Secrets She Left Behind

by Diane Chamberlain

  “We seen it happen,” the second man said. “Went real fast, caught on the guardrail and flipped smack up in the air and over.” He used his hand to demonstrate.

  “How horrible!” I leaned over the railing. I saw a couple of Coast Guard boats in the water, just beyond the marsh. There was no sign of a car, though, and I pictured it sinking through the murky water to the bottom of the sound. Teenager on summer break, I thought. Too much to drink. I hugged myself, thinking of the phone call someone would have to make to those parents.

  I looked back toward my car. I couldn’t quite see it from where I stood, but I pictured my own son inside it and was once again grateful that he was alive. I doubted the person who flew off this bridge had been so lucky.

  “You could turn around like them folks’re doing.” The man with the beard pointed to the line of traffic.

  I looked behind me. People were jockeying for space so they could make U-turns and head back toward the mainland.

  “Oh, good,” I said. “Thank you!”

  I went to bed about ten and, as I did every night, I watched the news on the small TV on my dresser. I’d completely forgotten about Ellen’s e-mail, and I started to drift off during the first story, which was about a murder in Wilmington. Suddenly, though, the high-rise bridge appeared on the screen and I remembered the accident. I sat up quickly, hoping that whoever had flown off the bridge had survived.

  “A woman was killed today when her car fell off the high-rise bridge in Sneads Ferry,” the newscaster announced.

  I hugged my knees beneath the sheet as a reporter started interviewing a marine police officer. He stood on the Sneads Ferry side of the bridge, the long span behind him.

  “Witnesses reported seeing the white Toyota suddenly pull into the westbound lane, then pick up speed as it cut across the eastbound lane,” he said. “When it hit the guardrail, it went airborne, flipped over the rail and fell into the water. Our divers were able to get the body of the driver from the vehicle. As best we know, there were no other passengers.”

  “Do you know the identity of the driver?” the reporter asked.

  The officer rubbed his temple. “What I can tell you is that the victim is a woman in her early forties,” he said. “She’s a Hampstead resident, and we’re withholding her identity until her relatives can be notified.”

  I sucked in my breath, then sank back on my pillow. Ellen. Maggie Lockwood’s latest victim. Before I realized it, I was crying. I finally pulled out this notebook and began to write. It’s as though I can’t rest until I write things down these days. It helps me think things through.

  I know why Ellen killed herself. It’s more than the pain of losing her daughter. It’s that in a few weeks, Maggie will be back and Ellen couldn’t bear to see her return to normal life while Jordy would never have that chance. I understand. I picture Maggie stretching her arms above her head with painless ease, breathing in clean air with her perfect, healthy lungs. How can I expect Keith to stoically witness her return? It will hurt him so much, and I feel every speck of his pain—physical, emotional—a thousand times over.

  I’m not sure how either of us is going to be able to bear it.

  Chapter Seventy-One

  Andy

  THE DAY AFTER MISS SARA’S MEMORY SERVICE, MOM SAID MY room was a wreck and I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere till it was clean. Me and Kimmie had a plan to go to Uncle Marcus’s tower again. She was ready to have sex. Finally! But I couldn’t go till my room was clean, so she was helping me clean it. I was doing things really fast. Putting clothes under my bed, even, which was totally against the rules.

  “It’s just as fast to hang them up,” Kimmie said when she saw me push a shirt under the bed. She really did sound like Mom sometimes. She pulled the shirt out and stuck it on a hanger in the closet.

  I was worried that when we finally got to the tower, Keith might be there. That would mean no sex because Kimmie said it would give her the creeps to do it with somebody in the house. I didn’t care. I would’ve done it right there in my bedroom with Mom downstairs.

  My desk had all this stuff on it. A book I was supposed to be reading. My tape measure. A bunch of pens and pencils. Eyedrops. My iPod. Some cables. I opened the clutter drawer of my dresser, got all the stuff from my desk and dropped it in the drawer.

