Ever Enough

by Stacy Borel

  After a bit more teasing and playing around, Finn decided we needed to celebrate the day by going out and buying some baby furniture to decorate the nursery. I thought that was a great idea, although he seemed to be under the impression that he’d paying for said baby items. Not happening!

  We drove into town and stopped at a cute little boutique across the street from Mingle, the store that Harper and I had shopped in months ago for the reunion. How things had changed since then. Going into the store, Finn led me around with his hand on my back. He stayed at my side as I picked out a crib, changing table, and bassinet; all of which I planned on keeping in with me until I felt comfortable enough to put the baby in their own room.

  When it came time to pay, Finn tried to gently push me aside and hand the lady at the register his credit card, but I was still fast for a preggo and beat him to it. He glowered at me, and I beamed up at him.

  “You’ll have to be faster next time.”

  He growled. “Uh huh. This right here,” he motioned with his hand between me and the cash register. “This is never going to happen again. Understood?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re so bossy!” I was happy that I didn’t have to argue with him in the store though.

  “Only with you Em.” He picked up the bags that held the new crib bedding and he followed me out of the store.

  “You want to go grab some lunch at that new sandwich shop across from Beans?” If I didn’t eat soon, I was certain I’d revert to the ways of the wild and eat my young before it was born.

  “Sounds good.”

  We loaded up the car and drove through town.

  When we got to the shop, Finn went to the counter to order our food while I found us a seat by the window. It was too cool to sit outside but the sun was warm as it beat through the glass. I positioned myself so I could feel the heat on my back, and I faced the rest of the shop.

  Ten minutes later Finn sat down across from me and we chatted and ate our sandwiches.

  “This place is so good!” I said around a mouthful of food. “Definitely going to come here during my lunch break!”

  Finn agreed with me and we continued to eat to our hearts content. When we finished he sat back and patted his protruding belly. I burst out laughing.

  “You look like you’re trying to compete.” I said pointing to my stomach.

  “Yours is definitely cuter than mine.” He chuckled.

  He looked over my shoulder still smiling when his mouth faltered. His face contorted to a mix of distaste, panic, and confusion. His eyes traveled towards the front door.

  “Oh shit.”

  “What?” His expression was unnerving.

  He didn’t answer me. My attention was drawn to one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen walking towards our table. Her light blue eyes were almost gray. She was very tall with long lean legs. Her breast were huge, but more than likely fake. And as she approached her eyes were set on Finn. What the hell was going on?

  I tore my gaze away from the tall woman to look at Finn, and I saw him swallow hard.

  “What in the hell are you doing here Valerie?” Finn spoke up and he didn’t sound very happy.

  Holy shit! This was Val? The woman that Kyler went and on and on about at the reunion? The same woman that Finn had been seeing on-and-off when he lived in California?

  “What do you mean, what am I doing here? I kept calling you and you wouldn’t take my calls.” She said in her oh-so-perfect voice. Of course even her voice was beautiful.

  As she spoke, pieces of the puzzle in my head began to fit together. That was who had been calling his phone—it was never a telemarketer. She was the reason he was so distracted that day I was trying to talk to him. How often had they been talking? How did she know where to find him? Did he want her to be here? Did he ask her to come out here so I could see that he had someone else waiting for him? Suddenly my sandwich wasn’t sitting so well in my stomach.

  “Don’t pull this shit now Val. I text you and told you that I had moved here to work things out with Emilyn. You have no business being here. You and I are over!” I’d never seen him so angry.

  As if she hadn’t even noticed me sitting with Finn at the table, she turned her gray-blue eyes in my direction. She was assessing me, making me feeling like I was a tiny little organism under a microscope. Her lip curled up in a sneer as she looked even further down my body and saw my stomach.

  “Is this why you moved out here? Did you get her pregnant? Finley, I know you are a traditional man but we can work this out. Just because she’s knocked up doesn’t mean we can’t be together anymore. I still want you, baby.”

