by Ana Starling
She’s pretty much angry with me. She called me a fucking child for failing to choose one of the two companies and move on. Her words got to me.
But I didn’t let it show on the outside, not until I was alone anyway.
If anything, these events surrounding my life since I went viral have taught me to be tough, to be cunning. I don’t fear anything or anyone. Except, of course, losing either one of Derek or Kane.
But I’ve racked my brain thinking about them, and I still can’t find a way…nor can I choose one over the other.
I’ve been spending more and more time outside my apartment. My thinking is, maybe I can come to a decision if I don’t remain cooped up. That’s why I’m walking down the street, hands in my pockets.
It’s a few minutes before sunset, and I’m in my flip-flops, walking down the road. It’s a poor neighborhood, so everything looks drab and unwelcoming. I don’t mind my surroundings, though; soon enough, I’ll be out of here.
I can feel it. My days of being the poor, fucked-up model with bullshit luck are numbered. If I can get my mind out of the gutter long enough to make a decision, that is.
You see, I can’t stop thinking about all the amazing sex I had with Derek and Kane.
I think of calling Sophia, but then I remember that she’s still not talking to me. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out on her.
I need to talk with her. I need her to help me out.
But do I really want to be helped?
I retrace my steps back to my apartment building. When I get to my apartment, I hope to find Sophia inside. She’s the only person that can help me through this.
I really want her to be inside.
I slot in my key, twist the door handle, and open the door. There’s no one inside. The room looks cleaned out, but it isn’t.
Sophia and I managed to clean up the apartment sometime before we went for the lunch that led to our temporary break up.
She said that if I was going to decide on one person, I’d have to invite them over. And that if I’m going to have either one of them over, I have to make my apartment presentable.
“You don’t want to be inviting them to an apartment that looks like shit,” she said.
“Hey, watch it!” I screamed playfully at her. “Perhaps, your apartment isn’t any better.”
I was wrong. Sophia’s apartment is better, but only by a slight margin. It certainly isn’t as unkempt as mine.
We managed to clean up the living room. We found some extra storage space in my tiny bedroom that I didn’t know existed. It’s where we neatly put all my clothes.
Now, my living room looks so clean and airy—it even looks like it got bigger.
I close my door, but I don’t bother locking it.
What’s the use? It’s not as though the locks work. It only works half the time, and I really don’t give a shit about burglars right now.
I’m at one of my lowest points.
Who knew depression could set in even when you’re famous? I certainly didn’t. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I’ve never been famous before.
Funny though—being famous is already getting old.
More so now that I’m in a predicament that I can’t seem to get myself out of. And my closest ally, Sophia, is mad at me, simply for my lack of grit.
As I wallow in my inability, I think back to the conversation we had. The one that led her to be angry with me.
“It’s a hard choice,” Sophia said as she stared at me from her side. “But that’s life, Diana. Life is full of hard choices. You’ve gotta make them; otherwise, it’ll crush you.”
I frowned at her, anger bubbling in me.
I felt like she didn’t really understand me. I felt like she was being unsympathetic to my own desires. I felt like she was jealous of my success and just wanted me to be rid of one of them.
Now, remembering the conversation, I know I was being fucking stupid. I even felt that she was just trying to push me into a decision so she could benefit from my success.
Yeah, I’m stupid like that at times.
During all this period of silence, both Lush and Sinful sent in a couple of documents outlining the benefits of signing with them. When I received the packages—they came on the same day—I wondered how Sinful and Lush were so in sync that their mails would arrive on the same day.
Lush promises me a new apartment in an upscale neighborhood in town. Lush also promises me a five-year contract, renewable without hassles upon expiration. They also promise to pay for all my upkeep, all my expenses, whether business or personal, and of course, I get a car.
Sinful promises pretty much the same thing. Plus health insurance, as well as a grant for education.
There’s also a part in each document saying that once I sign, I get a signing bonus above a hundred thousand grand. Guess who gets fifteen percent of that?
Right. Sophia.
So, as she pressed for me to make a decision, my foolish ol’ brain came to the erroneous conclusion that she didn’t care about my choice and how it affected me.
She just cared about her fifteen percent. And being the transformed, mouthy model that I am, I reacted. Badly.
“You don’t really care what I choose, don’t you?” I had said to her.
“What do you mean?” Sophia replied, angry.
“You just want me to make a choice so you can walk away with fifteen thousand dollars,” I exclaimed, with a look that said, ‘I caught you, you sneaky little bastard.’
I expected Sophia to look at me with guilt, but when her angry frown only deepened, I was thrown off.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” she said. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
“Don’t lie to me, Sophia,” I said, already on full rage mode. “It’s all making sense to me now. You’ve been so adamant about choosing one of them—”
“Because you have to!” Sophia screeched.
“You don’t really care that I want both of them!”
After the words came out of my mouth, I pursed my lips.
Sophia only glared at me with outrage.
