Ever Enough

by Stacy Borel

  About fifteen minutes later I went out into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. Today was my ultrasound and I’d heard that juice helped to make the baby move around a bit more. Finn followed in behind me. He smelled amazing. He was freshly shaven and the aftershave invaded my senses. I was going to have to get control of myself if I planned on learning to be with Finn objectively. I couldn’t keep mentally undressing him, and giving in to my every hormonal whim. How was doing that ever going to teach me to trust that he was sincere about not leaving me again? If I kept throwing myself at him, it was possible I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between him actually wanting to be with me, and him wanting just that part of me.

  Snapping back to reality, I picked up my cell phone and called Harper. She answered on the second ring.

  “Hello Ms. Large and In Charge!”

  “Ha ha! Not funny.” I was smiling anyway.

  She giggled. “What’s going on hon?”

  “My parents are cooking dinner tonight and they’ve invited us over and want Finn and Ky to come to.” I glanced over at Finn, who had been playing with his cell phone but had stopped to look at me.

  “I’d love to come to dinner, but are you sure it’s a good idea to bring the asshat?”

  “I’m sure Ky will be fine around my parents.”

  “Are we talking about the same guy Em? The guy has no filter.”

  I laughed. “Umm…hello, pot, I’ll introduce you to kettle later.”

  “Bitch, shut up.” I could hear her smile.

  “Awwww… that hurts. Is that any way to talk to your baby Momma?” Harper was full on laughing now. Finn smirked at the one sided conversation he was hearing. Looking down at his phone, his grin melted away.

  “Okay enough small talk, I have to email out some information to a new client. What time do you want me to be there? And you’re not expecting me to bring Kyler, are you?”

  “You don’t have to but it would be nice if you could bring him with you. Maybe put the fear of god in him so he doesn’t embarrass himself too much.” I was hopeful but it likely wouldn’t happen. The good news was, my parents were not only used to Harper’s mouth, they knew how Kyler was too. “Dinner starts at six.”

  She groaned. “Okay, but can you call him and let him know? I don’t want to call him myself in case he starts accusing me of wanting him.”

  “Don’t you?”

  “You’re pushing your limits preggo. I’m not afraid to slap you around a bit.”

  “Just stating the facts.”

  “Uh huh,” she said. “I’ll be there, just call him for me and let him know he better be ready or I’ll leave his ass to walk.”

  We said our goodbyes and I was left wondering when Harper would realize that she might actually have feelings for Ky. He genuinely was a good guy and frankly, a great match for my feisty best friend. They dished shit back and forth on equal grounds. I resolved to talk to Harper about it. She was certainly stubborn enough to ignore any feelings she might have for him.

  I grabbed my slip on shoes that were under the table and put them on, and looked up to see Finn still messing around with his phone. His brows were down and his mouth was in a straight line. Whatever he was doing, he was serious about it.

  “Hey, you ready to go?” I said to him.

  He didn’t hear me. What on earth? I walked over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. He jumped slightly and put his phone down to where I couldn’t see the screen.

  “Did you hear me?”

  “I’m sorry, what did you say?” His face was etched with something I couldn’t put my finger on, but it made something in my stomach flip.

  “I asked if you were ready to go?” I repeated myself.

  “Oh… yeah sure. I’m sorry.” He got up and grabbed his car keys. He led me out of the house with his hand on the small of my back.

  When we got in the car, I looked over at him.

  “Everything okay Finn?”

  He didn’t answer right away which made me feel uneasy. “Everything is fine. I’m sorry for not answering you in there. Just some shit in California that needed my attention.”

  He gave me a tight smile. I wanted to believe him, but my gut was telling me there was more to the story. Not wanting to talk about it, I decided to drop it and we drove to the doctor’s office.

