God Don't Make No Mistakes

by Mary Monroe

  “Go to the pharmacy and get what you need yourself!” Rhoda snapped.

  Jade gasped. She rotated her neck and looked at Rhoda like she had just sprouted a beard. “What? I can’t be going to the drug store and standing in those long lines in my condition,” she pouted. “You know what a hard time I’m having with this damn urinary thing. Running to the john every ten or fifteen minutes and dripping puddles here and there. What’s wrong with you? I am not going to go out in public and put myself through that.”

  “But you can get dressed to go out and hang with your friends—in public?” Rhoda asked.

  “Going out to hang with my friends and standing in line at the pharmacy for God knows how long are two different things! You know that!” Jade rolled her eyes and gave her mother a hot, impatient look. Then she plopped down onto the chair facing the couch like she was Queen Elizabeth plopping down on her throne. “Well? Why are you two still just standing here looking at me? Get outta my face.” Then she laughed. “Oh, Mama. You know I don’t mean any harm when I get like this.” Jade made a dismissive gesture with her hand before she began to fiddle with the strap on one of her stilettos, like everything was back to normal now. She had no idea how wrong she was.

  Rhoda moved closer to where I stood by the door, still holding the tray with our drinks in my trembling hands. My hands were not shaking because I was afraid of Jade. They were shaking because I was afraid for her.

  I set the tray on the coffee table as fast as I could because I was afraid that I was going to drop it.

  “Jade, I thought I told you to collect your shit and get the hell up out of my house,” Rhoda said as she plucked one of the glasses off the tray and immediately raised it to her lips. I had a feeling that she was going to need more than one drink.

  Jade’s face froze for a few seconds. She gave Rhoda another hot, impatient look. Then her lips curled up at each end. For a split second, I thought she was going to laugh. But that impatient look returned to her face a split second later. “Mama, you can’t be serious. This is my home,” she said, her voice trembling. For the first time since I’d come back to the house, Jade looked truly worried. What I couldn’t understand was how this girl had lived with Rhoda for her entire life and not known that Rhoda was nobody to mess with.

  “Correction. This is my home. When you start payin’ rent and some of the bills around here, and respect my rules, then you can call this your home again, girl. Until then, it’s mine and I want you out of it RIGHT NOW!”

  Jade turned to me with a desperate look on her face. I was surprised to see that she had tears in her eyes. “Fuck you, BITCH!” Jade hissed, looking at Rhoda with so much hostility in those same tear-filled eyes I had to blink to make sure my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Without saying another word, she snatched open the living room door and ran out like the house was on fire.

  Rhoda and I remained silent until we could no longer hear the clip-clop of Jade’s heels on the cement walkway leading from Rhoda’s front porch. My eyes remained on Rhoda. Her eyes remained on the door as she raised the shot glass to her lips again.

  “Well, now! I guess she told us,” I mumbled. My lame attempt to make light of the situation didn’t amuse Rhoda. I walked over to her and gently rubbed her shoulder. Then I led her to the couch and we both sat down. “I had no idea that Jade had so much anger in her toward you. I know you better than your own mama knows you. I know you were, and still are, a good mother to that girl. These kids nowadays will take you to the river if you let them!”

  “We were not angels when we were kids,” Rhoda said with a weak, dry chuckle.

  “Not even,” I agreed. “And I hope it doesn’t sound like I am trivializing the things we did, but there was never a time in my young years that I spoke to my mama the way your daughter just spoke to you. I feel sorry for the parents of the next generation. I don’t know what we parents today can do to make our kids behave better.”

  “I do.” There was a cold look on Rhoda’s face, like her eyes had turned into ice cubes. She began to speak in a slow, mechanical manner that was as cold as the look in her eyes. “Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and fight fire with fire.”

  It was an ominous comment, even coming from a woman with Rhoda’s history of homicide. I didn’t know what she meant by it, and I didn’t want to know. But I had a feeling that it was nothing positive.

  “You want to stay for dinner?” Rhoda asked.

  “I wish I could, but I need to spend some time with Lillimae so I can figure out what her plans are. Muh’Dear has made it clear that she doesn’t want her in the house too much longer.”

