by Ana Starling
I sigh, taking deep breaths. It’s early Thursday morning, and the temperature is already racing toward a hundred degrees. The diner is empty except for us and a couple at a table in the corner.
We’ve decided to take a table near the door and beside the huge glass panes lining the side of the diner, so we could both look at the sidewalk. Usually, when we have money, we come here to eat. Then we’ll stare at people passing by and try to determine what kind of lives they lead from their outfits.
Now, w’re for a different purpose. Even I am antsy because the time for me to finally make a decision draws near. But, the question I’ve kept on asking myself is: Am I ready to make a decision?
Lush and Sinful are two great firms. Derek and Kane are two great guys—almost too great, in fact. How can I choose?
Sophia signals for the waitress, and she hobbles over. She dishes out her order, which I’m not listening to because I’m gazing out the side panes, lost in thought.
When Sophia is done ordering, I look back at her. “What will you have?” she asks me.
I glance at the waitress and say, “I’ll have the same thing.”
The waitress nods and walks away.
“So,” Sophia begins, leaning forward. “Crazy week, huh?”
I nod. It’s been a crazy week indeed—crazy, magical, full of pleasure, almost dreamy.
When Kane’s limo dropped me off at my apartment building, Sophia immediately knew what had transpired between Kane and I. If she didn’t know from the way my dress was in disarray, she would have known from the way I couldn’t t keep a smile off my face. And, if it wasn’t that, then it was the dreamy expression.
I can’t help but think about my experience with both men. Derek was more in-control, while Kane was a wild beast. Derek was more measured and firm, while Kane was unpredictable and feisty.
They are both alpha males from different ends of the spectrum.
Then again, I enjoyed being with Derek and the care he provided me. I enjoyed the tour and, most especially, the amazing office sex. He took all control away from me, and I could do nothing but submit.
Oh my God, how I love to submit and be bossed around!
Being with Kane was a totally different experience. Kane was a different person, and I also enjoyed every second of being with him.
He has an ego as huge as Mount Everest. The fact that he praises himself—or rather pays his staff to praise him—yeah, I extracted the information from them—is adorable.
And then, the sex was…well, there’s no better word to describe the sex than wild.
When I came back from Derek’s office, it wasn’t obvious that I’d slept with him. Sophia couldn’t tell. She had to intuit it.
But with Kane, it was different. I was a mess—my clothes, hair, makeup—everything. It was a surprise that my clothes weren’t torn to shreds entirely.
Despite all that, they both fucked me like I had never been fucked before. For the first time in my life, they made me understand what sex really is about, and it’s amazing.
These are two great guys. Now I’m supposed to choose between them? How am I supposed to do that?
I glance at Sophia. To my mild surprise, I find her studying me from her seat. I flash her a guarded smile.
“It’s different when you’ve had great sex with both of them, huh,” she says, giving me her I-told-you-so look.
My smile turns into a frown. “I didn’t anticipate it being this difficult.”
Sophia takes the glass of water on her side of the table and takes a gulp. “I did. It’s why I left you strict instructions. But you just couldn’t keep your legs together, could you?”
“Hey!” I complain. “I’ve learned my lesson.”
“Have you?” Sophia fires back. “Really? Have you?”
I don’t have an answer for her. Because even as I’m seated here, my mind is in an excited state.
Derek or Kane? I long to be with them. It’s been days since my meeting with both men, and I haven’t called or texted either of them.
The last message they got was from Sophia, telling them I’d be in touch with them as soon as I’ve arrived at a decision.
Days have come and gone, and I’ve been paralyzed with indecision. I can’t pick one over the other. Yet, I can’t have both.
Life sucks.
“Babe, you have to decide sooner or later,” Sophia says. “The more you wait, the more the world moves. I’m even surprised your popularity has remained till now. One thing is certain, though, and that is the fact that, very soon, it will be some other girl. And these men who are lining up to get you…they will disappear.”
“Like I don’t know that,” I mumble, looking away. I know I’m being a fucking child, but it’s just difficult. Choosing one is like spurning the other.
How can I spurn Derek? How can I spurn Kane?
I suddenly realize that I’m having problems choosing because I’m considering what I’m going to lose by choosing one over the other. I don’t want to lose either one of them. I wish I could have them both.
“It feels like you don’t know,” Sophia says. “And that’s why we’re here. I’m going to make you see reason. ‘Cause if you don’t, you’ll lose out in the end.”
The food comes a little later, and I push back the need to answer Sophia.
We eat in silence. I try to delay my food, knowing that as soon as we’re done eating, Sophia will confront me again.
However, I can’t delay for too long. And, after a few minutes, the dishes are cleared, our bellies are full, and Sophia looks at me with one of her serious looks.
“Alright, here’s what we know,” Sophia begins. “Lush and Sinful are two heavyweights in the female products business. A career in either of these firms has the potential of sending you full time into the spotlight.”
I nod my agreement.