  After sitting in the waiting room for twenty minutes, I was called back to the exam room. I’d been in here with Harper, but having Finn here felt funny. Not funny in a bad way, just… different. I sat down on the table and the paper crinkled beneath me. Finn was walking around the small room, taking inventory of everything there was to see. He stopped in front of all the posters, picked up the lids on a couple of jars sitting on the counter, and even opened a few drawers. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said he was nervous.

  “Everything to your liking?” I teased.

  His eyes were still searching the room. “Very funny Em. I just want to see what they have in here.”

  “It’s a pretty standard room Finn, you can sit down and relax.”

  “I am relaxed.”

  “You could have fooled me. You’re pacing around, checking everything out like it’s some foreign environment.” He looked over at me, and I grinned at him. He rolled his eyes.

  “I hate this place. Needles give me the heebie jeebies.” He actually shivered, which made me laugh.

  “You don’t have to be in here with me you know. I am a big girl.”

  He turned to face me, and his eyes held a solid promise. “I will be in here with you for every appointment Em. I’ve already told you, you’re not doing this alone anymore.”

  “But I’ve never been alone. Harper can always still come with me.”

  “No.”

  His no was obviously the end of discussion. Which was actually good because Dr Monroe came in, rolling in with him a computer-looking thing with a large screen and keyboard.

  “Hello Emilyn. Have you been feeling okay?” He looked over at Finn, who was now standing over the top of me in a protective manner.

  “I’ve been feeling great, thanks for asking. This is Finley Morgan by the way. He will be with me for the rest of my appointments.”

  Dr. Monroe reached out and offered his hand. Finn took it and they shook hands.

  “Nice to meet you Finley. I’m glad Emilyn has another friend to come with her.”

  Finn visibly bristled at the word ‘friend’, but that one didn’t need to be explained. In fact I wasn’t sure I could explain it even if I wanted to. I had no idea what Finn and I were right now. I don’t think we could exactly be called boyfriend and girlfriend. We seemed a bit more than such a cliché classification. Except, were we really? That was something I’d have to think about another time because I was about to see my baby on the ultrasound screen.

  “Alright, let’s get started. I need you to lie back and lift your shirt. I’m going to put some of this jelly on your stomach again. It’s going to feel a bit cold again, I apologize for that.”

  Finn stood up by my head while I did what Dr. Monroe asked.

  Dr. Monroe squirted some blue gel on me and then ran the wand over my rounded stomach. He began moving it around in slow motion and an image appeared on the screen. I immediately recognized the fluttering as my baby’s heart.

  “So here is the baby’s spine right here,” he pointed at a long boney looking image. He tapped the keyboard a couple of times, taking some measurements. “Here’s a little foot kicking around, which I’m sure you can feel fairly well by now.”

  I smiled bigger than I already was and nodded my head.

  “Right here is where the placenta is, and the cord coming out of it to your baby. It looks like everything is flowing properly.” More tapping on the keyboard. “Do you see the profile? What a perfect little face,” he practically cooed at the screen.

  The baby really was perfect. I watched in awe as the image of my child moved around the screen. I’d never seen something
more perfect. It was then that I remembered that Finn was standing by me. I was so consumed that I’d forgotten he was in the room too. Looking up at him he was watching the monitor and his eyes looked a bit glassy. Was he tearing up?

  Not sure if I was making the right move, I reached up and laced my fingers through his hand that was resting by my head. He looked down at me then. He gave me one of the most loving and glorious smiles I’d ever seen. And if I wasn’t mistaken, I thought I’d seen love in them. Whether it was love for me, or for my child, I didn’t know. But at that very moment, Finn and I connected in a deeper way than we ever had before. He was here for me and my child. The look on his face was a look I’d expect to see on a father seeing his baby for the first time. This obviously wasn’t Finn’s child but looking at him now, you would never know the difference.

  After some more tapping on the keyboard, Dr Monroe asked, “Would you like to know the sex of the baby?”

  Looking away from Finn, I turned back to the doctor. I had thought about this for the past few months. Just as I opened my mouth to respond, Finn piped up.

