by Ann Stewart
“Let me clean you up.” Alex releases me, allowing me to go and get a washcloth and a bowl of warm water. Returning, I climb behind Alex, running the towel over his hair. I can feel the bump on the side of his head and can only imagine he was hit quite hard for him to be knocked unconscious.
I run the cloth over his neck and back, washing away the dried remnants of blood. Moving to his front, I nudge Alex, settling him on his back. I lean closer, carefully running the cloth over his lips, forehead, and cheeks.
“It looks worse than it is.” His lips move against the cloth as I gently dab the cut on his lower lip.
“Is that your way of saying that I should see the other guy?”
“No, that’s my way of telling you to stop freaking out. You keep handling me like I’m a child and that look on your face. Stop looking at me like that.” Alex grabs my hips, moving me to straddle his waist. He flinches with movement, but he’s stubborn enough to continue.
“You’re going to hurt yourself.” I look down at him, my hair falling in my face as I tilt my head. “How am I looking at you?”
“You’re looking at me as if you’re waiting to lose me.” He’s being a little too observant tonight. If he only knew how true his statement was. “I can deal with the pain. I just need you here with me while you do that. Not off in some alternate universe where we don’t make it.”
I continue to run the cloth over his chest, down his abdomen, avoiding the wrap around his ribs. Thankfully they aren’t broken, just severely bruised. When I asked the doctor how that happened, his assumptions were from kicks from a heavy boot based on the marks. Alex doesn’t remember being kicked, so they both assume it happened while he was unconscious.
“That feels good, Hart,” Alex moans in appreciation as his eyes flutter shut. The rumble from his chest goes directly to my drenched core. It’s awful to think about sex at a time like this, but even with bruises and cuts, Alex still puts most men to shame.
He’s almost completely naked in just his boxers, which means his smooth skin is just fingertips away. This also means there are only two thin pieces of cotton separating us and as I run the cloth over his skin, Alex’s erection grows and begins to push against my core.
Leaning down, I kiss his stubbly jaw before licking his ear and working my way to his neck. Alex reacts, taking my hips in his hands, pulling and pushing me against him. He hardens fully underneath me, his erection rubbing directly against my clit which causes me to moan.
I pull his hands away and move carefully down his body running my tongue along the lines of his v before pulling his boxers down, freeing his thick shaft. Alex pulls a pillow underneath his head, flinching, but continues to prop himself up enough to watch me take him into my mouth.
I keep my eyes on his as I grip his shaft, moving up and down slowly as I suck and lick his tip. “Fuck,” he breathes. “Take off your clothes. I need you stripped bare. Now.” He groans as his hands fist the sheet underneath him.
Thoroughly watching me, I lift my sweater from my body to reveal my naked breasts before taking him back in my mouth.
“Fuck me. You’ve been running around the hospital with no bra on. I bet you don’t have any underwear on either.”
I look up at Alex through my lashes as I move faster up and down. He knows the answer by the look in my eye.
“Show me.” I lift, pulling my tights down and kicking them to the side. Just as Alex predicted…no underwear. “God, Hart you’re fucking perfect. You’re all I need to feel better.” His lips lift in a dimpled smirk.
I move to take him back into my mouth, but Alex pulls me up his body so I’m straddling him again.
“Alex I’m going to hurt you like this.” I rest my hands against his biceps, my eyes running over his ribs, his knuckles, his brow; all bandaged.
“No, you won’t. Just go slow.” Needing him just as much as he needs me, I do as I’m told. I grip his shaft placing him at my entrance and lower myself slowly until he’s deep inside me.
I ride him slow, bending to devour his mouth. If the cut on his lip hurts, Alex doesn’t complain as he nips at my lips and tangles his tongue with mine. My body moves back and forth at a steady tempo, my nipples grazing his face and lips with each movement.
Alex pinches my aching buds. The shock of pain adds fuel to the fire and I fight the urge to move faster. I want to devour him. “Alex,” I moan, “If you want me to take this slow, you need to stop that.”
