Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  “Well, that kiss helped somewhat, didn’t it? I hope so, since that has to tide us over until later…unfortunately, much later until I’m all healed up,” said Jillian with regret in her voice.

  Sliding his hands down her back and then to her hips, Rob reached down with both hands to palm her butt and then squeezed both cheeks playfully. “Yeah, it’ll do for now, babe. I’m a patient man, don’t you know that by now?”

  Smiling at his words, Jillian answered softly, “Yes, Roberto, if anyone knows that by now it would be me. Now, unhand my ass, Sir, and let me find something comfortable to wear.”

  Rob reluctantly removed his hands, but not before giving Jillian’s soft flesh one final squeeze. Not ready to abandon this moment between them, he took her face in both hands and leaned in for another kiss. When their lips finally parted, he watched Jillian blink back into focus as he released her. Satisfied that he’d managed to afford them both a more “normal” morning, Rob stepped back and gave her a wink.

  “Okay, but don’t be long. I’m sure Rosita is cooking up something great in the kitchen and I’d hate for you to miss out. I’m feeling pretty hungry this morning, so fair warning,” he laughed.

  With mock surprise on her face, Jillian stepped around him to enter the bedroom and head slowly toward the closet. At Rob’s insistence, she’d moved what clothing she had with her into his closet and they were sharing the space. Melanie and Isabella had gone shopping for her a few days ago and supplemented her meager wardrobe with some loose tunic tops and shorts. It certainly wasn’t her own extended collection of clothes, but Jillian had been very touched by both women’s willingness to help in a pinch.

  “Rob, when are you not feeling pretty hungry, huh?” asked Jillian as she stepped out of the closet. Rob was putting the final touches to the steel gray tie he’d chosen for the day and glanced at her from the mirror.

  She’d slipped on a pair of loose fitting, soft cotton shorts in white but still wore nothing from the waist up. Her perfect breasts were on display, and Rob had to bite back a groan before turning away from the view. He loved her body and he always had, a fact that he’d never denied it to himself or to Jillian.

  Walking toward him, Jillian held a cotton bra in her hands and silently handed it to Rob. It was a far cry from the usual satin and lace that she wore, but comfort and convenience came first these days. Jillian slipped her arms through the straps and Rob carefully hooked the back closure for her. The style was simple and plain, but it was perfect for what she needed with the sides resting lower than her incision site. Jillian turned to scoop up the loose tunic top in coral she’d chosen today, and Rob helped ease her arms through before settling the hem in place around her slim hips.

  Jillian lifted her face toward his for another kiss and then started slowly for the bedroom door. The incision in her groin was still a little tender which made walking a delicate effort, and Jillian was having to adjust her usual quick, ground covering stride for a much slower pace these days. With a sigh, Jillian realized it was just another concession she’d had to make in her life in the short span of one week. The mundane and ordinary things she’d always taken for granted suddenly held all new meaning in the face of dealing with surgical incisions.

  The two of them walked into the kitchen just as Rosita placed two loaded plates on the island counter causing Rob to take an appreciative sniff. His abuela had cooked breakfast tacos, and after helping Jillian up onto a bar stool, Rob grinned at his grandmother over his plate of food. The warm flour tortilla stuffed with a mixture of chorizo sausage, potatoes, eggs, and cheese were one of his absolute favorite breakfast meals. A small cup of sour cream, as well as two lime slices, rested on the plate beside the taco and Rob spooned up a dollop to spread on his food.

  “Abuela, this looks great! How’d you know this was just what I wanted?” he asked before digging into his food.

  Rosita Santos looked at her grandson fondly and smiled as she watched him shovel in his food. Roberto had always been the one grandchild of hers who truly appreciated his food more than anyone. As a grandmother who loved to cook, she and Rob had always shared a special bond over the dishes she’d lovingly made for her family through the years. The entire family loved her meals, but Roberto was the one who never left the table without praise and gratitude for what she’d fixed.

  “Roberto, si, I knew this was exactly what you were wanting because I am your Abuela, no?” asked Rosita with a smile.

