Shattered Heart

by Ann Stewart

  “He had nowhere to go, Alex. His family is in California and I was trying to be his friend.” Pulling me even closer, my eyes lull shut when I take in a deep breath of his scent. The hint of citrus and man awakens something inside of me and my hands are no longer under my control. With my eyes shut, my senses are heightened and I shiver; the feel of my hands exploring the length of his arms. I caress both elbows, fingers gently grazing over his smooth skin, running along the curves of his muscular forearms until they rest on his wrist. Heaven.

  With our eyes open, I notice his normally bright blue eyes have darkened as he reaches down, running his fingers against the apple of my cheek before resting against my bottom lip. “Your touch tells me that you still want me, but…” He fixates on my lips as his fingers press roughly against my pout. “But your lips say something else. I don’t know what to trust. If your lips are lying to me about how you feel, then how do I know you’re not lying about something else?”

  Turning my head, I move away from his touch. The hurt and betrayal in his voice is dominant and I’m on the verge of giving in, again. Just to take his pain away. “I’ve never once lied to you! When I said I needed time…I meant it. I can’t be with you right now. One day, you’ll realize that what I’m doing, I’m doing for you, for…”

  With a huff, Alex pushes past me, heading to the door. “You are the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met. I’ve turned into a fucking pussy whipped bitch over you and you’re doing nothing but fuck with me. You need to make up your mind.” So much for reeling in his emotion and keeping quiet. No, now Alex has not only raised his voice but the anger he desperately tried to keep tucked away has seeped through his tightly veiled mask.

  Unfortunately for him, I carry the stubborn gene and refuse to back down. I point my finger at him and glare. “Don’t you dare blame…” Knock, knock, knock.

  Bryan’s voice travels through the locked door. “E, Rachel needs you to help her set the table.” Wiping the tears pooling in my eyes, I attempt to push past Alex, but just as I’m about to get to the door he grabs me again.

  “Hart, I didn’t mean…” I pull away, letting the few stray tears slide down my cheeks. Not giving him anything else, I bolt out the door leaving Alex and Bryan to themselves. I don’t make it far before I feel my chest tighten and pain rolling through my stomach. I stop and bend over resting my hands on my bare knees catching my breath. I wish I could have made it a few more steps, then I wouldn’t have had the wind knocked out of me by Alex’s words.

  “Alex, you gotta chill out. E doesn’t respond well to your Neanderthal antics. You can’t threaten Oliver’s life and throw her over your shoulder and expect to get the girl. At least not that girl.”

  “She’s so fucking frustrating. She treats me like I’m yesterday’s news and brings that prick here. You said it yourself Bryan, she doesn’t bring guys home to meet you guys. You’re the one that told me that when she brought me over, it had to mean something. Yet here’s this DICK coming around and…” Alex yells the word “dick” loud enough for the neighbors down the street to hear. I shake my head and continue to try and take deep breaths. He thinks I brought Oliver home to meet my family. He thinks he wasn’t special to me…that he is special to me.

  “Hey, I need you to calm the fuck down and stop acting like such a pussy,” he teases. Thump. “Fuck man that hurt.” I can only imagine where Alex must have punched him for the pussy comment. “My point is, just try to put on a happy face and get through dinner. The prick will leave and you’ll have a chance to talk to E and get to the bottom of things.”

