Sweet as Honey

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  She felt an emptiness at the pit of her stomach as she slowly but forcefully slid out of Paul’s grasp. “That’s what I’m talking about, Paul. I don’t appreciate your constant criticism.”

  “I’m trying to help you see that even though you love her, she has many faults. I don’t want you to believe that the things she does are acceptable for a gute frau.”

  Lily nibbled on her bottom lip. She wanted to be a gute wife, and Paul knew it. Which one of them was wrong? She hated how he always made her second-guess herself. “You can be concerned about me if you like, but I hope you’ll leave my aunt Bitsy out of it.”

  Paul sidled close again and took her hand. “You’re right, Lily. My only concern is for you.” He cleared his throat. “That’s why I think we should get married in September, instead of waiting to finish the house.”

  Lily carefully swallowed the lump in her throat before it choked her. “We’re not engaged,” she whispered.

  Paul drew his brows together. “I just asked, didn’t I?”

  “Nae, you didn’t.”

  Irritation flashed across his features before he seemed to think better of it. His smile revealed the gap in his two front teeth that Lily had always thought was kind of cute. His grip on her hand nearly cut off her circulation as he tugged her closer. “Well, I’m asking now. Lily, will you marry me?”

  Her heart rumbled in her chest like thunder from a looming thunderstorm. Is this what it felt like to be in love? “I . . . I don’t know.”

  Clearly not the answer he expected. His brows inched closer together. “You don’t know? Lily, we’ve been planning to marry ever since eighth grade.”

  Paul had just proposed to her, but she saw Dan’s deep brown eyes in her imagination. Does Paul ever try to make you happy? All I want is to see you happy, he had said.

  Questions and doubts irritated Paul to no end, but if they were going to be husband and wife, they would have to learn how to settle their differences. And like it or not, Paul would need to meet her halfway. She pulled her hand from his and folded her arms. “The truth is, Paul, you can’t bring yourself to ask for forgiveness. Your proposal feels like a consolation prize for not giving me an apology for speaking badly of Aunt B.”

  He looked momentarily confused and permanently annoyed. “Of all the stuff, Lily. I already said I’m sorry.”

  “Nae, you didn’t.”

  “Then I’m sorry,” he snapped, taking off his hat and running his fingers through his hair. “For what, I don’t know, but I’m sorry.”

  It was probably not a gute time to insist on sincerity.

  She thought about Dan and how giddy she felt when he looked at her. “Paul, do you think I’m pretty?”

  His eyebrows had long since met in the middle and were forming a mountain range above his nose. “Shame on you for even asking. It’s gross vanity, Lily, and I won’t stand for it.”

  She felt as irritated with Paul as he seemed to be with her. “Dan Kanagy thinks I’m pretty.” She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Better to absorb the hurt than provoke Paul like this.

  The mountain range got taller. “Dan Kanagy? Dan Kanagy?” Paul’s voice rose in pitch until soon the dogs would be the only ones to hear him. “Dan Kanagy is feeding your vanity so you’ll trust him. Have you forgotten all those cruel names he used to call you? Because I haven’t.” He spit them out of his mouth with more venom than Dan ever had. “Amtrak, Coke Bottle, Frog Eyes.”

  Lily didn’t bat an eye. Since Wednesday, those names didn’t hurt her anymore. “Paul, do you love me?”

  He practically slammed the hat back onto his head. “Now you’re questioning my love? Don’t you see what Dan Kanagy has done? He hates me, Lily. He’s trying to break us up.”

  She’d never considered that, but it seemed a bit farfetched. “You really think so?”

  “What possible motive does Dan have to be nice to you but to get back at me?”

  Maybe it was because Dan wanted to be her friend, that maybe he liked her a little. Her heart dropped to the ground. This is what Paul thought of her. He couldn’t imagine another boy being interested. If she were honest with herself, she couldn’t imagine another boy being interested either.

  “I stuck by you when no one else did,” Paul said. “I was your friend, the person you told all your secrets to. I didn’t care if the other boys hated me. I did it because I love you. I’ve shown that I’m the only one who loves you.”

