When he said it to me we were walking, holding hands. We’d only been seeing each other a week or so, but he hadn’t even tried anything with me. He stopped, gazed into my eyes, and said he loved me. It did wild things to my insides. Much like having sex with him later did. But I believe in that moment he did love me. Even if he lied to me.”

  Vivian and Amelia exchanged glances.

  On a sigh, Vivian lifted her glass and took another sip of her wine. “I was seventeen. I met him at a party. He’d just turned eighteen. He asked me out and I thought nothing more of it than it would piss my parents off.” She laughed. “We drove into Oklahoma City and went bowling with some friends. He kissed me goodnight that night and I thought I was Cinderella.”

  Vivian took a long drink and sat her glass down. “We went out a few more times, with friends, and then one night we separated from everyone and parked out by the lake. It was the first time anyone had ever touched me. It was amazing. We made love in the back of his pickup truck, under the stars on blankets he’d brought with him.

  “I was very aware that he could get in a lot of trouble for what we’d done. I never even told my friends because I knew I loved him. I didn’t want anything to happen to him. One night he reached up and cupped my cheeks in his hands and looked at me in a way he’d never looked at me before. He said he loved me and I knew—I just knew—he’d be the one. I mean, I’d already given him my virginity and taken his in return. There was nothing else to lose. I believed it.”

  Her lips twitched. “I believed it until after I moved back here. We’d been stationed in Germany for a year. I got homesick, came back to Parson’s Gulch, he was deployed after that. When he came back it was different. I love you didn’t sound the same or feel the same.” She cleared her throat. “I guess I know why now.”

  Vivian drank down her wine until it was gone. She poured another glass. “Let’s go sit in the living room. I think it’ll be more comfortable.”

  They moved to the other room. Vivian and Penelope each tucked themselves into separate ends of the couch and Amelia sat in the oversized chair adjacent.

  “What about you,” Penelope said. “When did he tell you he loved you?”

  Amelia couldn’t believe the three of them were having this conversation and it was very civil.

  “I met him at a training. It was a Wednesday. I remember that. We slept together by Thursday. He came back the following week and we eloped two weeks after that.”

  Vivian closed her eyes and shook her head. “It makes me ill.”

  “I had no idea there was anything going on that I didn’t know about. I just thought it was an adventure,” Amelia said softly.

  “When did he say he loved you?” Penelope asked.

  “The night we got married.”

  The air in the room had grown thick. It was as if they all realized love was an afterthought for Adam where Amelia was concerned.

  “And yet yours was the legal marriage and you are his beneficiary,” Vivian said behind her wine glass through gritted teeth.

  “I should have punched him harder,” Amelia said and Penelope snorted out a laugh then quickly drank from her glass. But it had started. Vivian laughed. Then Amelia laughed. Soon the tears rolled and the laugher grew louder until Ava walked out of her bedroom, eyes sleepy.

  She walked over to Vivian and rested her head on her lap.

  “I’m sorry honey. We were loud.”

  “It’s okay. I like when you laugh.”

  Amelia felt the tightening in her chest. It was no surprise that Vivian didn’t laugh often. Why would she? She’d been married to a man she’d known she loved since she was seventeen, but the years had eaten away at that. Now she had two little girls, a house that needed major upkeep, and no husband. Weave with that a lot of lies over the years and Amelia was surprised the woman could even function.

  She thought about what she’d told Sam in the hotel room. She could make the girls strong. She could make Penelope and Vivian strong. What she didn’t know is she could do that by experiencing everything with them. They were all hurting. They were all in the same boat, but they’d gotten there in different ways.

  Just because Adam hadn’t loved her like he’d loved the others didn’t mean that Sam didn’t.

  There was a lightness in her belly now. A warmth. When Sam said he loved her she did believe it.

  Vivian walked Ava back to bed and rejoined them a few minutes later. She sat back down and looked at Amelia. “You look deep in thought there,” she said.

  “I love Sam.” The words had come softly, but quickly. There had been no thought about them. But it was there—love. The truth was on her tongue and in her heart.

  Vivian laughed again, picked up her glass, and raised it in toast. “Good.”

  Amelia looked at both of them smiling at her. But she was, herself, too stunned to smile. “I do. I just realized that’s what I’ve been feeling.”

  “Why are you here then?”

  “Because I didn’t know what to do with that.” She placed her hand on her chest because her heart was racing so fast. “I love him.”

  “Do you need a ride over to his place?” Vivian asked.

  “No. I think I’ll wait,” Amelia said sipping from her glass.

  She’d wait until the moment was exactly right to tell him how she felt. Spontaneity hadn’t worked for her in the past. Overthinking never did her much good either. There had to be some middle ground and when she found it she’d tell Sam what she’d learned about herself. But for tonight she’d sip wine with her new friends and sleep on Vivian’s couch.

  Chapter Twenty

  The sun was bright as it flooded through the windows in Vivian’s living room. Amelia covered her eyes with her arm and then heard the small giggles.

