Beresford's Bride

by Way, Margaret

  “It’s a man’s world, Toni. I don’t have to caution you about that. The loneliness and isolation take their toll on women. Sooner or later many of them crack.”

  It was true. Marriages had suffered. Gone on the rocks. Her parents’ among them. It wasn’t enough to be in love. A station man spent a great deal of his time away from the homestead. The woman had to build a life for herself and her children. And when the children went away to boarding school? A woman’s vulnerability was always exposed. The love bonds were everything. Nevertheless, there were those who managed splendidly. Wives, mothers, helpmates, community leaders.

  She lifted her head. “You don’t seem to have these worries about Cate.”

  “Cate has found her perfect connection,” he said. “It has always been that way. In a sense Kerry needs Cate perhaps more than she needs him. Cate comes into the Earth Mother category.”

  “I agree. How do you see me?”

  He looked at her in her exquisite finery. “You’re closer to the stars than the earth. Hair like sunshine, eyes like the sky . The way you look today is an image I won’t ever forget.” It was said with such controlled passion, Toni felt the tears glitter in her eyes.

  “Why do you say such sweet things to me?” she asked in a soft, perplexed voice. “Why do you look at me the way you do? Why do you hold me like this?”

  “I told you. I haven’t the strength not to.”

  “But tomorrow will put a stop to it?”

  How could it? Every minute she was in his arms his desire for her was escalating. Soaring to an unbearable pitch. “Tomorrow might take us in different directions.”

  She gave a painful little intake of breath. “No, you’ll continue in the same old way. You’re afraid of losing yourself.”

  He didn’t hesitate with his response. “And you, Toni; are not afraid enough,” he said harshly.

  The revels went on into the early hours of the morning, long after the bridal couple had retired to the suite especially prepared for them. In the morning Byrne would fly them to a domestic terminal on the first leg of their honeymoon trip, which would take them first to the Great Barrier Reef to relax in the glorious sea and sun, then on to a whirlwind tour of southeast Asia with all its exotic delights, culminating in ten days on the island of Phuket. Three months in all. It was as long away from Nowra as Kerry felt comfortable with. During their absence the station foreman, Drew Hackett, a very capable man, would take over. Many of the guests were prepared to party until morning, when an early breakfast would be served for those who still had some room left for food.

  Toni retired around two o’clock, after kissing Zoe good-night. Zoe was still firmly anchored to her new soul mate, the distinguished gray-haired gentleman who turned out to be Cornelius Grant, one of Beresford Enterprises’ top executives. He had worked for the family for many years, which was why Toni had found his face familiar. Zoe seemed especially pleased to renew their acquaintance.

  Will it ever end? Toni thought. At least Cornelius Grant was free, a widower for some years. Zoe wouldn’t be outraging any wife.

  In her bedroom she took off her wonderful gown and laid it over the daybed, adjusting the folds of the billowing skirt. She didn’t just feel tired. She felt exhausted. Exhausted with emotion. How was she going to handle the rest of her days? How was she going to handle tomorrow ? A few of them were flying to the terminal to see Cate and Kerry off.

  In her nightdress and gown she wandered to the French doors, then went onto the veranda to look toward the stone complex, still brilliantly lit and still a hive of activity. Outback people had enormous energies. And how they loved big functions! It was perfectly understandable. They lived in such isolation, big gala occasions gave them an opportunity to let their hair down. These occasions were to be enjoyed to the hilt. Normally she would have been down there, too, but being so close yet so far away from Byrne was a torment. Her pride and her poise had been crumbling. She had been forced to retreat.

  The moon shone down on the station like a silver sun. It was so radiant, it lit up the dark shadows. The music poured from the hall, sweet soulful music that was part of the night. Romantic music to serenade the young lovers. Sweet as it was, it put her nerves on edge. At that moment she was in pain, her heart troubled. She had returned home heart whole. Now she had lost it. In all likelihood she would never get it back. She wasn’t Zoe. She was her father’s daughter. Her feelings went very deep.