He takes hold of my hips, lifting and slamming me down over and over again. I tried to be careful with him, but he has no sense of self preservation. If he wants it so badly, who am I to deprive him. I lose all control and begin to grind against him, intensely. Rising and falling harder and harder.
“I love you,” Alex whispers against my lips. If it wasn’t for the overwhelming sensation taking over my body I’d sob at those words. Not because I doubt him or because I don’t feel the same. But because I’d give every inch of my soul to be with him if I knew no danger would come. If I knew those I love would be safe.
My back arches and my head tilts back as an orgasm jolts my body. Alex is relentless. If he was feeling one hundred percent, he’d have me on my back, slamming into me. Instead he’s gripping my thigh with one hand while his other is running down the front of my belly. Finally finding my spot, Alex applies pressure rubbing vigorously.
I moan as he pulls me down, our chests together as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. I clench around him as he finds his own release, my second one not far behind. “I love you, Alex. I always will.”
I lay on top of him until our breathing evens out. It’s not until several minutes pass that I look up at his face. I can tell he’s holding in the discomfort of my weight on his injuries.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry.” I sit up, pulling him out of me as I move to the side. I wave my hands over his body anxiously. “I know I hurt you. Please, Alex, what can I do?”
“I’d take all the pain in the world if I could live buried inside you.” I nestle my head into his shoulder, his arm wraps around me pulling me to his side. His fingers strum up and down my spine as he sings me a lullaby. I know what I have to do and it’s not going to be easy. Especially now. When I seemingly have it all. It’s moments like these that I’ll miss the most. Not the sex, but the bliss afterwards.
“I love you. You know that right?” I murmur against his chest before placing a kiss against his smooth skin.
“I know.” His fingers continue their lazy perusal.
“Always remember, I love you. No matter what.”
Alex turns his head to me, speaking softly against my lips, “No matter what. Now go to sleep, my Hart.”
I settle in, my leg lifting to drape over his as he rests a hand on my belly. It’s then that I hide my tears. I close my eyes tightly, afraid Alex will notice. But, sleep takes over as I feel the rise and fall of his chest.
~~~~~
ALEX…
My body aches, but that’s not what stirs me from my sleep. I turn, looking at the clock on the side table that reads six in the morning. I’m irritatingly alone in her pastel blue sheets that she loves so much. Out of the corner of my eye I see my Hart, the mother of my unborn child, sitting next to the window, chin resting on her bare knee. Watching her, I’m filled with some emotion I’ve never experienced. It’s more than love. Pride maybe? I don’t know, but what she’s given me is more than I ever expected. More than I ever thought I deserved. But with her, she has shown me I am worth it. I know it may sound a little girly, but it’s overwhelming.
She’s beautiful of course, but when I finally get my head out of the clouds and back down on Earth, I realize quickly there’s something troubling about this scene. Her eyes are red, swollen, but it’s the trembling of her lips that jolts me from my groggy state. My eyes flutter shut as pain radiates throughout my ribs, into my chest. My head is throbbing and my hands ache, but I could care less about any of that. I’ve been through much worse.
No
, sometimes there are far worse things than physical pain. I’ve felt it a numerous times in the past few weeks, and I’m feeling it right now. I know she can see me pulling myself from bed, yet she doesn’t look my way. Instead, her eyes fixate on the window seemingly watching the rain outside.
I stumble towards her, but instead of accepting me into an embrace, she holds one hand up to her face covering her tears. Her other hand urging me not to come any farther.
“You’re crying…”
“I can’t do this. I thought I could, but…” Her words are interrupted by the sound of agony coming from her sweet lips.
“What changed since last night?” I try to move closer, but with each step, she seems to push farther and farther away.
“I’m not going to do this to you.”
“You’re not doing anything to me. It was just a bad night. We’ll have our ups and downs, but we can handle them.”