  I was shocked at her words. She thought that Finn was the one that got me pregnant? What had he told this woman? Unable to take anymore of her scrutiny, I chimed in.

  “Hi.” I stood slowly and held my hand out for her to shake. “I’m Emilyn.” I had to tilt my head back a bit as she stood almost a full head taller than I did. Nothing more intimidating that standing up to your boyfriend’s—or whatever he was—ex-lover and feeling small and insignificant.

  She didn’t take my hand, so I let it drop back by my side. Alright so this was how we were going to play this.

  “Val is it?” She narrowed her eyes at me, knowing I knew damn well what her name was. “I think Finn has told you exactly how he feels. He and I are together now, working out some stuff that isn’t any concern of yours. I realize you probably flew a long way to get here, and for that I’m sorry, but you’re not welcome here. I’ll gladly pay for your ticket back to California and for your car to the airport.”

  Her overly fake boobs puffed up at me. “You little bitch, I don’t care if you’re pregnant. You talk to me like that again and I’ll throw your ass to the ground!”

  As if emerging from a trance, Finn finally stood in between us and tried to break it up.

  “I’d never hit a girl Valerie, but if you touch her, it’s going to get ugly.”

  “How can you say that me Finley! I don’t understand. We lived together. We were going to get married. I love you! You can still come back home baby, we’ll work this all out. Please don’t do this to us.”

  “Wait… you lived with her?” I stepped to Finn’s side looking up at him.

  “It wasn’t like that Em. She would come and stay with me at my house, but we never actually lived together. Not like you and I do.”

  “Were you going to marry her Finn?” Tears started to spring to my eyes.

  “No, never!”

  The fake bimbo jumped in. “Excuse me, but if we weren’t going to get married, then what was all that talk we had before you left for your little reunion? You made me feel like things were getting serious.”

  “Cut the shit Val! You’re the one that brought up marriage. I told you that I had never had plans for us to ever be serious. My heart has always been with Em.”

  “She,” she pointed her finger at me, “is the reason that you were never able to commit yourself to me. Well I’m here to take you back home. You’ve got her out of your system, and clearly there’s no comparison between me and her. She is just a plain Jane, Finley. Why would you want that for yourself? If this is about the baby, we can send her money. Please don’t let this baby thing stop your goals and making it to the top. We have so much together.”

  Ouch, that one hurt. She was right, I could clearly see the difference between her and myself. I was nothing but a simple little girl whereas she was a blonde bombshell. Granted a bitchy one, but men liked the things Val had. Why was he even with me?

  “I’m not the father Val. It isn’t about the fucking baby!” Finn all but gritted through his teeth. He was trying to keep his voice down because people in the shop were starting to stare at us. “Em is so much more than you ever were Val. She isn’t fake, she cares about people. She is definitely not a plain Jane. She’s the most beautiful person on this earth. Don’t you get it? I tried to let you down easy, but you don’t seem to be taking no for an answer.”<
br />
  “That’s because nobody tells me ‘no’ Finley.”

  While the two of them faced off, I began having little twinges of pain that I’d never felt before and it was starting to make me nervous. This stress wasn’t good for me, or for my baby. I reached down to grab my purse and cell phone. I’d call Harper to come pick me up as soon as I got outside. I didn’t want to be in the middle of this. Even though Finn was saying words that I wanted to hear him say, he’d also lied to me. There were things about Valerie that he never told me about, such as them living together, and then not telling me that she’d called.

  As I started to move away from the two of them and walk towards the door, Finn noticed me leaving.

  “If you’re leaving Emilyn, I’m going with you.” He grabbed his coat.

  Val grasped a hold of Finn’s arm and said, “We aren’t done talking. Let her go.”

  “No.” He said.

  “Finn, I need to leave. I don’t want to be a part of this, and I need some space and time to think about things.” Tears ran down my face.