  Another thirty minutes passed. She couldn’t sleep. Mind and heart were in chaos. Hadn’t he tried to warn her? Hadn’t he told her there was no sense in dreams? She had made such a fool of herself. She had declared her heart, and he had refused it. The humiliation seared.

  She leaped up in the darkness and shouldered into the jade silk robe Zoe had bought her. Maybe if she had the smallest nip of brandy it might help her sleep. Zoe often said a nip helped her. A few lights were left burning along the corridor to light the way for guests, but there was no one about. No sound within the great house. She would find what she was after in the library, a selection of spirits in crystal decanters. She was almost at the bottom of the staircase when her heart leaped into her throat like a fish from a stream.

  “Oh, Byrne,” she cried in excitement and anguish. “You startled me.”

  He looked at the young woman he held in his arms. “Ah, the sacrificial lamb,” he said with mordant wit. He knew that she had fled him. Sought refuge in the house. It aroused punishing torments. Beneath the silk robe was a mere slip of a nightgown, luminous against the creamy skin of her body. He wanted so desperately to peel it away from her. His hand moved delicately, caressingly over her rose-peaked breast. For once he had drunk too much, using alcohol as a shield against the force of emotion. “Why wouldn’t you stay at the reception?” he taunted her.

  Hardly breathing, she leaned into his body, allowing his hand to continue the open exploration of her too lightly clad body. This was a seduction impossible to resist The whole scene conspired against her, the night, the shadowy darkness, the sheer electric impact of contact with his body.

  “Well?” He tongued the silky whorls of her ear.

  “I was tired. It’s very late.” What were words?

  “You had to escape me.”

  “I don’t know that I have,” she said shakily.

  “I don’t know that you could. Why are you wandering the house in little more than a silk veil?”

  “I couldn’t sleep, Byrne. That’s the truth.”

  “So what were you after?” His mouth trailed her arched throat.

  “Lord, I don’t know.” She swallowed hard against a wild surge of sensation, like surf in her ears. “A brandy, maybe.”

  “Brandy’s not the answer,” he said with deep certainty. “Take it from me.”

  He was, he knew, on the verge of giving way to his driving desires. At other times, all other times, he could have kept some control, but coming on her like this was too much. His senses were satiated with her. The sight and the scent. What was he supposed to be made of, granite? Years of self-discipline, striving to expand his self-reliance crumbled as a traitorous recklessness stole into his blood. The night was infinitely accommodating. The party would go on for all hours. He had excused himself by saying he was piloting Kerry and Cate in the morning. He had no plan to seek out Antoinette. He knew beyond doubt what that would mean, yet here she was in the most ravishing way imaginable. Waiting for him. Not consciously, maybe, but with the same wild longing fermenting in her blood. She wasn’t even breathing on her own. She was breathing with him, staring at him through a shimmery sheen of tears.

  It cut him to the heart, but it was too late. She wasn’t going anywhere but to his bed. Nothing could protect her now. Certainly not him. It was the first real breakdown of his life.

  He set her on his bed in the huge, .moon-drenched room. It accepted her presence as totally as it accepted his. He seemed to be fighting for breath. He went to the heavy cedar door and turned the lock.

&nb
sp; “You want me to make love to you, don’t you?” His voice was so far from normal he scarcely recognised it. Gone was the hard control, the prized detachment. Yet if she sounded the least bit frightened or panicked, all the fire inside him would die.

  Instead she lifted herself from the bed, wonderful shining hair spilling over her shoulders, arm outstretched. “You know I do,” she said, unable,unwilling to suppress all the love that was in her.

  A great weight lifted from him. In its place came exaltation. What life would be like married to this beautiful creature! To have that slender lovely body all the nights of his life. To give in to this wild craving.

  “Byrne,” she whispered when he lowered his lean, powerful body over hers. “Love me.”

  It was an appeal as old and poignant as time.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  TONI had no clear recollection of seeing Cate and Kerry off. She was transfixed by the hours of ecstasy she had shared with Byrne. No experience of her life could ever surpass it, even then not fully realising Byrne’s indomitable passion for her. He had taken her, body and soul, searing into her the print of his flesh. It was rapture that left her consumed, dissolved in tears he had kissed away.