  Jillian glanced at Rob’s plate and merely shook her head. He was already half-way through his breakfast and she’d barely begun eating. It was true that her appetite wasn’t much these past few days, but Rosita’s cooking could temp the most diminished appetite without a doubt. Forking a bite into her mouth, Jillian had to admit this was the best thing she’d tasted in days.

  Rob wiped his mouth with his napkin and looked at his grandmother across the island. As usual, Rosita had brought her own apron to wear, and Rob couldn’t remember a single time in his life when she’d been without one while fixing a meal. It was just as much a part of her as the loose chignon she’d always worn her long hair styled in.

  “Abuela, you’re right, you always know best,” said Rob around another bite. Glancing in Jillian’s direction, he was encouraged to see she was at least making an attempt to eat this morning. He knew how much she loved Rosita’s cooking, too, so he’d hoped it would help to stimulate her appetite today.

  Jillian wiped her own mouth with her napkin and after lowering it to her lap, she looked at Rosita with a small smile. “Rosita, this is the best thing I’ve tasted in well…days actually. Thank you for coming over this morning to cook.”

  Rosita studied the pale, but still beautiful young woman sitting across from her and sighed quietly. Jillian was as close to being one of her own grandchildren as she could be without the blood connection. It pained her now to think that someone so young could possibly be facing so much in the near future. Sylvia had explained the situation in detail to her one evening, and Rosita had caught herself reaching for her rosary beads before her daughter-in-law ever finished. She’d been to the church to pray and light candles as well, and she’d spoken at length with their priest about the situation. Rosita knew the outcome was in God’s hands, as was everything, but she believed that a vigil of prayer was still needed. At her age, there wasn’t a lot she could do to help but cook good food and pray…both of which she had covered.

  “Jillian, you must keep your strength up and eating good food is the answer. I will cook anything that you want to eat, you know this. Roberto will call me and I will come that day,” stated Rosita.

  Sliding her hand across the island, Jillian covered Rosita’s wrinkled hand with her own. She felt the gentle squeeze in return and closed her eyes briefly against the onslaught of emotion. This family had been her family for so long that Jillian couldn’t imagine her life without them. Even when she and Rob had been apart, Jillian had still spent time with various members during his absence from her life. They meant so much to her, and sometimes it felt like she’d failed at truly making them understand how deeply her love ran for them.

  Rob sat quietly finishing his breakfast as his grandmother and Jillian talked. He knew Rosita was just as worried as they all were, but Rob also knew his grandmother would do anything within her power to help. Glancing at his watch, Rob noted the time and realized he only had a few minutes left before he needed to leave. He finished his coffee and lowered his cup just as he felt Jillian’s fingers touch his hand and motion toward her own plate. She’d managed to eat half of her breakfast, and Rob knew she was expecting him to finish what remained.

  “Are you sure, Jillian? Think you could eat a few more bites later, maybe?” he asked hopefully. Not surprisingly, though, she shook her head “no” and pushed her plate toward him. Thankful for the amount she had eaten, Rob grinned as he took her plate for himself.

  “Well, I’ll finish it, but only if you insist,” he offered deadpan.

  Nev
er one to turn down food, Rob couldn’t count the times he’d finished whatever Jillian hadn’t wanted of her meal. It was just another thing on the long list of things they shared and took for granted. In many ways their relationship resembled that of a couple who’d been together for years…really together, not just sporadic lengths of time through the years. Their ease and familiarity with one another had always made it easy for the two of them to pick up where they’d left off, and Rob had sometimes wondered if it wasn’t too easy sometimes.

  As Rosita began cleaning up the kitchen, Rob finished Jillian’s breakfast and then his own juice. Sliding from his seat at the bar, he stepped over to Jillian and looked down into her upturned face. The dark shadows under her eyes were testimony to her fitful sleep patterns this week, and Rob knew the fatigue was catching up with her.

  Skimming a finger down her cheek, Rob said, “Hey, try and get some rest today, okay? You need it. I know you haven’t been sleeping well, and you must be tired.”

