Husband Hunting 101

by Rita Herron

  "Really?" Zack arched an eyebrow, ducking to avoid a low branch as they slipped down a path through the woods.

  "Yes, really," Mark scoffed.

  "She didn't use hypnosis or drugs?"

  "Very funny," Mark said sarcastically. "It wasn't just for great sex either. Of course, now those handcuffs—"

  Zack groaned. "Don't make me sick with that nonsense about how great sex is with one partner and how nice it is to wake up to the same woman day after day. I'm not buying it."

  Mark chuckled, his breathing even as he hurtled over a rock. "Okay, but one day when you're old and alone—"

  "Who says I'll be alone?" Zack asked in a shocked tone.

  Mark raised his hands in surrender. "All right. You're a stud for life." He grabbed his stomach and made a face. "And now we're changing the subject before I barf from your cynicism. Are you going to do the ad for Jenna's store?"

  "I guess so." Zack shot Mark a sideways glance. "I told her I'd make some sketches and see what she thinks."

  "Listen, bro, I recommended you because I knew you needed the business." Mark pumped his arms vigorously. "But, you'd better not blow it. Remember, Jenna's a nice girl."

  "So you keep telling me." Zack's jaw snapped tight. "Tell me why you're so protective of her, Mark. You just married someone else."

  Anger flashed into Mark's eyes. "I know that, and it's nothing personal, at least not the way you're thinking. But I know you, bro—you like women, and Jenna seems sort of... innocent."

  "Innocent?" Zack sighed, increasing his pace as the last bit of sunlight slid behind a dark cloud. "The lady sells naughty lingerie and you think she's innocent."

  Mark glared at him, then wiped his forehead with a handkerchief. "I didn't mean she was totally innocent. But she's nice and sincere, a hard worker, not your typical party animal, one-night-stand girl."

  "So, you're saying the only kind of girls I date are wild with no morals?"

  Mark shrugged, slowing and bending over with his hands on his knees in order to catch his breath. "What's wrong with you today? You're not usually such a grouch."

  "I just don't like your insinuations," Zack said snapped.

  "Well, you don't have to get so touchy—it's just there are plenty of girls out there you can have a fling with. You don't need to mess with Jenna."

  Zack paused, jogging in place. Two cute girls wearing skin-tight running shorts and sports bras ran past and gave him a flirtatious smile, but he barely acknowledged them as he considered Mark's comment. He had no idea why his brother's warnings about Jenna irked him so much, but they did. "What makes you think I'm such a bad guy, Mark?"

  "I don't." Mark shook his head. "But I know your attitude toward marriage, and I've been working on Jenna's accounts long enough to know she's not your type. Besides, Colleen likes her and wants to fix her up with one of her friends."

  "So, tell her to fix her up," Zack snarled. "I certainly won't stand in the way. I'm simply doing business with her." He picked up his pace, speeding ahead of Mark and following after the two women in spandex, wondering to himself why he'd gotten so defensive over a woman he barely knew.

  Let Jenna marry one of Colleen's boring friends or some bozo in her husband hunting class. What did he care?

  He didn't need or want a woman complicating his life, especially one hell-bent on marriage.

  * * *

  Assignment one—accept a date with someone new.

  Jenna groaned. She'd definitely made a mistake in accepting a date with the first guy who called from her class. If her evening was any indication of how her husband hunting was going to be, she was doomed.

  "William, I think I need to sit down," Jenna said.

  William Foster was a nice man—sort of.

  She'd definitely made a snap judgment when she'd met him in class though. Serious and intelligent had been her first thoughts. Her opinion had drastically changed in the last hour.

  Instead of Wise William, he should have called himself Weird William.

  "Oh, let's go a couple more rounds, baby," William crooned into her ear.

  He propelled her around and around on the dance floor until Jenna felt dizzy. She'd never gotten motion sick from dancing before, but the only thing William knew how to do was turn.

  Turn and turn and turn.

  Ouch. She bit back a retort for the umpteenth time as he stomped on her toe and continued dancing. The man had no sense of balance and personal space. He'd been invading hers all night.

