by Ann Stewart
“He’s been singing songs all night and tossing back shots like they were Kool-Aid.” She puts her arm around my shoulder as we watch both of our men. Watching Trevor try to cut Alex off and seeing how well that’s going, I sigh. Alex doesn’t seem very pleased as he pushes away Trevor’s hand in defiance. “I didn’t want him doing something stupid,” she pauses. Her head looking in the direction of a table full of women who are blatantly staring at Alex and Trevor in appreciation. “So I figured you would want to come get him.”
A group of nearby women catches the attention of the waitress. Their eyes trained on Alex’s table as the waitress walks to the bar, fetching two bottles of beer, then walks casually over to Trevor and Alex. She bends down whispering before she points to the table of women and walks away.
Trevor looks around for Janice, realizing just now that she’s absent before lifting the bottle saluting the group before throwing back the liquid. I hear Janice take in a deep breath as she watches Trevor enjoy his drink. Then there’s Alex. He looks at the bottle for a minute before picking it up and instead of being polite and waiving his thanks, he boldly walks over to their table.
My chest tightens. Even wasted he saunters in his sexy way towards their table. He must have went home before going out on his alcoholic binge because he’s wearing a light blue dress shirt and black slacks that hug his defined waist.
I can’t hear their conversation, but by the way Alex is leaning on their table and the way they are leaning into him, this doesn’t look good. Janice tugs me tight against her as we watch Alex. Taking hold of her wrist, he plucks one of the women from her group of friends.
Watching him is like going through surgery without anesthetic. Every cut, every pull, prick, every single damn movement I can feel the pang of jealousy score through me. When his hand finds the small of her back as he leads her to the dance floor I can hear the cracks in my heart as it begins to shatter. Piece by piece.
“He’s just drunk, Ely.” I nod at her, although I know it’s so much more than that.
She tries to pull me to the table, but I stay watching as Alex wraps his arms tight around her waist. Her hands clasped behind his neck as they sway to the song, her head resting on his shoulder. Luckily, when one of the other women get enough courage to ask Trevor for a dance, he dismisses the offer, shaking his head as he looks around the bar for Janice.
“What am I supposed to do about this Janice?” I whisper, not confident that my voice will hold.
“Fix him.” She points in his direction. I shake my head. How can I fix him when I was the one that broke him? I shouldn’t even be here.
Alex and the woman stay locked together until the end of the slow song. When the tempo picks up the woman turns around and rubs her ass against Alex, he in return, grinds against her from behind.
“I think I’m going to throw up,” I tell Janice as I pull away from her and rush to the bathroom.
I make it into a stall just in time; slam the door behind me and dry heave into the toilet.
“Ely, do you need something?” I can hear Janice through the door as I clutch my eyes tightly. Taking several deep breaths I stand, relaxing against the wall of the stall.
“I must have been a serial killer in another life.”
“Okay Hannibal, what’s up with the crazy talk?”
“I never said I ate people, Janice.”
“If you come back out to the table with me I promise to get you a nice Chianti and some fava beans,” she sing songs. It takes a second but I semi-giggle before opening the stall door to a concerned Janice.
She brings me in for a hug, breaking the tension with comfort and distraction. “How’s the date?”
“Oh, just perfect,” she rolls her eyes. “Where do I start? First he looked at me as if I was dressed like a nun when he first saw me. I know I’m more modest than the women he probably dates, but he asked me out, not the other way around!” she screeches. I pull away hoping to avoid damage to my ear drums, but when she realizes she’s gone a little overboard, she gives me a tight smile and mouths, “Sorry.”
“Janice…” I’m sure she’s overreacting or letting her insecurities get the best of her.
“Oh no, that’s just the beginning. He asked me about my previous relationship, which I told him about some of the issues with Kevin, and when I was done talking I noticed he was just sitting there. Staring out at nothing. He froze up! After that it’s been awkward, but not as much as since Alex showed up. Talk about a third wheel.” She throws her hands up in frustration.