There were quite a number of people in the diner at the time. They all stared at us. Even the waitress gave me a shocked look.
Sophia said, “You’re an idiot—you can’t have both of them! The same Internet that brought you out of the shadows will crush you for that!”
The shock of practically declaring that I wanted to have two men to myself was quickly fading, my anger returning with a vengeance.
“And who cares what people think?”
“Dimwit, you do!” Sophia replied, an incredulous look on her face. “Don’t forget how you became known, Diana. As soon as you turn your back on the people that practically built you, they’ll tear you down.”
I made to reply with a clapback, but Sophia was talking again.
“And when they tear you down to shreds, Lush, Sinful, Derek, Kane, they’ll all be gone,” she said, rising to her feet, her voice dropping to an acidic whisper, “and you know why? Because that’s how the world works! You can’t have it all. And when everyone’s cursing you on the blogs and Twitter and Instagram, when you come running back to me, I’ll just tell you I told you so.”
And she left without looking back at me. As soon as she was gone, the tears flowed. Even now, they still flow.
But I’m getting over her words…or trying to, at least.
The whole situation is so fucking unfair!
Why can’t I have them both?
I mean, it isn’t about the companies. It’s about the men. Lush and Sinful are both great companies, and I know I’ll do great in any of them.
Thing is, choosing a company automatically means choosing a man.
And I just can’t do it.
I won’t lie to you, I have fantasized about how it’d be with both of them…at the same time. The only problem is, that shit doesn’t happen in real life. Not even celebrities are bold enough to do it.
My thoughts trail off just as a knock comes on my door.
Thinking it’s Sophia, I shoot to my feet and say, “Come in.”
The door opens, and a man walks in.
It’s Kane.
Suddenly, a feeling of nervousness overwhelms me, and so does his intimidating presence and a powerful feeling of lust, as I remember the night we had.
He approaches me as I shuffle towards him—we’re both drawn together like magnets. No words are exchanged.
Before we close the gap between us, another man bursts into my apartment.
“What?” I gasp.
It’s Derek.
The two men look at each other, surprise on their faces.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” they both say at the same time.
22
Diana
Kane and Derek.
In my living room.
Alright, this is going to be interesting; more so because they’re looking at each other with murder in their eyes. Their jaws are clenched, and their hands are already balled into fists. And I’m just standing here, looking from one to the other and having no idea what I should say or do.
“You came here to force her to sign with you, didn’t you? You fucking backstabbing asshole,” Kane growls, gritting his teeth so hard, I can almost hear the sound of it.
“How fucking dare you? You got here first. You’re the one planning to get Diana to sign behind my back. If not, why the fuck are you even here?” Derek snaps back, and I can almost feel the temperature rising in the room.
Soon enough, these two are going to take a swing at each other, and erupt into flames.
“Is it even up for debate?” Kane smirks, folding his arms over his chest. “Do you think she’s going to sign with you? No fucking chance in hell of that happening, cocksucker.”
“Is that so? You sound pretty confident. I’ll love to see that fucking smirk of yours vanish once she signs with me.”
Jesus. Are they even aware that I’m here? The way they’re talking about me, as if I’m some prize to be won, not an actual human being.
I don’t know what it is with these two, but their rivalry cuts deep.
“Guys,” I start meekly, stepping between the two of them. “I’m right here. And I haven’t made a decision yet.”
They’re now looking at me, and I can tell right away that they don’t like what I’ve just said. They hate the fact that I’m torn between the two of them, and that I can’t make a decision.
But what do they want? This isn’t the same thing as picking what kind of thong I’m going to wear in the morning, which, by the way, isn’t an easy decision for me as well. So, yeah, pardon me if I can’t choose between two perfect companies—and two perfect men.
I mean, is it that hard to understand? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Jump straight into Derek’s arms? Or rush toward Kane?
See? Not that simple.
One makes my knees tremble; the control he wants to have over me makes my head spin. The other leaves me weak in the knees because of how fiery, impulsive, and passionate he is. Together, they make the perfect man.
The kind of man that leaves me wet 24/7.
But, they’re not one man; there are two of them. And having to make a choice is tearing me apart.
“You have to choose,” Kane finally says, his words heavy. Just hearing him say it is enough to make my heart gallop.
“Yes, you have to,” Derek adds.
For the first time since I’ve met them, they agree on something. How ironic is it that, the only thing they agree on is exactly the one I can’t wrap my head around. And how do I even tell them that?
“Guys—I—I can’t choose,” I stammer, running my tongue between my dry lips as I look from one to the other. My heart now running so fast, I start feeling dizzy. “It’s just so damn hard.”
“Hard is how you leave me everytime I look at you,” Kane suddenly says, taking one step toward me, his imposing figure cutting Derek from view.
Reaching for me, he gently places one hand on my face and grins.
“Just think of how good it was, back at the estate. I bet you’ve never had sex that good. I know I haven’t.”
“What the fuck?” I hear Derek say from behind Kane.
