Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  “I was so scared, Jilli,” he whispered against her lips before kissing her again.

  Tears spilled over Jillian’s few remaining lashes and ran down her cheeks. “I was too, Roberto.”

  Running her hands up his biceps, Jillian let them rest on Rob’s broad shoulders and simply absorbed the moment. She didn’t seem to care either that cars were moving past them, and their drivers were giving them curious glances. Nothing else mattered except the man holding her in his arms, and the hope that maybe she was going to beat this after all.

  For the first time since this whole ordeal had started, Jillian felt real hope spring up inside of her. It wasn’t that she’d given up hope before now…but rather more of a sense of resignation than anything. She’d just been going through the motions, and somehow managing to get through another bout of vomiting before her body had to try and endure the next obstacle. A tough road for sure, but she had to believe they were finally nearing the end.

  “She has been through hell.

  So believe me when I say,

  fear her when she looks into

  a fire and smiles.”

  -e.corona

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  The drive home was made in comfortable silence with Rob still holding Jillian’s hand, and the gentle squeezes she felt every few minutes. They’d decided to do one conference call to the entire family, and Jillian knew everyone was waiting to hear from them this afternoon.

  Carli had been extremely upset that she couldn’t accompany them to Jillian’s appointment, but she and Reid’s lawyer had scheduled a pertinent meeting regarding Angelina’s adoption for later today. Postponing it hadn’t been an option evidently, and now Jillian wondered why the meeting had been so imperative. Surely no problems had developed at this stage, but Jillian knew she’d rest easier after hearing what they’d found out.

  Rob set up the call, and then he and Jillian took seats on the couch with the phone resting in front of them on the coffee table. When everyone was connected, including Ansley down in Pensacola, Rob had to clear his throat before he could even speak. He slid his arm around Jillian and pulled her close to his side just needing to feel her body pressed against his while they delivered their news.

  “Hey, everyone. We got great news today! The test results showed that the tumors have shrunk considerably, and all the labs were greatly improved. Dr. Nixon said no more chemo, and we can move on to the radiation phase of treatment,” announced Rob happily.

  A chorus of cheers, and some crying, could be heard through the telephone line as Rob hugged Jillian to his side. Her own face was wet with tears again, but Jillian simply brushed them aside without a thought. Today was a day that she deserved to be able to shed some tears of happiness for a change.

  “Jillian, darling, we couldn’t be happier about this news!” exclaimed Sylvia.

  Rob heard his abuela announce in the background that she was heading to the church to pray and give thanks. As a result, his mom had to tell everyone good-bye rather quickly after Rosita told Sylvia they needed to get the car and go. He could hear his siblings chuckling just as he was, but Rob was thankful for his abuela’s steadfast faith in anything involving their family.

  Once Carli had gotten her emotions under control enough to speak she said, “Jilli, I don’t know what to say. There are no words to describe the relief…”

  Her voice trailed off for a moment, and the others could hear Carli sniffing past another round of tears. After clearing her throat they all heard her say, “We have some news, too, everyone, and I’d like to share it since we’re all here together so to speak. Our attorney just told us that Angelina’s adoption will be final in four weeks. She’ll legally be ours, and her name will be Angelina Maria Gonzales-Brandt. We decided to hyphenate because we wanted her to still carry a part of her mother’s legacy.”

  Another chorus of well wishes came through the line and Jillian looked at Rob with a broad smile on her face. Ansley slipped in next saying, “I can’t wait to tell Miguel all this good news! He’s on some training mission somewhere…you know the kind where he says he’ll have to kill me if he tells me…but he’ll be home in a couple of days. We’ll call back then, Jillian, so you can talk to him yourself.”

  After assuring Ansley she couldn’t wait to hear from them, Jillian heard the line click off from Florida. The others eventually said their good-byes one by one until Rob finally disconnected the call and turned to Jillian again. He leaned against the back of the couch and pulled her to his side where Jillian immediately curled against his body with her head on his shoulder. A sense of peace like he hadn’t felt in far too many weeks to count settled over him, and Rob dropped a kiss to Jillian’s head with a sigh.

