The Forsaken (Echoes from the Past Book 4)

by Irina Shapiro

  “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, Walter. Aileen’s secret is safe with me.”

  “You’re a kind lady, mistress,” Walter replied. “Unlike some. And you’ve nothing to worry about,” he added, blushing furiously. “It isn’t like that with Aileen and me. We just get lonely sometimes, not being part of the family. It’s hard to be an outsider.”

  “Yes, I understand,” Kate replied. She knew just how Walter felt. “You must miss your family.”

  Walter nodded. “I do. I wish I could visit them sometimes.”

  “Have you asked Hugh if you may?”

  Walter shook his head. “I’m here to serve and learn, not enjoy myself. Once I finish my training and become a knight, I’ll be my own master, at least in my own home. I’m grateful to have a place, since my father died and my mother can’t afford to support me, having fallen on hard times. I have six sisters, all under the age of twelve. They’ll need a dowry when the time comes. Maybe by that time, I’ll be able to provide it, at least for the younger ones.”

  Kate clapped Walter on the shoulder in a gesture of support. She’d led a peaceful and sheltered existence, never realizing how difficult life was for some. Leaving the priory had been a rude awakening, in more ways than one.

  Kate walked with Walter to the kitchen door. She heard Joan’s harsh voice as they approached, cursing Aileen for being late. Something clattered to the floor. Kate yanked open the door and faced the older woman, who had a wooden spoon raised above Aileen’s head. The girl was cowering, her hands above her head for protection against the impending blow. A wooden bowl lay upturned on the stone floor, spilled milk beginning to soak into the crevices between the stones

  “Joan, Aileen was ill. Now, let her be and get about your chores.” Kate hadn’t meant to sound harsh, but Walter’s explanation of Aileen’s deafness left her trembling with fury. She’d keep an eye on Joan to make certain she didn’t strike Aileen again.

  Joan’s eyes narrowed in anger, but she didn’t argue. “Aye, mistress. Whatever ye say.”

  Chapter 33

  “Do you still miss the priory?” Guy asked as he and Kate followed the path that ran along the riverbank. The sun shone brightly after the downpour of the day before and the river sparkled playfully as it flowed past Berwick castle and wound into the distance. The dew on the grass hadn’t burnt off yet, and the leaves dripped moisture, still wet after the night’s rain.

  Hamish ran around in wild circles, ecstatic to be out and about. Guy didn’t bother with a lead, since the puppy was too small and frightened to run far. It was more interested in trying to wedge himself between Guy’s ankles as he walked, nearly tripping him more than once.

  “You foolish pup,” Guy scolded it affectionately. “Keep this up and I’ll take you back to the castle.”

  The puppy yapped happily and ran after a squirrel. Kate smiled at his exuberance. She wished she could feel so free.

  “I don’t miss the priory as much as I miss my family,” she finally replied. “My mother most of all. The loss of her left a hollow space inside me that will never be filled. And Geoffrey too.” Kate sighed. “I miss Geoffrey.”

  “Which one was Geoffrey?”

  “He was the middle one. It’s not right to say it out loud, but I loved him the most, probably because he was the kindest.”

  Guy nodded in understanding. “You’ve no reason to feel guilty for loving Geoffrey best. I loved William. I miss him every day. There are times when I’m not completely awake yet, and I think of something I must tell Will, and then I remember that he’s gone, and I begin to mourn him all over again.”

  “I wish I’d known him.”

  “So do I. But if Will hadn’t died, you wouldn’t be here. He’d not have allowed Hugh to force this marriage.”

  Kate didn’t reply. She’d initially believed that her father had misinterpreted Hugh’s comments, but she knew better now. Hugh had known what he was about when he escorted her home. He’d planned it all, and had admitted to it once when in his cups.

  “No, I don’t suppose I would be,” she finally said.

  “He is kind to you, isn’t he, in private?” Guy asked, concern in his eyes. Kate could see that he genuinely cared.