  “I’m fine, Rob, really. A nap later does sound good though. I’ll really try to get some rest today,” offered Jillian with little conviction in her voice. They both knew she was simply saying the words he wanted to hear so hopefully he wouldn’t spend his day worrying about her.

  “Promise? I worry, Jilli, about you getting run down through all of this. The surgery was just a few days ago, and that took a toll on your body,” added Rob quietly.

  “I know, and I’ll try to get some rest today… I promise. Now, go to work and stop fussing, Roberto,” coaxed Jillian with a lift to one corner of her mouth.

  With a resigned shake of his head, Rob leaned down for a kiss good-bye. When their mouths parted, Jillian gave him a weak smile and then did a shooing motion with her right hand. Rob took the hint and stepped away, but not before shooting her a look that clearly stated he knew she was saying what he wanted to hear.

  Rounding the island, Rob stepped over to his grandmother and leaned over to place a kiss on the crown of her head. He squeezed her shoulder gently and whispered, “Por favor, cuidar de mi nina, Abeula.”

  “Si, lo hare. No te preocupes, Roberto,” answered Rosita. Yes, she would take care of his girl today. That she could do without any problem.

  With a final wave, Rob picked up his briefcase and headed out the door to the underground garage where his car was parked. As he walked along, Rob realized how good it felt to be outside for a change. He and Jillian had been holed up in his townhouse for days now and he was sure she was getting restless, too. Rob slid into his car thinking he really needed to get her out one evening soon. They could always head over to Reid’s and Carli’s house, or even Rico’s and Melanie’s place. He was actually needing a Gabriela fix since he hadn’t seen his niece in way too long anyway.

  As he hit the interstate, Rob’s thoughts turned to what he knew was going to be a trying and rough rest of the week for Jillian. Hell, it was going to be rough for him too, not that he’d ever let her know that. No, Jillian needed his strength right now, not his own fear and dread seeping into the mix. The biopsy report would be back soon, and Rob dreaded the phone call they were waiting to receive.

  Minutes later he pulled into the parking garage at his office building and cut the engine to his car. Staring out the windshield, Rob felt the fear and anger well up inside of him even as he fought to keep his emotions at bay. Why Jillian? Why her? She didn’t deserve any of this…the surgery, the crippling fear of waiting on test results that could forever alter their lives.

  Rubbing a hand across his mouth, Rob blew out a breath and had to acknowledge that no one deserved this. Least of all the woman he’d spent most of his adult life involved with…the woman who he’d shared every intimate detail of their lives with at one time or another. Jillian was a part of him…she always had been, even when they’d both tried denying it and pushed each other away. With resolve flowing through him, Rob knew those days were over. They weren’t going to continue to deny…ignore…or whatever they’d always done…this thing any longer. No, they were going to get through this week, and then deal with the hand they were dealt as needed. Afterwards, Rob was determined that it was time he and Jillian Barnes made some important decisions. Life changing decisions of another variety…decisions about their future together, one way or the other.

  When something bad happens you

  have three choices.

  You can either let it define you.

  Let it destroy you.

  Or you can let it strengthen you.

  -Unknown

  Chapter Nine

  There was nothing more painstaking than waiting for a phone call that had the potential to alter your life, and Jillian realized she was now living that firsthand. At the moment, she was roaming the rooms of Rob’s townhouse aimlessly thinking about anything other than her immediate situation. Her thoughts were now running toward wondering how the latest design presentation had gone back in Chicago. Her team was presenting a new holiday line soon to a few major department stores, and Jillian wished she was there to see the final changes. Who was she kidding? Right now she wished she were anywhere but here waiting on the phone to ring.

  It was Tuesday afternoon and Sylvia was spending the day with her since Rob had needed to work. Jillian knew Rob hated leaving her, but she’d insisted on him returning to his office as well as his clients. He’d been working from home, too, but Jillian knew he needed to physically be at his office to be most productive. Glancing at the clock, Jillian realized it was later than she’d thought and Rob would be home soon. They were going to Carli’s and Reid’s house for dinner tonight, and Rico and Melanie were joining them as well.