  “It’s never going to close,” Kimmie said.

  “Yes, it will.” I could always get that drawer closed, but this time, it only went in halfway. I moved stuff around and tried again. It still wouldn’t close.

  Kimmie made a sigh sound. “Let me work on it,” she said. “You hang up the rest of your clothes.”

  I looked at the pants and shirts and things in the laundry basket on my desk chair. She was wrong about how everything should get hung up. “Some of them go in a drawer,” I said. I started folding my T-shirts while she pulled the clutter drawer totally out of my dresser and put it on my bed.

  “You need little boxes in here to organize stuff better,” she said as she started moving things around. “I think you have things from when you were in diapers in here.”

  “No, I don’t,” I said. I didn’t even have that dresser when I was in diapers.

  “What’s this?” She held up the mail for Keith I’d stuck in there. I’d forgotten all about it. It was kind of crumpled now.

  “Just mail for Keith,” I said. “His mother told me to give it to him, but I forgot.”

  “You should give it to him,” she said. “It might be important.”

  I should’ve just thrown it away. “Okay,” I said. I could take it over to the tower and leave it in the kitchen. That way he didn’t have to know it came from me.

  Kimmie shoved things around in the drawer some more. Then she stuck it back in my dresser and it closed right up. I folded the two last T-shirts real fast and stuck them in a different drawer. Finished!

  I patted my jeans pocket for the condom and the key to the tower. “Let’s go!” I said.

  We rode my bike and Maggie’s bike over to Uncle Marcus’s. When we were a block away, I could see Keith’s car wasn’t there. That made me smile really big and I hoped Kimmie was smiling, too. She was ahead of me, so I couldn’t see.

  We parked our bikes by the side of the tower so nobody would steal them. Most of the time, Uncle Marcus didn’t bother locking his door, but today it was locked. I was really smart to bring the key.

  We walked inside and there was Keith! He was sitting right there in the living room, watching TV.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “I happen to live here,” he said. “The real question is, what are you doing here?”

  “But your car’s not here,” I said. I actually felt like crying.

  “I parked on the street because Marcus and Flip were here earlier and took up both spots out front,” he said. “Not that it’s any of your business. So what do you want?”

  I wasn’t sure what to say.

  “We found a letter that belongs to you.” Kimmie kind of knocked me with her elbow, and I pulled the letter out of my pocket. I walked over and handed it to him.

  “Miss Sara told me to give it to you when I was sick,” I said.

  Keith stared at the envelope. “When were you sick?” he asked.

  “It was the day she disappeared,” Kimmie said. “I’m really sorry about her.”

  Keith tore open the envelope and unfolded the paper inside. Money fell out of it. Two dollars, or maybe they were bigger than just dollars. I couldn’t tell from where I was. I thought we should leave. I knew Kimmie wouldn’t have sex with him there. Keith was reading reading reading while I tried to figure out what me and Kimmie should do.

  All of a sudden, he jumped off the couch. “You asshole!” he shouted. He waved the paper around and I could see lots of writing on it. “You total fucking loser!”

  “Don’t talk to him that way!” Kimmie shouted.

  I should’ve been angry for him calling me names, but I was more scared becaus
e he looked real mean. He walked toward me. I wanted to run out the door so he couldn’t hit me, but I had to stay there and protect Kimmie. Keith walked right past us, though. He grabbed his key-ring thing from the counter and opened the door.

  “Can we stay here?” I asked.

  “I don’t care what you do!” he shouted. Then he slammed the door so loud my ears hurt.

  Chapter Seventy-Two

  Keith

  I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE.

  I laid on the gas all the way to Jen’s house and burst in the front door without even ringing the bell.

  She was in the kitchen, and she twirled around, her hand at her throat like she expected me to be a crazed rapist. I was crazed all right.

  “She wanted me to go with her!” I reached across the counter and handed her the letter. My heart thudded in my temples as I watched her read it. I already knew it by heart.