“You sure you’re not exaggerating?”
“Are you exaggerating about Alex’s little bump and grind out there?” She folds her arms in defiance.
“You have a point.” I walk to the mirror, washing my hands before blotting tissue under my eyes.
“You ready?”
I square my shoulders, “As I’ll ever be.” Janice reaches over grabbing my hand as we get closer to the door.
“Everything will be alright.” She mutters, pulling me from the sanctuary of the bathroom. “Oh shit…” she exclaims, trying to stall me.
It’s not until I look towards the tables that I notice Alex sitting with the woman in his lap. She’s all over him, nuzzling his neck, grinding herself closer, all the while Alex chats with Trevor and grips his beer bottle.
When I try to turn back around, Janice clutches my hand tighter and pulls me to the table. She pushes me into the vacant seat before going to hers and the only thought coursing through my addled brain is, Worst date in the history of dates. I feel bad for Janice on so many levels. Not only is her date not going as expected, but she also has to deal with Alex’s drunken stupor. I honestly think her and Trevor would be good for each other. If only he can get over himself. Remind me to kick him in the ass.
As I sit with my arms folded over my chest, I stare at Alex who hasn’t noticed me yet. It takes another minute, but Trevor’s eyes widen as he looks from Alex to me and then back again. “Uh-hmmm” he clears his throat, which finally catches Alex’s attention. “Hi E. Don’t you look…”
“Save it Trevor,” I mutter as I continue to frown at Alex. My voice pulls him from his mini makeout session. He pushes against the woman’s face with the palm of his hand to separate them and looks at me. And what I see is not a good look. Red lipstick is smeared across his lips as he looks at me with bewilderment. He looks at Trevor and then Janice, who has her arm around me. And then he looks at me again. His eyes bore into mine, begging me for something. I just don’t know what he could possibly want from me right now. Not when he has a whore still attempting to suck on his neck.
“Baby,” her sugary voice causes my eyes to flutter with irritation. I hold back everything that’s eating at me right now, but not for anyone’s sake but mine.
“Hush,” Alex huffs. He pushes her from his lap, wiping his swollen lips with his forearm. She stands with a pout, adjusting her dress as she looks between the two of us.
“Uh, excuse me?” She waves her hand in front of his face. “Remember me, the girl you’ve been all over for the past hour?!” Alex doesn’t look at her. He just keeps his steely blue gaze on me.
“Hey man, E is going to take you home.” Trevor looks between the two of us. Alex shakes his head, but Trevor continues and insists. “Come on, you can’t drive yourself.”
“Any of these women would be willing to take me home.” He lifts his arm and points in the direction of his lipstick friend who’s walking back to her posse. “I don’t need her. Besides, I’m not ready to leave yet. They haven’t called my name.”
On cue, Alex’s name is called from the DJ. He stands and takes a moment to adjust himself through the seam of his pants, drilling in the fact that he just had another woman on his dick, and apparently she made him hard. He pushes past the crowds as he approaches the stage.
“Oh no, not again,” Janice groans, shaking her head. I follow her eyes and watch Alex.
“What’s he doing?” I question.
There was a time when I’d quiver in anticipation, hoping that whatever words escaped his lips would be directed towards me. But tonight, I’m cringing when Alex trips up the stairs before settling on a stool to adjust the microphone. I remember our karaoke night in San Diego and his perfect words. I have a feeling that tonight will be anything but sweet. He chuckles, raking his hand down his tired looking face before his fingers fumble with the mic cords and stand.
“Helllloooo,” his elongated greeting calls the bar to attention. “Mic check one, two, one, two.” He taps his fingers against the microphone and chuckles at his own internal ramblings. “The next song I’m going to sing…well, let’s just say that it goes out to my girl…” His eyes meet mine as we lock in on one another. I hear a sigh from the lipstick girl next to our table. “Well, she isn’t really mine anymore,” Alex pauses. Deep in thought he searches for his words.