  “Don’t walk away from me again Tiny Girl. It’s you and me.” He removed Val’s arm from his own, and began walking towards me.

  “I can’t do this Finn, not right now. I just need some time.” I opened the door, knowing full well that he was going to follow me.

  “Em.” I heard him call as I started to practically sprint down the sidewalk.

  He was behind me, calling my name. I just needed to get away from him. If he’d lied to me about this, what else had he lied to me about? Why hadn’t he just told me what was going on? It seemed like something so simple, something that we could have worked through—talked through—but he kept it from me. And then the way that he told Val that he wasn’t the father. He technically wasn’t, but over the past couple of weeks, how many late night conversations had we had that he told me he was going to be this baby’s father? That he wanted him or her to call him Dad. He said my baby deserved a father, and if West wouldn’t step up to the plate, then he’d assume that role. To hear him say that none of this was about ‘the fucking baby’ was like a slap to the face… or a knife to my heart.

  Feeling out of breath and nauseous, I started to slow. I hadn’t run very far but I could hear Finn shouting at me to stop. He was catching up. I was just turning to him to ask him to leave me alone when a sharp shooting pain went through my lower stomach. It hurt so bad that I doubled over in pain. It lasted two seconds and I started to stand back up straight, but another sharp pain hit me, worse than the first one. Oh god, my baby. Something was wrong. Feeling something wet I looked down at my jeans. I thought maybe my waters had broken but it was blood. There was bright red blood seeping down my jeans.

  I screamed just as another spasm rocked my body. I could hear Finn shouting my name, and he caught me just before I hit the pavement.

  “Emilyn!”

  The pain was too much to bear. The last thing I registered was Finn shouting at passerby to call 911. Then everything went black.

  Pacing and walking. It was all I could do at this point to not jump out of my skin. There was so much blood… blood that was still all over me. I hadn’t even washed my hands since setting foot in the emergency room. Emilyn had been back with the doctors for two hours so why in the hell hadn’t anyone been out to talk to me? Harper was sitting next to Kyler, gripping his hand like a lifeline while he rubbed her back and whispered in her ear. Richard and Tessa were in the next set of chairs, staring blankly ahead. Tears streamed down Tessa’s face. We were all here for Em. Looking at the four of them, I couldn’t help but think that at least they had each other. Richard and Tessa had each other to lean on and Ky would always be there for Harper. While I knew they would all be there for me, it was Em that I wanted. What would I do without her? I’d be a fucking shell of a man if something happened to her. Jesus Christ there was just so much blood.

  Scrubbing my hands down my face I looked up at the sound of the double doors opening. Dr. Monroe came out and walked towards us. He had a white mask hanging from around his neck as if he’d been in surgery. His face was blank and I couldn’t read a single emotion. Harper and Ky came and stood to my left, Richard and Tessa came and stood at my right. Dr. Monroe stopped in front of us and let out a long breath.

  “How is she?” Richard asked, his voice cracking.

  “She lost a lot of blood, so we had to give her a transfusion.”

  “Is she going to be okay?” Harper asked anxiously.

  “She’s suffered a trauma, but she should recover from this just fine.”

  I continued to watch him, reading his face with every word he said. He proceeded to tell us what he’d had to do to stop her bleeding, but I could tell he still hadn’t given us the news that we were all too scared to ask. I didn’t want her parents to have to ask the question, so I did it for them.

  “Dr. Monroe, what about the baby?”

  He cleared his throat. “Emilyn had what is called a placental abruption. That means that the placenta was separated from her uterine wall, causing her to lose the amount of blood that she did.” He looked down and then back up to meet my eyes. “When something like that happens, there is nothing that we can do. Without the placenta being attached, the baby has no way to survive without the blood source.”

  “What are you saying?” I knew, but I wanted him to say it.

  “She lost the baby Finley.”

