The Mission

by Fiona Palmer

  ‘No, he’s not,’ said Kathy.

  Steph snorted. ‘Mum, he is fat. That is not muscle around his mid section,’ she said with an eye roll.

  Kathy shrugged and then turned her focus to Jaz. ‘So if you and Ryan aren’t dating, how did you meet?’

  Jaz assumed this was another one of those curly questions Ryan wanted avoided but she was sure she could explain it quite truthfully. ‘I work at my local gym and Ryan came in. We both love staying fit and working out so we became friends from a mutual love, I guess you could say.’ Jaz turned to smile at Ryan and found him watching her intently. ‘Right?’

  He smiled back. One of those ones that took her breath away. One he usually kept for special occasions. It confused her that she was getting such an honest smile now, considering how unreadable he’d been lately.

  ‘That’s right,’ he agreed.

  A shiver spread throughout her body and Jaz hoped no one could notice just how one smile and the deep velvet of his voice could affect her.

  Jaz needed distracting and quick. ‘Gazza, how did you and Steph meet?’ she asked him.

  He finished his mouthful and glanced at Steph. The adoration shone brightly from his vivid green eyes. ‘We both love football and Steph was helping out at our local club. It was impossible not to notice her,’ he said, blushing a little. ‘I knew I had to make my move quick before my team mates spotted her.’

  Steph put her fork down and held Gazza’s hand. ‘I only ever had eyes for you,’ she said. She mouthed the word ‘now’ to him and he grinned. ‘I guess now is as good a time as any.’ Steph smiled at her mum and then turned back to Frank, who gave a nod. ‘Mum, I know it’s your special anniversary dinner. You two are an inspiration for us and I hope we can reach the same milestones that you guys have. And to make tonight even more special, Gazza asked me to marry him and I said yes,’ she said with an excited rush.

  ‘Oh my God,’ screamed Kathy, jumping up from her chair.

  Madness ensued. There were hugs and handshakes all around as food was left to cool on plates. As Jaz gave Steph a hug, she had a weird feeling of inclusion, as if she’d been accepted into their family without hesitation as she shared their special news. ‘Congrats, Steph.’

  ‘Thanks, Jaz.’ Steph held her shoulders and smiled at her in a funny way. ‘Now we just need to find Ryan a girl,’ she said with a wink.

  Jaz had a feeling of déjà vu. It was as if Steph could read her just like Anna. Could Steph tell that she liked her brother? Was that what the wink was about?

  A nervous laugh erupted from Jaz. ‘Good luck with that, I don’t think he wants one,’ she said.

  ‘Maybe he’s just waiting for the right one to come along,’ Steph whispered to her, before Ryan came to congratulate her.

  Ryan wasn’t waiting for Jaz, that much was real. He’d once said that they could never be together because they worked for MTG and they didn’t allow relationships between their operatives. Jaz was sure it was just some nonsense he was making up to keep her at a safe distance. It sounded like old age crap. If he really wanted to be with her, Ryan was the kind of bloke that wouldn’t let anything stop him. Obviously, she wasn’t worth it.

  After dinner, they sat in the lounge room and talked. Jaz was amazed at the way Ryan spun out fake details of his life and what he’d been up too. She wondered if any ever came back to bite him. And the scary thing was, Jaz was really no different with her family. They weren’t operatives for MTG, they were actually just paid liars.

  Jaz sat beside Kathy and Steph on the cream leather three-seater and listened as they told stories about Ryan when he was younger. Ryan sat by his father and Gazza discussing sports. Every now and then she’d catch his gaze and he would hold it for a moment, but she couldn’t read what he was thinking. Did he find it strange having her in his parents’ house? Was he uncomfortable with her chatting to his family? She dismissed that thought straight away. No, Ryan didn’t look annoyed. He seemed content and reflective. It was better than angry and she’d seen that already tonight.

  ‘How long have you and Marcus been going out for? Is it serious?’ asked Steph.

  All of a sudden, Jaz felt the room go quiet, as if all ears were tuned in to her answer. ‘Um, for a few weeks now I guess.’ Blood was pounding in her ears as her heart raced from being centre of attention and put on the spot. How much did she divulge? Then a wicked thought came to her. Setting up Ryan seemed like fun. ‘He’s actually making me a romantic dinner tomorrow night. He has the house to himself so he’s going all out,’ she said, trying to keep her voice full of excitement at the prospect. Especially considering the thought made her feel a little anxious.

