Give Up On Me

by Tressie Lockwood

  “You wanted me to be stronger, didn’t you?” He leaned against the table and folded his arms over his chest. “Well, I believe I am. I’m fully prepared to let you go.”

  She gasped.

  “If you come clean and you convince me that you’re serious about us having no future. We’ll have this conversation now, or we’ll have it in the morning. You don’t have to come back to my bed. I have a couple of furnished guest rooms. You can choose one.”

  Where Matt had sounded full of love for her moments ago, now his voice held no emotion. He stated the facts, and he presented her with an ultimatum. If she could lie to him, she could get out of there, and she would have accomplished what Kyler wanted.

  If I can lie to him.

  The problem was she had reached the end of her rope. She couldn’t take anymore. The burden Margaret and Kyler, and even her dad had placed on her was too heavy. If she didn’t get real relief, she’d end up sick, and where would that leave Nerea?

  Janae weighed her options, and she settled on one course to start with. “You’re serious about letting me go, no matter what I say? If I don’t want to have any type of relationship with you, you’ll be okay with that? You’ll go on with your life—safely not recklessly like you were doing?”

  He raised a hand. “Scout’s honor. However, make no mistake, I love you just as much now as I did before you left.”

  He was too much for her. That was for damn sure. She should consider herself lucky to have a man so devoted to her. Most women couldn’t dream of it. “I…we…have a daughter. Her name is Nerea. She’s three years old.”

  “W-what did you say?” The hoarse croak told her the impact her admission had on him. Regret brought bile to her throat, both because she revealed one truth to the past and because she wished she could go back and somehow change it.

  “I said—”

  “I know what you said, but it’s hard to…I’m shocked. How could you keep this from me, Janae? Why did you leave and not tell me? Did you plan to leave again and keep me in the dark about my own child?”

  “No.”

  “Pardon me if I don’t believe you.”

  She shivered at the ice in his tone and then raised her chin. “Well, I guess that solves that, huh? You’ll hate me or at least be disgusted that I deceived you.”

  She should have thought about telling him before she slept with him. To think him knowing about Nerea would get him to back off in trying to get with her. A stroke of genius, and yet, the tears were coming. She felt them flooding her eyes, and the lump in her throat was growing.

  She walked past him to the door. “I’m going.”

  Janae yelped when he grabbed her arm, spun her around, and thumped her against the front door. “You’re not going anywhere.”

  “Matt, let me go.”

  “You’re going to stay right there until I get my clothes on, and then we’re both going to your place so I can meet my daughter.”

  “She’s sleeping. You can wait until tomorrow.”

  “And let you escape tonight? Like hell I will. I’m beginning to think that everyone around me does nothing but betray me. It’s enough to make a man question what he should be doing.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  He leaned so close she thought he was about to kiss her. No way that was happening with him being pissed off. “It means an emergency court order to keep Nerea in the country.”

  She gasped. “That’s not… That can’t…”

  “What? Not possible? Not going to happen? Try me. You think I don’t know you weren’t in America while you were gone? I scoured this country and had at least three private investigators looking for you at any given time. It won’t happen again.”

  She clutched her throat, trying to will her stomach to settle down. “Why were you still looking for me? You had the recording.”

  He froze, staring at her. She had the feeling she’d said something wrong.

  “How did you know about the recording?”

  Janae thought fast. “Because Kyler told me after the fact that he’d done it.”

  She prayed he’d believe her and think his brother used the recording to let her know she couldn’t change her mind and come back, lying about the money or why she accepted it. Matt seemed to think it over, and he stepped back, giving her space. She breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Let’s go,” he said.

  “Where?”

  “Upstairs. I want you in my room where I can see you while I dress.”

  “I won’t leave. You don’t have to treat me like a criminal.”

  He waited, gesturing toward the stairs.

  Janae rolled her eyes. “So now what, you don’t trust me?”

  “I have no reason to.”

  She preceded him up the stairs and sat on the chair by the window while he dressed. Soon they were on their way to her apartment. When she gave him the address, his mouth tightened.

  “Do you know the area?” she wondered.

  “Kyler kept a mistress there once or twice. Did he suggest it after he got you to come back?”

  “Yes.” That wasn’t a lie, but she didn’t tell him Kyler also paid the bills. She didn’t suppose Matt would think this time around to look into it. He might assume she had enough money left over from what his family gave her to rent the apartment. On the other hand, Kyler must have covered his tracks given Matt still thought Kyler and Margaret offered her money and then washed their hands of her. Why didn’t Matt question how Kyler found her when he couldn’t? She decided not to bring up the question.

  When Janae unlocked the door, Maria sprung up from the couch where she had fallen asleep. She scrubbed her eyes. “Señorita, I worry.”