  Dear Keith,

  First, I’m sorry to spring this on you, but I made the decision this morning. The more I thought about Maggie getting out of prison today, the more I knew I had to do something. Please trust me that this is the right thing for us. Unfortunately, I have Andy L. here at the moment—I’ll explain about that later. That’s putting a crimp in my schedule, but it will all work out.

  You know how much I love this island, but I’ve been getting increasingly anxious as the time comes for Maggie to get out and upset over the thought of you having to live so close to her. I know you’re concerned about it, too, and we both know how impossible it will be to avoid her. I also know that going back to school with kids who knew you before the fire hasn’t been easy for you. They compare the boy you used to be with the boy you are now, not realizing you’re still the same inside.

  So I’ve decided we’re moving to Charlotte. I’ve thought about this for quite a while, and thought it would be in the future and you and I’d have time to talk about it, but frankly, I can’t bear the thought of us being here a single day with the possibility of you bumping into Maggie. I have a good chance at getting a trainee job at a bank in Charlotte. It may take a little while, but I’ll have the money to tide us over till then. I’ll explain about that when I see you tonight. I’m rushing right now because I have a lot to get done and having Andy here isn’t helping. Here’s what I want you to do: pack up the things you can’t live without. Use the enclosed money to fill your gas tank. Then head toward Charlotte. I’ll get there before dark and find a motel for us, so call me around eight or so and I’ll tell you where we can meet.

  I know you probably think I’m out of my mind, but trust me, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Keep your cell phone on, pack whatever you need and get on the road as soon as you can.

  I’ve got to run! See you tonight.

  Love, Mom

  Jen looked up from the letter, blinking. “Oh my God,” she said.

  “I’m so pissed off at that loser!”

  “Why did he have this?”

  “He was sick, so my mother was watching him that day, and she told him to give this to me and he’s such a retard that he forgot. He forgot!”

  “How did you get it?” She held the letter in the air.

  “He and his girlfriend brought it over a few minutes ago.” I grabbed the letter in my fist. “If I’d had this, the cops would’ve found my mother so much earlier. They would’ve had some idea where to look, anyway. Maybe she would’ve still been alive when they found her. Maybe they could have saved her.”

  “Keith—” Jen leaned across the counter toward me “—I know this must be really upsetting, but remember? They said she probably died instantly.”

  “They still could have found her sooner.”

  “Where’s Andy now?”

  “Andy? Probably screwing his girlfriend at the tower. Why?”

  She shook her head. “No reason.”

  I smoothed the letter out on the counter. “I should call Marcus or Flip about this,” I said.

  “Don’t go,” she said. “Let’s just have a quiet night together. You have the most important question answered, and that’s that your mother wanted you with her. She wasn’t deserting you.” She walked around the counter and took my hand. Lifted it to her lips. “The letter’s not going to bring her back, baby,” she said, putting her arms around my neck. “Here’s what I think we should do. You turn on the hot tub and let it heat up. I’ll run out and get us some takeout from the Beach Grill.” She ground her hips against mine, making me forget for a second about the letter and my stupid cousin. “Then we can have some dinner and then some time in the hot tub and then…” She kissed me, and I reached between us to unbutton her pants. She pulled away with a laugh. “See?” she said. “You’re feeling better already.”

  I smiled. She could always make me smile.

  She buttoned her pants again. “One thing at a time,” she said. “What do you want from the Beach Grill?”

  My brain wasn’t thinking about food. It was stuck somewhere between my mother’s letter and Jen’s body.

  “Um…shrimp,” I said. “Fried.”

  “You’ve got it.” She kissed me quickly. “I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere. And, Keith…” She turned to face me, walking backward toward the door. “Your mom loved you. It’s awful she died, but she was happy about her plan for the two of you. Remember that. At least you know she died happy. That’s more than a lot of people can say.” She glanced down at her side to grab the doorknob. “And also,” she said as she opened the door, “you’re beautiful. Inside and out. I know you don’t think so, but you are. I really, really mean that. Remember that, too.”