  He knew exactly what to say to make her doubt herself. Paul had sacrificed friendships and recesses for her. Was that love? She put a hand on Paul’s arm before he broke a blood vessel in his neck. “Paul,” she said, sufficiently humbled by her memories. “Everything is happening so fast. I don’t mean to be difficult, but I’m confused. Since you and I became friends, I’ve never made a decision on my own. I don’t trust my own judgment.”

  As Paul studied her face, his expression relaxed into something softer than the hard lines of frustration. “Then trust mine. This is right, Lily. You and I belong with each other. Gotte put us together eight years ago. Who are we to question His plan?”

  Lily nodded doubtfully. Paul was so smart about these things. He knew his Bible well. She had always trusted his judgment and heeded his advice. What held her back this time?

  Was this Dan Kanagy’s doing? Had his flattery led her into temptation? He had certainly planted seeds of doubt.

  She pressed her lips into a tight line. What had Dan done but make her feel important, as if he truly valued her opinion, truly valued her as a person? He didn’t treat her like a nuisance, even when she disagreed with him, and he didn’t act as if he thought everything he did was more important than anything she did. He helped with the bees, even though the hours at their farm took him away from his own chores.

  Was it all to get back at Paul? Her hopeful heart wouldn’t let her believe it. When he’d chased her to the willow tree, he hadn’t been too proud to apologize, hadn’t made her feel small or blamed her for misunderstanding him. He’d simply said he was sorry, with real remorse and real pain.

  He had painted her barn doors an ugly shade of orange.

  In the middle of the night.

  Perhaps Dan had planted seeds, but it wasn’t his fault that Lily felt as if she were being pulled and stretched like a piece of warm taffy. He’d simply shown her how a boy should treat a girl, and now she didn’t want to have to settle for less.

  And surely Paul could be more.

  Paul narrowed his eyes. “Lily?”

  “I need some time to think about it.”

  “But if you love me—” Paul sputtered.

  “If you love me, you won’t push me to make a decision.”

  His expression hovered between disgust and doubt, and he clamped his lips shut as if restraining himself from saying something he’d later regret.

  It was a very gute sign. He could learn to be considerate of her feelings. “If we marry . . . I can’t have you speaking against my aunt ever again.”

  “When we marry, you’ll be out of your aendi’s house and living in mine. There won’t be a need for me to watch to make sure she brings you up right.”

  “She and my sisters will still be a big part of my life.”

  He smiled vaguely, most likely in an attempt to reassure her. “We will make a decision we both feel satisfied with, for the good of our family.”

  “Okay,” she said, not feeling all that reassured.

  He patted her hand as if he could see the doubt lingering in the back of her mind. “As head of the household, I know you will trust my judgment and abide by my decisions. That’s what it means to love someone better than yourself.”

  Confusion tied itself in a knot around her heart. Was that what it meant to truly love someone? In pledging her life to Paul, would she lose herself?

  She still had so much to learn about love.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Paul dropped Lily off at the bridge like he usually did. “I d
on’t want to get stung,” he said. “And driving you all over town today has put me behind on my chores.”

  Lily climbed out of the buggy without complaint. She had enough to think about, and a short walk would help to clear her head. “Good-bye, Paul,” she said. “Lord willing, I will see you at gmay tomorrow.”

  “And I hope you’ll have an answer for me.”

  She sighed inwardly. Barring a vision or a miracle, she wouldn’t be ready to give Paul an answer. He’d have to learn to be patient.

  Poppy and Rose were only a few steps ahead of her. They turned when they heard Paul’s buggy and waited for Lily to join them. They linked elbows, with Lily in the middle, and strolled the rest of the way to the house.

  Rose glanced at Lily. “Is everything okay?”

  Lily looked back and watched Paul’s buggy drive out of sight. “I don’t know. Paul is so sure of himself. My worries seem so silly after I talk to him.”

  Poppy grunted her disapproval. “I suppose he convinced you it was your fault.”

  “Poppy,” Rose said. “That’s not fair. You don’t know what Paul said to her.”

  Nae, she didn’t know, and after the scene at Dawdi’s house, Lily wasn’t about to tell them that Paul had proposed. Poppy might start trampling dandelions.

