Crown of Steel (Chaos Awakens)

by Heath Pfaff

  Haley spoke, breaking her long silence and reminding the others that she was, in fact, still present. "Being afraid of death all the time doesn't help you survive. Fear will kill you if you let it. Sometimes you just have to act."

  Everyone looked to her as she spoke. There was no levity in her voice. Neither was she speaking with a show of confidence or bravado. She delivered her declaration as though reading it from a scroll, monotone and cold. Xandrith found it unsettling for some reason, and from the corner of his eye he thought it looked as though Kassa was sharing in his moment of intuition. The words were certainly wise, but her inflection was too blank.

  "Haley?" Xandrith asked, stepping forward and reaching a hand out for her shoulder. She took a quick step back out of range, the expression on her fox mask neutral as she stared up at him. Crow stepped to her side, his shoulder brushing hers. She didn't flinch away from him. Some dynamic had just changed.

  "We should keep moving." She said after a few seconds.

  Crow nodded with a smile. "Yes, we're getting nearer the wall. It's almost time to see if your little magic trick can get us safely through to the city."

  Xan nodded numbly as his mind tried to process the sudden change in their little world. It had just happened. None of them had even seen it occur, but Xan was positive of it. It was as though a voice had just spoken in his head, "She's gone from us." Haley had accepted her axe's joining. Xandrith couldn't see the bond, but he knew it was there. It was in the blankness of her expression and the hollow voice with which she spoke. She was becoming that thing that all the wielders of the blades became, a hybrid of man and monster. Why had she given in? What had finally turned her to accept the empty promises of the axe? Fear of what lay ahead? Anger at Xan for attacking Little Crow? Did the reason even really matter?

  Their group of four had just become more evenly divided. Two of their numbers stood clearly in support of the trolls, and that left only Xan and Kassa still striving towards the goal of opening the Great Vault. Xan wondered what powers would awaken in Haley now that she was fully joined with her blade. He also wondered if she still cared enough about their friendship to resist when the blade called for his death. Xandrith had no doubt that it would seek to end him. It was only a matter of time. It would strike when it believed that he had no chance of winning. They walked the rest of the way to the wall without speaking to each other.

  Xandrith was so lost in his own thoughts that he barely noticed when the trees fell away and the wall filled the sky before him. It wasn't until he could walk no further forward that he came to a complete stop and the reality of the situation settled upon him. They'd made it back to the Reach, and he was on the cusp of entering that dread place again. When he'd left with Kassa months earlier he'd never anticipated a return to the fallen city. In fact, he'd repeatedly promised himself never to set foot within those impervious steel walls again. The city was a death trap. Worse, it was a trap that knew exactly who was approaching it, and it had had time to prepare. The followers that had distantly stalked them for days were coming closer now that Xan and his fellowship had run out of places to go. As far as their sneaky pursuit was concerned, Xan and his friends had backed themselves into a corner. The assassin placed a hand against the wall before him and the cold metal sent a slight shiver through his four fingered hand and up into his arm.

  "This will work." He said quietly, not sure whether the words were meant for his own ears or for everyone else.

  "Well, open your door thing then." Little Crow chirped impatiently.

  Xandrith shook his head. "It's not time yet. Soon, but not yet. We might as well set up a temporary camp for a while and get some rest. Don't put down anything you can't afford to lose, though. We'll probably have to leave in a rush."

  "Oh great, so we're just going to sit around outside this massive city of death and wait for a while?" Crow said, his agitation quite obviously spurred by his own discomfort and fear.

  "I could open it right now." Xandrith snapped. "How many years of your life do you want to give up, Crow? I could siphon your life into magic and cut us a path right through the wall, but I can't guarantee you'll have enough left in you to make it to the other side."

  Crow took a step back. "Well then how do you plan on opening this gateway?!"

  It was time for Xandrith to lay his cards out for everyone to see. "We're being pursued, probably by the Drayid's mechanna creatures, and I intend to use them to open the path forward. They've been closing in steadily ever since we grew near the wall. They believe that we’re trapped."