  Those were the only two words Maria spoke in English. She went off on a long diatribe of how she had called Janae’s dad and how Nerea had been upset because her mommie was late. Janae could only catch every few words because Maria was crying. Her Spanish was close to fluent after living in Spain, but she still needed time to translate in her head. Rapid-fire speaking confused her.

  “I’m so sorry, Maria. Please, slow down. I can hardly understand what you’re saying.”

  “She said she planned to call the police, but after she fought to get Nerea to calm down and go to sleep, she dropped off herself.” With the lights in her apartment on, she saw the anger in Matt’s face without a problem.

  Janae pressed a hand to her mouth, but there was no holding it back this time. She was sick all over herself and the carpet. Both Maria and Matt darted forward to grasp her arm. Maria gave Matt a repressive look and tugged her away from him.

  “I'm fine,” Janae said. “Just let me clean up. Again, I’m sorry, Maria. Please, go to bed. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Janae left them both in the living room and hurried to her bedroom to shower and brush her teeth. When she had changed into a T-shirt and shorts, she walked back out, prepared to clean up the mess she had made. Maria was on her knees scrubbing the carpet with a scrub brush and carpet cleaner. Where had she even found it, Janae wondered.

  “You don’t have to do that, Maria. I’ll get it.” Janae was too weary to think of the Spanish translation, but Maria waved her away.

  Seeing that she wouldn’t get anywhere, Janae turned to face Matt, but he wasn’t in the room. Fear gripped her chest, and she hurried down the hall to her daughter’s room. Matt knelt beside the toddler bed, staring at Nerea with an expression of wonder. She didn’t think he knew she stood there until he spoke.

  “She’s so small and so beautiful,” he whispered. “I can’t believe she’s mine.”

  “We can get a DNA test.”

  He frowned at her. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Tell me about her, Janae.” He sat down on the carpet, still close enough to touch Nerea, but he seemed hesitant to go through with it. “What’s she like?”

  Janae joined him. “She’s funny and intelligent and sweet. She can go on
and on if you let her, telling you whatever pops into her head. Plus, she speaks Spanish, probably better than she speaks English. That’ll change when she goes to school, but I hope she doesn’t lose it.”

  “The woman out there. She’s your nanny?”

  “Maria? She’s my maid slash nanny, and she’s great with Nerea.”

  “I recognize the dialect,” he said. “She’s from Spain. That’s where you were.”

  Janae chewed her lip. They probably weren’t going to be forced to leave again, not if Matt followed through with his threat. That was good because if she couldn’t live in America, she would have preferred it to be Spain. With Matt knowing about Maria, that would no longer be an option if she were running.

  “Yes, she’s from Spain. We lived in Valencia.”

  He swore. “I never imagined you would be right under my nose. Explain to me why you kept her from me. Help me to understand.”

  “Shh, Matt, please. You’ll wake Nerea. We can talk in the morning. I don’t have an extra room, and the couch will be way too small for you, but—”

  “I’m sleeping with y—”

  “Mommie?” Nerea sat up yawning. Her little Elsa nightie was twisted about her little body. She spotted Janae and launched herself over the side of the bed into Janae’s arms. Tears sprouted from her eyes, and she clung to Janae with her fingers curled into Janae’s T-shirt as if she thought Janae would disappear.

  “Oh, pumpkin, don’t cry. Mommie’s here. I’m sorry for taking so long to come home.”

  Janae clutched her little girl to her chest and rubbed her back. Over Nerea’s head, she looked at Matt to find a stricken expression on his face. She knew in an instant, he was hurting over seeing Nerea so upset. That fast, he had fallen in love with her, and Janae didn’t blame him.

  “Shh, easy,” Matt said and tentatively touched Nerea’s wild curls.

  Nerea sniffled and raised her head to look at Matt. “Quién es?”

  “That’s your daddy, pumpkin.” Too late, Janae realized that Nerea had no real concept of a daddy. She had met Janae’s dad and called him Pop-pop, but that’s because Janae had told her to. Janae hadn’t thought to explain the relationship.

  “Que es… Daddy?”

  Janae realized that Nerea assumed Matt didn’t understand Spanish. She started to answer, keeping her gaze firmly off Matt’s face in case she encountered his anger or his hurt. He cut her off.

  “Soy tu papi,” Matt said. “I’m your daddy. Mommies and daddies make babies together. Mommie and I made you.”

  Nerea’s mouth fell open, and her eyes widened. Janae knew her daughter. She could just see the wheels turning as Nerea imagined her and Matt sitting at a table with papier–mâché, forming a newborn version of her.

  “P-papi?” Nerea tested on her tongue.

  Matt looked like he was ready to take orbit. He grinned and nodded. “Si, papi.”

  Bold and apparently expecting his daughter to jump into his arms, he held his hands out to her. To Janae’s surprise, Nerea looked just as eager to investigate his hug. She glanced at Janae for approval, and Janae nodded. Nerea dove for her daddy, and he curled her snuggly against his chest.