  Jaz really wanted to glance at Ryan and see what he thought of this news but she couldn’t do it.

  ‘Oh, look out. Looks like someone’s about to get lucky,’ teased Steph.

  Kathy scoffed at Steph and Jaz tried hard to stop the flush she felt building.

  But she also hoped Ryan had heard every word.

  Jaz had had enough of the limelight. ‘Have you set a date yet?’ she asked Steph.

  ‘Not yet. Next year sometime. I don’t want to wait too long. Maybe you can be Ryan’s plus one.’ She smiled and Jaz got that familiar feeling Steph was hinting at something.

  ‘If he hasn’t got himself a girl by then I reckon I’d try,’ said Jaz truthfully. ‘I’ve never been to a wedding. You’ll look stunning.’

  ‘Thanks, Jaz. And don’t worry. Somehow, I doubt my dear busy brother will have found himself a girl. He’s too work-focused. We are all amazed he managed to find you as a friend.’

  Jaz laughed. ‘Only because I run the place he frequents.’ She realised how glad she was that Ryan came into The Ring. Her life would seem so empty without him.

  ‘But you can see why we eagerly jumped to conclusions,’ added Kathy. ‘We just want him to be happy.’

  ‘Oh yes, I can understand that. Just having Marcus makes me realise how wonderful it is to have someone to hold you and love you unconditionally,’ said Jaz. She loved the way Marcus freely gave himself to her and wished Ryan could be a smidgen like him, instead of giving her bits but then snatching them away again. Every time Ryan did that, he ripped chunks of her heart away. Didn’t he realise? Pakistan had left her wounded in so many ways.

  ‘You okay, Jaz?’ asked Kathy. ‘You look a little pale.’

  ‘No, I’m fine. Just tired. I’ve had a few late nights,’ said Jaz. She looked over at Ryan without thinking and found him watching her again. Damn, she wished he wouldn’t do that.

  ‘We should probably head off, it is getting late,’ said Ryan, with concern.

  Jaz really didn’t want to go; she loved his family, but she found trying to stay on her feet with the lies quite tiring. And his parents were endless with their questions. They seemed to be making up for lost time.

  Everyone followed them out as they headed for the door.

  ‘Make sure you both come back for dinner again. Jaz, can you make sure to bring him back?’ asked Kathy, as she hugged her goodbye.

  Steph swapped phone numbers with Jaz before saying goodbye. Ryan didn’t look impressed by it.

  ‘This way, when you won’t come I can get Jaz to herd you here. Either that or she can just come on her own,’ said Steph, giving Ryan the evil eye. Steph put her hand on Jaz. ‘Or we could just do coffee and talk about him,’ she teased.

  ‘Sure, I’d like that,’ said Jaz. ‘See you, Frank.’ She hugged Ryan’s dad and felt a lump in her throat. Ryan was so much like him. ‘Bye Gazza. I hope Steph doesn’t go all bridezilla on you,’ she teased.

  ‘Oh, I’m counting on it,’ he said, smiling back.

  They all waved them from the front porch as they jumped in Ryan’s car and left.

  ‘You have an awesome family. They miss you. You should make the effort to see them more,’ she said softly.

  A few seconds later, she only just caught his words. ‘I know.’

  Ryan drove her straight b
ack to her house but, as usual, parked a few houses down.

  ‘Thanks, Ryan. I had a great night. You’re very lucky,’ she said.

  She reached to open the door but as she went to move, Ryan’s voice pulled her up.

  ‘Jaz?’

  He sounded desperate.

  ‘What?’

  Ryan sat holding the steering wheel, looking straight ahead. ‘Tomorrow…don’t do anything you’ll regret.’

  Her chest tightened and her breathing shallowed. Was he warning her? He’d really been listening at his parents’ house. ‘I’m sure I won’t regret it,’ she said with a smile. Jaz felt like she was poking a sleeping dragon. What would Ryan do?

  She made to move again, but this time Ryan’s hand stopped her. It was hot against her arm, spreading a sensation through her like a dizzying drug. He was her addiction. How did she quit? Did she want to quit? She wished he would hurry up and say what he wanted to say.