  “Hush, my little love,” he had whispered, “steady,” while her body, made perfect by his passion, trembled violently in the exquisite aftermath.

  She awoke cradled in his arms and he took her again, breaking her heart. This was love. She didn’t need to speak it, though he had crooned to her, murmured to her, cuddled her close to him for a long, long time. He had taken her to her room, knowing she was still lost in the dream they had shared.

  They saw no one. Breakfast was already being served to the revellers who had partied the night through. In another hour the sun would climb right up into the sky. Another day would begin. Another day. When she felt herself changed forever.

  Zoe, who had behaved marvellously well, sweet and gracious to everyone present, mercifully withholding her great talent for flirtation, decided almost immediately she wanted to return to Paris.

  “You promised me you’d come back with me, darling.” Zoe looked at her daughter uncertainly. “What’s the matter with you, anyway? You seem in a daze. That’s not like you at all.”

  Toni felt the traitorous blood rush to her face.

  “Oh, Lord!” Zoe stopped her packing and sank onto the bed. “It’s Byrne, isn’t it? You slept with him.”

  “That’s my business, Mamma.”

  “Don’t be too sure. You chase enough of my admirers off.” Zoe leaned over and took her daughter’s hand. “How was it?”

  “Mamma.” Toni started to protest again.

  “All right, I know.” Zoe laughed. “It’s written all over you. Sensational. So what happens now?”

  “I have absolutely no idea. He hasn’t offered to marry me, if that’s what you’re expecting.”

  Zoe went back to her folding. “Then what exactly does he think he’s doing, trying to break my little girl’s heart?”

  Toni pressed into the cushioned armchair. “It was perfect, Mamma. He’s perfect,” she said softly.

  Zoe smiled a little sadly. “I could have guessed that. You’d better come to Paris with me. We’ll settle our affairs. It will give you both a breathing space. Byrne plays his hand pretty close to his chest, but even he can’t hide the fact he’s fallen head over heels in love with you. I’d say you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him. He needs your special sweetness in his life. Your kind of loving.”

  “Tell him, Mamma.” Toni had to laugh.

  “No, darling, it’s true. You’ve sustained me through thick and thin. You worked so hard to look after me and my interests. No one, not even your father, showed such concern. It’s been wonderful, my reconciliation with Kerry. He and Cate went off so happy. I love him dearly, but I can’t pretend you’re not my favourite child. You accept me completely whatever I am.”

  Some note in her mother’s voice, some bleak recognition of failure, got Toni to her feet. She disengaged herself from the pile of cushions, went over to Zoe and kissed her. “You’re my mother. One word, but it describes all the love in the world.”

  A day later, when Byrne flew the helicopter to Nowra, Zoe gave them privacy, explaining she had packing. “I’ll be back in half an hour or so.” She smiled at Byrne charmingly. “We’ll have coffee.” They were alone, but Toni found it difficult to speak. She could not dismiss the memory of those hours together. It seemed to hold her and her tongue captive.

  “So what have you decided to do?” Byrne asked finally, his eyes on her dreamy flushed face. She wore her beauty so carelessly because it was all so natural. No makeup on her flawless skin. A light gloss of lipstick, her beautiful hair pulled into a tight ballerina-like topknot. A blue tank top like a second skin, white linen shorts that showcased her long, golden legs. He almost contemplated picking her up, bundling her into the helicopter and flying away. Somewhere with a white beach, turquoise surf, swaying palms. Somewhere no one could hunt him down. Where he didn’t have to make decisions at every turn. Where he could close a door. Concentrate on Antoinette. Make passionate love to her.

  “Zoe wants me to go to Paris with her. Finalise our affairs,” Toni said, watching a flight of white corellas settle in the trees.

  “She intends to return then?”

  “She’s ready to leave Europe,” Toni said, happy about the decision. “She thinks she might buy a smart harbourside apartment in Sydney.”

  “She’ll be paying a fortune.” Byrne’s tone was dry.

