Masters of the Shadowlands 7 - This is who I am

by Cherise Sinclair

  Some of her euphoria seemed to settle inside him. Putting that look on a masochist’s face was definitely the icing on the cake for a sadist.

  He kissed her lightly and then cleaned up the room.

  After slinging his bag over his shoulder, he opened the door and picked her up. She blinked at him.

  “You with me, girl?” he asked, studying her face. The flush of climax had faded, but her color wasn’t bad.

  “Yes,” she whispered. A crease appeared between her dark red brows in an unhappy look. “I came… People watched…?”

  Her words were slurred, but, remembering his screwup at the auction, he understood. “Not in public, baby.” As he headed for the door, he turned to show her the closed window blinds. He’d pulled them when getting the canes out of his bag. She hadn’t even noticed.

  “Oh.” Her cheek rubbed against him, and somehow without moving, she sank closer in his arms. A snuggler. He had regulars who didn’t like aftercare other than water and carbs. Some wanted company but didn’t like being touched afterward. Some liked being held.

  Linda drowned in being cuddled, always trying to inch closer. He made sure his bottoms had what they needed after a scene. But Linda was different; he damn well loved aftercare with her.

  In the main room, he found a secluded chair and settled in. With his free hand, he grabbed the sports drink from his bag and popped the top up. “Drink, baby.”

  Her eyes were still glazed, but the good little submissive tried to obey. Her lips closed over the bottle cap, making him remember how her mouth felt around his cock. When she sucked in some liquid, just the sound made him start to harden again. He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head, keeping his grip on the bottle. “More, baby.”

  “Mmm.”

  When she’d taken enough to please him, he fed her pieces of a chocolate bar. Alertness started to return to her face.

  A small sound made him look up. Rainie stood at the unwritten boundary, checking to see if he needed anything. Good trainee. Despite her brassy personality, she was as finely attuned to nuances as anyone he’d met.

  Sam ran his knuckles over Linda’s cheek. A bit cooler than he liked. He said to Rainie, “Can you bring a hot chocolate—not too hot—and a beer.”

  “Yes, Sir,” she whispered.

  He let Linda drop off again, tipped his head back, and simply enjoyed her soft body. He’d rather have a soft, satisfied woman in his lap than a purring cat any day.

  Rainie appeared, set the drinks on the end table, and moved it to the exact spot where he could reach them easily.

  He nodded at her. “Good job, girl. You do the trainees proud.”

  Before she moved away, the flush of delight in her face made him smile. He’d been unconvinced of her suitability when Z had proposed her for the trainee spot, but as always, Z recognized a good submissive sooner than anyone.

  Sam jiggled Linda, waited until her attention fixed on him, then held the hot chocolate to her lips.

  One sip. Two. He chuckled at her blissful sigh. “Warm.”

  “That’s right, baby.” He studied her face. The tiny muscles around her eyes and mouth had relaxed. The tenseness of her neck and shoulders was gone. Floggers and fucking—a surefire cure for what ails you.

  Still partly in Domspace, he got off on the fact that he’d done that for her.

  Her brows drew together, and he had a moment of worry before her big brown eyes lifted. “That so-called interview… You were trying to tell me something.”

  “I was.” After living with a woman who was downright stupid, he valued one who was not. He stroked a finger across the curve of her cheek. Damn, he liked touching her. “Wanted you to catch on to what you’re doing.”

  “But you’re a Dom. You’re supposed to like obedience.” She handed him her chocolate, and he set it on the table.

  “I do. But surrender should come from the heart, not from habit, especially at first.” Hell, how could he explain this? “You went straight from your preacher family to a conservative marriage. Skipped the rebellion when most kids question—and dump—what their parents taught.”

  She nodded. “True.”

  “Then you had the Overseer’s slave training beat into you. Lot of programming there, baby.”

  “Yes.” Her mouth tightened.

  “Here’s your homework. Think about what you’re doing. Are you offering your submission or just being a good girl? Who do you submit to and why? Who controls your behavior, you or your past?”