  "That's impossible." Crow was shaking his head. "I would know if we were being followed."

  "Really, how?" Xandrith asked, honestly curious.

  "I know when I'm being pursued. It's a trick of the sword. I can feel the intent of those trying to follow me. It's like a pressure on my back." Crow explained. "I would know if someone was after us. Trust me."

  Xandrith shrugged. "Ability or not, they're out there and they're getting closer. My guess is they'll wait for dark and try to take us by surprise."

  Crow just shook his head.

  Kassa was looking between the two men. "I don't think we could get this close to the city without attracting notice, Crow."

  The young man turned to face Kassa. "I've had these abilities for two years now, and I've never had them fail me. I'm more inclined to trust my own instincts than Xan's, but I will wait out the night here even though I think it's a bad idea. The very best we can hope for is that we will be attacked in the middle of the night and that’s not exactly something to look forward to."

  "We'll have a nice surprise for them when they get here." Xandrith said, sitting down with his back to the wall. He was tired of walking and even more tired of arguing with Crow. The others sat down as well, everyone looking fairly uneasy.

  Xandrith watched as Haley sat down near Little Crow. He stifled the sigh that wanted to escape between his lips and turned his eyes to the dark churning clouds overhead. They were as turbulent as the future was uncertain.

  "What's your real name, Crow?" Haley's voice brought Xan's attention back to the ground.

  "Does it matter?" He replied quickly. "One name is as good as any other."

  "It matters. If we're going to fight together, we should at least know each other's names." Haley insisted.

  Crow seemed to be considering this for a time, but he did finally answer. "Marrick. My friends used to call me Rick, but it has been a long time since anyone has used the name. After I picked up my sword," he partially drew the black blade at his hip before sliding it away again. "Things changed quickly for me. I didn't have time for my old friends, and they couldn't go with me to all the places I needed to go."

  "I had a friend named Marrick when I was younger." Kassa said quietly. "He was an idiot, no offense. I believe he was arrested for starting fires. I'm not sure what happened to him after that."

  Marrick laughed easily. "I'm not into fire. Before the sword I was never in any kind of trouble. I was going to work in my father's wood mill. I'd already been training to follow in his footsteps. It was hard work but I was good at it, and it would have provided me with all my needs. Besides, my father was quite insistent that I take over the family business." A cloud passed across Crow's features for a moment. "That seems like it was forever ago now, but it has only been three years. What about the rest of you? What were you going to be before this?" He gestured at their surroundings, though he was clearly indicating their current lot in life.

  "I was a watch captain." Kassa spoke first, her voice almost wistful. It hadn't even been a year ago, though Xan supposed it probably felt like ages ago for her. "I grew up believing strongly in the justice system and I wanted to be the sort of person who helped keep dangerous people and things off of the streets and away from the innocent. I knew everything wasn't as simple as I wanted it to be, and I knew that there was corruption in the system, but I felt like I was making a difference. Then I arrested a notorious assassin and instea
d of becoming famous for removing an evil from the streets, I decided to set him free and see where things went from there. It’s been interesting."

  A look passed around the group as Kassa finished her brief story. Who would go next? Haley and Xandrith eyed each other, not sure which of them should be the next to share. The silence was deepening and becoming more awkward. The assassin gave a reluctant sigh.

  "I probably would have become a fisherman if not for the interference of the mages. They took me from my home and then tossed me away when they discovered I wasn't what they’d expected." Xandrith held up his scarred hands. "They made sure I couldn't fit into normal society and left me to die, so I just did what came naturally to me. I suppose I could have died, or lived on the streets as a thief for the rest of my life, but instead I decided I wanted more. I don't think I need to go into the details of what I did to make myself more successful. That seems to be public record at this point. Suffice it to say, I became good at what I did. If I hadn't gotten this stupid idea in my head that I could make up for all the awful shit I've done over the years, I'd probably still be stabbing folks for gold. It was much easier than all of this."