  Tessa gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Richard leaned in and held his wife as she wept in his arms. Grief was written all over his face. Harper stood straight, tears glistening in her eyes but her stance said she was angry. Kyler was motionless, unsure what to do. I didn’t know how to feel.

  “Does she know?” I asked.

  “No. She was given a general anesthetic so we could operate and remove any remaining tissue from the pregnancy and search her uterus for additional tears.”

  “Oh god. I think I’m going to be sick.” Harper suddenly said.

  Kyler led her to a waste basket in the corner of the waiting room.

  “The good news is we were able to clear everything out. She will make a full recovery, and she shouldn’t have any problem getting pregnant again.” Dr Monroe sounded hopeful but I was barely registering his words.

  Emilyn had lost the baby. We’d just been shopping to fill the nursery with baby furniture. All she wanted was to be a mother, and now she’d lost the one thing that gave her joy and helped her through this mess that Weston had created. And she didn’t even fucking know.

  “I know this might no help but sometimes knowing can help the grieving process. The baby… would you like to know the sex?”

  “Yes.” Tessa sniffled and answered anxiously. “I want to know.”

  Em didn’t want to know. She said that it was one of the many great surprises in life. Would it matter now? Maybe Dr. Monroe was right. He could tell us, and if she wanted to know, I’d tell her.

  “It was a boy.”

  Tessa broke down again, and this time Richard let out a strangled sob. A boy? Em felt so certain it was a girl. She would talk about the baby and refer to it as a girl all the time. This was a shock. Now that I knew, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to anymore. I ran my hands through my hair, yanking on the ends. I felt numb. Any pain was good at this point. I needed to feel something.

  “Can we see her?” I asked.

  “Of course. She’s resting right now but she should wake up soon. I can only allow two of you at a time since she’s in the ICU. I’ll be around the hospital for the rest of the evening if you have any questions, or if Emilyn needs anything.” Dr. Monroe nodded his head and started to walk away.

  “Dr. Monroe?” I stopped him, and he turned to face me. I guided him out of hearing range of everyone else.

  “Is there any explanation for why this happened?” I paused. “Like too much stress?”

  “Honestly Finley, it could have been a number of things. But the likelihood that it was stress that caused this is slim.
It was just something that wasn’t meant to be. That’ll be hard for her accept I know. Just make sure she gets plenty of rest, okay?” He put his hand on my shoulder, before turning to walk back through the double doors.

  I decided to let everyone else see her before I did. I needed a few moments to collect myself. I didn’t know if she would be awake when I went in the room and part of me was hoping that she would wake before it was my turn, just so someone else could break the news to her. That was such a pussy thing to think. I should be the one to tell her. She was mine and I loved her. Why had I let her leave the sandwich shop? Why had I even let Val talk to Em? Who the fuck just shows up after I made it abundantly clear I didn’t want to be with them? She was certifiably crazy. Val had followed me out of the shop when I’d chased after my Tiny Girl. She caught up to me when I was on the ground holding a bleeding out Em. She panicked and said she should have never come. I’m not sure if it was the look on my face or the fact that I was screaming at her to leave me the fuck alone, but she turned away with tears in her eyes and left. I’d never spoken to a woman that way, but give me a break, I’d been holding the love of my life in my arms thinking she was dying.

  I felt blame engulf me. Everything that had happened was a result of my actions. I was so fucking stupid. I should never have hidden anything from her. I thought I could deal with it on my own, and I didn’t want to give her a reason to doubt me. I had no idea what I would do, or how I would even begin to fix this, but I knew I needed her. I needed Emilyn like I needed air to breathe. I could never walk away from her again, and I was certainly never going to let her walk away from me again.

  Emilyn’s parents had been in to see her and they’d both returned with red, swollen eyes. They said she was sleeping soundly. They were going to head home since there wasn’t much they could do. They knew she wouldn’t be alone since I’d made it clear that I wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. Harper and Ky went in next and came out about thirty minutes later. Harper hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.