  She left the house and I stared at the door for a minute, frowning. It was weird, her saying all that stuff the way she did, out of the blue. I couldn’t say exactly why it bothered me. All I knew was that by the time I went out on the deck to turn on the hot tub, my woody’d completely disappeared.

  I stretched out on the couch to wait for her, rereading my mother’s letter in the light from the floor lamp. On the kitchen counter, my cell phone rang, and I got up to answer it. Halfway to the counter, though, I realized that my cell was in my pocket. The one on the counter was in Jen’s purse, which she forgot to take with her. Damn! She’d drive all the way to the Beach Grill and discover she had no money.

  Her cell kept ringing. I pulled it out of her purse and looked at the caller ID. Local number. I had no idea whose it was. I stared at it a minute before flipping the phone open.

  “Jen’s phone,” I said.

  “Oh.” It was a girl. “Is Jen there?”

  I knew that voice. “Maggie?”

  “Who’s this?”

  “Keith.” This was totally screwy. Why the hell would Maggie be calling Jen?

  “Did I dial the wrong…” Maggie hesitated. “No, that doesn’t make sense. I don’t even know your cell number. How come you’re answering Jen’s cell phone?”

  “How come you’re calling her?”

  “She’s a friend.”

  “Of yours?”

  “Why do you have her phone?”

  “She’s my girlfriend,” I said. My heart started that thumping in my temples again. Something was very wrong with this picture.

  “She’s…I don’t get it,” Maggie said. “How long have you known her? She never mentioned—”

  “How long have you known her.”

  “About a month.”

  Man, with all the physical pain and emotional agony I’d been through the last couple of years, nothing felt as bad as the knife that sliced through my heart right then.

  Memories zipped through my mind in vivid, half-second flashes.

  That cold, who-gives-a-shit attitude the night she hit an animal on the road.

  Splat!

  The smell of gas in her car.

  I just filled it up.

  Andy talking about Jen’s hair.

  It used to be white. Yellowy white.

  “Keith?” Maggie asked. “Are you still there?”

  “H
ang on.” I held the phone between my chin and collarbone as I fumbled through Jen’s purse for her wallet. I found it, opened it. Dug through the pockets until I found her driver’s license, and shook my head in disbelief at the picture. Pretty girl. Platinum blonde. I looked at her name. Jennifer Matthews? Matthews?

  You must want to hurt her the way she hurt you.

  “Oh, shit, Maggie!” I said.

  Where’s Andy now?

  “Shit!” I snapped the phone closed and headed for the door.

  Chapter Seventy-Three

  Maggie

  WHY’D HE HANG UP ON ME? IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR THATOh, shit!, I would’ve thought the line went dead.

  I was driving home from the Food Lion, and I redialed Jen’s number one-handed, my other hand on the steering wheel. It rang four times, and he didn’t pick up. What was going on?

  I was totally confused. Was that why Jen had backed away from our friendship? Because of Keith? It sounded like he didn’t know about me any more than I knew about him, though. But why would Jen lie to both of us?

  I drove over the swing bridge, wondering how to get back in touch with him. Maybe he was at Uncle Marcus’s. I started to dial Uncle Marcus’s home number, but then realized how close I was, so I turned left off the bridge and headed for the tower.

  Chapter Seventy-Four

  Andy

  SEX WAS REALLY FUN. IT WAS FASTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD be, though. I only just got my erection inside Kimmie when it was over. She said ouch when I did it, but I didn’t stop. Saying ouch wasn’t like saying no.

  “Why did you say ouch?” I asked after I rolled off of her. It was dark by then. Good thing our bikes had lights on them.

  “It hurt,” she said.

  “It did?”

  “Yeah, but it’s supposed to hurt a girl the first time. It’ll be better next time.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t mean to hurt her.