  To Xan's surprise, Haley picked up as soon as he stopped speaking as though she'd used the time he'd been unwinding his life's summary to prepare herself. She reached behind her head, grabbed the seam on her mask, and pulled it off with both hands. Crow, surprisingly, didn't flinch as she drew away the mask. It was as though he'd already known what he would see.

  "I was learning to cook and clean and to keep a house." She began. "I probably would have lived my entire life without ever encountering violence, or ever leaving the area around the village where I was born, but one man decided to change all of that. He killed my family and tried to kill me, but I was stronger than he was. I'll never be the simple house wife I was meant to be, but this is better anyway." She lifted her axe. "I'm stronger than I ever was, and I'll make my own way in life." Her eyes passed over everyone in the group. "I don't need anyone."

  If Xandrith had possessed hackles, they would have risen. "Anyone can survive alone Haley, but it doesn't feel good. You can grow accustom to the emptiness, but that doesn't make you any less hollow. Take it from someone who has tried that route."

  Haley's eyes met his, silver and challenging. "It's not like I have an option, Xan. No one wants me anymore. I'm like you are. I'm damaged and broken, but I'm even worse because while people can ignore your fingers they can never stop seeing this." She pointed at the hideous scars along one side of her face. "These scars are all I am to most people."

  "You are not defined by your scars. I have never judged you for them, and neither has Kassa. Yes they are awful, and I know you’re ashamed of them, but people can see past them if given a chance. You can't let them define you." Xandrith replied, doing his best to keep his voice level and calm. He shouldn't be angry at Haley. He could understand her sense of alienation, but at the same time Xandrith was angry with himself for letting her feel that way. What had he done wrong that she felt so terrible about herself?

  "You do judge me for them, Xandrith. I know you do. I'm just some injured little bird you're trying to nurse back to health. You see the scars and you want to make me better, but you don't see me as a person. You don't see how strong I've become and how independent I am." Haley was obviously becoming agitated.

  "Of course I do! Even in the short time we were apart I can see how much you've improved. You are strong, smart, and everything I'd hoped you'd become." Xandrith wasn't sure what other way he could convince her of the pride he felt in her.

  "Then why did you leave me behind Xan? Why aren't you as happy to see me as you are to see Kassa? And why don't you love me?!" Haley came to her feet as she shouted the last line. She looked surprised at her own words, but then her face hardened into a shell of anger.

  The words hit Xandrith like rocks, sharp and heavy rocks that sliced away at his confidence and his strength. "I didn't mean to hurt you when I left. I wanted to protect you." He stood up as well, though his legs felt weak. He felt tired. "I do love you, Haley. I want you to have the life I couldn't have when I was a child. I don't want you to be like me because I want you to be better than me. You are the little sister that I never knew thanks to the mages, and I want nothing more than to see you grow strong and confident."

  "Little sister." Haley mumbled the words with no small amount of venom as she looked down at her feet. It was as if those two words had unlocked something inside of her that she'd been trying to keep locked away and hidden. She turned and fled. She ran like a flake of ash caught in the winds of a storm and she soon vanished into the woods. Xandrith moved to follow her, but Crow stood in his way.

  "I don't think she needs you to chase her right now." He said quietly.

  Xandrith locked eyes with the young man, the impulse to strike him down hammering through his body. "You don't know what ..."

  "Xan." Kassa spoke and placed a hand on the assassin's arm. "Let Marrick go after her. He's closer to her age, and I'm sure he understands what she's going through."

  Marrick bowed his head to Kassa and then turned and ran off into the woods the way Haley had gone. Xan watched him go with eyes shaded by a mix of distress, rage, and confusion. "I don't understand." He said quietly to Kassa.