  “Fine.” Alex huffs and I quickly straighten myself and walk down the hall to the kitchen. Distance, Ely. Put some distance between the two of you and you’ll be just fine. Ha, yah right.

  ~~~~~

  Like usual, Rachel went all out for dinner. A succulent turkey surrounded by homemade mashed potatoes, rolls, stuffing, corn on the cob, salad, and of course my green bean casserole sit on top the tangerine table cloth. Rachel and Bryan, being the conspirators they are, thought it would be cute to sit Alex and I next to each other. You remember that distance I said I needed earlier? Well, I guess that’s not happening. Cue eye roll.

  An even more awkward picture is Oliver. He’s been placed between Travis and Trevor, and if this situation wasn’t so desperately depressing, I might laugh. Both brothers sandwich my poor friend who’s been searching my eyes for answers, and only getting disappointed. I honestly don’t know what to say to him. This situation is a mess and he knows it.

  Rachel starts dinner with grace but before allowing us to dive in, she asks us to join hands and say what we are thankful for. This is something we’ve done ever since our parents died. We never had a chance to thank our parents for the life they gave us, regardless how short our time together was. So even though it’s once a year, we always tell each other how much we appreciate each other.

  I attempt to hold back my giggles and fail, when I look across the table at Oliver holding both Trevor’s and Travis’s large hands. Oliver rolls his eyes in my direction, but eventually flashes me his playful grin. That’s one of the things I love about Oliver. He’s easy going and just rolls with the punches.

  “Well El, since you are in such high spirits, you can start first,” Rachel teases. Usually it’s just me, Rachel and Bryan for dinner so saying what I’m thankful for doesn’t extend past the other two people I’m eating with. But this year, I’m thankful for so much more and regardless of what Alex thinks I feel, I am thankful for him. Now, if I can just tell him that without clueing in the rest of the table.

  I feel a blush as all eyes are on me. “Geez, no pressure, guys.” The table chuckles at my discomfort. “Well, I’m thankful for my beautiful sister and Bryan for always loving me unconditionally. I’m thankful for great friends to share this holiday with.” My eyes glance over at Oliver who’s unabashedly staring at me. “And I’m thankful for bottles of chocolate and moments of fate at gas stations.” The words escape my mouth without thinking and once they’re out, Alex’s grip tightens on my hand while I studiously avoid his stare.

  Rachel gives me a look of confusion before glancing around the table. “Okay, well that was…different, who’s next?”

  “Okay, I’ll go next,” Travis chimes in. “I’m thankful for friends who take in a pair of scruffy brothers for Thanksgiving.”

  “Who’re you calling scruffy?” Trevor leans forward to shoot Travis a glare past Oliver.

  Clearing his throat, Travis continues. “Although that little bastard over there is all I have nowadays, I can honestly say I don’t feel alone knowing we have people like ya’ll in our lives.”

  Because she’s sitting next to Travis, all of us can see Rachel’s eyes glisten while listening to him speak. On a day like today, it’s nice to know you’re loved by your friends.

  “Dude Bryan, you may want to move my brother away from your girl. He’s got her all misty eyed, giving him the baby-making eyes.”

  The table erupts in laughter as Travis leans behind Oliver to slap his brother in the back of his head. So much for holding hands during our giving thanks.

  “What did ya do that for?” Trevor rubs his head as the table tries to rein in their laughter. “Fine, I’ll go next…I’m thankful that I take after my mother and got the good looks in the family.” I snicker watching Trevor fist his hands against the orange table cloth. “I’m thankful Rachel puts up with my foul mouth and obscene comments while continuing to allow me to come back to her home. And I’m even more thankful that Rachel and E have amazing genes which make them smoking hot. You can’t beat good food and hot chicks!” Trevor raises his beer in the air and then takes a large swig.

  This time, instead of Travis smacking his brother, Bryan leans over and slaps Trevor instead.

  Just as Alex is about to volunteer, Oliver opens his mouth. “I’ve been told I have a death wish coming to dinner with Ely tonight.” Oliver looks over at Trevor, whose lips perk up in a smirk. “Bu
t, what you guys may not know is that I recently relocated to Vegas just simply on the whim to get to know this beautiful girl in front of me.” Oliver’s eyes lock on mine, making it seem like I’m the only one in the room. Alex’s vice grip on my hand gets tighter reminding that we are not the only two in the room.

  “So, I guess what I’m thankful for is her fucktard boyfriend for showing his true colors so she could dump his ass.” I know I may be paranoid, but I swear I see Oliver’s eyes shoot in Alex’s direction.

