Ida a Novel

by Gertrude Stein

  She went out it was the spring and she sat upon the grass with a little money in her pocket and the cuckoo saw her sitting and knew she had a little money and it went up to her close up to her and sat on a tree and said cuckoo at her, cuckoo cuckoo, cuckoo, and she said, Oh, a cuckoo bird is singing on a cuckoo tree singing to me oh singing to me. And the cuckoo sang cuckoo cuckoo and she sang cuckoo cuckoo to it, and there they were singing cuckoo she to it and it to her.

  Then she knew that it was true and that she would be rich and love would not leave her and she would have all three money and love and a cuckoo in a tree, all three.

  Andrew did listen and the man went on.

  And the goldfish.

  Yes said a goldfish I listen I listen but listen to me I am stronger than a cuckoo stronger and meaner because I never do bring good luck I bring nothing but misery and trouble and all no not at all I bring no good luck only bad and that does not make me sad it makes me glad that I never bring good luck only bad.

  They buy me because I look so pretty and red and gold in my bowl but I never bring good luck I only bring bad, bad bad bad.

  Listen to me.

  There was a painter once who thought he was so big he could do anything and he did. So he bought goldfish and any day he made a painting of us in the way that made him famous and made him say, goldfish bring me good luck not bad, and they better had.

  Everything went wonderfully for him, he turned goldfish into gold because everything he did was bold and it sold, and he had money and fame but all the same we the goldfish just sat and waited while he painted.

  One day, crack, the bowl where we were fell apart and we were all cracked the bowl the water and the fish, and the painter too crack went the painter and his painting too and he woke up and he knew that he was dead too, the goldfish and he, they were all dead, but we there are always goldfish in plenty to bring bad luck to anybody too but he the painter and his painting was dead dead dead.

  We knew what to do.

  Andrew was more interested, and the dwarfs he said.

  Well this is the way they are they say we are two male and female, if you see us both at once it means nothing, but if you see either of us alone it means bad luck or good. And which is which. Misfortune is female good luck luck is male, it is all very simple.

  Oh yes anybody can know that and if they see one of us and it is the female he or she has to go and go all day long until they see a dwarf man, otherwise anything awful could happen to them. A great many make fun of those who believe in this thing but those who believe they know, female dwarf bad luck male dwarf good luck, all that is eternal.

  Silence.

  Suddenly the goldfish suddenly began to swish and to bubble and squeak and to shriek, I I do not believe in dwarfs neither female nor male, he cried, no not in a cuckoo, no not in spiders, no, the only thing I believe in besides myself is a shoe on a table, oh that, that makes me shiver and shake, I have no shoes no feet no shoes but a shoe on a table, that is terrible, oh oh yes oh ah.

  And the cuckoo said,

  Oh you poor fish, you do not believe in me, you poor fish, and I do not believe in you fish nothing but fish a goldfish only fish, no I do not believe in you no fish no, I believe in me, I am a cuckoo and I know and I tell you so, no the only thing I believe in which is not me is when I see the new moon through a glass window, I never do because there is no glass to see through, but I believe in that too, I believe in that and I believe in me ah yes I do I see what I see through, and I do I do I do.

  No I do not believe in a fish, nor in a dwarf nor in a spider not I, because I am I a cuckoo and I, I, I.

  The spider screamed. You do not believe in me, everybody believes in me, you do not believe in spiders you do not believe in me bah. I believe in me I am all there is to see except well if you put your clothes on wrong side to well that is an awful thing to do, and if you change well that is worse than any way and what do I say, if you put your clothes on wrong everything will go well that day but if you change from wrong to right then nothing will go right, but what can I do I am a green spider or a gray and I have the same clothes every day and I can make no mistake any day but I believe oh I believe if you put your clothes on wrong side to everything will be lovely that you do, but anyway everybody has to believe in me, a spider, of course they do, a spider in the morning is an awful warning a spider at night brings delight, it is so lovely to know this is true and not to believe in a fish or in dwarfs or in a cuckoo, ooh ooh, it is I, no matter what they try it is I I. I.

  The dwarfs said, And of whom are you talking all of you, we dwarfs, we are in the beginning we have commenced everything and we believe in everything yes we do, we believe in the language of flowers and we believe in lucky stones, we believe in peacocks’ feathers and we believe in stars too, we believe in leaves of tea, we believe in a white horse and a red-headed girl, we believe in the moon, we believe in red in the sky, we believe in the barking of a dog, we believe in everything that is mortal and immortal, we even believe in spiders, in goldfish and in the cuckoo, we the dwarfs we believe in it all, all and all, and all and every one are alike, we are, all the world is like us the dwarfs, all the world believes in everything and we do too and all the world believes in us and in you.

  Everybody in the room was quiet and Andrew was really excited and he looked at Ida and that was that.

  Part Six

  Good luck and bad luck

  No luck and then luck.

  Ida was resting.

  She was nearly Ida was nearly well.

  She could tell when she had been settled when she had been settled very well.