  He closed his eyes as his own words hit home with even more impact than Z’s directive. His past controlled him. Had programmed him.

  To hell with that. No more.

  “Homework, huh?” A tiny dimple appeared in her cheek. “Thank you for the lesson, Master Sam. And the reward.”

  He combed his fingers through her hair. Damp at the temples. Silky smooth. “Linda.” The words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t even say the damn phrase in his head.

  His teeth ground together. He damn well would. This battle he’d win. For her. For them. “I…” He sucked in air.

  “I. Love. You.” Each word was hard-won. But audible. He’d said it.

  Her eyes widened, then filled with tears. Her hand opened and pressed to his cheek. “I love you, Sam.”

  He felt as if he’d been dragged behind the plow. For years. Her palm was still on his face; he put his hand over hers. “I’m sorry. About last week.”

  “I think I understand.” She asked gently, “Nicole. Did she…? Why didn’t you…?”

  Get a divorce sooner. He filled in the rest of the sentence. Little mama with her big heart, worrying about his daughter. “I’d told Nancy I was a sadist. We never played, but she knew. Because of that, I wouldn’t have been able to get sole custody.” He felt the frustration flood his system. “I couldn’t leave Nicole with her—not even part-time—so we…hung on until my lawyer had enough to sway the judge and Nicole was old enough they’d listen to her wishes.”

  “I’m sorry, honey.” She had the softest velvety-brown eyes he’d ever seen.

  “She’s still around. Takes me a while to get past the memories when I see her. Give me time if it happens again.”

  Her head cocked, and her eyebrows rose. “I will. As long as you realize that I’ll bitch slap you if you give me that ‘you’re better off without me’ bullshit.”

  His laugh eased a knot in his chest he hadn’t realized was there.

  A flicker of movement caught his attention. Uzuri stood in almost the same place as Rainie had.

  “Uzuri,” Sam acknowledged with a sigh. He’d actually forgotten he was in charge of the trainees.

  “Sally wants permission to play with Jake, and I’d like help negotiating with a new Dom.”

  He shifted Linda in his arms and pulled his mind back to reality. They were good girls to remember to check in with him first. But… He studied Uzuri long enough to make her shift her weight nervously.

  She needed to learn to negotiate on her own—to ask for what she wanted. “I’ll meet you both at the bar in a couple of minutes. Then you’ll practice telling me what you want out of a scene before you discuss it with the Dom.”

  “B-but—”

  After giving her a warning look that sent her hastening back to the bar, he grinned. The girl was shy, timid with strangers—especially strange Doms—but once she knew someone, all bets were off.

  He’d smacked her ass a couple of times for saucy talk. The next night, in the Master’s area, he’d opened his toy bag and found it had been emptied and filled with real toys. A miniature whip. Plastic handcuffs. A six-inch flogger made of fluffy yarn. A teddy bear in rope bondage. Its ball gag made of string and a grape had set off the entire roomful of Doms. Probably heard their laughter in Tampa.

  After Nolan tied her to a bar stool as punishment for something, she’d filled all the Dos Equis bottles with cranberry juice and somehow put the tops back on. Nolan had spit the sweet stuff all over the well-polished b
ar, and Cullen had cursed up a blue streak.

  Cullen’s misstep with the little trainee had resulted in a naked Barbie doll tied to one of his “bar ornament” rings.

  Yep, the Dom who won the little brat’s surrender would be in for a surprise.

  Seemed that life was full of surprises. Sam looked down at the submissive in his lap, feeling as if he’d been in a battle and returned home, safe and sound. “How are you doing, girl?”

  “I’m good.” She slid off his lap and onto her feet. Her legs were steady, but he regretted the loss of her sweet body already. “I need to get to work. Listening.” Her face scrunched up. “I’m so, so glad I didn’t hear anything while…”

  During their scene? Did she think he’d chosen a closed theme room and shut the windows by accident? Damn, he hated having her at risk. “Be careful. As trainer, I say no more scenes for you tonight. Spend the rest of it waiting on tables. If someone wants you, you tell them just that.”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “And did I mention that you’re coming home with me tonight?”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Linda sipped a root beer and studied the papers Marcus had spread over the coffee table in his living room.

