The complete scars series: Books one-four

by Tonks, Rachael

  This isn’t right.

  I can’t be… I can’t be pregnant.

  Stunned, I stumble out of the bathroom, making my way back to Nate. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to him. My heart hammers in my chest as I slowly creep inside.

  “Well?” he asks, rushing over to me, his eyes searching mine for the answer. My head starts to spin, and I suddenly feel so dizzy that I make my way over to the bed dropping my ass onto the edge. I can’t look at him, knowing I’m pregnant but unable to give him the answers he wants to hear. My chest tightens as I try to say something. Anything.

  “Tara,” he whispers, his gravelly voice barely audible. He squats in front of me, moving his head until I have no option but to look at him. I place my hand on my head, trying to control my emotions and hold my shit together.

  “It’s positive.” I croak out the words I can barely believe myself.

  His eyes fall to my stomach and he reaches around the back of my head, pulling our heads together until they meet. “This is mine, you get me?”

  “But what if it isn’t…?” But he doesn’t give me a chance to finish.

  “No what-ifs. You’re pregnant and it’s mine. No one else's, understand?” he asks, his hand touching my cheek gently, a small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.

  No longer able to fight back the tears, I let them fall freely over my face at the meaning of his question.

  “Hey. Shhh…”

  Swiping the tears away, he places his lips against mine. “What happened doesn’t make me want you any less, but it hurts. It fucking kills me to know my own father put you through that. I can’t change what happened that night but what I can change is what happens from here on out.” His voice is thick with emotion and I know he means it. Holding me tightly, I feel safe, despite what I’ve been through. The pregnancy is a complete shock, and I’m not even sure bringing a child into this world would be the right thing to do. I need time to wrap my head around the news and process it fully. After all, there’s a chance this baby isn’t Nate’s. And I’m not sure it’s something I can just ignore.

  The buzzer for the main gate rings through the house and Nate parts from me to answer it. “Shit,” he grates out, stepping up and making his way down the stairs. I follow closely behind him.

  “Yeah,” he says into the receiver. “Sure, man,” I hear him say, pressing the buzzer and allowing whoever it is access.

  “Delivery,” he says with a lift of his shoulders, heading over to the door and out front. The delivery driver holds a large box in his hand, offering it to Nate.

  “Sign here, please.” The guy shoves a clipboard towards him, indicating in the box. Nate scribbles his signature before turning toward me, offering me the box.

  “Must be for you. I didn’t order anything.”

  Taking it from him, I almost gasp at the weight of the box. I think back to what I ordered during the renovations, but I can’t think of anything.

  “Strange,” I say, heading into the main living room, dropping it with a thud on the coffee table. “Can I have your knife?” I ask, holding out my hand. He reaches to the holster that hangs against his thigh, drawing out the knife and slicing it over the tape that seals the box.

  “Thanks,” I say, offering him a smile. He nods, his eyes twinkling as he does. I tug on the box, opening it and removing another layer of cardboard. I glance into the box, bile rising into my mouth instantly as I let out a screech. Doubling over, I vomit all over the wooden floor.

  It’s Emily.

  Her head, her hands and her feet.

  “What the fuck?” Nate grabs the box, peering inside. “Oh no, Jesus, no fucking way.” I hear him gag and I glance up to see a tear slip across his cheek.

  “How could he?” I cry, unable to look at the box, taking one deep breath after another. I try to remain on my feet, but I just can’t. I collapse to the floor as a sob escapes me, the pain in my chest almost too much to take.

  “I’m going to find him, Tara. I’m gonna gut the sick motherfucker for what he’s done. That’s a promise. I’m not going to stop until that motherfucker is dead.”

  To be continued...

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  Also by Rachael Tonks

  BEAUTIFUL BROKEN GIRL - Book one of the broken girl series

  KEEPING HOPE - Book two of the broken girl series

  BURN WITH ME - STANDALONE

  WORTH THE WAIT - Burn with me spin-off novella

  THE EDGE OF LIFE - The Blackheart twins book one

  THE EDGE OF FOREVER - The Blackheart twins book two

  THE SCARS OF YOU - Scars series book one

  THE SCARS OF US - The scars series book two

  Together In Ruins

  Book 4 in the Scars series

  Copyright © 2018 Rachael Tonks

  Published: Rachael Tonks, August 2018

  Cover Design: Dark water designs

  Edited & Proofread by Judy Zweifel

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.

  All rights reserved.

  Stepping to my feet, I clasp my hands around my throat, racing out of the room. My vision blurs as I start to feel like I’m suffocating.

  “Tara,” his voice calls, but I don’t stop. My feet move, but I can barely stay upright. I feel so weak.

  “Stop,” he yells, and I do as he commands. Halting to a stop, my legs finally give out. Collapsing to the ground, I lay my hands flat in front of me, wailing uncontrollably. My sorrow for the loss of Emily, the pain I feel so deep inside feels like I’m rotting at the core.