  Once she had been and she liked it, she liked to be in one room and to have him in another room and to talk across to him while she was resting. Then she had been settled very well. It did not settle everything, nothing was unsettling, but she had been settled very well.

  Andrew had a mother.

  Some still have one and some do not still have one but Andrew did still have a mother.

  He had other things beside

  But he had never had a bride.

  Flowers in the spring succeed each other with extraordinary rapidity and the ones that last the longest if you do not pick them are the violets.

  Andrew had his life, he was never alone and he was never left and he was never active and he was never quiet and he was never sad.

  He was Andrew.

  It came about that he had never gone anywhere unless he had known beforehand he was going to go there, but and he had, he had gone to see Ida and once he was there it was as if he had been going to see Ida. So naturally he was always there.

  Andrew knew that he was the first Andrew.

  He had a nervous cough but he was not nervous.

  He had a quiet voice but he talked loudly.

  He had a regular life but he did what he did as if he would do it and he always did. Obstinate you call him. Well if you like. He said obstinate was not a word.

  Ida never spoke, she just said what she pleased. Dear Ida.

  It began not little by little, but it did begin.

  Who has houses said a friend of Ida’s.

  Everybody laughed.

  But said Andrew I understand when you speak.

  Nobody laughed.

  It was not customary to laugh.

  Three makes more exchange than two.

  There were always at least three.

  This was a habit with Andrew.

  Ida had no habit, she was resting.

  And so little by little somebody knew.

  How kindly if they do not bow.

  Ida had a funny habit. She had once heard that albatrosses which birds she liked the name of always bowed before they did anything. Ida bowed like this to anything she liked. If she had a hat she liked, she had many hats but sometimes she had a hat she liked and if she liked it she put it on a table and bowed to it. She had many dresses and sometimes she really liked one of them. She would put it somewhere then and then she
would bow to it. Of course jewels but really dresses and hats particularly hats, sometimes particularly dresses. Nobody knew anything about this certainly not anybody and certainly not Andrew, if anybody knew it would be an accident because when Ida bowed like that to a hat or a dress she never said it. A maid might come to know but naturally never having heard about albatrosses, the maid would not understand.

  Oh yes said Ida while she was resting. Naturally she never bowed while she was resting and she was always resting when they were there.

  Dear Ida.

  It came to be that any day was like Saturday to Ida.

  And slowly it came to be that even to Andrew any day came to be Saturday. Saturday had never been especially a day to Andrew but slowly it came to be Saturday and then every day began to be Saturday as it had come to be to Ida.

  Of course there was once a song, every day will be Sunday by and by.

  Ida knew this about Saturday, she always had, and now Andrew slowly came to know it too. Of course he did walk every day walk even if every day was Saturday. You can’t change everything even if everything is changed.

  Anybody could begin to realize what life was to Andrew what life had been to Andrew what life was going to be to Andrew.

  Andrew was remarkable insofar as it was all true. Yes indeed it was.

  Saturday, Ida.

  Ida never said once upon a time. These words did not mean anything to Ida. This is what Ida said. Ida said yes, and then Ida said oh yes, and then Ida said, I said yes, and then Ida said, yes.

  Once when Ida was excited she said I know what it is I do, I do know that it is, yes.

  That is what she said when she was excited.

  Part Seven

  Andrew knew that nobody would be so rude as not to remember Andrew. And this was true. They did remember him. Until now. Now they do not remember Andrew. But Andrew knew that nobody would be so rude as not to. And pretty well it was true.

  But again.

  Andrew never had to think. He never had to say that it was a pleasant day. But it was always either wet or dry or cold or warm or showery or just going to be. All that was enough for Andrew and Ida never knew whether there was any weather. That is the reason they got on so well together.

  There was never any beginning or end, but every day came before or after another day. Every day did.

  Little by little circles were open and when they were open they were always closed.

  This was just the way it was.

  Supposing Ida was at home, she was almost at home and when she was at home she was resting.

  Andrew had many things to do but then it was always true that he was with Ida almost all day although he never came to stay and besides she was resting.

  One of the things Ida never liked was a door.

  People should be there and not come through a door.

  As much as possible Ida did not let herself know that they did come through a door.

  She did not like to go out to dinner at a house because you had to come in through a door. A restaurant was different there is really no door. She liked a room well enough but she did not like a door.

  Andrew was different, he did just naturally come through a door, he came through a door, he was the first to come through a doorway and the last to come through a doorway. Doorways and doors were natural to him. He and Ida never talked about this, you might say they never talked about anything certainly they never talked about doors.

  The French say a door has to be open or shut but open or shut did not interest Ida what she really minded was that there was a door at all. She did not really mind standing in a portiere or in a hall, but she did not like doors. Of course it was natural enough feeling as she did about doors that she never went out to see anybody. She went out she liked to go out but not through a doorway. There it was that was the way she was.

  One day she was telling about this, she said, if you stand in an open place in a house and talk to somebody who can hear that is very nice, if you are out or in it is very nice but doors doors are never nice.