  In the kitchen, Gabi and Beth were rattling dishes and laughing as they carried lunch out to the patio. “Hurry up, you two. It’s time to eat,” Gabi called.

  Better stop worrying and make a decision. Kicking off her flip-flops, Linda rubbed her feet against the cool tile floor. Decide. “So you think the newspaper will settle?”

  “Definitely, darlin’.” Sprawled in a chair beside the couch, Marcus gave her a flashing smile. “They won’t risk the negative publicity of a lawsuit.”

  “Well.” She pulled in a breath. Decision made. She tapped the name of the lawyer Marcus had recommended. “I’ll call the lawyer on Monday and get things started.” She didn’t want publicity any more than the paper did, but it wasn’t right what Dwayne had done, and she wasn’t the only one who’d suffered. Her anger roused, remembering the tears her babies had shed. “Thank you, Marcus. I really wasn’t sure how to handle any of that.”

  “I do wish I could take them on for you, but I’m glad I could help.” He rose and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s go get us some food.”

  He guided her through the kitchen door to a screen-caged pool-and-patio area. Linda took a deep breath of the warm, flower-scented air.

  Beth and Gabi sat at the large marble-topped table. Beside Beth, Nolan was drinking a beer and watching a giant inflatable swan that floated in the pool.

  Marcus pulled out a chair for Linda and seated himself beside Gabi. “The food looks good, sugar,” he said. “Best you eat up, since you’ll need energy for tonight.”

  Gabi grinned. “Yes, Sir.” She glanced up at the sky where clouds were filming over the blue. “I was hoping Master Z would open the Capture Gardens, but doesn’t look like that’ll happen.”

  Nolan shook his head. “Forecast is for rain and wind starting around sunset.”

  “Well, damn.” Gabi wrinkled her nose. “So what are we going to do?”

  Marcus gave her long, slow stare. “I might could figure something out that’ll keep you occupied.” The lazy power in his voice gave Linda a twinge—made her wish for Sam.

  “I just bet you could.” Gabi leaned against his arm and gave him a look of such trust that Linda’s heart squeezed.

  Marcus jerked his chin up at Nolan. “You’re not working today.”

  “No point in being boss if I can’t take a day off now and then,” the rough contractor said, and his grin flashed briefly. “Never thought I’d have more time off than a fancy lawyer.”

  “That just doesn’t seem right, does it?” Marcus snagged himself one of the sandwiches.

  Beth frowned. “He took the time off because I have a landscaping job downtown, and he won’t let me be there without him.”

  “Not with that half-pint crew of yours.” Nolan looked at Marcus. “Dan told me about those murdered prostitutes. Not comfortable with her being near downtown.”

  “Probably wise,” Marcus agreed.

  Linda frowned. The papers had reported something about the murderer. Sounded bad.

  “Is the district attorney’s office getting any information?” Nolan asked.

  Marcus’s jaw tightened. Linda had never seen him so grim. “Not much evidence left behind. The murderer overpowers the victims and ties them up—far too competently. Then he takes his time. The deaths are ugly.”

  Gabi gave Marcus a concerned look, then scowled at Nolan. “No business at mealtime.”

  He glanced at Marcus. “Got a gag in the truck if you need one.”

  Marcus’s expression cleared, and he grinned. “Loan it to me tonight.”

  “You got it.” Nolan ignored Gabi’s glare and gave Linda an evaluating look. “Anything happen last night?”

  Why did he ask that? Had he seen her and Sam in the office room? Her cheeks turned warm, and then she realized he was talking about the spotter. Way to have your mind in the gutter. “No interesting voices,” she said lightly.

  “That’s a nice color you got there, darlin’,” Marcus said. “Got yourself up to something else last night?”

  “I heard Master Sam was in charge of the trainees last night.” Beth pointed at Linda with a carrot stick. “And you’re a trainee now, right?”

