‘No.’ Alex shook her head emphatically. ‘It wasn’t totally your fault. It was mine as well. I’d made up my mind before we even arrived in Sydney that your family weren’t going to like me, so I didn’t even try to fit in. If I hadn’t been so absolutely wrapped up in my own rosy little world I could have formed a better relationship with your mother. I know I could have.’
‘Don’t upset yourself, love.’ Justin ran his hand over her hair smoothing it back from her face. ‘Let’s put it behind us, start afresh.’
‘No, Justin, I have to get it all off my chest. It’s been bottled up inside me for years and I haven’t been able to let it out. I have to try to explain to you how I feel, how I felt back then,’ Alex said earnestly. ‘I want everything to be right between us.’
‘Everything will be right between us,’ he said with conviction, showing some of his old arrogance. ‘I don’t intend anything to come between us again.’ His finger moved gently down her cheek. ‘Alex, that’s a promise, one I’m going to do everything in my power to keep, believe me.’
Alex closed her eyes, putting her lips to his hand. ‘Oh, Justin, it’s been hell without you. I was just going through the motions of living—eating, sleeping, working. And as for, well, other men,’ she looked up at him, ‘I couldn’t… When they touched me there was nothing. I’d buried that part of me away when I left you.’
A flicker of pain passed over his face. ‘Alex? That afternoon, in the hospital, did you mean what you said? About not wanting me?’ he asked quietly.
Alex nodded slowly. ‘I did at the time. I was absolutely inconsolable about… about the baby. I wanted to hurt you as much as I was hurt. I didn’t even attempt to see the situation from your side of it. I was so wrapped up in my own grief I didn’t want to recognise yours.’ Now that it was all coming out Alex felt as though a weight was beginning to lift from her. ‘For a long time now I’ve been refusing to allow myself to admit that I acted badly, inexcusably. I forgot that the baby was part of you, too. Selfishly, all I felt was my own loss.’
‘You had every right to forget my part in our baby, Alex,’ he said quietly. ‘Looking back, I can scarcely believe I could have treated you so badly. I’m not proud of myself. But at the time the whole crazy thing seemed to be getting out of my control—my work, our relationship. I couldn’t seem to find a level where I could communicate with you the way we used to when we were first married. I could see you falling apart, but I couldn’t seem to do a damn thing about it. I just acted like a spoilt juvenile.’ He shook his head. ‘I still can’t put my finger on exactly what went wrong.’
‘I think it was just a whole series of misconceptions on both our parts,’ said Alex. ‘Perhaps we were both guilty of not looking at ourselves realistically. I know I had you cast as no less than a knight in shining armour.’
He laughed self-derisively. ‘And God knows, I was hardly that. When I met you you completely captivated me. You were such a refreshing change from the false showy world I moved in I guess I was terrified to let you mix in with them in case you wanted to grow away from me. I was jealous as hell of anyone or anything that might take even part of you away from me—Ben, the whole damn outside world. And God help me, even our child.’
‘Oh, Justin, you’ve never had a thing to worry about on that score,’ Alex told him sincerely.
‘I think I know that now, but back then…’ He crushed her to him. ‘As I said, I’ve got a lot to answer for.’ He kissed her lingeringly and Alex snuggled into his arms, sighing happily.
‘You know, at the hospital when you told me you never wanted to see me again I think I went a little mad,’ he told her. ‘Guilt ate away at me for weeks before I got up the courage to try to find you. And when I approached your parents they gave me the coldest shoulder you could imagine. It wasn’t hard for me to believe you hated my guts. No one could have hated me more than I hated myself.’
‘I didn’t really hate you, Justin,’ Alex’s voice caught on a sob. ‘Even when I was sending you away a part of me was crying out for you to stay.’
Justin sighed and shook his head. ‘For two reasonably rational adults we’ve spent so much wasted time acting like children, haven’t we?’
Alex dashed the tears from her eyes and nodded.
‘I may not be a knight in shining armour, but as a very fallible man I love you more than I can tell you,’ he said huskily, his arms wrapped around her, binding her to him.
‘And I love you, too.’ Alex’s voice caught on a sob. ‘We’ve got so much lost time to make up for.’
‘Alex? About the baby.’ His eyes held hers. ‘We can have other children. Although I know I can’t change the fact that no other child will bring back the one we lost.’
‘Are you… Are you sure you want a family, Justin? I mean, I can accept it if you don’t. I just can’t live without you.’ Her eyes filled with tears again and Justin leant down and kissed her gently, tenderly.
‘We’ll have a round dozen, if you like,’ he grinned shakily, then held her fiercely against him.
When she could breathe again Alex looked up at him teasingly. ‘A round dozen?’ she spluttered. ‘Don’t you think that might be setting yourself an insurmountable task?’
‘Underestimating me, are you now?’ he asked with mock sternness. ‘I admit I’m a little rusty, but we can remedy that right now,’ he said, and she went willingly into the rapturously demanding circle of his strong arms, knowing it was the only place she wanted to be.
Romance eBooks by Lynsey Stevens Author
Other eBook Titles by: LYNSEY STEVENS
RT International Romance Award Winning Author
Race for Revenge
Tropical Knight
Ryan’s Return
Man of Vengeance
Forbidden Wine
Starting Over
Lingering Embers
Leave Yesterday Behind
A Rising Passion
Touched by Desire
Play Our Song Again
Closest Place to Heaven
The Ashby Affair
Terebori’s Gold
But Never Love
Mistletoe Kisses (Novella)
All I Ever Wanted
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Copyright 1981 - 2013 © Lynsey Stevens
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More Romance Titles by this Author available through publisher
Mills & Boon Harlequin
Play Our Song Again (Lynsey Stevens Romance Book 13) Page 18