  In what appears to be slow motion, Alex jumps up from his chair, our hands still clasped together. Bryan reaches over and grasps his forearms pushing him down into his seat. I can literally see his will breaking, but not before I see the murderous look in the depths of his steel blue eyes. Still glaring at Oliver, Alex calms himself down enough for Bryan to release his hold. The table is quiet as everyone looks from Oliver’s smug face to the steam rising from Alex’s head, to me. Me, who is desperately searching Rachel’s face trying to will her to say something. Thankfully she gets me, or rather she sees my distressed look, and starts talking.

  What almost happened could have been disastrous in epic proportions.

  “Although that’s a tough act to follow, I’ll go next.” She nervously toys with her wine glass. “I’m thankful for my sister and Bryan. El, you’ve made me so proud in everything you do and I know Mom and Dad…” Her voice trails off as her eyes gloss over. “Well, I know they would be super proud of you. And my Bryan, you make me happy everyday and I’m blessed to have you.” She smiles at him before glancing around the other men at our table. “I’m also thankful for our friends. Family isn’t necessarily something you’re born into, but it’s comprised of the people you let into your heart and you guys are our family.” She beams from Travis, to Trevor, and then finally to Alex. Don’t think I didn’t notice her skipping over Oliver.

  I purse my lips as ridiculous tears fall from my eyes. Of course, leave it to my sister to make me cry…AGAIN. I hoped Bryan would have volunteered next, keeping up the drama free vibe. Instead Alex offers up his thanks. While he clears his throat, I brace myself for what’s to come.

  “I’m thankful for my grandmother and her improving health. I’m especially thankful for the new friends I’ve met this year. But most of all, I’m thankful for second chances. There aren’t many times in life you’re given a gift, something that completely changes you and makes you a better person.” Alex squeezes my hand and the anger that was once etched across his face has now been replaced with softness. “I haven’t been the best man or made the right decisions. Lord knows I don’t deserve it, but I’ve been given a gift and I don’t plan on giving her up without a fight.” Once again as if to taunt him, Alex’s eyes lift to meet Oliver’s gaze.

  Of course, Oliver couldn’t let Alex have the last say. “What if that gift doesn’t want you anymore?”

  “Oh the gift wants me…trust me.” Alex’s tone is cocky, his brows raise, and a smirk spreads across his lips. My palms are sweaty and I wonder if Alex can sense the unease coursing through my body. If I could, I would dip under the table and hide until the night was over.

  “But, what if you aren’t a gift to your gift? Instead your gift was given a different gift in the form of a relocated Sales Exec from San Diego?” Fuck me sideways.

  Alex stands ready to reach over the table and pummel Oliver to the ground. I look over to my sister who’s shocked expression doesn’t go unnoticed as she takes in the banter going back and forth between the two men in my life.

  “Why don’t you stop speaking in code and just fucking say it?” Alex raises his arms to his side releasing my hand for the first time since we sat down.

  Standing, Oliver yells, “You want me to say it? Fine! You don’t fucking deserve her and soon she’ll realize that.”

  Alex’s jaw tightens, his fingers clench together and his biceps strain against his rolled up sleeves. “Over my dead body.”

  “Gladly!” Oliver rushes towards Alex. Two seconds away from colliding head on, Bryan interrupts their childish display with his booming voice.

  “Shut. The. Fuck. Up! Both of you! Fuck!” Rachel stares at Bryan in shock. Normally so reserved, he stands with his hands out at his sides, clenched so tightly I can see the white around his knuckles. “You jackasses need to sit down and shut the fuck up. I was going to fucking propose, but you bastards have gone and ruined it for me!”

  As soon as it’s out, Bryan realizes he let his plan slip and squeamishly looks over to Rachel. And as if the mute button was pressed on a remote, the rest of the table watches in silence as Rachel rises from her seat, slowly making her way over to him.

  Standing in between his legs, she places her arms around his neck and beams at him. “You were going to propose to me?” Her ear to ear smile is worth a thousand proposals. Time has stopped and regardless of the drama that was about to ensue, I’m ecstatic for my sister and my soon to be brother-in-law.

  Nodding enthusiastically, Bryan reaches into his pocket before dropping to one knee. In return, Rachel grasps his dark strands, running her fingers through his hair lovingly as she looks at him with pure adoration.

  “Rachel…when I met you…I knew I’d met the one. You’ve become my best friend, my lover. You’ve given me more love in the time we’ve known each other than most people experience in a lifetime. You’re loving and selfless and I want to make you happy for eternity. I want to live in your smile and bask in your joy for the rest of my life.” Taking the ring from the box, Bryan holds it up and asks, “Rachel Elizabeth Hart, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