“Well, technically she’s his since she’s knocked up with his kid.” Alex breaks our connection as he looks down at his boots with his brows furrowed. I see Janice and Trevor’s heads whip in my direction the moment Alex announces my pregnancy. I smile squeamishly and mouth that I’ll explain later. Maybe.
Even though he’s stocked, locked, and loaded with Jack, Jim, and Jose, Alex sings an acoustic version of Bruno Mars, If I Was Your Man, better than most people on a good day. Each lyric guts me. I watch, completely enthralled while he sings with such emotion that you can see every ache he’s feeling. Every painful word rings out loudly for the bar to hear. His soul speaks to mine, and it’s literally tearing us both in two. I stopped wiping tears off my face mere seconds into the song. I couldn’t keep up.
Janice and Trevor come to my side, each wrapping an arm around my shoulder. I smile, a fake smile at best, and Trevor passes me a tissue. I try to bat away the tears; my eyes focus on Alex’s handsome face as he clutches his eyes tightly, his voice breaking at the chorus.
I’m not sure why, but something pulls my head toward the bar. I notice Sandy out of the corner of my eye. She’s leaning against the doorframe of the back office watching Alex intently. Her face gives nothing away, but the slight shake of her head and arms crossed over her chest speaks volumes. She most definitely doesn’t agree with his behavior, but at the same time, she’s not stopping him. She turns to leave, but not before we exchange looks. I expect the same type of ire that I would get from Arianna, but instead she looks at me with pity. Her eyes show empathy, not jealousy and this confuses me to no end. What is her game?
I turn back to the stage the moment the office door closes. His head bows and the crowd erupt in applause. Shouts from males and females along with whistles coming from all areas of the bar stir Alex into motion. Getting up from the stool he stumbles down from the stage and back to the table. Definitely not the song I expected or the outright admission of my pregnancy.
He sits as casual as he was before he left, grabbing at his beer bottle and tilting it back.
“You’re pregnant?” Janice leans in whispering in my ear. I nod, my eyes never leaving Alex as I watch the liquid travel down his throat. “Are we going to talk about this?”
I turn to her and lean in to give her a quick hug as I stand. “Not tonight.”
Trevor stands, bringing me in for an embrace, but not before his face turns to one of pity. “Be good to her,” I whisper in Trevor’s ear. I pull back to look into his eyes. “Or else,” I threaten, before letting him go.
“He...” I point to Alex, who’s watching the tables around us including where his little friend is sitting, “doesn’t need my help getting home. He can catch a ride with one of his little friends.”
I push my way out of the bar, rushing in hopes of avoiding an embarrassing display of ugly crying in a bar full of happy-go-lucky people. I’m outside within seconds clutching my knees, leaning over to take in deep breaths. It literally feels like I’m being choked from the inside.
“Why do you care if I get home?” Alex’s voice stirs from behind me and I startle. He’s leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. I didn’t even hear the door open.
“Regardless of what you believe, I do care about you,” I wheeze and clutch my chest. “None of this is to hurt you. I’m trying to…” I stop myself. There are no words to describe what I’ve done to him. Or for him. Nothing that will justify the hurt we both carry inside.
I don’t finish my sentence; instead I make my way to my car. Alex shuffles behind me. I pull the door open and quickly get in. To my surprise, Alex gets into the passenger side door and slides in next to me. No words are exchanged, and I guess for once, none are needed. He sits silently staring out the window as I start the car and head to his house.
The ride is awkward. The silence is maddening. There’s nothing that I can say to bring comfort to him. Every excuse, or reason, I give him will be like digging the knife in deeper since I made him believe that I’m having another man’s baby. I catch myself several times opening and closing my mouth immediately after, afraid that whatever I say will make the situation worse.
At some point during the drive I notice Alex’s breathing has slowed when a small snore escapes his lips. Soon, I’m at a stop light, which gives me a chance to admire him. His long lashes that line his closed crystal blue eyes. His mouth partially open, his lips calling to me. The way his hair hangs over his forehead; disheveled in a way that makes me know he’s been tugging at his strands all night.