  She turned to see Ava and Emma sitting in the chair across from her, both bundled in the same blanket, watching her.

  “What are you girls doing?” she asked. Her voice full of sleep and gruff.

  “You snore.” Ava said innocently, which warranted a jab from her sister. “She does. And she talks.”

  Even Amelia had to laugh at that. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

  “I snore and talk, huh? Did I say something funny?”

  The girls exchanged looks. Emma looked perplexed as she obviously thought about what Amelia had said.

  The look had Amelia sitting up and looking at her. “Honey, what did I say?”

  “You were mad. You were mad at someone about a baby.” She looked at her sister. “You kept saying Adam. Like our daddy’s name.”

  Amelia felt the blood drain from her head and it was only made worse when she heard a gasp from behind her.

  “Girls, you go get your breakfast. Go.” Vivian’s voice was loud and demanding.

  The girls scrambled off the chair and ran to the kitchen.

  Amelia rested her face in her hands. “Oh, God. Oh, God.”

  “Yeah, oh, God.” Vivian plopped down next to her on the couch. “Crap.”

  “I didn’t mean…I wouldn’t have…oh, God!”

  They sat there for a moment in silence.

  “I have to tell them,” Vivian finally said. “They deserve the truth.”

  “Vivian, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…”

  Vivian turned to her with her eyes fixed and hard. “You’re not the kind of woman who is sorry for anything, so shut up. Obviously it’s on your conscience.”


  “Of course it is. Especially now that I know what you went through when Ava was born. I can’t help but feel responsible.”

  “Unless you knew what I was going through while you were sleeping with my husband then you’re not at fault.” Her voice rose in tone and volume, but she tightened her eyes and rolled her shoulders as if to reel herself back in. “It’s not your fault.”

  “What are you two doing?” Penelope stood in the doorway. “The girls are in here whispering. You’re out here yelling.”

  Vivian shook her head and looked at Amelia. “You see what he did, don’t you? He married us another wife—a mother.”

  Amelia laughed but Penelope stomped her foot on the ground. “What’s going on?” The tears were already there and Vivian only shook her head before she stood and went to her. She took her by the arms and led her to the couch.

  “Sit.”

  “I don’t want to sit. I want to know…”

  “Sit.”

  Penelope sat down where Vivian had sat and Vivian paced.

  “They’re my girls. I’ll tell them.” She ran her hands through her dark hair. “I’ll tell them. You go get ready for work,” she said to Penelope. “And you, get up and get a shower,” she said to Amelia.

  Amelia stood and took Penelope’s hand to help her to her feet. “C’mon. Mom is mad. We’d better go to our rooms.”

  “What’s going on?”

  Amelia let out a long breath as Vivian went back to the kitchen. “She’s going to tell them about their dad and us.” She went against all personal space protocols and laid her hand on Penelope’s stomach. “And about the baby.”

  The tears were back—again and Penelope shook her hands as if they were wet and that would stop the tears. “They’re going to hate me. They’re going to hate my baby.”

  “They aren’t haters. They’ll need to adjust. But they’ll love the baby.” She put her hands on Penelope’s shoulders. “C’mon. You need to get ready for work and I need a ride into town. My truck is still at the hotel.”

  Penelope stopped and turned to her. “You really love him?”

  Amelia gave some thought to her astonished realization from the night before. “I do. Is that crazy?”

  “I think it’s lovely.”

  “I just met him.”

  “Just because it follows a similar time frame of your last relationship doesn’t mean it’s bad.”

  Amelia laughed. “I guess when I think about it I’ve been with Sam longer than I had been with Adam before I married him.”

  “I think it’s very sweet.”

  “I just think it’s nice I have someone who can share in the mistake with me. I never should have trusted him and married him.”

  Penelope shook her head. “It’s not a mistake. It was a path.” She looked Amelia in the eye. “Fate does some crazy things when it has too. Without Adam you wouldn’t have Sam. Vivian needed friends to bond with and here we are.”

  “What about you?”

  Penelope took a deep breath and let it out as she placed her hands on her stomach. “I might not have Adam, but I have my baby. My baby. What a gift.”

  “You have us too you know. You’re not alone.”

  “I consider that a bonus.”

  In a pair of Victoria Secret PINK sweatpants and a fitted T-shirt Amelia borrowed from Penelope, she walked out into the living room after her shower.

  Her hair was still damp and her mouth only freshened by a swish of SCOPE.

  Vivian sat on the couch, her head rested against the back of it. Amelia could hear the girls playing outside.

  Penelope walked from the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. She looked in Amelia’s direction.

  “I didn’t grab one for you. Do you want one?”

  “I’m fine.” She walked around the couch and looked at Vivian. “Are you okay?”

  Vivian’s eyes were closed and her cheeks tear stained. “That was as bad as telling them their daddy had died.”

  Amelia sat down in the chair across from her. “How did they take it?”

  Vivian raised her head. “Just as well as they took the news of his death.”

  “So they’re upset?” Amelia asked.

  Penelope sat down in the other chair which faced the couch. Her hands were clasped tightly in her lap.