In a fraction of a second, he’s pushed Kane to the side, forming a barrier between me and the man he seems to hate so goddamn much.
“You slept together?”
“No,” Kane shrugs, that enticing grin dancing on his lips. “We didn’t sleep together. We fucked. We fucked really, really hard.”
“You motherfucker!”
“Oh, cut the bullshit, Derek. I know you had Diana, too, but I don’t give a fuck about that. She’s going to be mine, you hear me? There’s not a chance she’ll choose a fucking spineless dimwit like you over me.”
“I’ll fucking kill you, you asshole,” Derek growls, taking one step toward Kane.
This time, there really is murder in his eyes. I gotta stop this madness before it’s too late. If they start fighting, they’ll tear my apartment apart.
Acting on pure instinct, I step between them, arms raised. I place my hands on their chests, keeping them apart.
“No fighting. I don’t want you to fight over me. I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve spent with the two of you, and I hate the fact you’re making me choose. Stop being childish. None of you was better. You were both...amazing.”
The words pour out of me effortlessly—as I had them bottled up inside me for too long. And, God, it feels amazing to let it all out.
“But you have to choose, Diana,” Derek whispers. “You have to choose.”
“You do,” Kane agrees. “And you have to do it now. I can’t take one more minute of all this fucking indecision. It’s driving me fucking insane.”
I stand there, hands on their chests, with my heart going a thousand miles per hour.
They want me to choose. They want me to choose now.
And that’s something I can’t do—well, I can. I just refuse to.
All my life, I always let the winds of fate carry me wherever they wanted to. I never put my foot down to say, “No, this is what I want, and I’ll fucking have it.”
But, today is the day I put my foot down. Today is the day I decide my own fate.
Grabbing their shirts, I pull the two men close. Then, I look from one to the other.
“I won’t choose,” I whisper, “because I’ll have the two of you.”
23
Diana
“What?”
“You can’t have us both!”
“That doesn’t make any fucking sense!”
“It’s crazy!”
You might not believe it, but I’m no longer hearing a word of what Derek and Kane are saying. I’ve made my choice, and, whether they like it or not, I’m going to stick to it.
And so, I let go of their shirts and open my hands. Then, I let my fingers slide down from their chests to their stomachs...and then further down. Turning my hands around, I grab their cocks over their pants at the same time, and I hold my breath as I feel them hardening against my fingers.
They can complain and bitch all they want, but truth is, they want me so damn much, they’re willing to share.
“You can have me,” I tell them with a lewd whisper, one that makes their cocks grow even harder, “but you’ll have to learn how to share. Now, I know you want me, so why don’t you do something about it?”
I don’t need to say more.
Kane’s the first to act, a growl in his throat as he pushes me back against the wall, pressing his body against mine. Derek follows after us quickly, and he leans against the wall by my side.
As Kane pushes my pants down in a hurry, flattening his hand against my drenched thong, Derek starts kissing my neck, one of his hands grabbing my breasts as my nipples harden up.
I close my eyes and throw my head back, moaning loudly as I fee
l their hands roaming over my body, their lips savoring my skin, and their cocks becoming harder against me. Still with my eyes closed, I reach for their cocks and start stroking them over their pants, flicking my wrists and moving fingers up and down their lengths.
My God, they’re as hard as I am wet—and trust me, that’s saying something.
Growling like wild beasts, their hands moving fast and in a frenzy, they tear at my clothes. I could say they undressed me, but that wouldn’t do justice to the way they grab the fabric and simply rip it off, leaving me standing against the wall in only my underwear.
“Fucking Sinful?” Kane says, taking a step back to look at my lingerie. “Well, that just makes me want rip that lingerie off even faster.”
“I gotta say, this time, I agree with you,” Derek whispers, and he’s actually the one reaching for my things and pulling the thong off, pulling the fabric against my outer thigh until the elastic bands snaps.
Kane is the one taking care of the bra, unclasping it and pushing the straps down my shoulders until my breasts are free.
“Fuck. I never get tired of looking at you,” Kane says, taking one step back to gaze up and down my body.
Then, as quickly as he stepped back, he goes back to press his body against mine. Fast as lightning, he takes his hand and places it between my legs, brushing his index finger over my pussy lips while pressing down on my clit with his thumb.
While Kane takes care of my pussy, I start unbuckling Derek’s pants. With anxious fingers, I manage to do it and pull his zipper down. I don’t waste a second, and next thing I know, I have his hard cock in my hand, throbbing almost too violently against my fingers.
Using my free hand, I do the same with Kane, only stopping when I have their cocks at my mercy, my fingers tightly wrapped around their thickness.
“See?” I breathe out, taking the chance to slide down the wall and go down on my knees.
The moment my knees touch the floor, I look up at them, a mischievous grin on my lips.
“Isn’t this so much more fun?”
I don’t allow them the time to reply. I just angle their cocks toward one another, the tips almost touching, and then I lean in.