  “Yes, he is,” she reassured him. “Sometimes I still can’t believe how it all worked out. The Church teaches us not to question God’s will, but at times it’s difficult to understand why certain things happen.”

  “It’s not God’s will; it’s the will of man,” Guy replied, his tone bitter.

  “How do you mean?”

  “Do you think it’s God’s will that thousands of good men should die fighting over who’s the rightful king? Each claimant believes God is on his side. But I don’t think God cares, one way or another. If He did, He’d let His will be known and not allow the senseless slaughter. Instead, you have powerful men fighting for more power and more wealth under the pretense of doing God’s will.”

  “You don’t believe their cause is just?” Kate asked, surprised by the cynicism of Guy’s argument.

  “I believe that every man on a battlefield has his own cause, and it’s not the divine right of their champion. The nobles fight for power. The knights fight for their lord, even if they don’t agree with his chosen side. The common men fight because they have no choice. They’ve been called to arms by their lord and they have no right to refuse. Their only hope is that they’ll live to see another day. When all is said and done, thousands of women are left widowed and children are left fatherless and defenseless. Some manage to survive, but many don’t. Can that really be a part of God’s plan?”

  “I don’t know, Guy. I never thought of it that way. I never questioned anything before. I did what I was told and worried about not being dutiful enough.” And this is where it got me, Kate thought, but didn’t speak the words out loud. “I wonder if my brothers ever felt this way.”

  “Probably not. They would have benefited greatly from Edward taking the throne, so they were fighting to further their own interests. That’s always good motivation.”

  “Will you fight again?”

  “I must. I’ve taken an oath of allegiance to the Earl of Stanwyck. He’s my liege lord and I owe him my service. As soon as I regain full use of my arm, I’ll take up the sword again.”

  “Even if you don’t support the cause he’s fighting for?”

  “Even if I don’t support the cause. I have a duty, as does Hugh. We’re bound for life.”

  “My mother said that women are victims of circumstance and their fathers’ scheming, but I now see that men are just as trapped by the expectations of their station. Is anyone truly free?”

  “I don’t think so. Everyone owes their allegiance to someone, whether it’s their sovereign, their lord, or the Church. Even the king is at the mercy of his supporters. Edward can lose the throne just as easily as he gained it should Warwick turn against him. He’s nothing but a puppet, his strings pulled by his illustrious cousin. Your cousin.”

  “That borders on treason, Guy,” Kate remarked, surprised that Guy would even voice such thoughts.

  “Will you tell on me?” Guy asked, suddenly towering above her. “Will you see me executed for sharing my thoughts with the only person I truly trust in this world?”

  “You can say anything to me. I would never betray you. I’d risk my life for you,” Kate exclaimed. She hadn’t meant to say so much, but once the words were out, she realized they were true. She’d do anything to protect Guy.

  Kate’s cheeks grew uncomfortably warm as Guy’s gaze softened and a smile tugged at his lips. She’d betrayed herself, just as he’d probably hoped she would when he’d challenged her. Her breath quickened. Guy was too close. She could smell the wool of his doublet and the musky scent of his skin. His eyes darkened with desire and he leaned toward her, his arm encircling her waist.

  Kate pushed Guy away and took a panicked step back. If she didn’t put some distance between them, he’d kiss her and then she’d be lost
. If she ever allowed herself to give in to her feelings for Guy, there’d be no going back. She belonged to Hugh, regardless of how he’d come to possess her, and the only way out for her was death, either Hugh’s or hers.

  Kate cried out as something soft squelched beneath her foot and a miserable howl pierced the air.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Hamish,” she cried. She’d stepped on the puppy’s paw and its eyes were huge with pain. Kate bent down and picked up the little dog and held it to her bosom. Her eyes filled with tears, partly for the dog and partly for herself. The puppy howled for a little while longer, but then burrowed its nose into Kate’s bodice. “I think we should be getting back.”

  “As you wish,” Guy replied, looking shamefaced.

  “Guy, I…”

  “Kate, forgive me,” he interrupted. “I was out of line. It’ll never happen again. Please say we can still be friends.”

