Ever Enough

by Stacy Borel

  That’s when I approached her and her little dance partner. It had taken everything in me not to beat this guy’s ass. But the look on Emilyn’s face when she finally opened her eyes and saw me told me that the man behind her no longer mattered. God she took my breath away with her blue eyes.

  As I sat there in the kitchen still sipping on my coffee I smiled, remembering her mouth hanging open as she’d stared at me. At least she still seemed to find me attractive. When our eyes met I’d felt it; that spark, that connection I’d always felt with her. We were always great together. From the time I first saw her I had to know more about her….

  Junior year, high school, I was just getting out of my second period class when I saw small little blonde head walking down the hallway. Who was that? I considered myself a pretty popular person and was fairly knowledgeable about the female population in this school but this was a head I didn’t recognize. How in the hell did I not recognize this girl? Was she new? I decided to follow after this unknown blonde head and see if maybe I was mistaken.

  As I got closer, I noticed she was walking next to Harper Graham. I’d known Harper most of my life, but we didn’t really hang out in the same social crowds. I played football and baseball, so naturally I was always with my teammates and the cheerleaders. She played softball but aside from a few of her teammates, she didn’t hang out with the sports crowd. I didn’t care for all of the people in my crowd either and I didn’t actually like to party like most of them did. I went because I was expected too, plus Ky liked getting drunk and so I stuck around to keep him out of trouble and make sure he had a ride home.

  Her beautiful soft sweet laughter filtered through to my ears and I stopped dead. The sound hit me like a freight train. I watched her walking and her head turned to the side to look up at Harper. I saw her profile and she was beautiful. But not in the way of the typical tall, gorgeous model types. She was small and her laugh sounded so innocent and sweet. I didn’t understand how I didn’t know who she was. But I decided right then and there that I would ask around and try to find out anything I possibly could about this girl. Somebody with that kind of smile had got to be worth knowing…

  I grumbled as I stood up to dump the rest of my coffee in the sink, and got some gym clothes on to work out. I was feeling frustrated. Thinking back to the first time I saw Em always opened up a slew of other memories about our relationship. That laugh of hers and her eyes when she looked at me always melted me. But last night, there was something not right. There was no spark in her eyes. It was there briefly when she first saw me, but it had gone as just as quickly. I’d never seen her look like that; withdrawn and empty. Her fire was still there but I didn’t doubt for a second that it had only emerged because I pissed her off about her little dance partner. Why in the hell did she let him rub all over her? I was pretty sure her preppy-boy husband wouldn’t approve of his wife dancing that closely with another man. Hell, I didn’t approve of it and she wasn’t even mine. It fucking pissed me off. There was definitely something going on with her because the Em I knew never acted like that.

  Before she’d almost fallen down on the dance floor I’d already planned to hall her ass out of there, but she made it easy when she allowed me to pick her up. Touching her and being that near to her had done things to me. Then she had to go and get all cuddly on me; drunkenly telling me she’d missed me when I carried her out to the car. I’d wanted to tell her I missed her too, but that was just a line I couldn’t cross. Although I was determined to find out tonight at the reunion what the deal was with her. I needed to know why she seemed so… ‘off’.

  “Hey man, what the hell are you so broody about?” Ky asked as he came down the hall. His hair was spiked in all different directions, probably from having his head buried under his pillow all night. “You going to the gym?”

  Even though he was my best friend, I didn’t feel like spilling my guts to him, “I’m good, and yes I’m heading out to run and punch a bag for a bit. Wanna ride?”

  “Yeah sure, give me a second to go brush my teeth.”

  “I’ll be out in the car.” I grabbed the keys to my rental and got in the car. When I opened the door and got in I inhaled deeply. No fucking way! It smelled like her in here. Just the smell of her was making me achy and hard. Jesus, I was in some serious trouble!

