Ever Enough

by Stacy Borel

  Separating our lips momentarily, I reached down and lifted my shirt up over my head. He looked down at me and watched me with hooded eyes as I slid my bra straps down my shoulders and off of my arms. Using his hips he held me up so he could unclasp my bra and throw it off to the side.

  “You are so beautiful.” He softly spoke.

  “Stop talking Finn. I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me!” My voice was hoarse with desire.

  His eyes flared, catching on to what I had just told him. Finn set me down on my feet. For a second I thought he was going to deny me, but he stopped in his tracks when I shoved my hand down the front of his pants taking hold of his erection.

  “Oh shit.” He leaned forward, putting a hand up on the wall to support himself.

  I was playing dirty and I knew it. Not caring at all, I stroked his cock; working it all the way to the tip and then motioning back down again. He rested his forehead on mine and I looked up through my lashes into his dark blue eyes. His pupils were dilated and hungry. He wanted me and I knew I had him. The atmosphere was filled with sexual tension; one of the only things I was willing to feel right then. My body had been amped up on Finn since he threw open the door ten minutes ago and told me I was his. As long as I was able to keep my emotions out of this I could do it. I had to do this. We’d been dancing around having sex for a long time now. If I really thought about it, it was all the way back since that night at the bar before the reunion. I wanted him then, and I wanted him now. I was done waiting.

  Licking my lips, I let go of his erection and walked around him making my way to the bedroom.

  “Where are you going?” He asked, sounding upset that I’d stopped what I was doing.

  “Going to the bedroom. Come join me Finn.” I told him seductively.

  “Wait. Em, maybe we shouldn’t do this right now. We have a lot to talk…” His words were cut short when I continued my track down the hall but peeled off my jeans and underwear.

  “Not now Finn.” I called over my shoulder.

  As I got to the bedroom he caught me and pressed himself against my back. Running his nose along the outside of my ear he said, “You don’t fight fair Tiny Girl.”

  “Hmmm…” I shivered as his hands moved up my side and came around to cup my breasts. “I don’t want to fight at all. I just want you inside me. Now!”

  He made a deep rumbling sound in his chest, spun me around and walked me towards the bed. When my legs hit the edge of it, I sat down and grabbed Finn’s still wet pants and unzipped them. As I pulled them off, his massive erection sprang free of his black boxer briefs. His cock was at eye level. I gave a wicked grin and took a hold of his erection and closed my mouth around him. Sucking him all the way in as far back in my throat as I could, I heard Finn hissed through his teeth. When I felt like I might start to gag I pulled back up, swirling my tongue around the tip of him and then went back down again. I repeated this motion until his legs started to shake and it seemed like they could no longer hold him up.

  “Em you’ve got to stop or I’m going to come.” His breathing was sharp.

  I let his cock go—my lips making a popping sound as I did—and gave him another sly grin.

  “You’re enjoying yourself too much.” He smirked. “Scoot back on the bed.”

  More than happy to oblige, I pushed myself back until I was up at the head board. Finn started to crawl up the bed towards me, his magnificent muscles working in synchronized movements. His shoulders flexed and his biceps bulged as he held himself over me.

  “There’s no such thing as enjoying this too much.” I said as I reached up and ran my tongue over the stubble on his neck and chin. He was smiling.

  He gently settled between my legs, placing himself right at my opening.

  “God, you’re soaking wet already and I haven’t even touched you.”

  “Then fucking touch me Finn.” I practically begged. My hips started to wiggle on their own accord desperately trying to get his cock in me. He reached down with his hand and I thought he was going to put his fingers inside me, but he grabbed a hold of my hip, stilling me.

  “Em, listen to me.”

  I was trying to squirm to get friction-any kind of friction-but he wouldn’t let me move.

  “Emilyn.” He was grinning at me and the way that I wouldn’t hold still. My eyes were glassed over and I saw nothing but him. His full lips, his thickly lashed blue eyes, the dusting of a days worth of beard. It was all overwhelming and I was going to scream at him if he didn’t start fucking me right this second.

  “Emilyn.” He said again. “Are you listening to me.”

  “If you’re talking to me Finn, you aren’t fucking me. Now shut up and get inside me.”

  He shook his head, his hair falling in his face. “You’re getting nothing until you look at me and listen.”

  I was going to cry. My need was so strong and I could feel how wet I was. My clit was swollen and I knew I would more than likely come the moment he touched it.

  “What?” I whimpered. “Why are you torturing me.”

  He chuckled. “Why do you always think I’m torturing you?” His face turned serious. “I have to ask you if you are sure about this. I know it’s been a long time since you were with someone and I don’t want to hurt you.”

  That’s why he was stopping? Oh for god sake I would put my own hand down there if he didn’t get this moving.

  “You are torturing me by not giving me what I want. I want this, now!” I was a ball of pent up hormones.

  Without any need for further convincing, Finn pushed forward in a sudden thrust, pushing himself all the way inside of me and filling to the hilt. The movement was so sudden and sharp that it caused me to suck in a breath, and tears pricked at my eyes. Though slightly painful, I was deliciously full and already wanted more.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded my head. “More Finn. I need more.”