What I love most about Alex, what I’m trying so desperately to protect, is the heart beating within his chest. Most men wouldn’t take care of their ailing grandmother knowing inevitably her memory will fade and he’ll be nothing but a nameless face among many. Most men would have given up the second they were left naked and in bed in New York. Not Alex. Most men would have laid hands on, or at least gotten in the face of a woman after finding out the baby they were carrying wasn’t there’s. Not Alex.
Pulling up to his house, I turn off the engine and try to softly nudge him awake. He stirs murmuring something, before succumbing to his heavy breathing. I heard my name, but couldn’t make out anything else he was saying.
“Alex…” I nudge again. “You need to get up. Do you need me to help you inside?” His lids lift revealing his unfocused eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. “I’m going to help you inside, okay?” Finally some recognition when he nods his head.
Coming around the vehicle I open the door slowly, hoping to avoid Alex tumbling out of the car. Thankfully, he’s somewhat mobile and after he stands, I place his arm around my shoulders. At least he’s trying to support most of his own weight as we walk to the door.
I know he’s still sore when I pull him into my side; he retracts like I’ve pushed at a bruise. Which, most likely I have. Right now, I don’t care how bad he’s hurting. I need to get him inside and get out of here. He’s not going to like this in the morning when he knows it was me who brought him home. And although he reeks of alcohol, it goes to show how much of a glutton for punishment I am when I breathe him in like an addict.
“Where’s your key?” I ask tentatively, even though I know I’ll have to fish them out of his front pocket.
“Pocket…left,” he murmurs.
After steadying him against the door, I take a deep breath needing some composure. When I reach into his pocket, I know I’m going to find more than I bargain for. He is still Alex and last time I checked, I am still Elyssa. Two magnets attracted to each other. I’m not ashamed of anything I’m going to feel; I just know it can’t go anywhere. Regardless, I reach into his pocket and feel around for his keys, brushing up against his hardening length. I blush and take a heady breath before looking up into Alex’s strong eyes. Which, of course, are penetrating my stare. Focus Ely.
Shaking my brain awake, I quickly remove the keys, cool my blush with my cold hands, and open the front door. We walk through the foyer, into a home I would have shared with Alex until we found
a place to call our own. A place where only our memories exist, where we could raise our child, love and be loved until the end of our days.
I have to remind myself that there is nothing I can do at this point to change anything, and right now Alex is drunk. I need to take care of him and get the hell out of this house.
I set Alex on his bed and step away. I watch him as he just sits there, making no efforts to undress himself. So, I help him out of his clothes and put him to bed. I kneel before him, unlacing his shoes before pulling them off. His eyes survey me the entire time, still glossy, yet still breathtaking. He doesn’t push me away, so I stand between his knees and take the hem of his shirt and lift. Alex complies and gingerly lifts his arms, helping me.
It’s then I notice gauze covering the left side of chest. My fingers brush over his injury, but he quickly grabs hold of my wrist stopping me. I pull away just as his hand reaches out and pulls at my waist, moving me closer to his body. His hand rests on my barely noticeable belly, his fingers graze my skin. I have never fought against something so hard as I am right now. There is nothing more in this life, at this moment, than the want to pull him close, to run my fingers through his hair while his forehead rests against my chest, to tell him that everything will be okay. Instead, my face goes blank watching him watch me.
“I wanted this…so damn much. I wanted this…” his voice strains while he continues to stroke my belly. I’m unable to hide my emotions and cry silently, my hands still at my sides. “Why would you let me think it was mine?” Alex lifts his head, his gaze searching mine for any sort of explanation.
“I wanted it to be.” My voice is weak, practically choking on each deceitful word.
Alex lightly pushes me back to pace the room. Eyes menacing, he searches my face for something. Anything to make his pain go away. He finds nothing in my blank face. He screams in exasperation, lifting his hands in the air before they rest on the back of his neck. Every inch of his muscular body strains when he clutches his hands together. I flinch as he growls before punching his fist through a wall.