  Ouch, again. Jenna squeezed William's sweaty palm and tried not to inhale the odor of his aftershave as he twirled her in a series of spins, caught her, and swung her under his arm. Normally, she liked men's cologne, but William's... it smelled rancid, like wine that had fermented too long.

  Ouch, ouch, ouch.

  "I have to sit down," Jenna said again, panting for a breath. She could already feel her feet swelling inside her black heels. If she didn't take them off soon, she'd have to peel them off.

  Thank goodness she'd adjusted the volume on her hearing aid and had drowned out some of the loud music—and William's snorting laugh.

  "Are you sure you want to sit? They're starting a Beatles medley," William said. "Maybe they'll play a romantic slow song."

  Oh, God no.

  "I'm sure." The thought of being pressed up against William during a slow melody was not a pleasant thought. His bony ribs had already poked her through his sweaty shirt.

  Jenna led the way back to the table. "I'm out of shape."

  He wiggled his eyebrows. "You look like you're in great shape to me."

  Jenna ignored the glint in his dark-gray eyes and contemplated ordering a pitcher of ice water. She was strongly considering dumping it on William's head.

  Or in his lap.

  "I can't remember when I've had so much fun." William took a sip of his fuzzy navel.

  Jenna's stomach knotted as she studied his long, narrow face. His high cheekbones made his face look gaunt and his long nose and pointed chin reminded her of a woodpecker. At first she'd thought him fairly attractive, but upon closer inspection, she decided his children would come out either looking like a scarecrow or The Roadrunner.

  "Did you enjoy your dinner?" William asked.

  "Yes." She glanced at William's plate. Spotless. It looked as if he'd licked it clean. Maybe he had when she'd gone to the ladies' room. "Looks like you did, too."

  "I always like pasta. It's meat I can't handle." He wrinkled his nose. "Especially fowl."

  "Really? Are you allergic?" A barrage of excuses to leave screamed through her brain, and she tried to sneak a peek at her watch without drawing attention.

  William shook his head. Still, his perfectly groomed, lacquered dark hair didn't move a smidgen. "I haven't eaten chicken since my mother died."

  "Oh, I'm sorry about your mom. Did she just recently pass away?"

  William sniffled, and Jenna stiffened. Please, Lord. Was he going to start crying?

  "No. I was twelve, but she'll always be with me." William dabbed at his eyes with his napkin.

  "I understand. I don't know what I'd do without my family," Jenna said softly. "Even though they live in Raleigh, I still talk to them all the time. And we skype on Sundays."

  William leaned over the table and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Actually she still lives with me."

  Jenna cleared her throat. "She does?"

  "Yes, at my house."

  Jenna squinted in confusion. He didn't keep her body there, did he? Maybe she'd been cremated and he stored her ashes in an urn. "I thought you said she passed away."

  Nodding again, William smiled, revealing a set of perfectly straight teeth. "She does. She's been reincarnated." He folded the napkin into a neat square. "She came back as a parrot. When I heard this bird talk in the store one day, I recognized my mother's voice. She said, 'Pick up your smelly socks, pick up your smelly socks.' I brought her home that day."

  Jenna clutched her stomach and picked up her handbag
. "William, I'm sorry but I'm suddenly not feeling well. I need to go home." I have been for hours.

  William threaded his fingers through hers. "That sounds like a good plan to me. It'll be more, um... private."

  A shudder coursed through her. Weird William was one man she didn't want to spend another minute with, much less the rest of her life. He also reminded her of the reason she didn't date often. Too many weirdos out there.

  As he walked her to her car, he continued to babble, "When I first saw you, I knew we were meant to be together. Soulmates. I told Mama that." He leaned against her car. "I could follow you home, come in, and rid your apartment of all its negative energy. I'll cast out any evil demons you have, too."

  "That's necessary," Jenna said. The only evil thing she wanted to cast aside was the lecherous look William kept giving her.

  He motioned over his shoulder toward his black Saturn. "It's no problem. I have everything I need in the trunk. Sage. A few other spices. A little dish and matches. It'll only take a few minutes."