“You deserve to know the truth.” She bows her head, staring at the floor. I urge her to look at me. To give me some sort of sign that she’s still in this with me. I feel like I’m losing her, but not sure what to.
“Truth? What are you talking about?” I wait. Hoping, no praying, that she’s just freaked after last night. I should have known that she wouldn’t handle traumatic events well. After losing her parents it’s bound to bring up dormant feelings.
She’s clutching her eyes shut as she shakes her head. I can see her hands trembling as she wraps her arms tighter around her legs. “Hart…I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you or the baby.”
“We’re not your problem, Alex.”
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react, but with her words come anger. What in the fuck is that supposed to mean? I never said her or the baby were ever a problem. If anything, they are a blessing. Didn’t I show her that enough over the past few days? They are both mine, mine damn it.
“Never once did I say you were a problem, let alone my problem. I take care of what’s mine.” I look at her and try to show every ounce of determination to make this work with her; to make our family work. “And Elyssa, don’t ever forget. You. Are. Mine.”
Her hands are fisted at her forehead, tears relentlessly streaming down her face. Helpless would be the only word I could describe how she looks. But, then she looks at me, and deadpans, “The baby isn’t yours.”
What the fuck? There’s no way I heard that right. For a second it sounded like she told me LJ wasn’t mine. No. No-there’s no way. “What?” No fucking way.
She doesn’t answer me which immediately causes me to pace. Slowly, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Back and forth I go as I recall her exact words. The baby isn’t yours. No. The baby isn’t yours. No, I can’t and won’t believe this.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I continue, back and forth waiting for her to look at me. Instead, she continues to look out the vacant windows; her eyes reflecting the rain outside. “What do you mean the baby isn’t mine? There’s no way. No, no way. You haven’t been with anyone else. That’s what you fucking told me!”
My body aches when I lift my hands in frustration, and immediately they go to the back of my neck while rage stirs inside me. There’s no way she can take this away from me. This baby is mine. She’s mine. For once in my mother fucking shithole of a life I finally had something; something to hold on to. Please tell me that God doesn’t hate me that much to be so cruel and give me a glimpse of what I’ve always wanted, just to take it away.
“Alex you’re going to hurt yourself. Please sit down.” I stop pacing, my hands still clenched behind my neck as I restrain myself from tearing down the walls. I look at her and hear the plea in her voice and see it in her eyes.
“Do you think I fucking care about this bullshit?” I pull at my bandages, tearing them from my stomach and knuckles. My hands run over the strips of gauze, tearing them away. A burning in the pit of my stomach takes over and it’s either I bust down every wall or I give into the emotions boiling to the surface.
She’s pregnant. You’d never hurt her. She’s pregnant with some assholes baby. Some asshole has been inside her. She was screaming his name. Shit, she was probably thinking of him while you were inside her last night.
“Shut the fuck up!” I scream, dropping to my knees. I can’t hold it in. The pain is too much. I was never good enough for her. I never deserved her and she realized it while I was gone. It’s not until she’s dropped to her knees in front of me that I realize the tears I’m feeling on my chest are my own.
“I’m sorry, Alex.” She weeps.
“How could you do this to me?” I drop my hands looking into her tear streaked face. There’s something in her eyes. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I don’t have it in me to figure it out anymore. “I fucking loved you. I wanted this baby more than anything. You knew this would destroy me. Is that what you wanted?”
I flinch as she leans in, whispering in my ear through sobs, “No matter what.” Then she stands and walks to the living room. I guess that’s my answer. It feels like hours before I have the strength to pick myself up from the floor and throw on my clothes.
My limbs don’t seem to work as I try to button my jeans. I push through the pain of putting my shirt on because the last thing I need is to ask her for help right now. Nothing makes sense. We were fine last night. We were in love. Then some asshole takes a cheap shot, I end up in the hospital and now I’ve entered the fucking Twilight Zone where the love of my life is knocked up by some asshole.