  “Yes. We definitely want to know!” He wasn’t even looking at me.

  Dr. Monroe looked down at me and waited for confirmation.

  “No, actually I don’t want to know.”

  “What? Em…” Finn stopped talking when I turned my head back in his direction.

  “I don’t want to know Finn. Not knowing what you’re having can be one of the great mysteries in life, and it’s just something that I’d rather be surprised about.”

  He searched my face, trying to understand. “But what about planning and decorating the baby’s room? If we know, we can add pink or blue to go with the new yellow walls.”

  I shrugged my shoulder, the paper beneath me creasing. “I’m fine with neutral colors.”

  His brow furrowed, eventually looking away from me to the doctor. “I guess we don’t want to know.”

  Dr Monroe gave me a kind smile. When he was done wiping the gel off my stomach, he went over to turn the lights on. I pulled my shirt back over my rounded tummy and Finn put a hand behind me to help me sit up. Dr. Monroe came over to the opposite side of the bed from Finn. Placing a handing on my shoulder he leaned in slightly.

  “I love a good surprise! Here,” and he handed me a photo he had taken of the baby’s profile. “Just stop on the way out at the desk to schedule your next appointment and I’ll see you in another four weeks.” And with that he walked out of the door.

  Left in the room with just Finn, it was silent. For some reason I couldn’t look at him. I expected him to be angry with me for not wanting to know the sex of the baby, but I also wanted to stand my ground. This was my child, and I hated to make it sound like I was being territorial but Finn wasn’t the father. If he wanted to be in our lives, I was more than okay with that, but as far as I was concerned I was the parent and I made the decisions, and this was something I didn’t want to know.

  “Hey.” He was trying to get my attention. “Are you upset?”

  I finally met his eye. “No, I’m fine. Are… are you upset with me?”

  He was confused. “Why would I be upset?”

  “Because, you wanted to find out and I didn’t.”

  He shook his head, “Tiny Girl, if you didn’t want to know, then that was your choice. It would have been fun going out and buying pink or blue things, but I’ll just take this as a challenge. Bring on the neutral!” He smiled a sweet smile at me. I gave him a grin in return.

  “Thanks… you know… for being here with me for this.”

  He leaned in and touched his forehead to mine. “Always Em, always!”

  I’d never been a big baby person, but holy shit that was one of the coolest things I’d ever seen. There was an actual human being growing inside Emilyn. Standing there looking at that screen, it was hard to wrap my mind around the whole thing. I’d be forever grateful that she let me be in there with her. What’s more, Em had always been one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever laid eyes on, but after that experience I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone more beautiful than her. She was an incredible woman.

  The rest of the day passed quickly and before long we were back in the car on our way to her parent’s house. She was quietly humming to herself from the passenger seat. I felt myself growing anxious about seeing her parents again after so long. Especially knowing that they’d witnessed first-hand what I’d put her through. I didn’t know if they would be angry with me? Had they held a grudge? We were around the corner when Em looked at me and gave me a dazzling smile that lit up her whole face.

  “My Mom is making ribs and potato salad, I hope that’s okay.”

  “Of course.”

  She looked at me as if she expected more of an answer.

  “Oh my gosh!” She was smiling now. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was staring at me. I was white knuckling the steering wheel.

  “What?”

  “Holy shit!” Okay, now she was flat out laughing.

  “Really Emilyn, you shouldn’t curse. It’s bad for the baby.” I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

  That made her laugh even more. She was doubled over holding on to her stomach and wiping tears from her eyes.

  “You’re scared to see my parents again, aren’t you?”

  I didn’t find this very amusing. “No, why would I be?”

  “How about you tell me!” I watched her take deep breaths, and it looked like she was trying to make an honest attempt to stop laughing.

  “I really don’t know why you’re laughing, but if you keep it up you’ll be paying for it later.”

  That shut her up really quick. Now I was the one chuckling.