  “They’re all so happy, babe, just like I knew they would be. My family loves you, Jillian, never doubt that,” said Rob. It was suddenly important to him that she understand that, and Rob felt her nod against his shoulder.

  “I know that, Roberto. And you know that I love them, too. They’ve been a part of my life since I can remember, and even the latest additions feel like family to me as well,” said Jillian.

  Nodding his own head, Rob said, “I know, and you’re right about that. I was so thankful when Ansley flew here a couple of weeks ago to stay with us for a few days. It was a big help, and I know you enjoyed having her here even if you were sick after your treatment.”

  “Yes, it meant a lot that she wanted to come, and she even took time off from her job. Her and Miguel seem to be so happy, Rob, and I’m so thankful they were able to work things out after his accident.”

  “Yeah, my little brother was messed up there for a while, but losing his foot and leg was such a traumatic thing to have happen to him. Especially at his age, and considering what he does for a career. I’m just so glad that he was able to stay in the Navy, and the instructor job opened up at just the right time,” replied Rob.

  Nudging Jillian gently with his shoulder, Rob waited until she looked up before continuing. “Hey, I know you’re tired because we’ve had a big day. How about a nap, and then we’ll decide what you might possibly be able to handle for dinner tonight, okay?”

  A sudden, familiar feeling of longing invaded Jillian’s body and she felt the faint stirring of desire humming through her. She wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to act upon it, but Dr. Nixon had told her at a previous visit she could resume whatever activities she was comfortable with. Jillian knew she wanted to at least try, and today she felt well enough to push the limit just a bit.

  Silently she shifted her body up and then climbed onto Rob’s lap straddling him with her skirt bunched up around her thighs. Jillian saw the look of surprise flash across Rob’s features, but she didn’t hesitate as she took his face in her hands and pressed her mouth to his. His response was immediate, and Jillian felt the warmth spread through her as their tongues met in a familiar dance. Rob’s hands came to rest on her hips, and then Jillian felt them slide down to the bare skin of her thighs. He let them rest there until Jillian drew back and stared into his eyes.

  Desire flared in the brown depths, but there was hesitancy hovering below the surface as well. It’d been so long since they’d made love, and she knew Rob was probably questioning whether she was physically up for it. Did she feel sexy and physically attractive at the moment? No, not in the least. However, she felt loved unconditionally which went a long way towards making her feel brave enough to bare herself to the man who’d done so much for her already.

  “Jilli, are you sure, baby? We don’t have to do anything, you know that. We’ll eventually get back to that part of our relationship, but not before you’re ready,” Rob assured her quietly.

  Nodding her head, Jillian’s only response was to catch the hem of her t-shirt and draw it up and over her head. Isa had insisted that Jillian put on some sexy lingerie because it would help make her feel better, and now she was glad she’d given in. The white satin La Perla panty and bra set were a recent purchase, so at least Jil
lian knew they fit her ‘new’ curves. She’d lost weight, but Rob had witnessed every fading pound so her body held no surprises for him. He’d helped her bathe and shower more times than she could count, and not once had she felt anything but love and acceptance from him.

  Rob skimmed his hands up Jillian’s body stopping just below her breasts, and the touch of his fingers on her skin made Jillian tremble as she wound her arms around his neck for another kiss. Their lips came together and then parted in soft kisses until Jillian felt Rob’s mouth leave hers to trail down her neck and to the tops of her breasts. Jillian could feel the warm slide of desire humming through her now, and it still amazed her how this man could completely undo her with just his touch. Sliding her fingers into his soft hair, she raked her nails across his scalp as his fingers deftly undid the front clasp of her bra.

  The cool air in the room hit her skin just as Jillian felt Rob’s lips pressing soft kisses to her breasts. And although she was aching for his touch, she let him set the pace as he licked and sucked lightly across her chest. While his fingers massaged and molded one breast, his lips were busy at the other until Jillian whispered against his ear, “Roberto, make love to me, please?”