  Slowly peeling my eyes open I saw that the sun shining through my window. Blinking rapidly against the bright light I tried to sit up. Jesus, my head was pounding! I threw my hand up to my forehead and gave it a rub. My head was hanging down towards my chest and I saw that I was wearing a pale pink camisole and a pair of white, girl boxer shorts. What the hell? How did I get home, and who the hell had changed me? I was racking my brain to try and recall what happened the night before when my bedroom door opened. Harper came walking in a pair of blue boxers and a grey ribbed tank top.

  “Good morning sunshine! How are we feeling today?” She was smiling down at me as she handed me a glass of water and a couple of aspirin.

  “Don’t you think you’re a little too chipper? It’s early, and my head is throbbing. By the way, did I drink out of the toilet at the bar last night? My mouth tastes like ass!” I tossed back the aspirin and drink the whole glass of water and set it down on the bedside table.

  She threw her head back and laughed. “First of all, it’s not early, it’s one in the afternoon. You’ve been sleeping all morning, but now you need to get up so we can go shopping. And second, I hope you didn’t try to drink out of those toilets because you tried to make out with me when we got home, and you were moaning Finn and Vance’s name.”

  “Oh my god Finn! What happened last night? You’re the one that got me dressed right? Holy crap I made a fool of myself didn’t I? Did Bubbles, come out?” Harper and I had made up a name for my drunken personality. She apparently liked to act like a stripper. I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face, “Oh no, I’m a married woman who acts like a hooker. Please tell me that’s not what this awful taste in my mouth is?”

  Harper was now in hysterics on the floor. I glowered at her. “Stop it! I’m dying here.” She was holding her stomach trying to calm down. “Yes, Bubbles did make an appearance last night but she wasn’t as bad as I’ve seen her before. And no that’s not what that taste in your mouth is, unless you and Kyler did something in the bathroom while I was waiting for Finn”? Her eyebrows rose, “Oh shit, please tell me you weren’t drunk enough to do that? If you did, I think I’m going to get sick Em.”

  I threw my pillow at her and screeched “Nooo! Of course not! But don’t act like Ky is that bad. He may act like a douchebag, but he is extremely attractive and he can be really sweet. In fact I don’t know why you never went after him while we were in high school. I have it on good authority that he had a crush on you.”

  “Yeah well, I just can’t see it. I’m a realtor and he’s a song writing, surfer boy. Those two things don’t really equate to a match made in heaven Em. Kyler is cute but he just isn’t my type.”

  “What is your type? I don’t think I’ve even been able to nail down what you like in a man besides them being emotionally unavailable. And there is nothing wrong with him being a songwriter.” I threw in for good measure, a hint of resentment in my voice.

  Finley and Kyler were both song writers for big time musicians in the Los Angeles area and—from what I’d heard—they were on the fast track to possibly winning some awards for their work. Finn had been playing the guitar since he was a young kid and his parents passed away in a car accident. That’s when he moved in with Kyler, and the two of them became inseparable. Writing was more of Finn’s thing but Kyler started writing with him and he turned out to be pretty good at it.

  “Relax Emilyn, I’m not passing judgment on him… or Finn. I’m just saying that Kyler and I wouldn’t fit well. Besides, we fight all the time and he’s a total fucktard to me!”

  I put my hands in the air and giggled. “Well that fucktard still has it bad for you. And speaking of Finn,” I hes
itated. “What happened with him last night?”

  “Nothing really, he just carried you out of the bar when you couldn’t hold yourself up, just held your hair back when you were puking, just put you in the car, and just carried your ass up here to your bed.”

  She was obviously being sarcastic.

  I put my head in my hands as I felt my headache behind my eyes. I couldn’t believe I’d been that drunk last night and Finn had acted as my savior. I had a feeling there was more to the story but I couldn’t remember and I just wanted to get up, get cleaned up and brush my teeth.

  “I’m sorry I was such a shitty date Harper. I’m going to go take a shower and we can shop our little hearts out. I’ll even let you dress me in whatever you want tonight.”