  She did not remember always being that way about doors, she kind of did not remember doors at all, it was not often she mentioned doors, but she just did not care about doors.

  One day did not come after another day to Ida. Ida never took on yesterday or tomorrow, she did not take on months either nor did she take on years. Why should she when she had always been the same, what ever happened there she was, no doors and resting and everything happening. Sometimes something did happen, she knew to whom she had been married but that was not anything happening, she knew about clothes and resting but that was not anything happening. Really there really was never anything happening although everybody knew everything was happening.

  It was dark in winter and light in summer but that did not make any difference to Ida. If somebody said to her you know they are most awfully kind, Ida could always say I know I do not like that kind. She liked to be pleasant and she was but kind, well yes she knew that kind.

  They asked her to a dinner party but she did not go, her husband went, she had a husband then and he wore a wedding ring. Husbands do not often wear wedding rings but he did. Ida knew when he came home that he had worn his wedding ring, she said, not very well and he said oh yes very well.

  Three things had happened to Ida and they were far away but not really because she liked to rest and be there. She always was.

  Andrew next to that was nothing and everything.

  Andrew knew a great many people who were very kind. Kind people always like doors and doorways, Andrew did. Andrew thought about Ida and doors, why should he when doors were there. But for Ida doors were not there if they had been she would not have been. How can you rest if there are doors. And resting is a pleasant thing.

  So life went on little by little for Ida and Andrew.

  It all did seem just the same but all the same it was not just the same. How could anybody know, nobody could know but there it was. Well no there it wasn’t.

  Ida began talking.

  She never began but sometimes she was talking, she did not understand so she said, she did not sit down so she said, she did not stand up so she said, she did not go out or come in, so she said. And it was all true enough.

  This was Ida

  Dear Ida.

  Ida was good friends with all her husbands, she was always good friends with all her husbands.

  She always remembered that the first real hat she ever had was a turban made of pansies. The second real hat she ever had was a turban made of poppies.

  For which she was interested in pansies and gradually she was not. She had liked pansies and heliotrope, then she liked wild flowers, then she liked tube-roses, then she liked orchids and then she was not interested in flowers.

  Of course she was not interested. Flowers should stay where they grow, there was no door for flowers to come through, they should stay where they grew. She was more interested in birds than in flowers but she was not really interested in birds.

  Anything that was given to her she thanked for she liked to thank, some people do not but she did and she liked to be thanked. Yes she said.

  She was careful to sit still when she thanked or was thanked, it is better so.

  Some people like to stand or to move when they thank or are thanked but not Ida, she was not really resting when she thanked or was thanked but she was sitting.

  Nobody knew what Ida was going to do although she always did the same thing in the same way, but still nobody knew what Ida was going to do or what she was going to say. She said yes. That is what Ida did say.

  Everybody knew that they would not forget Andrew but was it true.

  Not so sure.

  You did not have to be sure about any such thing as long as it was happening, which it was not.

  Andrew come in said Ida.

  Andrew was in.

  Andrew do not come in said Ida. Ida said Andrew is not coming in. Andrew came in.

  Andrew had not been b
rought up to come in but little by little he did come in he came in and when Ida said he is not to come in he came in. This was natural as he came to know Ida. Anybody came in who came to know Ida but Ida did not say come in. To Andrew she had said yes come in and Andrew had come in.

  It was not a natural life for Andrew this life of coming in and this was what had been happening to Andrew, he had commenced to come in and then he never did anything else, he always came in. He should have been doing something else but he did not he just came in.

  Little by little it happened that except that he took his walk in the afternoon he never did anything but come in. This little by little was everything Andrew did.

  Ida tried to stop, not anything but she tried to stop but how could she stop if she was resting how could she stop Andrew from coming in.

  And in this way it might happen to come to be true that anybody would forget Andrew.

  That would not happen little by little but it could come to be true.

  Even in a book they could be rude and forget Andrew but not now. Andrew said not now, and Ida said Andrew said not now and Ida said she said not now but really Ida did not say not now she just said no.

  Ida often sighed not very often but she did sigh and when somebody came in she said yes I always say yes, if you say no then you say no but if you say yes then you just say yes.

  This was very natural and Ida was very natural.

  So much happened but nothing happened to Ida.

  To have anything happen you have to choose and Ida never chose, how could she choose, you can choose hats and you can choose other things but that is not choosing. To choose, well to choose, Ida never chose.

  And then it looked as if it happened, and it did happen and it was happening and it went on happening. How excited, and Ida was excited and so was Andrew and his name might have been William.

  He had a great many names Andrew did and one of them was William but when he became Andrew the first he could not be William.

  Ida often wished gently that he had been William, it is easier to say William than Andrew and Ida had naturally to say a name. Every time Andrew came in or was there or was anywhere she had to say his name and if his name had been William she could have said it easier. But all the same it was easy enough to say Andrew and she said Andrew.