  Rob’s brain was cautioning him that they needed to take things slow, and he concentrated on tamping down his own desire despite his body’s craving to do more. He still wasn’t completely convinced that Jillian was up for this, but he knew how important it was to her to at least try and recapture the physical part of their relationship.

  “Jilli, I want to, believe me I want to so much, babe. I’m afraid it’ll be too much. What if I hurt you?” asked Rob murmured against her skin.

  His hands were now encircling Jillian just below her breasts, and Rob absently stroked her soft skin. She’d been adamant about applying the lotion that Melanie had gotten her, and as a result her skin had remained smooth despite her treatments. Running his fingers around to her back, Rob gently massaged the muscles there as Jillian regarded him silently.

  When she finally responded, Rob heard the underlying determination in her voice. “Rob, you’re not going to hurt me. You’d never hurt me,” she whispered against his mouth.

  He felt rather than saw the tip of her tongue appear as it traced the outline of his own lips. Groaning quietly, Rob gave in as he pulled her close so he could kiss her the way he’d been longing to for weeks. Tongues meeting, Rob felt Jillian’s fingers as they worked to undo the buttons of his shirt and then push the material aside. The slight scrape of her nails over his skin had Rob shifting restlessly beneath Jillian’s body.

  Halting their kiss, Rob’s hands stroked Jillian’s breasts until her body was arching into his familiar touch. He could feel the flush of heat on her skin, but it was a completely different kind of warmth than he’d felt recently. This feeling was the result of the desire coursing through her, and not from the chemo drugs in her system.

  “Jillian, are you sure?” asked Rob against the skin of her chest. His tongue was making little swirling motions across the tops of her breasts, and Jillian could barely concentrate enough to respond.

  “Yes, I’m sure. I need to feel you, Rob. I need to know that this is real…that we’re still the same us that we’ve always been,” said Jillian faltering for the words to express what she needed and wanted.

  “Oh, baby, we’re still the same, believe me,” Rob assured her before pulling her mouth to his again in a searing kiss. Now that they’d started this he couldn’t get enough of the feel of her mouth on his, or her body beneath his hands.

  Rising to his feet, Rob felt Jillian’s legs wrap around his waist as he walked them to the bedroom. He helped Jillian slide down to stand again, and then freed one hand to yank the covers back on the bed before he lowered her down against the sheets. Coming down beside her, Rob reached out to draw her body against his so they were lying facing one another.

  Their mouths met again in a kiss that rocked him to his very core, and Rob knew if they didn’t stop soon he’d have Jillian stripped naked in a matter of seconds. It’d always been like this between them, and their lovemaking had always been all consuming. They’d each taken what they wanted and needed to satisfy their own passion, but each giving just as much in return. Rob knew they’d need to dial it back this first time, but it didn’t stop him from wanting her with the same intensity that he always had before.

  Rob felt Jillian’s hands slide down across the muscled planes of his stomach and then stop at his belt. Her green eyes searched his for a moment, and he knew she was looking for any resistance on his part. Rob saw his own yearning and desire reflected back at him in the depths of her eyes, and he knew she wanted this just as much as he did.

  Dipping his head, Rob captured Jillian’s mouth in another kiss which left no doubt that he wanted her just as much. He heard the little moan that escaped as her fingers worked his belt and zipper both loose, and then Rob felt her hand brush against his straining erection. His own fingers worked quickly to undo the side button and zipper of her skirt, and then her hips lifted from the bed so he could slide the soft material down her legs. Left in nothing but her scarf and white satin panties, Rob let his eyes roam the length of Jillian’s body as he felt himself harden even more at her touch.

  Rob lifted his hand and then let his fingers rest on the soft material of Jillian’s scarf. He knew she was still self-conscious without its protective barrier, but he wanted nothing between them here in their bed. They’d been through too much together to have anything separating them at this point, and he slowly slid the material off of her head before tossing it aside and lowering his eyes to Jillian’s again.