  “Claude was very good to her.”

  “In turn, she’s been good to you and Kerry.” He nodded.

  “Everything has worked out well,” Toni said with satisfaction.

  “And you had nothing to do with it?”

  “I suggested solutions.” She looked at his beloved face, looked away.

  “How?”

  Tears sprang into her eyes. “Tell me you love me.”

  He reached for her hand, lifted it, kissed. “Don’t look like that, Toni.”

  “Is it better if I smile?”

  “Your tears bring me undone,” he responded almost crisply. “We’re not on our own, though Zoe has been very diplomatic leaving us alone.”

  “I can’t forget the other night.” Her face took on a look of soft wonder.

  “Tell me you’ll never regret it.”

  “Regret it,” she repeated incredulously. She shook her head as though the remembrance was too great. “I do love you, Byrne.”

  “And you’ll never love anyone else?” he asked, voice light, eyes intense.

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “Never?” he persisted. “Because I’d never let you go. You with the huge violet eyes looking at me so desperately. Don’t you know it was the same for me?”

  She looked away, remembering the things he had said to her. “Yes,” she whispered.

  They were silent for a while, emotion a deep undercurrent.

  “It might seem very hard, but I’d like you to go with Zoe. Do what you have to do. Get your bearings. When you’re ready, come home,” Byrne said finally, as though making up his mind.

  It was shocking. Nothing like she had been expecting “Then you’re letting me go.”

  “Giving you a free rein is central to everything.”

  It was astounding, the ease with which passion could turn to anger. “Obviously it’s better for you if I go away?” She didn’t know how to channel all the tumultuous emotion their coming together had undammed.

  “No, I don’t like it at all,” he replied bluntly, “but you’ll think better.”

  “What about?” She shivered at the dazzling sparkle in his eyes. “I need no time to think.”

  He studied her highly expressive young face. “You do. Just for a little while. There’s been an excess of emotion all these weeks. The wedding has been a tremendous stimulant. We both know that. I want you to come down to earth for a little while.”


  “You don’t trust my love for you? Is that it? You don’t trust anyone, Byrne.”

  “You’re not fully understanding my line of reasoning. You know so much, but you’ve got much to learn. Don’t make it hard for us both. This is a short separation so you can get a true understanding of your feelings.”

  “You mean a perspective of love?” She gave a brittle laugh.

  “Look at you,” he said gently. “You know you’re emotional.”

  “Why wouldn’t I be, after what happened?” Her anger abated as quickly as it had begun. She clasped her hands, folded them neatly in her lap. “Shall we have coffee?” she suggested, too brightly. “I’ve even made a chocolate cake.”

  “Then I must have it.”

  Toni sprang gracefully to her feet. “It’s so pleasant when people drop in.”

  Even love has its sharp edges.

  Byrne never did call from Australia. He wrote. Long, newsy letters growing in size. She couldn’t pretend they were love letters, yet they had such a sense of immediacy she felt he was in the room with her. As well as keeping her up to date on what was happening at home, he gave her plenty of advice. All excellent big-brother stuff. In fact, the sort of thing she had once longed for from Kerry but never got. If she didn’t know better she would have thought that unforgettable night they shared was pure fantasy. Fantasy bred of playing with fire. Sometimes at night slow tears of frustration rolled down her cheeks. Missing Byrne was an agony.

  It took Zoe a lot longer than expected to say goodbye to her friends, sell the apartment and finalize her affairs. When they were deciding on dates to return to Australia Claude suffered a mild heart attack. Since the breaking up of their marriage Claude had returned to his wonderful sixteenth-century manor house in the Loire Valley, but he and Zoe were constantly in touch. Now that they had gone their separate ways they were friendlier than ever. Claude, twenty years Zoe’s senior, was genuinely fond of her, but he hadn’t been able to keep pace with her abundant energy and sexual demands. Now that he didn’t have to, all the tensions had eased. At the news Zoe immediately packed a bag to go to him. “Are you sure you won’t come with me, darling?” she implored. “Claude is so fond of you. I’m sure he’s going to leave you something in his will.”