  "I think you'd better just go back to your apartment," Jenna suggested. "Like I said, I'm not feeling too well. I'd hate if I was contagious."

  William gave her a puzzled look. "But what about our karma? The moon is full."

  "Tonight's not a good night." Jenna patted his hand like she would a child's, then jumped into her car and cranked the engine.

  "But, Jenna, wait—"

  "I can't," Jenna shouted over the purr of the motor, not caring that her exhaust pipe blew a gust of smoke in his face. "I have to go home and wash my hair."

  * * *

  Zack stared at his blank sketchbook and twirled his pencil around his fingers like a baton. He should be drawing sketches for Jenna's ad. The only problem was, he'd called earlier and some woman named Angel had told him Jenna had left early for her date. Ever since then, he hadn't been able to get the beautiful shop owner out of his mind. His brother's comment about Jenna being innocent taunted him... what if the guy was some pushy jerk?

  Calm down. The woman can take care of herself.

  He glanced down, grimacing at his lack of creativity. This job was different from his other projects. Maybe that was the problem. A man's idea of what to draw about a lingerie shop was probably different than a woman's.

  Hell, he'd just draw a woman wearing one of the sexy lace pieces Jenna carried in the shop, put it in the ad, and male customers would come running.

  But he sensed that wasn't what Jenna had envisioned.

  His other jobs had never stumped him. Of course, he'd designed ads for a toy company, a tire store, and a landscaping service, but nothing like Love 'N Lace. He'd once written a popular ad for a hardware store—Just Check Out Our Tool Box. He'd included a sketch of a blue-collar construction worker wearing nothing but jeans and a hard hat. He'd been told women had flocked to the store, bought all the toolboxes in stock, and begged to meet the toolman in person.

  Frustrated, he went to the refrigerator, grabbed a beer and glanced at the clock. It was only ten-thirty. If Jenna were home, he could call and pick her brain about the ad. She'd been too busy in the store to really explain what she wanted. He could see if she had anything specific in mind.

  Besides, he couldn't concentrate on work. Not on Saturday night. Not when Jenna was on a date.

  Had his brother and his new wife fixed her up with a friend?

  Or was she completing her first homework assignment? Just what did that class suggest she do to find a husband?

  Erotic images flooded him, spiking his anxiety.

  If having a date was an assignment, what would the instructor require the students to do for the final exam? Get married in class? Did Jenna even know the man she'd gone out with or was this one of those blind dates the teacher arranged?

  He glanced at his cell phone again. Shoot, it was work. He had a reason to call. He removed Jenna's business card and studied the address.

  But if he called, then she'd know he didn't have a date for Saturday night.

  He picked up the phone. Even if he called, she might not be home. At least if she was with him, she wouldn't.

  What if the guy was at her house? Trying to weasel his way into her bed?

  He dropped the phone in his lap and sipped his beer while he contemplated what to do. She knew he'd just broken up with Simone. She wouldn't be too surprised that he hadn't been out partying. He'd call her. Tell her he'd stayed home because he was so focused on her project.

  It really wasn't any of her business if he dated anyway.

  By the same token, it certainly wasn't any of his business who she went out with on Saturday night. Hell, he didn't care if the woman got married. He barely knew her.

  Disgusted with himself, he picked up the phone again and punched in her number. He'd never in his entire life been this anxious about calling a woman. He felt like a silly, pimpled-faced teenager calling the prom queen for a date. Only this wasn't a date. And he'd keep the conversation strictly business.

  Jenna answered on the second ring. "Hello?"

  "Jenna?"

  "Zack?"

  His heart swelled ridiculously when he realized she recognized his voice. "Yeah, are you busy?"

  Jenna's quiet laughter drifted over the line, wrapping itself around him like soft music. "Well, not exactly."

  "I'm not calling at a bad time, am I?"

  "Oh, no, it's fine."

  "You don't have company?" Zack rubbed his hand over his face, hoping she didn't have her date in bed.

  Business, man, just business. He wouldn't even waste time with getting-to-know-you chit-chat. He'd simply ask about the campaign.