  “You weren’t horrible Em, you’ve been worse. And hell yes you’re going to let me dress you. If you had it your way, you’d show up in some little cardigan and tan pants with pleats down the front.”

  “Ha ha, no I wouldn’t… I would wear black pants thank you very much,” I laughed, walking out of my bedroom and into the bathroom. I honestly wasn’t looking forward to tonight after my little debacle with Finn. I see him for the first time since he left that fateful night and I act like a boozed up floozy that can’t control her liquor. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I was in for a night with some eye opening exchanges between Finn and me.

  Harper and I took her car and drove towards some of the little boutique shops in town that usually carry the kind of clothing that I found to be too expensive. The street was lined with decorative Fourth of July ribbons on the street lamps, and the windows of the store fronts all showcased their very best along with some sort of red, white, and blue paraphernalia. Harper parked her car outside of a cute little shop called ‘Mingle’. Getting out of her of black Toyota Camry, I stepped up on the sidewalk and raised an eyebrow at Harper.

  “What?”

  “Mingle?” I said while softly giggling, “If I didn’t know that this was a clothing store I’d think you were taking me out to pick out a man.”

  Harper rolled her eyes and said “Oh shut up and get in there. I think your plate is full enough with men at the moment and your wardrobe is in serious need of fixing.”

  What on earth did she mean ‘my plate was full of men’? I was married. I had Weston and that was it. I decided to ignore her comment, and followed her into the oddly named store. We walked through the front door and a little bell jingled overhead, probably to let the sales people in back that there were people out front to harass. Just another reason I loved shopping at my large chain stores; nobody bothered me when picking out clothes. These smaller places there was always some stuffy, stuck up person pushing their products on you, telling you how fabulous you looked—even though you probably looked like a fat hippo stuffed in a size six dress when you really wear a size ten—all because they work on commission and need the sale. I tended to be the most gullible person on earth, and I hated that they spent so much time with me that I ended up buying something I didn’t want or need purely because I felt guilty for taking their time. As if on cue, a petite little woman with bright red shoulder length hair walked out of the back with a smile on her face and a look in her eyes that said ‘you are mine!’

  “Hello, my name is Sarah and welcome to Mingle! What can I help you ladies with today?”

  Oh Jesus, her voice was too perky and she was overly friendly. Fuck a duck I was totally going to spend too much money in here, just what I didn’t want! But I had promised Harper I’d play along, so I guess I’d have to suck it up.

  Harper was the first to respond, telling her that we needed a cute cocktail dress. She told her we wanted it in red and she wanted it to be a fitted—but not too short—dress with a flare on the bottom. Sarah said she had a few options for me to try on. Hmmm… maybe I needed to take Harper shopping with me from now on. She knew just what she wanted and didn’t hesitate to ask for it. Sarah began pulling dresses off the rack and putting them in the fitting room while Harper was mingling over by the shoe section. Ha, okay maybe I could see the reason for the name.

  “Ok Miss, I have a few for you to try on.”

  I followed Sarah into the fitting room and she briefly showed me the dresses she had pulled before exiting, closing the curtain behind her. I turned and began removing my clothes but stopped to take in the selections in front of me. My first thought was that none of the dresses would fit me. But as I took the first dress off the hanger and slid it over my body, I realized that it fit me like a glove. I turned around in the mirror while reaching on the side of me, and zipped the dress up. Yup, just like a glove. Okay so maybe Harper was on to something. The dress was a deep red, almost burgundy, color. It had rouching all around it—making me appear slimmer—and a heart shaped neckline. It was sleeveless and stopped just below mid-thigh. At least I wouldn’t feel like I was being scandalous wearing something this length.

  “You ready? I’m not sure I want to try on anymore dresses. This one feels pretty good.”

  “Well, get out here and let me see then.” Harper replied.

  I pulled the curtain back and took my first step out of the dressing room and moved up on to a platform in front of three mirrors designed to give you a full view. I watched Harper in the mirror and she looked all over my body as I stood in front of her.