  “Baby, please…” Nate’s voice is just a whisper, and I tilt my head, looking at his contorted face. “I know you’re hurting, T. You should never have to see that… that, shit,” he growls as I see he’s trying to comfort me, all the while controlling his own rage.

  “You have to find him, Nate. He has to pay,” I snarl, my nostrils flaring as I try to process this all through my messed-up head. Through the horrific images that flash through my mind. I can’t unsee that image. I can’t change what happened to Emily. I’m helpless.

  “I’m gonna torture the bastard for what he’s done. I won’t rest until he’s dead. You have my word.”

  Kneeling beside me, I rest my head against his chest, his rapid heartbeat pounds against me. “We should get you back inside.”

  “I can’t,” I blurt out as the anxiety grows. “I can’t go in there. I can’t be anywhere near this place.”

  “Davo and the rest of the guys are on their way. I’m calling church to discuss what we should do. I need you here with me, baby. I ain’t letting you outta my sight.” His arms tighten around me and I inhale deeply.

  “I know this is a sho
ck for you, but I need you to think about your health right now. It’s no good for you or my baby if you’re getting worked up.”

  Blinking hard, I try to clear the tears pooling in my eyes. “How am I supposed to think about this with everything going on?” I choke out.

  “What’s there to think about?” he asks, his eyes focusing on me, his brows drawing together. I shudder, remembering just how Nate’s eyes resemble those of the monster who hurt me.

  “The baby… the rape. I don’t even know if I can do this, Nate.”

  “We’re doing this,” he replies, his voice so low it’s almost a growl.

  “But we have to face the facts, Nate. This baby might not be yours. It might be your father’s.” I swallow, hoping to clear the lump in my throat, but it doesn’t work.

  “I told you this baby is mine. There doesn’t need to be any mention of my father or what happened. You understand?” I can sense the anger in his tone, even though his face appears neutral.

  “But…” I start saying, only for him to cut me off, pressing his finger against my lips, silencing me.

  “No fucking arguments.”

  “You’re not listening to me.” I thrust my arm out and watch, as if in slow motion, how he falls back on his ass. “I don’t know if I can live with not knowing the truth, Nate.”

  On my feet, I glance over to the door, then back over to the huge metal gates, and I feel like this place is closing in on me. I have nowhere to turn that doesn’t scare the hell out of me. I’m trapped.

  I’m trying to stay calm, but my own emotions are starting to suffocate me. I don’t know what to do. “I need to get out of here,” I tell him as I watch him crawl up from the ground, dusting down his ass.

  “Let me take you inside. Up to the bedroom. You should rest.” He steps toward me, grabbing me by the arm. I look down at his hand clamped around my upper arm, then back up to his face.

  “Why aren’t you listening to me? How can you be so calm?” I ask, glaring at him.

  “You’re freaking out and I’m trying to help you, Tara. I’m no good at this shit, but believe me when I say I’m trying.”

  “What about, uh, Emily?” I force out the words, my shaky finger pointing to the main door of the house.

  “I’ll take care of her,” he says with sorrow in his eyes.

  “I don’t think I want to know.” I’m not sure I can take it right now. Walking back inside, my arms crossed over my chest and my head down, I make my way up the stairs and into the only room in the house that holds anything other than awful memories.

  The closer I get to the top of the stairs; I can hear my cell phone ringing. Picking up my speed, I head inside, grabbing my purse and retrieving my phone. Swiping across the screen I answer the call.

  “Hey,” I say a little breathlessly.

  “Is everything okay, I mean are you okay?” Izzy’s voice is quiet and full of concern.

  Sighing, I drop my head as I try to think of the words to explain what happened. So much shit has transpired in such a short space of time.

  “Did you do the test, Tara?” she continues as my silence causes her to press me further.

  “We had a delivery,” I blurt out, my eyes filling with fresh, unshed tears. “It was Emily. Her head and hands... in a box,” I choke out, my hand covering my mouth.

  “Oh, Jesus Christ,” she exclaims. “Honey, I’m coming over. You shouldn’t be alone.”

  Without giving me the chance to answer, she ends the call. Buzzing fills my ears, but I slowly lower the phone, staring at the screen. I step over to the bed, dropping down against the mattress. I slump my shoulders as my mind races with thoughts I can’t control. What if being here with Nate is a big mistake?

  I won’t ever deny the love that I feel for him, but this. The whole brutality of the MC. All of the wicked things that have happened since I fell in love with Nate. I want to be with him. I want to support him as president. But I just don’t know if I can. How can I be okay with death and pain? Knowing that innocents are being hurt at the hands of the MC.

  I sit in silence, staring into space. I’m not sure how much time has passed by, but the sudden sound of voices cuts through the silence. I lift my shoulders, my head looking toward the door. My eyes find Izzy, and I shoot up from my slumped position on the bed, racing over to her. She wraps her arms around me, holding me while I sob against her.