  I didn’t like the icy look that was still on Rhoda’s face. And I was still wondering about the comment that she’d just made about fighting fire with fire.

  Suddenly I became concerned about leaving Rhoda alone. She was in a lot of emotional pain. I couldn’t imagine what it was going to be like between her and Jade now. I knew that if my daughter ever talked to me the way that Jade had talked to Rhoda, I’d put something on her that a witch doctor couldn’t take off.

  “Could you stay a little longer?” Rhoda asked, rising. She finished her drink and set the glass on the coffee table. “There is somethin’ I need to do and I want you to be my witness....”

  CHAPTER 24

  “RHODA, DON’T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD COOL OFF AND THEN decide what you want to do next?” I asked. We were in Jade’s lavishly decorated room across the hall from the master bedroom. It had been years since I’d been in Jade’s room. Back then it had looked like any other young girl’s room.

  Rhoda’s house was spectacular anyway, inside and out. But it was obvious that more time, effort, and money had been spent on Jade’s room than any other room in the house. This girl had the nerve to have a canopied bed, antique tables, an old-fashioned chifforobe that must have cost a fortune, and flowered wallpaper. It looked like something from a scene in Gone with the Wind.

  “I’ve cooled off as much as I’m goin’ to,” Rhoda told me, glancing at me over her shoulder as she snatched one expensive-looking frock after another from Jade’s walk-in closet. She had already filled six large moving boxes with some of Jade’s belongings. I had helped her set those boxes on the front porch.

  “She’s going to be totally pissed off when she comes back and sees what you, uh, what we’ve done,” I warned, my voice cracking. It was too late for me to turn back now. I felt like this was as much my mess as it was Rhoda’s. “She’s probably off somewhere now feeling bad about what she said to you. You know she didn’t mean any of that shit about hating you. I am sure that she was talking off the top of her head the way a lot of young people do.”

  “Don’t make excuses for Jade. I did that long enough before I finally admitted to myself just how bad my child really is,” Rhoda snapped.

  “True, but I still don’t think she really meant everything she said.”

  “It doesn’t matter now,” Rhoda sighed, looking around the room. “That’s all of her shit. The furniture, the bedding, and everything else in this room stays here for now. Aunt Lola might be comin’ up from Alabama for a visit soon, and this is the kind of garish shit she likes too.”

  “But Jade has no place else to go. She has no job or any money of her own,” I pointed out.

  “That’s her problem. Now she’ll find out who her real friends are. Come on. Let’s finish up here.”

  “I guess she’ll fall back on all of those credit cards she has,” I said. “And all of those belong to you too.” That was one thing that I did not have to remind Rhoda of. She was already ahead of me.

  “I cancelled every single one of them while I was waitin’ for you to get here,” Rhoda quipped. There was a wicked gleam in her eyes and a mysterious smile on her lips.

  Just as Rhoda and I were setting the last of the boxes onto the front porch, a shiny black SUV rolled up and stopped in front of the house. I couldn’t see the driver, but Jade was in the front passenger seat. She jumped ou
t of the vehicle as soon as she saw Rhoda and me on the porch standing next to boxes piled up on both sides of the porch and on the patio.

  “What the hell are you two up to now?” Jade asked in a casual voice, running up the walkway. You would have thought that the earlier events had been a tea party. Her eyes got wide as she looked at the boxes. “Mama, I ... I hope you’re not moving out! You know I didn’t mean those things I said! You don’t have to move! This is your house!” Jade hollered. She attempted to wrap her arms around Rhoda’s waist. Rhoda slapped her hands away and backed out of her reach.

  “I am not goin’ anywhere, but you are,” Rhoda said firmly. “You’re leavin’ this house today. I am kickin’ your useless ass out. I’m glad you brought some help with you.” Rhoda nodded toward the van.

  Jade gasped as she leaned down and lifted the lid off one of the boxes. “What—this is my stuff! You can’t do this to me, Mama!”

  “Correction! I can, and I did. If you don’t move your shit off this porch today, I will throw it and you into the street,” Rhoda threatened.

  “I don’t believe this!” Jade shouted, holding up one of her see-through negligees. “What the hell are you doing, Mama?”