  He slowly pulled out of me before surging forward again, touching that spot that was deep inside of me. His movements gradually became more rigorous. He would bring me right to the edge of orgasm and then he’d slow. I wanted to scream and cry and yell at him to send me into oblivion but I also didn’t want this feeling to stop. In the midst of Finn’s movement my carefully constructed wall began to crumble. Wanting to keep this as strictly sex between us was becoming difficult and I found myself wanting him to make love to me. His fast paced thrusting slowed to deep languorous movement.

  I was feeling everything; from regret, sadness, hurt, doubt, happiness, elation, joy… but more than anything I felt love. I didn’t recognize it at first but when I did, I opened to it. I had shut down after I’d lost the baby. Being here in this room—and as close to Finn as I could possibly get—I knew I’d never stopped loving him. I hated myself for telling him that I blamed him. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I began to feel my orgasm build again.

  Just then Finn shifted. He sat up with his knees tucked under him. He put his hands under my ass and lifted my hips so they were in the air. My back was slightly bowed off the bed. At this angle he was able to move inside me even deeper than he had before.

  “Don’t cry Tiny Girl.” He pulled out and pushed forward again. “Please don’t cry. Just give it all to me… be with me. Let me love you.” He said.

  “Oh my god I’m going to come.” My body started to shake. My vision went hazy and my eyes rolled back.

  “I love you Emilyn. I love you so much.” He ground out.

  Knowing it was Finn’s beautiful body above me, loving me like this, I went over the edge. I screamed out his name and came. Convulsions wracked my body and waves of heat and pleasure tore through me. My insides gripped Finn’s hard length and I felt him falter. One more deep thrust and he came. His body pumping fast, short movements as my sex squeezed every drop from him. He groaned loudly saying something incoherent, but I don’t think I would have understood it anyway. I was limp and incapable of anything.

  He collapse
d on top of me. I ran my hands up and down the smooth skin of his back until his breathing evened out. When he recovered enough, he pulled back and slid out of me. I felt empty and I didn’t like it. He lay down on the pillow beside me reaching over to hold my hand.

  “That was more than I could have ever of wished for. You are amazing.” He said with tenderness.

  “What?” I said with a yawn.

  He chuckled. “Can I ask you something?”

  I turned to face him. “Yes.”

  “Why did you come over while I wasn’t here?”

  “Because I didn’t think I was ready to see you. Harper told me that you were at Ky’s parents' house. It wasn’t like I planned on waiting until you weren’t home, but when she told me I decided to take advantage of it.”

  He nodded. I knew I’d hurt his feelings by doing it, but he didn’t say so. He was rubbing his thumb on the pad of my palm.

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice your things were gone?”

  “No. But I have to ask, why did you keep the room like we’d left it that day?”

  “Because these are your things. I’ve told you before, this house is yours too, and that means that this is still your room. I’d hoped you’d come back, so I left it all the way that it was. If you’re asking me if I went through anything I didn’t, I swear.”

  “Oh, I don’t care if you did, I have nothing to hide. I just wondered why, that’s all.” I paused, loving the sensation of his hand on mine. “How did you know that I was even here?”

  “Your very useful friend went home and noticed that you weren’t there. She went out and checked the coffee shop, and since you weren’t there either, she called Ky to ask if he might know where you were. I overheard the conversation and ran out of the house. I honestly didn’t think I was going to find you here, but I was relieved when I pulled up and saw your car. You probably should have left a note for Harper.”

  “I hadn’t even thought of that that.” My work excuse clearly would have been a bust.

  His hair was drying in all different directions. I wanted to run my fingers through it. Instead of overthinking it as I usually would, I just did it. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

  “Can I ask you something else?” He looked like he was going to ask me something that was a bit more personal than just my whereabouts.

  “Yes.”

  “Just now, while we were together, why the tears?” His face searched mine. Probably for any sign that I might get up and run. He deserved to hear what I had to say though.

  I rolled to my side. “Okay, truth time. I’m sorry Finn. My reason for coming here and taking my things was for a bigger purpose. These past two months I’ve been shut off from the world moving forward how everyone expects me too. It’s exhausting!” I exhaled loudly, taking the time to choose my words carefully. “Want more truth?”

  “Always.” He said.

  “I don’t blame you Finn. That day that Val showed up, I looked at her and I heard her. What she said rang true with me, I wasn’t good enough for you. Deep down I knew she was right.”

  His brows furrowed. “That’s a load of shit and you know it.”

  I put my finger to his lips. “Wait, I’m not done talking yet.” When he stayed quiet I continued. “I didn’t feel like I was good enough for you Finn and I never have. In high school those girls who had more than I did, were prettier than I was, told me enough times that I believed them. I never looked at us like we were equals. When you left on grad night, I should have never let myself go. I realize now that I should have picked myself up and gone after what I wanted. Don’t you get it? I’m the one that I should have blamed all these years! I let you go too easy. If I had ignored all the petty talk around me I wouldn’t have let you walk away from me without a fight. Now here I am ten years later and I’m doing the exact same thing! I’m letting some trash-talking, blonde bimbo scare me away from believing that I deserved more in my life. This,” I motioned between us, “What we just shared is something that I’ll never forget.”