  “Why is this happening?” I choke out. “Why is Jeffries so hell-bent on making everyone’s lives miserable?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispers, her hand working over my hair as she tries to soothe me. Relaxing my hold, I pull back, sniffling and swiping away the tears that roll down my face. I glimpse up at Izzy, her beautiful eyes fixed on me.

  “This is all… so wrong,” I say with a shake of my head. I press my fingers against my forehead as I turn and make my way back over to the bed. Izzy follows me, gently closing the door behind her. Making her way over to the bed, she sits down beside me, her eyes trying to find mine as she tries to get my attention. I look at her, but it does nothing to ease the constant feeling of dread that crushes my windpipe. It’s like it’s slowly squeezing, suffocating me.

  “I’ve messed up, Iz,” I whisper. “I fell for an outlaw, and now everyone around me is suffering.”

  “You gotta try to separate yourself from what happens with the club, Tara. Nothing that happens here is because of you. You gotta believe that.”

  Taking my hand, she squeezes gently. “I know who Brax is. I know how he makes his money and how dangerous it is that he’s a criminal. Doesn’t mean I’d be without him. I’ve accepted all the things about him that I don’t like. Because I have no other choice. I love him. It’s that simple. You need to try to do the same. Because you know Nate loves you.”

  “The test was positive, Iz. I have a thing growing inside of me,” I say pointing to my stomach with both hands. “And the fact it could be that monster’s, terrifies me.”

  “Oh, honey,” she says, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, pulling me into the comfort of her embrace. “There’s every chance it’s Nate’s though, right?”

  “Yes,” I reply meekly. “And he seems happy. I mean, he doesn’t want to contemplate that it might be his father’s. He’s stepping up no matter what.”

  “He said that?” she asks, furrowing her brows.

  “Yeah…”

  “Well, that’s amazing. Isn’t that what you want?”

  “The thought of being pregnant terrifies me. The thought I’m pregnant with Jeffries’ baby is unbearable. I’m not ready to be a mom, Iz. How can I be? In a place like this?”

  “You guys need a place away from here. Somewhere safe and secure.”

  “I shouldn’t have to live my life like that,” I snap, a little harsher than intended. “And Nate will always be a part of this world.”

  “He won’t let anything happen to you. That much I’m certain of.”

  “I was raped, Izzy. By his own father. How much worse can it get? How safe can he keep me? He can’t, not unless I’m with him twenty-four seven.”

  “We do what we need, just to get by. It’s a difficult time right now, but it won’t always be this way.” I glance at her lips and watch as the smile forms. I want to believe what she says, I hope more than anything it’s true. But right now, in this dark time, I’m struggling to see the light. I’m full of anger and hatred for the asshole who has been determined to ruin us. But I won’t let him.

  “Let us help you. We’ll find you a place of your own. One where you and Nate feel safe.”

  I nod slowly, accepting her offer. “I think it’s for the best.” I swing my legs from the bed, standing on my feet and turning to offer her my hand. “But first, I need your help to convince Nate.”

  Glancing to my hand, she reaches up, taking it. “I got you, girl. Let’s go convince biker boy.”

  Nate

  Placing the box down on the table, I slide into the chair once occupied by my father. Sliding my
ass forward, I rest on the edge of the seat, placing my elbows against the table and holding my head in my hands. I hear footsteps approaching and I don’t need to lift my head to know who it is.

  “Should’ve let you take him out,” I mutter.

  “Ain’t gonna change what’s happened, man. We just gotta figure out how to find the bastard and make him pay.”

  Finally, I lift my head, looking at Brax leaning against the doorframe. I tense my jaw, looking him directly in the eyes. “I’ve got to find him, Brax. Where the fuck could he be?”

  “Someone has to be hiding him,” he suggests. “Can you think of anyone that would help him?”

  Raising a brow, I shake my head. “I have no idea who my father made relationships with. He told me very little. The only person that would know, is also AWOL.”

  “Did you lock down that meeting with the Deathseeker boy?”

  Stepping up from my seat, I make my way over to him, knowing he would never step into the chapel. “No,” I reply, pressing my arm against his shoulder and leading him over to the bar. “It’s like he’s avoiding me. Can’t blame him. Going behind his father’s back will cause trouble for him. I got the vibe from him that we could help each other.”

  “You should pay him a visit,” he remarks, lifting his elbow and resting against the dark wooden bar. He digs into his pocket, placing a piece of paper down before sliding it toward me. “Name and address of a whorehouse the young Deathseeker likes to visit. My intel tells me he’ll be there tomorrow. Looks like he’s made quite an impact on a pretty little blonde who works there.”

  I nod, grabbing the address, glancing at it and pushing it into the pocket of my jeans. I widen my eyes, knowing this is the lead I need to finally get ahold of him. “Thanks, man.”