  “What the hell am I doin’? Are you deaf too? Didn’t I just tell you that I am kickin’ your ass out of my house, that’s what I’m doin,” Rhoda explained. “I’ll be nice and give you the rest of today to move your things off this porch. Anything that you don’t take with you today, I will have Goodwill come pick up tomorrow. Now get busy before I change my mind and call Goodwill today.”

  Jade’s jaw dropped as she stood up. Tears and snot were streaming down the sides of her stunned face. I was not surprised to see a big round wet spot in the crotch of her jeans. Even before she had contracted that urinary tract infection, she had problems controlling her bladder. She had peed on herself on her wedding day when her fiancé jilted her, soiling her very expensive wedding gown.

  I was standing several feet away from Jade, but I could still smell alcohol on her breath. Her eyes had looked mean enough a couple of hours earlier when she’d run out of the house, but now they were bloodshot and puffy.

  “Mama, please don’t do this to me,” Jade begged. “I ... I don’t have any money, or anywhere to go. Give me a chance to make some plans.”

  “You’ve had more chances than you deserve,” Rhoda insisted. “I don’t want you in my house another day.”

  “All right! I apologize! I’m sorry for the things I said! Happy?” Jade’s lips curled up into a shark-like grin. “Now, let’s get these boxes back into the house and forget all this foolishness.” She let out a loud breath and gave Rhoda a pleading look. It was so pathetic to see somebody as abrasive as she was suddenly cowering like a scared rabbit. “Oops! I need to get to the bathroom again.”

  When Jade attempted to enter the house, Rhoda blocked the door.

  This infuriated Jade. “Mama, what ... what’s up? I said I was sorry! What more do you want me to do?”

  “I want you out of my house, Jade,” Rhoda said, looking Jade straight in the eyes.

  Jade looked at me with her mouth hanging open. “Annette, can’t you talk to her?”

  I shook my head. “Not this time, baby girl.”

  Jade whirled around to face Rhoda. “You miserable old witch! My own mother throwing me out into the street like I’m a common bitch.” The words spewed out of her mouth like vomit.

  “Like a common bitch? That’s exactly what you have become, Jade. This house is only big enough for one bitch, and that’s me. Now you get the hell out of my sight while you still can,” Rhoda advised.

  I could not see this situation getting any uglier.

  But it did.

  “Okay! That’s it! I’m tired of this shit—going ’round in circles with you! If you want to treat me like I’m just another rank stranger off the street, I can treat you the same way. I’ll whup the dog shit—” Jade raised her hand and slapped Rhoda across the face. I was stunned, but Rhoda didn’t even flinch. She grabbed Jade’s wrist and twisted her arm back behind her. Words could not describe the look on Jade’s face this time.

  I almost fainted when I saw what Rhoda did next. She reared back on her legs and lifted her hand. She slapped Jade so hard across her left cheek that she left a complete handprint! Jade’s complexion was as dark as mine and Rhoda’s, so for a handprint to bloom on her face, Rhoda had to have delivered a blow that probably would have brought Muhammad Ali to his knees.

  The sound that came out of Jade’s mouth was not human. She sounded like a dying animal. “Eeeeeeyooow!” She began to rub her face with both hands. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she screamed again, “Eeeeeyooow!” For the second time in the same day, Jade “fainted.” She fell to the floor and landed on her back like a fallen tree.

  CHAPTER 25

  RHODA AND I DIDN’T LIFT JADE OFF THE FLOOR AND HAUL HER to the couch like we had done earlier. And Jade didn’t stay down for even a full minute. She wobbled up like an old woman with two broken legs. It took a lot of effort for her to get her balance with those insanely high heels she had on.

  “Mama, you ... you hit me,” she whimpered. She gave Rhoda an incredulous look and repeated herself. “You ... you hit me. You haven’t hit me since I was a little girl!”

  “And that’s one of my biggest regrets,” Rhoda admitted. “A few more whuppin’s might have done you some good.”

  “I don’t believe what you just did!” Jade croaked, looking more dazed than ever. “You actually hit me!’

  “I’m goin’ to hit you again if you don’t get out of my sight, girl.” I had never seen Rhoda as angry as she was right now. “Get out of this house before I kill you,” she seethed. Her hand was in the air, poised to strike her daughter again. Then, as if she had just come outside to do something as innocent as collect the mail from her porch mailbox, she sighed and strolled back into her living room.