Rage is such a motivator. It’s my only driving force that doesn’t cause me to throw myself out this fucking window to stop the ache in my chest. Instead, all I can think about is finding out who this asshole is and ending him. He took what was mine.
I don’t look at her as I walk through the living room. I know I had a jacket, but I can’t even hold it together enough to find it. I need out. I need air. I need space before I destroy everything in sight.
“You promised, Alex. No matter what.” I hear her, but have nothing left in me. I can’t. I can’t deal with her cryptic words. I can’t deal with her period.
My chest tightens and the urge to breathe is overwhelming as I rush to the door, throwing it open and rushing to my car. Behind the wheel, the crushing sense of emptiness hits me. Some other asshole is going to be kissing my wife. He’s going to watch her come and he’s going to have his hands all over her. He’s going to live with her, build a family with her, and all of her smiles are going to be his.
I clench my hands trying to stop them from shaking. There’s only one thing I know that will dull the ache; that will stop the monster from trying to escape. I start the engine and make a beeline for the first bar. After that, I need to stop the realtor from making an offer on that house.
Fuck. Me.
CHAPTER 18
After Alex left, I went into quarantine mode and become one with my couch. Not only did I feel like an asshole for hurting him, but now the baby officially hates me. Currently waging war inside my womb, I haven’t been able to keep anything down since this morning.
So, here I am twelve hours after I forced the only man I’ve loved out of my life, standing outside of SINergy. Apparently, this place has more than just Ladies Night. Considering I had a full proof plan to hole myself up in my apartment, I’m asking myself why I’m about to head inside the one place I never thought I’d return to.
Janice called me earlier when I didn’t show up for work completely freaking out. Apparently, she has a date tonight, with Trevor of all people. She’s nervous, which is understandable considering Janice is two spoons full of sugar short from turning into Mary Poppins and Trevor is two stitches of clothing short from stark nudity. But hey, they say opposites attract, so what do I know.
So when she sent up smoke signals a half hour ago, I immediately assumed that her nerves over Trevor got the best of her. Maybe she needed a wing woman to get through the first part of the date, or until she had at least three
alcoholic beverages in her. When Janice said for me to get my ass down here, I hesitated before jumping off the couch and to her rescue. I brushed my teeth quickly before pulling on a pair of low rise jeans and my white fluffy sweater with the scoop neckline, and then jumped in my car. Because that’s what she’d do for me.
Now, looking through the crowd at the bar, I find Janice and Trevor towards the far wall next to the stage. They both look unhappy, but not with each other. She looks pretty: hair halfway pulled up, held back with a clip with a silver butterfly on it, a simple blue dress with a red belt that accentuates her waist and red pumps. She looks longingly at Trevor who’s dressed in a simple black button down shirt and dark jeans. His tattoos partially revealed and his hair styled into a spiky mess. However, his eyes are not looking at Janice with the same appreciation. No, he’s completely focused on the drunken mess sitting between them. Alex.
Now I understand the smoke signals. He looks awful; hot, but he’s definitely been drinking for awhile. With a line of shots in front of him, I watch as he tosses one back after another before chasing them with a beer. My stomach churns just imagining what his alcohol level must be at.
Janice turns her attention away from Trevor and scans the room and as our eyes meet, she stands from the table and rushes over to me. A wave of sympathy washes over her as she approaches and pulls me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around her. Already feeling defeated I let out a sigh. Pulling back she apologizes for making me come, but the look in her eyes tells me a different story. Sure, she may be sorry for me being there, but she’s not sorry because now she doesn’t have to deal with Alex while she’s on a date.
“Thank God you’re here, Elyssa. I don’t know how long he’s been drinking, but it’s been enough. I don’t know how he hasn’t passed out. Look at him, he’s drunk off his ass, yet he’s still going. He’s like a drunken energizer bunny. I have no clue what happened and he won’t tell us.” Fortunately for me, or maybe the whole situation in general, when I look past Janice’s shoulders, he’s not looking in my direction. Just like Janice said, he’s totally smashed.