  “He told me he was sorry,” Lily said feebly. Even she knew he hadn’t truly meant it.

  Rose gave her a half smile. “That’s something. See, Poppy? He apologized. He’s sorry for saying all those things about Aunt Bitsy.”

  Poppy snorted. “I’ll bet he is.”

  Lily’s heart flipped all over itself when she saw Dan’s open-air buggy parked in its usual spot. She hadn’t dared hope she’d see him today.

  “How nice,” Rose said when she saw the buggy. The smile in her eyes lit up her entire face.

  Even Poppy’s mood brightened. “I’ll win at Uno tonight for certain. He’s too confident he can beat me.”

  Lily didn’t say anything, but she felt so light, she could have floated into the house. Dan had a way of making every smile wider, every room brighter, every day better. It was turning out to be a gute day after all.

  * * *

  Dan tightened the bit in his drill and stifled a yawn. He’d crawled into bed way too late last night, and he felt it today. The full days spent with the Honeybees had pared down what time he had for his own chores at home, and he’d stayed up late last night to finish them. As the animal expert at their organic dairy, he saw to the health of the cattle. It wasn’t something he could put off while he spent his days courting Lily.

  He didn’t mind the fatigue. He would have gladly missed several nights’ sleep to spend every waking hour with Lily Christner. Three weeks ago, he wouldn’t have thought he could be any more in love with her than he already was. Now he knew two things. He’d underestimated how far and wide his love could reach, and if she ended up choosing Paul Glick, it would hurt something wonderful.

  Bitsy smirked in his direction. “Do you need a nap? I don’t want you falling asleep and drilling a hole through your finger.”

  Dan chuckled. “Nae. I should be able to manage.”

  Bitsy had seemed gloomy when Dan had arrived today with his supplies and his new idea for a mousetrap. She had told him that someone had pulled a wheel off their buggy in the middle of the night and that her girls had gone off with Paul Glick to visit their grandparents.

  Of course, the girls’ going off with Paul Glick probably didn’t have anything to do with Bitsy’s bad mood, but it sure took the wind out of Dan’s sails.

  Bitsy seemed to have perked up a bit since then. She only insulted, er, joked with him when she was in good humor. Her willingness to experiment with another mousetrap design seemed a good sign.

  Dan glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as he wrote two X’s on either side of the five-gallon bucket. He’d never seen someone wear a kapp and earrings together. Bitsy wore, not one, but three earrings in each ear. The top earrings were sparkly white studs. Dan suspected they were real diamonds. The middle pair was tiny yellow sunflowers with ten petals each. Large turquoise circles, as big as canning lids, dangled from the bottom holes.

  Amish women didn’t usually wear lipstick—well, never wore lipstick—but Bitsy’s lips were a dark shade of pink to match the subtle pink highlights in her formerly blue hair.

  She looked colorful, to say the least.

  Dan suspected the earrings and the lipstick and the hair all had something to do with Bitsy’s bad mood. His mamm always wore her mint-green dress when she felt low and wanted to cheer herself up. Someone was doing some serious vandalism on Bitsy’s farm. If earrings and lipstick helped Bitsy forget her troubles, who was he to judge?

  He pressed his drill bit to the X and drilled a hole through the side of the bucket. The soda bottle mousetrap hadn’t worked. The mouse had taken the cheese, tripped the mechanism, and escaped through the slit in the bottle, just as Bitsy had said it would.

  Bitsy rolled the bucket over and Dan drilled a hole on the other side. This new mousetrap seemed even less likely to work than the first one, but the materials were cheap and Dan wanted to give it a try. At the very least, a failed mousetrap would mean Dan would have an excuse to come back another day.

  The door opened, and the Honeybee Schwesters burst into the room like three brilliant rays of morning sunshine. Dan’s gaze immediately flew to Lily’s face. Her brilliant smile nearly blinded him. He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but she grew prettier with every passing day. His lips curled automatically.

  Although all three girls were smiling, Dan couldn’t be sure they weren’t trying to put on a brave face. Immediately tempering his grin, he made straight for Rose and laid his hands on her shoulders. “Bitsy told me about the buggy wheel. Are you okay?” He looked at Lily. “Is everybody okay?”