  “Of course we can still be friends. You’re my only real friend in this place,” Kate added to lighten the mood between them. “You’re the only person who actually talks to me.”

  “Because you’re the only one who listens,” Guy replied. “Hugh only tells me things to hear himself speak. And I can’t reveal my thoughts to Walter. It wouldn’t be fair to put him in that position.”

  “What about Joan? I thought you trusted her.”

  “Nurse loves me the way she’d love a little boy. She doesn’t see me as a man grown, and never will. She thinks she needs to protect me.”

  “From what?”

  “From you,” Guy replied just as they reached the keep.

  Chapter 34

  August 2014

  London, England

  “What’s your plan for the day?” Gabe asked Quinn as he buttoned his shirt.

  She was still in bed, having slept badly again. Her conversation with Sylvia played over and over in her mind, making her wish she could just archive it somehow. She wasn’t sorry about confronting Sylvia, but the whole episode had left her rattled.

  “I have an antenatal yoga class this morning, and then I’ll stop by the BBC. I never did sign that contract.”

  “When is our next antenatal appointment?” Gabe asked as he ran a hand through his damp hair. Their gazes met in the mirror and he turned to face Quinn. “Why do you look so worried? What are you not telling me?”

  “Nothing. I just have a bit of a headache and my ankles are swollen.”

  Gabe didn’t reply. Instead, he disappeared into the bathroom and returned with the blood pressure monitor. “Give me your arm, then.”

  Quinn reluctantly held out her arm. If it were up to Gabe, he’d take her blood pressure several times a day, but worrying about it all the time actually led to a spike. Quinn felt her best when not focusing on the preeclampsia and behaving as any other pregnant woman would.

  “One twenty-eight over eighty,” Gabe announced as he removed the cuff. “Your blood pressure is elevated.”

  “Only just. And what do you expect after the past few days? Anyone’s blood pressure would be elevated,” Quinn replied defensively. “I’ll call the clinic and move up my appointment.”

  “To tomorrow,” he said, watching her with a steely gaze.

  “To tomorrow.”

  “I’m ready, Daddy,” Emma called from the other room.

  “So am I. Let’s go, love.”

  Quinn lay back and closed her eyes, but knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. So she took a long shower and made herself a healthy breakfast before heading out to the yoga class.

  She normally didn’t like yoga, but the antenatal class was different and made her feel more centered and relaxed. She’d met several other pregnant women there who were always happy to go out for a cup of tea and a chat after class. It was nice to talk to other expectant mothers, since Quinn didn’t have any friends who had small children. Quinn gladly accepted the invitation to tea after the class, especially since Alison would be coming along. Alison was suffering from preeclampsia, and had been diagnosed with it during her first pregnancy as well. She was happy to answer any questions Quinn had, and assured her that as soon as the baby was born, the symptoms would disappear. Alison was a week away from her due date, and seemed to be feeling well, but her obstetrician had scheduled her for a cesarean.

  “I would, of course, prefer a natural birth, but I’m not one for heroics,” Alison said as she sipped her Chamomile. “The only thing I care about is having a healthy baby. Everything else is secondary.”

  “I admire your attitude,” Quinn said. “I think I would be really upset if I wasn’t given a choice.”

  “Quinn, you of all people know how many women and children used to die in childbirth. I’m grateful there are ways to reduce the risk. I will take longer to heal after the birth and have a permanent scar, but I will walk out of that maternity ward alive, my baby in my arms. Nothing else matters.”

  Quinn nodded and placed her hand over Alison’s. “Thank you, Alison. You are right. I didn’t think of it that way. I felt as if I failed somehow by allowing this condition to get the better of me.”

  “Never think that. The only way you can fail is by not taking proper care of yourself. Promise you’ll come and see me once I’m back home from the hospital. I’d like us to keep in touch, Quinn.”

  “I absolutely will, and I’m sure the little ones will enjoy their play dates as much as we will.”

  By the time she left the tearoom and headed to Rhys’s office, she felt completely restored and was sure her blood pressure had levelled off.

