by Brigid Coady
‘For some people they can create a new future more easily – no that is wrong.’ Annie picked her words carefully. ‘They can create it more quickly but no less painfully. They can see what is ahead and rearrange everything. They can see where the past is weighing them down.’
She needed him to understand.
‘It doesn’t mean they didn’t love that person; it just means that they have acknowledged that when all hope is gone, they can’t hold on to it. They have to move on. They need new hope.’
Yeah, new hope. She had it with her career; she didn’t see it happening with her love life.
‘I envy John,’ she said. ‘I can’t seem to stop clinging to a future that will never be. There are some of us who don’t move on even when all hope is gone. And that isn’t living, Harry. Don’t wish that on John. Don’t let him leave your life; he’s family as much as if he and Becca had married. Because clinging on to the past is just as dangerous.’
The searing pain in her chest that usually accompanied thinking about losing Austen and their future was absent. She rubbed the heel of her hand to her chest. Instead there was an ache and emptiness; it was better than before. She could live with this vacuum; it was more bearable. She could move on to the future now, spiritually limping but mobile.
Harry looked down at her, tears in his eyes. He leant down and kissed her forehead. ‘How did you get so wise?’ he asked.
‘Wise?’ She laughed. ‘I’m not sure I’m that but I’m working on it. Definitely a work in progress.’
There was a crash from behind them.
Annie jumped as did Harry. How had she forgotten that Austen was behind them? She turned to see him sheepishly picking his laptop up from the floor.
‘Sorry,’ he said.
‘Hope that didn’t break,’ Lewis said.
Annie looked away before Austen could look at her. She was only so strong. She might be ready to move on but to do that she needed to not be reminded of the past.
‘Crap!’ Austen said. Annie could see him grab his laptop and his feet taking him towards the door. ‘I’m late. I need to go.’
He almost ran out of the room, knocking his coffee over as he went.
Well, she thought, there he goes.
If only he didn’t walk out with her heart every time he left.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Most productions don’t film scenes in order. The first scenes could end up being the last ones that are ever shot. Annie was always impressed that actors could bounce around with the timeline and where their character’s development was at any given time. It confused her.
However, for this production, scheduling meant that they had kept some of the final scenes till the last day of filming.
Harry and Lewis had followed Austen out of the production office. Annie watched Harry walk to wardrobe with Lewis beside him, Lewis’s hand on the small of Harry’s back, guiding him and offering support.
The set was buzzing and humming with end-of-school excitement. The dark and sombre mood that had been in the production office lifted.
Maybe it was the end of something but the beginning of everything else.
She was moving on. Her next job already sorted, with Northanger Agency temporarily opening an office in Hollywood.
Annie was a producer.
There was a twinge of guilt and a swooping sick feeling in her stomach when she caught a glimpse of Immy making her way through to catering.
Maybe she should reach out and make it better? Annie couldn’t help herself. A part of her that had been conditioned yearned to smooth things over.
She found a canvas chair and quickly sat in it, holding tightly to the arms as if it would anchor her in place.
Annie was doing this for herself. Setting everyone free and moving on. So she could become the person she always could’ve been. Her mum would’ve understood. Probably would’ve slapped her for sacrificing so many years already to keep a promise.
‘Okay. Places.’
The chair she was in was directly behind the camera.
Perfect for watching Austen’s last scene.
She should move. Torturing herself wasn’t healthy.
But one last time would be okay. He would be working and she could stare, drink in as much of him as she could before he walked out of her life for good. One last hit before she went cold turkey.
She would give herself this.
Because even though Harry and Lewis had promised they would look after her when she got to LA, she wasn’t holding her breath. It was set talk, where everyone promised to stay in touch and never did.
But this scene, she needed to see it.
It was the scene where Darcy proposed to Elizabeth for the second time.
Ironic. Second chances.
Because people did get second chances – maybe not in the way they thought they would get them but a second chance nonetheless. And she had hers and had almost thrown it away again. This time she was staying strong; she wasn’t losing it.
Start fresh. No family. No regrets.
If she said it often enough it would become truth.
Annie watched as the crew got in position, Diana Tomlinson sitting on a bench waving a fan in front of her while Sasha from make-up blotted off the shine from her nose.
They were only missing Austen. Where was he?
Annie craned her neck and saw that instead of being in position, he was striding up and down a gravel path, with a mobile phone clenched in his hand and pushed against his ear. He was talking into it with an agonized look on his face.