  Jillian smiled thinking how Rob was doing whatever he could to help fill the void while she recovered from her biopsy procedure, and waited on the doctor to call. The impromptu dinner tonight was his way of getting her out to help take her mind off things and although she appreciated his efforts, Jillian knew there was nothing that could completely alleviate the underlying fear of what she was possibly facing. The uncertainty was always there…grabbing hold, and striking at any moment.

  Earlier in the day she’d been brushing her hair and had experienced a moment of complete and utter panic. Heart racing, breaths coming in gasps… she’d finally had to take a seat on the closed toilet lid and quietly talk herself down. Several minutes later her breathing was finally under control again, and Jillian had grabbed a cloth to wipe away the clammy dampness clinging to her skin. She’d never experienced an anxiety attack in her life, but Jillian was sure she probably had now.

  Gazing out the window, Jillian sighed heavily and turned back to the room at large. All was quiet as Sylvia talked on the phone with her office after Jillian had assured her she was fine and to take the call. The sound of a key in the lock had Jillian turning in that direction, and then Rob was walking through the doorway. His tie was pulled loose, and Jillian noted his suit jacket was slung over one arm as well. He looked tired, and Jillian knew he wasn’t sleeping well either. She’d felt him tossing and turning last night at some point, and had finally moved over to press her body against his. Rob had instinctively put his arm around her even in his sleep, and Jillian had felt him finally settle down a few minutes later.

  Walking over to greet him, Jillian caught the sexy smile he sent her and as always the impact caused a fluttering feeling in her belly. Rob still had that effect on her even after all these years, and Jillian knew they were meant to be together. Why then had they both made it so difficult through the years she wondered? There was really nothing keeping them apart other than their own unwillingness to compromise, and she knew she was just as much at fault as Rob. Meanwhile, years had passed with the two of them making no long-term commitment to one another, and a part of Jillian feared that maybe they’d waited too long. What if they were finally out of time?

  Rob took a moment to drop his briefcase and jacket on a nearby chair before meeting Jillian half-way. It was as natural as breathing for him to take her into hi
s arms and plant a hello kiss on her lips. When Jillian’s lips lingered against his for a moment, Rob’s arms tightened around her carefully before sinking deeper into their connection. Only the sound of his mother’s raised voice made him reluctantly release Jillian’s mouth from his with a quiet, but frustrated groan.

  “Roberto Santos! Darling, there doesn’t need to be any of that going on while poor Jillian is recovering from this procedure. You should know better, young man,” admonished Sylvia.

  Jillian had to stifle a chuckle at the look on Rob’s face when he turned to Sylvia saying, “And hola to you too, Mom. Just for the record I do know better, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, now does it?”

  With a disgruntled look for her middle son, Sylvia raised an index finger to point in his direction. “Well, darling, you may not like it but that’s the way it is. Now, to get your mind off of other things there’s a freshly baked chocolate cake in the kitchen. Run along and have a piece with a glass of milk. Mother knows that always makes you feel better,” said Sylvia in her best placating tone.

  With a wink for Jillian, Rob turned and started toward the kitchen but stopped just past where Sylvia stood. “Hey, Mom, how ‘bout I take my chocolate cake, and Jilli, to the bedroom so I can lick frosting off of her…?”

  Snorting out a laugh, he effortlessly caught the dishtowel that his mom threw at him and sauntered off into the kitchen.

  Sighing in exasperation, Sylvia walked over to Jillian and pulled her in for a quick hug. “I’m sorry, darling, that I’ve somehow managed to raise such a heathen child with no manners,” said Sylvia dryly.

  After stepping from Sylvia’s embrace, Jillian smiled at the woman she was closer to than her own mom and said, “Sylvia, that heathen child said nothing I wouldn’t expect to hear coming out of his mouth on any given day. The only thing worse would be if Miguel was here to encourage him.”