“Derek and Kane,” Sophia says. “Let’s recount how you met them. Now that you’ve had the time to talk with them, experience them, you can compare them fairly.”
I shake my head. “Sophie, I’ve done this a thousand and one times before, believe me. I always end up with the same conclusion…”
“That you can’t choose?” she says.
I nod.
“Well, now we’re doing it differently,” she continues. “You’re going to say it all out loud, and I’ll chip in here and there. Maybe this exercise will help us arrive at a conclusion.”
I’m not too happy with the suggestion. It must have shown on my face because Sophia says, “It’s either this, or you remain undecided, and Derek and Kane will move on.”
That thought shakes me to my roots, so I simply nod. “Let’s do it.”
“Right. Go ahead,” she says.
I start at the very beginning. Since Sophia was there, I don’t go into the details.
Soon enough, I’ve arrived at when I met Derek at his building. I detail the events that led to the sex, and then I tell her about my experience with Kane. I stop where I arrive back at the house in Kane’s limo.
Then I fall silent.
Sophia heaves a sigh. “They both seem perfect for you.”
“I know, right?” I say, happy that Sophia is now seeing this fact through my eyes.
“And, it doesn’t matter who you choose,” she continues.
“It doesn’t…in the end,” I punctuate.
“Because they are both good for you,” Sophia says. After a brief pause, she adds, “Still, you’ll have to make a choice, and you have to make it very soon.”
I feel my shoulders slump. And, here I am, thinking she is going to suggest something that doesn’t involve me choosing one out of the two.
If only there is a way for me to have both—some contract I could sign…some way…any way…
“How about your former job?” Sophia quips after a momentary pause.
“What about it?” I frown, thinking she’s about to suggest I go back to Maurice.
“Don’t you have to quit first it b
efore you sign with Lush or Sinful?” Sophia clarifies.
“I do,” I say, the thought occurring to me.
“So, have you filed for a resignation?” Sophia asks. “You gotta quit your bullshit job before you accept another one, honey.”
“No, I haven’t,” I reply, remembering that when I signed with Maurice, I signed a very draconian contract. They were desperate times, and I just needed the job badly. The entire legalese went way over my head.
I know it’s going to be difficult for my boss to let me go now that I’m famous. But I don’t want to think about that now. Deciding between Derek or Kane is all my mind can handle.
“I’ll take care of it,” I say in response to Sophia’s questioning glance. I don’t say another word, pushing the issue to the back of my mind.
Right now, right here, I must think.
Kane or Derek? Lush or Sinful?
20
Kane
“…and we’ll have to push harder to hit our target for the third quarter,” my finance director says.
I’m seated at the head of the table, chairing the quarterly meeting of all the department heads at Lush. We’re using a small, comfortable conference room adjacent to my office. With me and around the table are the heads of Finance, Legal, Accounting, PR, Production, Distribution, and HR and Corporate Responsibility.
They’ve all been going on for hours about how much they’ve achieved in the space of three months, since the last quarterly meeting. There’s a lot of documents littering the table and, of course, bottles of water in front of each person.
I’m supposed to be chairing this meeting, but I’ve been unable to. It’s because I’m worried, and when I’m worried, I don’t have the luxury of doing any other thing aside from, of course, worrying.
It’s been days since Diana left my house. I haven’t heard from her. I haven’t even gotten a text from her, except the one that Sophia sent, telling me I’d hear from Diana when she makes her decision.
What’s fucking taking so long? I mean, I’m the obvious choice.
I’ve considered many scenarios having to do with what the delay is about, including that she may have already signed with Derek. But then, I have my sniffers working double time, trying to find out information from Derek.
I even tripled their pay to do whatever is necessary to find out what Derek’s been up to, especially when it has something to do with Diana.
They haven’t heard anything, which doesn’t necessarily mean that there isn’t anything to be heard. Maybe it means that Derek is being especially sneaky.
Shit.
What the fuck have I gotten myself into? I think, grimacing at the pain of not having seen Diana in days coming back to me with a vengeance.
I haven’t been with another girl since Diana. I haven’t even thought about any other girl. I can’t, when all I do is spend my hours thinking about her.
I can’t even work. My productivity has crashed to zero, and it would be telling on my company’s performance if I hadn’t built a fucking great team of department heads. Still, my behavior has people worried.
But I don’t give a fuck. I’m the boss. I can do whatever I want to. And, right now, I want to be left alone to think about Diana.
I feel that any time not spent thinking about her is time wasted. Because, while I’m worried as fuck, it also soothes me. If I can’t be with her now, at least I can enjoy her in my mind.
That’s why I’ve replayed the wildness of that night on my estate over and over again. Every move, every word uttered in pleasure, I recall time and again. It’s all I can do to keep myself from doing something stupid.
Stupid, like paying for her to be kidnapped and taken to a special location where I’ll have unrestricted access to her pussy. Yeah, now that’d be fucked up.
Then again, it’s more than just fucking someone. All this time away from her is making me realize that it’s different with her.