  He swallowed hard and I saw his Adams apple move up and down. “It’s something that you can share with me anytime you want Em.”

  My eyes softened. “I’m so sorry for what I’ve put you through the past two months Finn. I’ve treated you so badly when you’ve done nothing but try to be there for me. Now don’t get me wrong, the lying and hiding things from me was not okay, but I accept your apology. But blaming you for losing my child and keeping you away from me is something that I’ll probably regret for the rest of my life. When my life was crashing down on me, you were my rock.” I paused to catch my breath. “What I’m trying to say to you is… I love you Finley Morgan, and I always have. You will always be the one great love of my life. Even after everything that has happened, over the course of ten years until right this moment, you will be my one and only.”

  “Marry me Emilyn.”

  My mouth dropped open. “What?”

  “I said, marry me. I love you too. Be with me. Let me love you for the rest of our lives.”

  I searched those piercing blue eyes for any sign that he was joking. He wasn’t, and I was about to crush him.

  “Finn… I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  I started crying. “The reason I’m telling you all of this is because I’m leaving. I’ve been thinking about this over the past few weeks and I think I need to leave and start over somewhere.” And before he could say what I knew he was going to I said, “Alone.”

  “Don’t leave Tiny Girl. I just got you back in my life. Don’t leave me.” His voice choked.

  Tears began flowing down my cheeks. “I love you Finn but I can’t. I’ve never learned to live on my own, to do things for myself without relying on the people around me. I need to go and be a part of this world and live in it. I’m sorry if you don’t understand it, but I need to do this.”

  I leaned forward and kissed him softly on his full sweet lips. Lingering a little longer than my heart could have probably tolerated, I got up from the bed, pulled out one of his old t-shirts and a pair of jeans I’d left in the drawer. He remained still on the bed, in a state of shock. Before I left the bedroom, I turned around and looked at him one last time.

  “I love you.” I whispered before I turned and walked out the door, leaving my heart behind me.

  I drove away from Finn’s house with my two boxes, a broken heart, and a new outlook on life. Heading out of town I hit the interstate heading east, and it didn’t take long for my cell phone to start going off.

  “Em, where the hell are you? Ky said you were with Finn, but I called him and he said you left twenty minutes ago.”

  “I left Harper.”

  “Okay, well do you want me to pick something up for dinner? We can talk about how it went seeing Finn again.”

  This was going to be harder than I thought.

  “No, I mean I left.” I paused giving her a second to catch up. “I’m not coming home.”

  She was quiet.

  “Are you still there?”

  “What the hell do you mean you aren’t coming home? What’s going on Emilyn?” She was getting worked up.

  I sighed. “I’m not trying to be rude or mean Harper, I just think it’s time I had a fresh start. So many places in that town have a memory attached to them. I can hardly turn a corner without remembering something Finn and I shared, or being reminded of my son.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know yet. I’m going to head east and probably try someplace warmer than it is here.” The cold didn’t help my mood.

  “How long are you going to be gone?” She sounded sad.

  I shrugged my shoulders but realized she couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, a while I think.”

  “Did something happen while you were with Finn today? If he did something to you I swear to god I’ll remove his nuts through a pinhole!”

  I laughed. “God Harper, you’re so violent! No nothing hap
pened, not really.”

  I didn’t feel the need to go into detail with her about Finn and I making love, or even our conversation after it.

  “Well, is there anything that I can do? Are you planning on calling me, or telling me where you’re at?”

  Tears were at the surface again, and I was so tired of crying today.

  “Yeah actually there is. Could you tell my parents for me? Let them know that I’ll call them when I find a place to stay. And as for you, of course I’ll call you! But you have to swear to me that you won’t tell Ky or Finn where I’m at. I need to do this and learn to live on my own. I can’t do that if either one of them comes knocking on my door.” I paused again. “And Harper…?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you. I couldn’t have made it through any of this without you. I’m sorry I’m just leaving you high and dry but I know you would have talked me out of it if I’d stayed to say goodbye.”

  She chuckled and sniffled into the phone. “Maybe.”

  “Listen, I don’t know when I’ll call again, but give me a couple of days and I’ll get in touch, okay?” I said softly.

  “Please take care of yourself Em. A girl can go psycho and massacre the whole male population and its hookers if she goes without her best friend for too long.”

  I laughed.

  “I will. Love you Harp!”

  “Love you to.”

  Hanging up the phone I set it in the center console and continued my trip east. I felt free; nothing to hold me back but myself. I let go of every bit of my hurt and pain with each mile that took me further from my home town. Cranking up my radio, I put my shades on and started my new life.

  I stopped at two small, off the map motels on my way down to Florida. At each of them I couldn’t help but think of Harper’s face and how disgusted she would have been at the décor. But as I was exhausted and only cared about a place to lay my head, a five star hotel wasn’t a priority. I tried my hardest not to think about Finn and the fact that he probably wouldn’t approve of the places I chose either, but his reasons would be because they probably weren’t the safest. Each night though, I locked the doors and slide the safety chain in to place.