  "That's obvious." Kassa said with a half-hearted smile. "Sit back down and we'll talk." She gestured to Xan's place by the wall. He hesitated for a moment, looking at the woods into which Haley and then Marrick had vanished. Once his eyes had taken in all they could see, he reached out with his other senses. Their pursuers were drawing closer. They had maybe an hour or two depending on whether or not the followers intended to make themselves immediately known when they arrived. Xandrith sat down heavily and let out a sigh.

  "This isn't the time for this kind of foolishness." Xan snapped at the air.

  ***

  Haley's emotions were a burning mass of pain bubbling up through her and pouring out of her eyes in drops of burning, salty agony. She'd known. She'd always known that Xan didn't see her as a woman, but hearing those words from him had been worse than any pain she'd ever felt. She was his little sister, a sexless member of his family that he would never be romantically interested in. With his own words he'd condemned her to nothingness.

  She grabbed the hilt of her axe and tore it from its scabbard. "You told me he would love me if I was stronger!" She screamed at the black metal. "I accepted your bond and you lied to me! He doesn't love me, and he never will!" She drove the head of her axe into the ground before her, burying it deep in the earth with all the strength she could muster. "You are a damned liar! I hate you!"

  He does love you, even if it is not the love that you want, Haley. I can only give you the means to better yourself. I can't promise you things that are simply beyond reach. You don't need the assassin. You can have so much more.

  Haley's heart fell. "I don't want more. I just want him."

  "Sometimes, no matter how badly we want something, we just can't have it." The voice that came from behind her startled Haley. She swung around with her axe again in hand, and Crow was standing a few feet behind her. She turned her face away, not wanting him to see the tears flowing down her cheeks. She grabbed the mask she'd taken off to tell her story and pulled it back over her scarred face.

  "I don't need another talk from you." She snapped at Merrick. "Fuck off and die."

  "I can't do that. I told Kassa and Xandrith that I would come after you. It's not safe to be out here alone, at least not if Xandrith is to be trusted." Crow replied calmly.

  "I don't need anyone's protection." Haley replied with venom in her voice.

  "I'm not protecting you Haley. I'm here to fight by your side if necessary. That's what friends do." Crow was confident and steadfast in his response. He didn't even hesitate despite the anger Haley was casting in his direction.

  The young woman couldn't think of another way to get him to leave. Why weren't words enough? "I don't want you
here."

  "Maybe, but you need me here." The words were spoken softly, with a note of compassion that Haley hadn't expected. "You knew how he felt. You can't let his words hurt you like this. He meant them as a comfort, you know. I don't like the man, but even I know he wasn't trying to cause you grief."

  A tear seeped from Haley's eye to be absorbed by the mask. "As long as he didn't say the words, I still had a reason to hope. I … I let myself believe that there was a chance. There never was."

  "Why are you so broken hearted? Don't you see what you have here?" Crow's expression was pained. "You have a family. You have someone who loves you. That's something special. I would be happy if someone felt that way about me. I won't say I understand romance, though I've spent a fair number of nights in the company of women, but the love of a family is something really special. That man, Xandrith, he doesn't look like he has much love to spare. The fact that he cares for you is something to be proud of."

  Haley just shook her head sadly. "I don't know if it's enough. I don't know if I can stay with him when he just sees me like his little sister. It hurts so much."

  "It's going to hurt for a time, but you'll start to feel better. You've got the axe now, and it will give you a purpose. You just need time." Crow tried to reassure Haley, but Haley couldn't help but feel that the situation was one of complete despair. Being bound to the axe didn't seem to be a good thing at all. It had promised her the power to make her dreams come true, and so far that was a complete lie. If she couldn't have Xan, then what did she really have to strive for? She felt lost.

  For a long while they sat in silence. Haley's tears stopped falling, but she still hurt inside. Crow never left her side, but he didn't speak either, and for that she was glad. He was proving himself a surprisingly apt friend. She decided that she should break the sphere of quiet that had settled upon them. It was only fair, since he'd come so far out of his way to see that she was alright.