  ‘Jaz, just don’t do it. You don’t have to. You have nothing to prove.’

  ‘Why not? Anything to help the mission, right?’ she said. When he didn’t answer, Jaz wondered just how many times he’d done that for a mission and who with? It made her green with envy. And a little sick to her stomach.

  His continued silence began to make her angry. Who was he to tell her what she could and couldn’t do?

  ‘Promise me, Jaz,’ he said softly.

  ‘No,’ she said shaking off his hand. ‘Why should I? What’s it to you what I do anyway? You don’t care, and quite frankly it’s none of your business.’

  ‘I don’t want to see you get hurt.’ His voice was still gentle, and it just pissed her off even more.

  ‘Well, don’t watch then,’ she said. He was back gripping the wheel like it was a stress ball. His voice may seem calm but his body said otherwise. ‘I may get hurt but I’m prepared for that. I’m willing to take certain risks for reward, Ryan. Are you?’ Jaz gave him a few seconds, and when he didn’t reply she opened his door and got out. She stopped herself from slamming his door and begun to walk to her house without a backwards glance. She would not give him the satisfaction.

  Chapter 26

  Jaz pulled up outside of Marcus’s house and sat in her jeep for a long while. She still hadn’t decided where tonight was going to go. She knew what she wanted. Ryan. But he didn’t want her. And Marcus? He was perfect and sweet. There was nothing wrong with him. Well, besides his dad was dodgy and he wasn’t Ryan. But in any other life, one where Ryan didn’t exsist, Jaz would be jumping at the chance to be with Marcus. Except this was her life and these were the facts she had to deal with. Finally, she decided to just wing it and climbed out of her Jeep. Live in the moment and see where her mood took her.

  Her car wasn’t the only one in the driveway. She ran a finger along Carl’s sleek car, and just knowing he was inside scared her. Would there be any chance he’d place her at the fish and chip shop?

  No, she was sure she wasn’t recognised. But still, her pulse raced on as she reached for the door buzzer.

  It opened seconds later. Jaz hoped for Marcus, but it was Carl.

  ‘Hey, Jaz. Good to see you again. You look nice,’ he said, eyeing off her vintage blue dress. He was all smiles and good vibes. He was a nice guy who cared for his family who thought nothing of dealing in drugs that killed people everyday. Jaz wondered if he kept a gun in his office. Maybe she should look?

  Jaz forced a smile. ‘Thanks, Carl. You heading back to work?’

  ‘Sure am. No rest for the wicked,’ he said, and let her in before heading to his car.

  Jaz watched him go and wondered just how wicked he was.

  ‘Hey gorgeous.’ Marcus’s arms wrapped around her waist and she lent back against him as his lips pressed against her neck. ‘I’m glad you’re here. Come inside. Dad will be gone for ages.’

  Marcus had everything planned out and set up. Popcorn to go with a movie, then he had pasta pre-made for dinner and Jaz didn’t want to think what came after that. She prayed for ice-cream or chocolate.

  She tried to relax through the movie but she felt cold in their large house, especially after being at Kathy and Frank’s warm and cosy place the night before. Even when she was snuggled into Marcus’s arms.

  Jaz tried really hard to focus on the movie but she missed chunks of it, even though she was staring at the TV. How late would Carl be? What was he doing? Should she go through his office again? What should she do tonight with Marcus? Did he expect it? Should she heed Ryan’s warning? Were Anna and Taylor okay?

  It didn’t help that Marcus was running his fingers over her arm in a rhythmic motion. It was making her sleepy and she didn’t want to think about bed right now.

  Jaz pushed herself up in the couch so she was more alert, and tried to watch the movie. But it finished five minutes later and Jaz still missed the whole plot.

  ‘You okay? You’re very quiet,’ he asked, as they walked to the kitchen to start on dinner.

  ‘Yeah I’m fine. Just a little tired. Anna kept me up most of the night. We’ll blame her,’ she said laughing. She watched as Marcus held up a bottle of wine.

  ‘A wine with dinner?’ he asked.

  ‘Thanks, that would be nice.’ Maybe she needed something to take the edge off her nerves. One would be her limit, she still wanted her wits in case she went off snooping.

  The wine did relax her and she enjoyed dinner, chatting with Marcus. It was about nine o’clock when they finished and Jaz took their dishes to the dishwasher. ‘Will your dad be home for dinner?’ she asked.