If it were about the pussy, then why don’t I have the desire to go to the bar? After all, I know I can pick up just about any girl there.
Hell, even my secretary is available.
She made that pretty clear the last time I fucked her on the couch in my office. I’m available any time, honey were her exact words. I know that, don’t I?
Yet, I haven’t even considered making good on that promise. Because if I need anything now, it’s either Diana or something to distract me from Diana.
“Sir?”
I snap out of my reverie. The whole room is looking at me—some with concern, others with confusion.
“Yeah?” I say to no one in particular, since I don’t know who spoke.
“I wanted to find out your opinion?” the head of Production says. He’s the one sitting at the other end of the table, and he’s like my second in command. He’s a bald-headed black guy, who’s a fucking genius.
In fact, he’s the one that put together the entire team involved in designing and manufacturing all our products. He motions towards the screen, and I see he’s asking my opinion on two choices of names for a new line of soap we’re considering investing into.
“Which one did you say you liked?” I ask.
The head of Production points at the name on the left. I don’t even think twice, nor do I consider the one on the right.
I nod in agreement. “Seems like the best choice to me.”
“Are you sure about that, Sir?” the head of Finance confirms, a brilliant lady in her mid-forties.
I glance at her, making a face like, What the fuck?
“What do you mean ‘am I sure?’” I growl.
She withdraws from the table, settling gingerly in her chair.
I return my gaze to my Production head. “Go ahead with it.”
He nods and continues his presentation. As soon as he’s made three sentences, I’m no longer listening, even though I know I’m going to have to give the final say on the new line.
At another junction, my name has to be called aloud before I snap back to the meeting.
This time, there are angry faces staring at me.
“Do you want us to come another time, Mr. Stone?” the Legal head inquires.
“Why would I want that?” I ask, glaring at him. “Time is of the essence, isn’t it?”
“Yet you give us fragments of your attention,” the Legal head replies, his tone as clipped and formal as ever. He’s the only one who has the guts to talk to me like that, simply because I hate legal troubles. So I pay heavily to keep him around, since he’s the best of the best in the city when it comes to corporate law.
I ignore him. “What’s the issue?” I say to the person making the next presentation—someone from the special design unit under production.
“I said we’re ready to proceed,” he says. “All we need is your go signal to begin retooling some of our designs.”
“Then you have it,” I say, glancing at the Finance head who’s about to raise an objection. The way I look at her, she pipes down and remains silent.
For the rest of the meeting, I manage to keep my attention in the room, although I still drift off time and again. But the flak my team gives me gets me incensed at the fact that I have no control over my mind.
And it’s all because of Diana. She’s probably some place having fun, while I’m left to die of torment here. In my anger, I send a text to Sky.
It’s simple: I need you. Office. Now.
I don’t expect her to heed it, since I’ve not seen or spoken to her since that last time. Still, she’s the only one who comes close to giving me what I need, and she’s better than just calling some random slut.
The meeting ends at half past six. It’s already late, so I retire to my office while the team signs out for the day.
I’m surprised when I find Sky waiting in my office, sipping on a margarita. She’s wearing a thinly veiled black dress and flat shoes. As soon as I walk in, she turns to glance at me, a smile on her lips.
The light in the office is alrea
dy subdued. Through the window, the city’s night life is already rising. It’s rush hour, and I can hear distant honks.
I walk over to my table and sit down. This surprises Sky for a moment as she expects me to come to her. She just stares at me, wondering what to do next.
Truth is, I don’t feel anything. I thought I wanted this, but I really don’t. After being with Diana, no other woman matches up, not even Sky.
Sky begins to catwalk towards me. I raise a hand of caution. “No, please.”
She pauses for an uncertain second. Then she flashes a seductive smile. “Oh, come on, Kane. Fuck me. You know you want to…” And she begins to approach me again.
This time, I shoot to my feet in defense, startling her to a stop. “No, I really don’t want to,” I say.
She’s angry now. “Fuck you, Kane. You fucking texted me!”
“I know,” I reply. “It was a mistake. My secretary will give you some money for your troubles. Please leave.”
“Money? MONEY?”
She glances at the bottle in her hand, and, for a moment, I almost think she’s going to throw it at my head. But then she just storms out, taking the bottle with her. I don’t mind.
Minutes later, my secretary comes into my office. “Need anything?” she asks, and I know exactly what she means.
I shake my head. “No, you can go,” I say.
She nods, a frown on her face, and leaves.
I think about my situation for a while. Then I come to a conclusion.
I have to seek Diana out. If she’s not going to decide, then I have to make her decide. I have to know what she’s planning on doing, and I have to know it right fucking now.
I’m not going to wait one more second.
21
Diana
Sophia’s idea was a total disaster. Not only did I end up without a viable option or a way to move past my predicament, but we also ended up disagreeing and arguing and stuff. Now, I think she hates me.
That last part may be a bit of a stretch, but still…