  "No." Jenna sighed. "I did have a date but I was so tired from all the dancing I came home early."

  He heard something in the background that sounded like water running. Then Jenna practically purred into the phone. "Mmmm."

  "Jenna?" Zack tensed at the husky sound of her voice. "What are you doing?"

  A low moan echoed over the phone. "I'm taking a bubble bath. My feet were killing me." She sighed again. "The warm water feels heavenly."

  "So was this the guy?" he asked, hoping to distract himself from the titillating image of Jenna in the tub. Naked and sexy...

  "What guy?"

  "You know, the guy—the one you're going to marry? Did you find him in that husband hunting class you're taking?"

  "Yes, he was in my class." Jenna gave a wry laugh. "But he's definitely not the one. He's missing some important gray matter in his brain."

  Zack chuckled, his curiosity piqued. "Well, you should be careful going out with strange guys, anything could happen—"

  "Zack, did you call to give me advice on my love life? Because if you did, I don't think it's appropriate."

  "I just thought you should know how guys are—"

  "I know how guys are," Jenna cut in a little stiffly. "Besides, you and I have a business arrangement, nothing more."

  Right, nothing more. "I'm sorry, you're right."

  "So, why did you call?" Jenna asked.

  The sound of a soft splash echoed over the line and unbidden images of Jenna naked, immersed in a sea of bubbles taunted him, making his body harden. "I thought you might want to bounce some ideas off of me for the ad," he said in a husky voice.

  "Sure. I'm envisioning something romantic, tasteful but sensual."

  Zack picked up his sketch pad. Dammit, her voice was sensual.

  "Something that will appeal to both men and women," Jenna said softly. "Maybe we can use some of the items in the shop to create a romantic setting."

  Suddenly his brain swirled with images and his pencil flew, filling up the page with beautiful, erotic pictures of Jenna. Jenna, naked, soft bubbles dotting her delicate skin, Jenna's green eyes sparkling with passion as he poured the champagne gel all over her skin. Jenna wearing the black lacy bodystocking...

  Of course, nothing he drew could be used in the ad.

  "I have a nice line of men's lounging wear," Jenna continued. "
Women are always hunting for gifts for that special man in their life. And men forget that women are turned on by seeing a man in sexy sleepwear."

  Zack's pencil stilled. More water splashed gently in the background. What exactly turned Jenna on?

  "That's the reason I carry such a variety of men's silk boxers and underwear," Jenna continued, oblivious to the fact that she was torturing him. "Women love the feel of silk and satin. Most of my female clients complain that the men they date still wear those boring white jockeys."

  Zack glanced down at his pants, thought of his own white briefs and considered buying for some silk boxers. Something that would turn Jenna on...

  Instead, he instinctively hiked up his pants a notch as if Jenna could see through the telephone.

  "What seems to be your best seller for men?" he asked, determined to steer his mind back to business.

  Jenna laughed softly. "I can't really describe it over the phone. Next time you come into the shop, I'll have to give you a freebie. It's called the Bee-Stinger."

  Chapter 3

  The Bee-Stinger?

  Three days later, Zack still couldn't erase that suggestive piece of underwear from his mind.

  Finally he decided he'd have to give in to his curiosity and stop by Jenna's shop to see for himself. His imagination had gone wild every time he thought about her bestseller for men, and his pencil had already concocted several different versions of the naughty underwear. Perhaps he should purchase a pair just in case...

  One of his clients, Gordon Plum of Plum Chewing Gum, strode in his office without knocking and settled his bulky body at the round table in the corner of Zack's office. Zack had already laid out his preliminary sketches for the man's account.

  As usual, Plum didn't waste time with small talk. "I need a few minutes to look these over."

  Zack nodded. "Take your time." He gave him a few minutes to study the ideas then joined him at the table. It was a pretty big account, and he needed the business.

  "I thought these might appeal to kids." Zack pointed to a series of drawings and the slogan he'd written in bold letters above it. Plum's Gum Sticks With You All Day Long. "We can use the same slogan for the children's and adult ads."