  “Well?” I pleaded for any sort of reaction from her. Maybe I will be trying on more dresses.

  Harper let out a low whistle and gave a motion with her finger for me to spin around. I obliged and stopped when I faced her again. Her face lit up with a huge smile of approval. “Holy shit Em, wait until everyone gets a load of you in that dress.”

  “Really, you like it? I mean I love the way that it feels and I don’t think I look so chubby in it. Ow!” I reached up to rub my forehead. Harper had thrown something at my head.

  “You shut your filthy mouth! You are not chubby and you never have been. Now try these shoes on and we’ll see if you are a total disaster in heels.”

  “Ugh, heels Harper? Can’t I wear flats or something? Heels hurt my feet!” I was seriously whining now.

  “Jesus you really are trying to kill me aren’t you?”

  I giggled and took the shoes out of her hands and slid them on. They were black with three inch heels, a strap over the toes. Another strap ran over the top of my foot, up to a clasp that wrapped around my ankle. Once again, Harper had picked out perfect shoes. I tended to take off any heels I wore within the first hour of having them on, but these felt so comfortable that they just might make it through the night.

  “Yep, just as I thought! You may be short but you have great legs and with just enough heel your legs look long and perfect.” Harper doted.

  “Can we not talk about my height? I actually love being short thank you very much!”

  “Uh huh, Em tell me something. Can you reach the top shelf of your kitchen cabinets or do you need to still use a chair like a six year old kid?” Harper was mocking me now.

  I stayed silent for a few seconds, “Oh shut up and help me get out of this so we can check out.” She laughed at me because she knew she had made her point.

  Sarah had been surprisingly quiet during our time in the store. Huh… I wonder if that’d had anything to do with Harper. She placed my new dress in a hanging bag and rang it up along with the shoes. I gasped—like really loudly. “Seventeen hundred dollars?!”

  Harper grabbed my upper arm with her hand and gave it a harsh squeeze. “Fucking A Emilyn! Would you just give the woman your American Express? Your husband makes millions, it’s about time you start spending it.”

  Sarah took the card with a look on her face that said she was wondering if it would be declined. Of course it wasn’t, and she very happily handed me my receipt and called a perky goodbye as Harper and I left the store.

  “See now, that wasn’t so bad spending dick bags money, was it?” Harper asked me as she climbed into her car.

  “It’s not that it is �
��so bad’, it’s just that I don’t see the reason behind spending money like that. The dress is beautiful yes, but I may only wear it one other time after tonight. West works hard for that money and I don’t want to spend his hard earned cash.” I said as we made our way back towards my parent’s house.

  “For starters, if you ever say his money again, I’m taking you to a psych ward to be evaluated. Emmy you’ve been married to him for eight years now, so his money is your money. That’s the way marriage should be. And if you so much as tell me that Weston requires you to speak to him about how you spend that money, I am flying there tonight to pluck every single one of his pubes from his balls and then I’ll slowly castrate him. And again, you just wait until everyone sees you tonight in that dress. Especially Finley.”

  “Okay can you just tell me how it is that you ever get a man to let their testicles near you when you paint such a vivid picture? And I didn’t buy this dress to impress Finley. I bought it because it fit me nicely.” I hoped that if I kept telling myself that Finn hadn’t crossed my mind when I bought that dress, I may just start to believe it. “And for the record, Weston has never asked me to tell him where I spend money or how much I spent. He’s said from the beginning that everything he had was mine.”

  “Well then I guess his hairy balls are safe for tonight then!” We pulled up to my parents’ house and started unloading my purchases.

  I started laughing, “How did I become friends with such a violent person?”

  “Luck I guess,” she shrugged her shoulders. “Time to beautify ourselves!”

  Harper and I were dressed to impress. In addition to my new dress and heels, I had a black clutch that held a tube of clear gloss and mascara. My hair was half up, and the back had a little puff to it with a pretty black sparkle barrette. The rest of my hair cascaded down my back in waves. I felt pretty glamorous.