  It takes her about two point five seconds to say yes as he stands and lifts her into a constricting hug. I’m crying. I’m not sure why, but I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that a stream of tears run down my face. Leaning over, Alex grasps my knee and gives me a warm smile before joining the rest of the room standing to congratulate Rachel and Bryan.

  CHAPTER 6

  Unconsciously I run my fork back and forth across the ceramic surface of my plate. For the past five minutes I’ve been chewing the same piece of meat while contemplating the past few moments. I’m dazed as I watch Rachel and Bryan, two of my favorite people in the world, gaze at each other as if they are the only two people in the room. Nothing fazes them, not that it should.

  The rational part of me knows I should be ecstatic for my sister. To know that she will always be taken care of, to know she has found the one she’s meant to be with. Yes, I should be on cloud nine with her. Even the irrational side, the one that holds all my fears and anxiety, knows jealousy has no room at this dinner table. Not when all I can see is the affection they both have for one another, bedroom eyes and all. Unfortunately, the irrational side prevails and I literally have to shake my head to pull myself out of my pity party for one.

  Thankfully, after feeling the stuffiness in the passion filled room, Rachel catches my eye. I blush when she realizes my intrusion, but all Rachel can muster in return is her large goofy grin as she shakes her head and looks sheepishly down at her plate. Yep, that’s my sister.

  The rest of the table seems to be in a better mood; the tension from before has dissolved. Oliver is oblivious while he argues with Travis and Trevor about who’s the best quarterback in the history of all quarterbacks.

  My skin prickles when I feel the light touch across my right hand. Alex strums his fingers, lightly tapping against my ring finger and leans over to whisper, “You know that could be us one day.” Not a question, but a mere statement of fact. I don’t disagree because he’s right. It could be us someday.

  Someday.

  “In a perfect world, maybe…” my voice drops just as my stomach suddenly churns and a feeling of absolute tension induced nausea hits me. Being here in the middle of dinner, surrounded by a crowd, I’m not sure what I can do except take deep breaths and pray that it calms my nerves. Hoping to feel some sort of relief I place my head in my hands and lean my elbows against the table.
/>
  “Ely, are you feeling okay?” At the sound of concern, I lift my head only to find Oliver furrowing his brows at me. Of course with the distress of his voice, I not only get him, but the rest of the table’s attention focused solely on me.

  I attempt a smile and try to perk up and erase their frowns and puckered lips, but I’m unable to speak. I’m afraid my stomach hates me, on the verge of retaliating all over the dining room floor. Instead I just nod, straighten my body and sit back, leaning my head against the backrest. I’d try just about anything to quell the unease of my belly.

  At least it works for Travis and Trevor who pause only for a minute before they continue their silly boy banter. Now all I have to do is worry about the rest of my family and friends. Mercifully, Trevor gives me a side wink as he and Travis engage Oliver back in conversation. I’m going to assume their intentions are to give me and Alex a little more time to ourselves.

  Why do I think this is a bad idea? Oh, right…because it is.

  “You alright?” Alex continues to mindlessly toy with my fingers. I nod and give a tight smile. “You know as far as I’m concerned, you’re still mine, right?” Alex whispers in my ear, sending a shiver through my body. He tilts his leg to touch my bare calf, I tremble.

  “Alex, please…” I beg quietly, pulling my hand away from his. Every time he’s near, he clouds my judgment with careless decisions. Every time, my reactions to him are ruled by the simple fact that my body yearns for him. And every time, he wins because my heart refuses to fight against the one thing it aches to hold on to.

  “I really don’t understand you sometimes, Hart.” I turn my head at an angle to gaze at him questioningly. “None of this changes the way I feel about you. I told you a month ago and I guess I’ll have to continue to tell you, I chose you. I will always choose you, Elyssa.”

  Internally I’m at war. Any warm blooded female would simply throw caution to the wind and give into her primal desires. However, I’m trying to make calculated decisions. It’s not his fault, but what Alex doesn’t understand is this equation can lead to more than heartache. Alex plus Elyssa divided by Arianna equals disaster. I need to find a way to remove her as a factor and Alex’s continual persistence is making this task difficult. She needs to believe I’m moving on. If I can’t fool her, then what good is all of this heartache in the end?