  “Sam did supervise us, yes,” Linda said primly. Ignoring the laughter, she concentrated on choosing a sandwich. To her relief, the conversation moved on to discussing the high schoolers Beth hired part-time.

  As she relaxed back into her chair, Gabi leaned over. “Are you and Sam back together then?” she whispered.

  Linda had a feeling she was glowing. After he’d put her in his bed, he’d been…well, Sam, but with a disconcerting new sweetness. It was as if trying to say the words was so difficult that he’d wanted to show her instead.

  When she let out a happy sigh, Gabi echoed it. “I’m glad for you…although he scares me a little.”

  “Really?” Odd, but that had never been a problem. Well, except for when he deliberately got her anxious, and he was damn good at that. But even then, she felt safe with him.

  “Will you be at the Shadowlands tonight?” Nolan asked her.

  She lifted her chin, despite the chill that climbed up her spine and made her shiver. “I’ll be listening all night.”

  * * * *

  Sam stood beside his daughter, looking at the new stable.

  “Looks good,” Nicole said, hands in her jeans pockets. “Will you breed Galadriel this year?”

  “Yep.” Sam glanced down at his girl. Prettiest sight in the world. Smart and sweet and talented. Z’s words came back to him. “How about your daughter? Do you discuss your worries about the farm? Or tell her what she means to you?”

  Linda needed those words. Did Nicole? “You doing all right in school?”

  “Oh, sure,” she said. “All A’s except for chemistry.” She scowled. “Like I’m ever going to want to dump a bunch of chemicals together in my future career.”

  Sam grinned, then tried a harder question. “Do you ever miss your mom?”

  She gave him a startled look and bent to pet Connagher. After a second of sending the dog into happy wiggles, she answered, head still bent. “Kinda. Not her. Not how she is. But I wish…I wish she’d been… I wish I’d had a mom. She never was.”

  He ached for the sadness in her voice. Felt like hell that he hadn’t done a better job, hadn’t been able to divorce the woman and get sole custody much, much earlier. “I’m sorry, baby.”

  She shook her head and started to walk, his girl’s usual response to being upset. Walk somewhere—anywhere. When she was a teen, she’d disappear completely. One of the reasons he’d trained Conn to find her.

  He fell into step as she headed for the pond.

  “It’s not your fault. Hell, you did a lot—more than I realized—at keeping her from messing up my life.” She kicke
d some gravel into the bushes. “Some of my friends had it worse. Like if your mom does drugs, but your dad isn’t there to defend you. You were always there, Daddy.”

  He felt some of the tightness in his shoulders ease. He hadn’t totally messed up. He had a momentary thought of how easily Linda would take to mothering his girl; she wouldn’t even know she was doing it. Caring was just part of who his woman was.

  His woman. Yeah.

  But he had his own battles still to fight, and damn, it came hard. “I’m proud of you, Nicole.”

  The startled glance she gave him sent his gut to clenching. Yeah, he’d screwed up badly, that she hadn’t heard that from him before. The path was before him. Did he have the guts to continue?

  “Got out of the habit of saying anything,” he muttered.

  She gave him an understanding nod. “Mother.”

  “But I—” The words stuck in his throat again. Too many times his ex had begged for him to say he loved her. He’d done so at first but had stopped when the words were such a lie that he couldn’t force them out. Z had been right, damn him.

  But Sam wasn’t a coward. “Love you, baby.” The words came out rough.

  The way she threw herself in his arms said she’d understood them anyway.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Linda walked through the Shadowlands feeling as if she’d entered a Halloween horror house. Every nerve jangled in fear that something would jump out at her.

  The Feds weren’t present. Cullen said the FBI agents had flown to New York. One of the Harvest Association’s “warehouses” had been found.

  Even worse, Sam wasn’t there to relieve her fears. Master Z had inspected the trainees for him and said he had problems at the farm. She hadn’t realized how much safer she’d felt with him around. Tonight she felt far, far too alone.

  Her head tilted at the snap of a whip. Due to the storm warnings, the attendance was down. Master Z had given the Doms a treat and rearranged equipment to clear two huge spaces for the whip aficionados.