Louisa’s engagement was probably getting to him, she thought.
‘Hey, Annie. You left your phone in the office.’
Tanya, the AD, came up beside her and handed it over.
‘Cheers,’ she said and put it in her pocket without looking at it.
‘Austen, places,’ Les shouted.
Annie watched as Austen almost flung his phone at his assistant in what would’ve been from Dad a fit of pique.
He definitely wasn’t dealing with the John and Louisa situation well at all.
‘Austen seems a bit wound up,’ Lewis commented as he came to sit beside her.
Annie hummed in response as she watched Austen raise his hands to his head as if to clutch his hair. Sasha slapped his hands before they connected. She then began to blot the shine from his face.
Austen was looking round at the crew, his eyes widening when he saw Annie. He started making gestures at her, flapping round as Sasha tried to make him put them down.
‘He seems to be trying to tell you something,’ Lewis said. ‘That or he is having a fit.’
She’d never seen Austen so, well, manic was the only way she could describe it.
‘Is he making “call me” gestures?’ Annie frowned as she tried to work out what Austen was mouthing to her.
‘Your phone!’ Austen’s voice exploded across the grass as he was ushered in front of Diana to give his final declaration of love as Darcy to Lizzy.
‘You’d think he’d be a bit more method about this wouldn’t you?’ Lewis mused.
Annie would agree. Austen was known for his professionalism and snapping into character easily when on set.
‘I have my phone now, thanks,’ Annie called back patting her pocket. It was very sweet of Austen to be worried about her losing her phone.
Oh crap, maybe she should turn it off? Ever since Lewis’s phone had played ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ in the middle of the big showdown between Lizzy and Lady Catherine de Bourgh, she’d been vigilant. Les had turned a funny shade of purple as he’d screamed that day.
‘I think he means you.’ She nudged Lewis as she took her phone out of her pocket to turn it off or at least to silent.
She had a missed call from Austen.
And a text saying she had a voice message.
But …
She couldn’t help the speed with which she looked up at Austen, almost giving herself whiplash.
Her body felt like a mix of helium and lead.
Was this hope? Or was this dread? Whatever it was how come it hurt so much?
Austen mouthed a word to her and then stopped, biting his lip as he stared at Annie over Diana’s shoulder.
It all clicked into place, as if she was suddenly an expert at lip reading. Annie knew what he had been mouthing to her.
Listen. The voice message. He wanted her to listen.
With shaking hands Annie pressed the buttons on her phone and called her voicemail.
‘Action!’ Les called as the message started to play.
In one ear Annie could hear Austen start to say his lines on set. She watched as he shifted so that he wasn’t staring directly at Diana. His gaze was locked on Annie.
‘You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.’
Darcy’s words, written by Jane Austen, echoed through Annie’s head as she heard Austen’s voice in her other ear speak his own words.
‘Annie-magus, I can’t bear this any longer. I know I should wait to talk to you until after this scene. But I can’t. I just can’t because I might never have the confidence again.
‘What you were saying to Harry, Annie-matronic, you slayed me. My heart has felt like it has been dead and broken for so long, but now … you make it feel so alive. You’ve put paddles on it and jump-started it. Half of me thinks that I’m wrong. Am I misreading the situation? Maybe it isn’t us you were talking about. But the other half …
‘Oh God, sweetheart, the other half wants to run over to you, hold you, kiss you, and never let you go.’
Annie’s heart slammed in her chest. She could feel the blood ebbing and flowing in her cheeks.
She stared into Austen’s eyes as he proposed to another woman but in her ear he whispered everything she had ever hoped for.
‘Please, tell me that I’m reading it right. That I’m not too late and that you still feel something for me … I think you do. But I don’t want to be wrong again. Please tell me that the future you are creating has space for me in it? I want us to be together.
‘Anne-arbour, there has only ever been you. God, I tried so hard to get over you but I think, no, I know when I left for Hollywood I left my heart behind. Don’t ever say that you are the only one who is a hopeless case, because so am I. I’ll admit I’ve been petty. God I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. I flirted with Louisa to show you that someone wanted me. Which was ridiculous and childish and unfair on everyone. But, don’t you understand that I made all these plans, came to do this production because of you? My future is all for you.