  “Hey, nothing between us right now, okay? I love you…regardless of everything else,” Rob reminded her gently.

  Capturing his mouth with hers again, Jillian poured all of her love and desire into the kiss she gave him. She dropped her hands to the waistband of his pants and tugged until Rob lifted his own hips to slide them down his long legs. Rob sat up long enough to quickly shove the rest of his clothes off, and Jillian heard the soft clink of his belt buckle against the wood floor.

  Resting on his forearms above her, Rob carefully settled his body between Jillian’s parted legs balancing carefully to keep his weight off of her. Every instinct was urging him to sink into her softness, but the need to keep her safe and protected made Rob slow his movements. While his fingers closed around her delicate shoulders, Rob dipped his head to take her mouth in a kiss that had her moving restlessly beneath him now.

  Rob pulled his mouth from hers and Jillian saw the raw desire in his look as he said, “I’m naked and you’re not. We need to change that, babe.”

  Jillian silently lifted her own hips, and she heard Rob inhale sharply as her body brushed against the length of his erection. The brief connection was all it took to fuel her own want, and Jillian felt desire pool low and warm in her belly with an intensity she hadn’t felt in a long time. Jillian hooked her thumbs into the sides of her panties to help slide them down her legs, and for the first time in weeks Jillian felt truly alive as Rob’s body slid back up the length of hers. His fingertips trailed softly across her breasts causing every nerve ending to come alive again with need.

  When his hand slid down and across the softness of her belly, Jillian’s breath hitched as heated sensation rocketed through her. The feel of his fingers brushing across her most sensitive parts had her moaning softly as Rob readied her before he drew one of her long legs up to rest around his own waist. As he entered her slowly, Jillian felt an initial twinge of discomfort as their bodies made contact reminding her of just how long it’d been since they’d been intimate with one another. Her own body had been through so many changes, but the feel of Rob’s body pressed against hers felt so familiar that Jillian wanted to weep from the intensity of the moment.

  Their lovemaking was slow and sensual, and not unlike they’d enjoyed it before at times, but Jillian knew Rob was holding back. She understood his need to protect her, and Jilli
an wasn’t sure herself just how much she could endure. Her love and desire for him fueled her forward, though, and she met him stroke for stroke losing herself in every slow slide of his body against hers.

  Resting his forehead against hers, Rob slowed things down for a moment while tamping down the need racing through his system. Jillian’s body felt amazing against his…and losing himself in her familiar heat again was driving him crazy with wanting her.

  “Are we good?” asked Rob against her lips as his tongue delved in for another taste.

  Breathing heavily, Jillian felt the familiar tightening of her muscles and knew she was close. With the briefest nod, she gripped his hips with her long legs and panted, “Yeah, we’re better than good.”

  “That’s what I wanted to hear,” said Rob increasing his pace again. He could feel his own desire mounting, but he wanted Jillian to find her own pleasure first.

  “Rob, oh… oh, don’t stop…please, don’t stop!” cried Jillian.

  “Not stopping, baby, trust me,” he ground out in reply. Rob wasn’t sure he could stop at this point even if he’d wanted to.

  They came together in a shattering release that left them both breathless as Rob’s head dropped to rest against Jillian’s breasts. Her fingers worked their way into his damp hair, and Jillian sighed as her body relaxed against the bed.

  She felt Rob’s breath against her skin as he said hoarsely, “That was amazing…hell, it was better than amazing.”

  Lifting his head just enough to look at Jillian, Rob saw she had her eyes closed and her lips were curved up into a smile. Apparently their lovemaking hadn’t been too much, but he still felt the need to ask anyway.

  “Babe, are you okay? I mean…I didn’t hurt you or anything…” asked Rob anxiously.

  Jillian’s eyes popped open at the concern in his voice and she said, “No, you didn’t hurt me, Rob. I’m fine, really. I’m better than fine actually. I haven’t felt this good in…well, since the last time we did this.”