  With Dan’s hands still on her shoulders, Rose haltingly wrapped her arms around her waist. “It’s just some teenagers playing pranks,” she said, sounding as if she wanted to convince herself more than anyone else.

  Dan certainly wasn’t convinced. He squeezed Rose’s shoulders reassuringly. “Don’t you worry. I’m determined to find out who’s making mischief. I’ll keep an eye on things here, and I’ve asked my friends Luke and Josiah to watch for anything suspicious around town.”

  Rose nodded. “I’m sure it’s teenagers playing tricks.”

  “I’m sure it is,” Dan said. “But Luke, Josiah, and I are going to do everything we can to make them stop.”

  “Okay,” Rose said.

  “Do you know my friend Josiah Yoder?” Dan asked, glancing at Lily and giving her a secret wink. The unmistakable tenderness in her eyes made him feel light-headed. “He’s a wonderful-gute farmer. Careful and responsible with his land. He’s been working it on his own since his parents died.”

  Did a soft blush color Rose’s cheeks? “Jah, I know Josiah. He seems very nice.”

  Bitsy tapped on the bucket with the palm of her hand. “Dan Kanagy, if you’re going to start a job, you might as well finish it.”

  Dan grinned and returned to his bucket and drill. “Do you want to see our new mousetrap?” The girls gathered around the island. “We drilled two holes in the bucket.” He threaded the wire through the holes in the can and then through the holes in the bucket and suspended the can over the bucket. “Then we spread peanut butter on the can.” He held out his hand. “Bitsy, if you’ll be so kind as to hand me the jar of peanut butter.”

  Bitsy looked at him sideways. “I’m not your lovely assistant, Dan. You can get your own peanut butter.”

  Poppy laughed and pulled the peanut butter out of the cupboard. “Here you go.”

  Dan grinned at her. “You can be my lovely assistant.” He spread the peanut butter all around the can, then took a pitcher and filled the bucket about a third of the way full of water. “Supposedly, the mouse tries to eat the peanut butter on the can, the can spins, and the mouse falls into the water and drowns.”
r />   “Poor mouse,” Rose said.

  “You should feel sorry for the honey, Rose,” Bitsy said. “The mice eat it without mercy.”

  “Luke Bontrager gave me the idea for this one.” Dan winked at Lily a second time. “Poppy, do you know my friend Luke? He’s a carpenter. Wonderful-gute with his hands.”

  Dan nearly laughed out loud at the look of surprised disgust on Poppy’s face. Poppy and Luke were like oil and vinegar. They might go good together if someone shook them up a bit.

  “Of course I know Luke Bontrager,” Poppy said, as if she were talking about fresh horse manure. “He and his family are our nearest neighbors.”

  “And Poppy hates him,” Rose said, burying a giggle in her hand.

  Poppy folded her arms. “He’s too big for his britches and thinks boys are better at everything. Just once I’d like to get him to agree to a footrace. I’d show him who’s better.”

  “I’m glad he’s your nearest neighbor,” Dan said. “He can help keep an eye on things better than I can from four miles away.”

  Lily leaned her elbow on the counter. “Dawdi thinks we should leave our teenage pranksters a note.”

  Bitsy looked up from her wire cutters. “A note?”

  “And tell them that we bear them no ill will and that they are welcome to ruin anything they want on our farm if it will make them feel better.”

  “How did your visit to the grandparents go?” Dan said, with a casual lilt to his voice. If he asked about the grandparents, no one would suspect how curious he was about Paul.

  Poppy groaned, plopped into one of the kitchen chairs, and blew out a puff of air that vibrated her lips. “Ach. Between Mammi’s criticism, Dawdi’s lectures, and Paul’s accusations, we had a wonderful-gute time.”

  Dan frowned. “I didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject.”

  Lily joined Poppy at the table and slumped her shoulders as if she hadn’t any energy left to fight. “We’ve gotten used to it.”

  Rose sat next to Lily. In unison, she and Poppy each took hold of Lily’s hands. Dan’s heart sank. Something had happened at the Kiems’ to upset Lily. He didn’t like it.