  Rhys was expecting her when she arrived. “Quinn, have a seat,” he said solicitously. “Would you like a cup of tea or some mineral water?”

  “I’m all right, thanks,” Quinn replied as she looked over the contract.

  “I need you to sign a release form as well,” Rhys announced. “Since the series finale deals with your own family, we need to have it on record that we have your permission.”

  “Of course.”

  “Quinn, I really am sorry,” Rhys said as he glanced over the forms and replaced them in a file folder. “I had no way of knowing…”

  “I mean to find my sister, Rhys.”

  “So is it true, then? Have you confronted Sylvia?”

  “Yes, yesterday. Her reaction was all the answer I needed,” Quinn replied bitterly.

  “Why? Why did she split you two up?”

  “Sylvia said my sister had difficulty breathing, so she left her at the hospital, and took me to the cathedral.”

  “Not the most sound decision, but given that she was only seventeen and had just given birth to twins, I don’t suppose she was feeling very pragmatic,” Rhys remarked.

  “Rhys, I don’t blame her for that, but I do blame her for not telling me. We’ve known each other for almost a year now and she never thought to mention that I have a twin sister. Had I never run into Reverend Seaton, I would have gone through my entire life never knowing I have a twin.”

  “Yes, that was unfair of her. What will you do?”

  “I’ve decided I need to take a step back. I’ve asked Sylvia not to call me.”

  “And the boys?”

  “I don’t see why I can’t maintain a relationship with them. They are my brothers, after all, and they are grown men.”

  Rhys nodded. Quinn could see there was something on his mind, and he appeared to be debating whether to share his thoughts with her. “Have you eaten?” he asked.

  “Not since breakfast. I had a cup of tea after my yoga class, but I’m getting peckish.”

  “Can I take you to lunch? I’m hungry, and I hate eating alone.”

  “Don’t I know it.” Quinn chuckled. “Sure. I’d love to have lunch with you.”

  “Any particular cravings?”

  “Don’t laugh.”

  “Never.”

  “Fish and chips,” Quinn confessed. “Gabe would have a coronary. He’s making sure I stay away from fried, salty foods.”

  “Dictator,” Rhys said with a laug
h.

  “He’s worried about me,” she replied, suddenly feeling defensive on Gabe’s behalf. He was driving her mad, truth be told, but she understood his reasons and tried not to row with him about his overprotectiveness. He was motivated by love.

  “You’re very lucky to have a man like Gabe. He’s one in a million.”

  “That’s quite a compliment coming from you.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  Rhys waited until they were settled in The George with plates of food in front of them before broaching the subject he’d clearly been waiting to bring up since Quinn had walked into his office. She knew him well enough at this point to be able to tell when something was weighing on his mind. Rhys sprinkled some salt over his chips and bit one, chewing thoughtfully. “Quinn, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you.”

  “I would never have guessed,” Quinn joked as she bravely moved the salt pot to the other side of the table to avoid temptation.

  “It’s about Sylvia.”

  “I’m shocked.”

  “You’re laughing at me,” Rhys replied with a smile.

  “Sorry. Please go on,” Quinn replied, contrite. At times, Rhys took himself too seriously, and she couldn’t help teasing him.

  “As you know, Sylvia and I have been seeing each other for the past few months,” Rhys began. “I…” His voice trailed off as he seemed to search for the right words to express his feelings. Rhys was never at a loss, so this could only mean one of two things: either he was in love and wanted to take things with Sylvia to the next level, or he wanted to break things off. “I’m going to be a dad,” he suddenly finished, nearly making Quinn choke on her fish.

  “Sylvia is pregnant?” Quinn gasped, stunned. She certainly hadn’t expected that. Sylvia was almost forty-eight. A natural pregnancy at her age was unlikely, though not unheard of.

  “No, she isn’t,” Rhys replied. Quinn tried to hide her smile behind a napkin when she noticed Rhys’s girlish blush. “It’s not Sylvia. We actually never took things that far.”