  Vivian ran her hands through her hair. “No, they weren’t upset. That’s the whole thing. When I told them he died they consoled me. They didn’t know him. Ava didn’t know him at all. He’d only been around a few times.”

  That stabbed at Amelia. Knowing that if he was with Ava he’d lied to her to be there.

  “Emma didn’t remember him too much. So to tell them that their daddy was,” she contemplated her words, “having another baby, they just took it in stride.”

  “They hugged me,” Penelope said. “They touched my stomach and hugged me. I didn’t think they’d do that.” Her voice shook.

  “So they’re okay?” Amelia asked.

  “Too okay,” Vivian answered. “They should have been a little bit upset. They should have cared a little. But now they’re all excited to have a little sister.”

  “Or brother,” Penelope said softly.

  “Or brother,” Vivian said as she rolled her head back again and let out a long breath. “God, who thought this would be the way everything would happen. I trusted him. I loved him. He gave me my girls and then I have to tell them about his lies and deceptions.”

  Amelia heard Penelope sniff back tears. She understood the feelings. She too now felt like a lie and a deception.

  Penelope had dropped Amelia by the hotel on her way to work. She changed her clothes as she was much too old, she thought, to wear Penelope’s clothes.

  Amelia pulled her hair up into a ponytail and brushed her teeth. Then, she looked around the small room. It was silly to keep paying for the space.

  She sat down on the bed and clasped her hands in her lap. In a few weeks she could have the townhouse. Penelope could stay with Vivian if she wanted or she could certainly move in with her.

  She hated feeling petty about wanting Penelope to choose one or the other of them. And worse, she wanted her to choose her.

  Blowing out a breath she looked around again. It was time to check out.

  If she knew Sam Jackson, the man who had said he loved her and she’d admitted she loved too, then he’d still offer to let her stay with him.

  But she’d let him come to her. He said he’d come by the house later. She’d let him.

  Amelia went about clearing up the room and packing her belongings. It was time to move on. She was ready to leave behind the life as Adam Monroe’s wife. It was time to make a home in Parson’s Gulch, embrace the love she had with Sam Jackson, and start a business with the women she had forced into her life—and whom she’d embraced as well.

  ~*~

  Sam stopped off at the hardware store before heading to the house on Main and Pine. Amelia hadn’t stopped by the office so he assumed that meant he needed to stop by the house.

  As promised, he’d fix the steps. Most of his day had been spent researching what needed to be done. He was feeling fairly confident. Besides, he had enough handy friends if he needed them. He could call in one or two—or ten of them.

  The moment he pulled up in front of the house, he saw the baskets of flowers he’d brought hanging on the porch. Amelia stood at the base to the steps of the porch. She was hovering over the bush he’d brought with a shovel.

  As he climbed out of the truck he called up to her. “Do you need some help with that?”

  “You’re timing is impeccable. I’m done.”

  “Good,” he said and laughed.

  She looks okay, he thought. Penelope had said she was fine that morning, but he hadn’t dug for too much information. He didn’t want to use Penelope like that.

  But Amelia was going to have to explain to him what went wrong last night. He thought everything was fine and then she’d just flipped out. Something had set that off
and he needed to know what that was.

  Sam lowered the tailgate on his truck and began pulling the supplies to the end of the bed. Amelia set her shovel by the pillar to the porch and walked toward him.

  “What’s all this?” she asked as she neared him.

  “Came to start on those stairs.”

  “Are you sure you didn’t just come to see if I’d throw that shovel at you?”

  He gave her a chuckle. “Thought crossed my mind I suppose.”

  Amelia moved in toward him and he opened so she could. She rested her hands on his hips and he brushed a piece of her hair from her forehead.

  “I’m sorry about last night. I really am.”

  “You don’t have to be.”

  “But I am. You telling me you loved me shook me up a little bit. Then when you said we should go home, I panicked.”

  “You’ve stayed at my place before.”

  “But not when it was us going home. I’ve gone to your house before. But that wasn’t what you meant.”

  Sam cupped her face. “No. It wasn’t what I meant.”

  “I calmed down once I settled in at Vivian’s. I just had to sort it all out.”

  “And what did you come up with?”

  Amelia dropped her shoulders and looked up into his eyes. “I checked out of the hotel today.”

  “Good. That was good money being wasted.”

  “It was.” She raised her arms and linked them around his neck. “I figured that it wouldn’t be a big deal to stay with you until the townhouse is available to rent.”

  “That’s good too,” he said wrapping his arms around her waist.

  “I found out a lot of things last night.” She wound her fingers up into his hair. “Ava and Emma say I snore and I talk in my sleep.”

  “No comment.”

  “Hmmm,” she grunted. “I guess I speak very clearly.” She looked down at his chest and took a moment before looking back up at him. “I somehow said something about a baby in a fight with Adam.”

  Sam pulled back just enough to look at her. “You said that?”

  She nodded. “Vivian had to tell the girls.”

  “Oh,” he let it ride on a sigh. “What did they say?”