  ‘Who knows? I’m sure when he’s out late he eats at the office.’ He must have seen Jaz’s expression and taken it for something else. ‘He’s not always out late. Usually only a few nights a month when a big shipment comes in and needs cataloguing.’

  ‘Don’t worry, my dad practically lives at his office. Some people work because they have to, but I think Paul works because he just loves it. Simon takes after him. Me, I like to Mars Bar it. Work. Rest and play,’ she said with a laugh.

  Marcus pulled her to him and laughed. ‘I like to play too.’ Linking his fingers with hers, he led her back to the lounge. He changed the channel on TV to a music one before sweeping her up in his arms to move to the beat. Lana Del Rey’s voice was soothing and romantic. Jaz laid her head on his shoulder, closed her eyes and swayed with him.

  His soft lips pressed against her shoulder, slowly working their way up to her neck and below her ear. His hands ran over her back, down to her bum and squeezed her closer. Jaz let herself go. She welcomed him when he finally found her lips and kissed him back. Her hands snaked up his shirt as if searching for something, maybe the ripple of a scar, but she didn’t find anything but smooth skin. Marcus stepped back, pulled off his shirt and reached for her again, cupping her face in his hands. Jaz kept her eyes closed as her hands roamed over his chest and down to the top of his jeans. A fire was beginning to ignite inside of her, the pressure of a hand against her breast, another one under her dress squeezing her backside. Finally, she could feel herself trembling.

  Marcus pulled back a fraction, his lips leaving hers moist. ‘Was that your phone?’

  Jaz pried her eyes open as his words registered. ‘Oh, maybe.’ She slipped her hand into the small pocket on her dress and pulled out her phone. ‘Yep, it was.’ Damn, it was on vibrate.

  Jaz froze when she saw who the message was from. It was from Dark, her code name for Ryan and his dark mysterious eyes. She swallowed as a sweat broke out. Was the heater on? Jaz tapped to open his message. Just three words.

  I do care

  Her heart lurched and her legs lost all strength.

  ‘Are you okay? Is it bad news?’ asked Marcus.

  Jaz brought her eyes up to his while her mind was racing. Why had Ryan sent this now? To stop her? To tease her? What did this mean? Did he care care or just care enough not to want her to sleep with a target? Oh, what did all this mean! Either way it had probably done its job. Jaz had lost any
interest in being here with Marcus.

  ‘It is. I’m sorry, I have to go. Simon has had an asthma attack.’ Yet another lie trickling from her lips like the air she breathed. Jaz took small comfort in the fact that Simon did actually have asthma, but he hadn’t had an attack since he was four.

  But it still made her feel like shit when she saw the real concern and worry on Marcus. He wasn’t worried that their night was interrupted.

  ‘Can I do anything? Drive you home?’

  Jaz put her phone away and put her hand to his cheek. His deep sea-green eyes so alive and bright. ‘Thanks, but I’ll get home okay. Thank you for being so understanding.’ She lent forward and kissed him with everything she could give him. He deserved so much more.

  ‘Wow,’ he said as she stopped. ‘Can we pick this up another time?’

  Jaz didn’t know what to say so she just nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. Then he walked her to the door, not even bothering to put his shirt back on.

  ‘Thanks for an amazing night. I’m sorry I have to rush off.’

  ‘No, go to your brother. He’s important. Text me, let me know how he’s going?’

  ‘I will.’ Jaz squeezed his hand, and then ran to her jeep while fishing for her keys in her other pocket.

  It wasn’t until she was back home, parked in the driveway, that she pulled out her phone and read Ryan’s text again. How could three little words throw her so much? She was angry with him. Why did he do it? Did he enjoy toying with her emotions? Was he serious? Her heart refused to believe he was admitting he liked her. It hurt too much when he pushed her away last time. He was clever, maybe he knew those words would upset her enough to leave Marcus.

  Jaz got out of her jeep before she screamed or hit the steering wheel. She stomped to the house. She told her parents she was just getting some stuff and staying the night with Taylor.

  ‘Why?’ asked Tasha. ‘Did something happen?’ she asked, getting up and walking to her.

  ‘No, well kind of. I just want to cool things with Marcus, and Anna is with Taylor so I’m sure they can help me feel better,’ she said.