‘Damn, Les wants to film this scene and you, where are you? I need to see you. I need you to understand that nothing on those gossip sites is true. You, you are the one, my Anne.
‘Always you. And I want to be yours again. Just let me know. Somehow, let me know. If you don’t feel the same way then … no I’ll be there in a moment … Anne, love. I said in a moment!’
And the message cut off.
‘Let’s take that again,’ Les said.
They were resetting the scene. How was the world still carrying on as normal? Because Annie felt like she was in a bubble.
All she could do was stare at Austen.
Austen who hadn’t taken his eyes off her, who was currently allowing himself to be manoeuvred around like a wax doll to reset the scene.
Back to the beginning. A do-over.
Annie blinked. Austen still loved her. He loved her. He’d called her ‘my Anne’.
Always you.
She opened her mouth to shout out across the set to him, to say that she still felt the same, that they had hope.
‘And action.’
Bugger, she shut her mouth like a clapperboard.
Austen’s eyes stayed on hers. Were they asking her something?
And then he repeated Darcy’s words.
Words that now seemed to be perfect for them. He might be holding someone else’s hands as he said them but his gaze held hers.
‘You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever …’
And this take was glorious, Austen’s voice husky with emotion, his eyes bright and shiny with tears.
Annie found herself mouthing along with Elizabeth’s lines with one variance.
Whilst Elizabeth said her feelings had changed, Annie’s line was the opposite.
‘I have found that my feelings are still the same,’ she mouthed.
Austen’s jaw dropped and then he grinned. The heart-stopping Austen grin that had always been just for her.
‘Cut.’
Annie and Austen stood staring at each other. Annie’s face felt stretched with the smile she couldn’t hide.
‘For God’s sake, Austen, you’re supposed to kiss her, not stand there grinning like a loon.’ Les threw his script down. ‘Bloody actors.’
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Austen said.
He put his hands on Diana’s shoulders and carefully moved her to one side and out of his way. He began to walk towards Annie. His coat flowed behind him as he came closer and closer.
Oh God, it was real.
It was real.
Austen stopped in front of her, cupping her face with his leather gloves.
‘I love you, Anne Elliot. Always you.’
He dipped his head and for the first time in almost nine years she was actually kissing Austen.
Everything slotted into place and clicked like it fitted. His mouth on hers, hot and warm.
This is where she should always have been. It took a bit longer to get there than she’d expected but she was home.
His arms were round her. Her tattoo burned as if it were coming home. The empty feeling she had been carrying for so long was gone.
He nipped at her lips and sighing she opened herself to him.
‘What?’ Immy screeching in the background filtered through the thrum of her pulse.
Then from beside them, Lewis started clapping. It seemed as if the rest of the crew joined in and started hollering.
Annie pulled back, feeling her cheeks heat, but Austen wouldn’t let her get far. One hand gripped the back of her neck, the other on her waist, keeping her close. He rested his forehead on hers.
‘Okay so I don’t think we should keep it from your family this time,’ he said with a little smile.
‘I don’t think it will be kept from the rest of the world, never mind my family.’
Because of course there would probably be some grainy footage of the whole thing somewhere online later. It could even have been uploaded already.
There wasn’t even a twinge of regret.
‘I don’t think so,’ Austen whispered. ‘I think you scared the bejesus out of them yesterday with all your NDA talk.’
Annie laughed and reached her hand up to his face to check he was real.
‘Always you, Annie-matronic,’ he whispered. And there was the smile she’d missed. The one no one else ever got.
‘Are you sure?’ she couldn’t help but ask. The last time they had tried this he had been just Austen Wentworth straight out of drama school. Now he was Austen Wentworth, star of TV and film. People’s Most Desirable Man.
‘Never surer,’ he said and kissed her again.
Epilogue
Daily Planet Showbiz Photo Gallery – Escapade premiere
Austen Wentworth was on the red carpet for the premiere of his latest film, Escapade, last night. He was accompanied by Annie Elliot, his partner and executive producer on the project. They were joined by actor, Harry Harville and music producer, Lewis Deakin.
Other attendees included John Benwick and wife, Louisa Musgrove. William Elliot and Candida Clay. Imogen Elliot with Marie
Elliot and her husband Charles Musgrove.
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Copyright
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2017
Copyright © Brigid Coady 2017
Brigid Coady asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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E-book Edition © July 2017 ISBN: 978-0-00-827031-5