  Jade stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an eighteen-wheeler. She seemed to be more stunned than I was. I was glad that I was not a mind reader, because I didn’t want to know what she was really thinking. But the way she was glaring at me, you would have thought that I was the one who had just coldcocked her.

  “You tell my mama that she won’t get away with this!” Jade hollered. “You tell her that I said she’s going to be sorry ’til the day she dies. You tell her I said—”

  I interrupted Jade by throwing my hand up in front of her face. “Jade, if you have anything else to say to your mother, you go in that house and tell her yourself,” I suggested. “Leave me out of this.”

  “Leave you out of this? Bitch, if you hadn’t opened that hole in your face, none of this would have happened in the first place! You’ve been a meddlesome old busybody ever since I met you!”

  “Jade, in spite of all the dumb things you do and say, you’re still a smart girl. You ought to know by now that every dog has its day. How long did you think you could push your mother around and get away with it? Now, if you’ve got something else to say to her, you do it. I am not your messenger.”

  “I don’t have anything else to say to that woman! I wouldn’t speak to her again if she was the last person on the planet. I am SO through with her. Nobody hits me and gets away with it. My husband was the last person who had the nerve to hit me, and I’ll never speak to him again. Now I’m glad he divorced me!”

  I nodded. “I’m sure he’ll be glad to hear that,” I sneered. “You’d better leave,” I whispered, glancing toward the door. “Trust me, you don’t want to find out just how far your mother can go.”

  Jade stumbled until she was backed up against the porch banister. She looked so pitiful and alone, and I could understand why. Rhoda had been her most important ally all of her life, but even I didn’t think that Rhoda was going to “forgive and forget” all that had transpired today. Under the circumstances, I did feel sorry for Jade, but just a little.

  “I could have her arrested fo
r assault!” Jade growled, stomping her foot so hard she broke the heel on one of her stilettos. She sniffed and licked her lips, but it did no good. Tears and snot had formed a goatee around her mouth. And all of that makeup that she had applied was now sliding down her face like mud. Rhoda had slapped Jade so hard that her barrette had flown out of her hair and onto the porch floor.

  “Jade, I know that I am the last person you want to take any advice from, but I’m going to give you some anyway. Leave. Leave here now before your mother comes back out on this porch! I hope I don’t have to tell you again.”

  “Let her come back out here and hit me again. I swear to God, I’ll have her arrested for assault!”

  “You hit her, too, or did you forget that part? I witnessed that too. Your mama could have you arrested for assaulting her,” I pointed out. “I saw everything.”

  Jade snorted. “That’s the problem with you. You always seem to be around to witness something when it comes to my family!” The handprint that Rhoda had left on Jade’s face was even darker now. And it must have been painful, because she kept rubbing at it, shaking her head and squinting her eyes. “And let me tell you one more thing”—Jade began to shake her finger in my face so close to my mouth, I was tempted to bite it—“one of these days you are going to see something you don’t want to see. And it’ll be somebody in your family! Charlotte ain’t the angel you think she is... .”

  “Now, don’t go too far with me, Jade.” I realized how stupid that remark was as soon as I’d said it. Jade had gone “too far” with me years ago. “For one thing, Charlotte has nothing to do with what’s going on with you. She’d never disrespect me the way you did your mother here today.”

  “Uh-huh. Well, we’ll see about that,” Jade warned, removing her shoes and glaring at the one she’d just broken.

  I had no reason to believe that Charlotte was up to no good, but because of Jade’s ominous prediction, I planned to keep even closer tabs on my daughter. I had my family and now Harrietta Jameson on my team. And because of their support, I was confident that my experiences with my daughter would never be as ugly as Rhoda and Jade’s. However, Jade’s words still managed to give me a chill. “Jade, you should get your friend in the SUV to help you load up your stuff and leave,” I urged, my hand already on the door and one foot inside the house. I glanced into the living room. Rhoda had sat down on the couch and was now sipping from a can of Pepsi. “Let your mother have some time to think about everything. I’m sure she’ll come around before too long.” I forced myself to smile.