  “So in all seriousness, are you worried about seeing them again? You look like you’re about to take a chunk out of the steering wheel Finn.”

  She was right. I loosened my grip and decided to out my pansy ass.

  “Yes, okay? I’m nervous to see them again. I loved your parents, but they were the ones that were here with you after… well you know. I’d understand if they didn’t ever want to see me again. Hell, I wouldn’t want to see me again either. If I could, I’d kick my own ass for what I did to you!”

  Rolling her eyes she said, “Finn, enough! They’re fine with it. I’ve seen them both since you’ve come back and they obviously know that I’m living with you now. Really, truly, it’s all going to be fine. They know that we’ve talked quite a bit about everything that happened, and as long as I’m fine and moving on then so are they, okay?”

  I wasn’t so certain, but I’d accept her answer for now. Who knew what Richard and Tessa would do or say to me when Em wasn’t in the room. Either way, I’d man up and deal with whatever they wanted to dish out to me because I deserved it. We pulled up to her parents’ driveway. Harper and Kyler weren’t there yet, which sucked because they would have acted as a great buffer for any potential awkwardness. Parking the car I turned to face her.

  “What?” She cocked her head to the side.

  “That laughing fit? Totally unacceptable. You should be worried.”

  And with that I got out of the car, closing the door while she yelled my name. I walked around to her side and helped her out.

  When she got out we made our way to the front door.

  “What do you mean I should be worried?” She was chewing on her bottom lip. Holy shit that was turning me on. Simmer down boy. Let’s not give her Dad more ammo to fire at me.

  “We’ll talk about it later.” I kissed the tip of her nose, and used my thumb to pull her lip out of her teeth.

  We made our way inside and Em called out to her parents.

  We found them standing in the kitchen talking. Emilyn’s Mom came and greeted her with a hug, and then her Dad did the same, kissing her cheek, when they pulled away and saw me still standing in the doorway.

  “Finley Morgan, how are you honey?” Tessa came over to me with open arms. This was so not the greeting I had expe
cted. She gave me a tight hug and pulled back to give me a once over. “Oh my word, have you gotten bigger since the last time I saw you? In fact, I think you’re even cuter now too.”

  “Mom!”

  I chuckled. “It’s fine Em. Thanks for the compliment.” She was still holding on to my arms. “Yes Tessa, I hit another growth spurt just after high school. I didn’t realize boys kept growing for another few years. Pretty certain I’m done now though.”

  Looking down at Tessa it was like seeing what Em would look like in twenty years. She was a very beautiful woman. Richard cleared his throat.

  “Finn, it’s nice to see you son. I hear you’ve been doing well.” He reached his hand out for me to shake.

  I gladly took it, and let the warmth of his greeting wash over me. I hadn’t heard him call me son in ages. Now that I was hearing it again, I realized that I’d actually missed it. Just like Kyler’s Dad, Richard was a man that I looked up to and respected. After my Father died, he had stepped in and made me feel like I was a part of this family and started calling me ‘son’. Not wanting to get emotional, I greeted Richard with a hello.

  “Nice to see you too Richard. Business has been doing well.”

  “I’ve heard some of your songs on the radio. I’ve got to say, it’s kind of neat that I know that you wrote them.” Richard complimented me.

  “Oh yes, and I’ve even caught him singing along to them in the car.” Tessa said grinning at her husband.

  “Can it Tessa. The boy doesn’t need to know all of my secrets.” They smiled at each other in a loving way.

  Em laughed and looked up at me with her radiant smile. The conversation between the three of them continued until the doorbell rang.

  Emilyn went to answer it, while I stayed in the kitchen and offered to help Tessa with setting the table. She handed me some plates and I made my way in to the dining room table. I walked back into the kitchen to be greeted by a very annoyed looking Harper swiftly followed by Kyler—a shit eating grin plastered all over his face. Tessa clapped her hands excitedly.