  Nerea launched into one of her stories, speaking half English and half Spanish. Matt continually responded in Spanish, and their little girl followed along without a problem. Janae watched the two of them until Nerea started to yawn and rub her eyes. Matt refused to give her up until her lashes brushed her cheeks and she fell asleep.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Janae woke the next morning alone in bed. Usually, Nerea woke before her and climbed into Janae’s bed to snuggle. She felt the opposite pillow and found it cold. Maybe Nerea had slept in since they disturbed her sleep. Janae had refused Matt access to her bed and sent him to the living room with blankets and an extra pillow. He would work out for himself if he would take the small couch or the floor.

  She started to climb out of bed when her cell phone buzzed. Checking the display, she saw that it was Kyler. Her door was shut, so she figured she would answer. “Hello?”

  “I assume you’re at your apartment now?”

  “Look, you don’t rule where I go and what I do.”

  “I thought we had that discussion last night.”

  “Yes, and now I’m reiterating. It’s over, Ky—” She didn’t want to speak his name just in case Matt heard somehow. “I’m not playing your game anymore. Please pass that to her.”

  “You’re speaking in code. He’s there.”

  “If you must know, yes, he is. He wanted to meet his daughter. Hold on. I’ll let you speak with him.”

  “Janae, wait!”

  She climbed off the bed and flung her door wide. Just as she suspected, Matt sat cross-legged before the television with Nerea in his lap. They munched on dry cereal while watching cartoons.

  “Papi, mira.” She pointed to the screen as if he didn’t see Dora and the monkey for himself.

  “I see,” Matt said and chuckled.

  “Matt.”

  He turned to look at her, and her breathing constricted at the picture of the two people she loved most together. Nerea had a lot of her daddy in her features. The same beautiful eyes, except Nerea’s weren’t as blue as Matt’s.

  “You have a phone call,” Janae choked out.

  He stiffened. “Is something wrong?”

  She took one last second to think about what she was doing and decided to hell with Kyler and Margaret. “Yes, it’s the same person that made me cry last night, who has made me cry a lot over the last four years.”

  Matt’s expression turned stormy. She wasn’t sure if he was still angry at her for keeping Nerea from him, but he could turn some of that fury onto his brother.

  He kissed the top of Nerea’s head and rose. “Hang on a second, Nerea. Papi has to take care of something.”

  “Mommie,” Nerea called and patted the spot beside her. Janae sat down, but she wanted to follow Matt as he left the room with her cell phone. She hoped Kyler had balls enough to stay on the phone and face what he and his grandmother had done to them.

  Not long after he disappeared, Janae caught a few choice swear words from her bedroom. “Matt,” she shouted down the hall.

  Her door shut, but she could still here him.

  Nerea turned bright eyes to Janae and giggled behind her hands. “Papi said something bad, Mommie.”

  “Yeah, well don’t you repeat it, young lady.”

  Janae leaned over so she could see down the hall again. “Matt, Nerea can hear you.”

  Abruptly, he started speaking in another language, and it wasn’t Spanish.

  Damn, must be nice.

  She tried picking out a few words and learned it was French. Nerea didn’t know any French, so they were safe. Both brothers spoke English, Spanish, and French? They were so far beyond her little commonplace knowledge it wasn’t funny. She’d taken German in high school and college and only knew a handful of words.

  Maria appeared from her bedroom. “Señorita, desayuno?”

  “Si, por favor. I’m not sure about the other two. Nerea, did you and daddy only eat this cereal?”

  “Yessss,” she sang, not taking her eyes off the TV screen.

  “I see I’m going to have to set some rules. Maria, please include something for Nerea and Matt.”

  “Matt?” Nerea said. She never missed a thing.

  “Yes, Papi’s name is Matthew. I call him Matt.”

  Nerea decided to keep chirping Matt over and over.

  “Okay, enough of that. Watch TV. Maria, I’ll be there in a minute to help you.”

  “No, stay. I cook.”

  Janae started to argue, but the woman was already gone. She watched a few minutes of TV with her daughter, and then Matt swept in like a storm. “We’re going.”

  She blinked. “Going where?”

  “To see Kyler. I want to talk to him face-to-face, and you’re coming with me.” He disappeared from the room again, and when he returned,
he was buttoning his shirt. Janae tried to gauge how mad he was and if he still included her on the list of people on his shit list.

  He looked up and caught her studying him. His frown dashed her hopes. “You should have trusted me, Janae. You should have believed in me enough to protect you.”

  “It wasn’t just about me.” She stood and left the room to get ready. When she returned, she faced him. “We need to wait until I can feed Nerea.”

  He whirled to face their daughter, still lost in her cartoons. “I have to learn about her needs. I’m so used to coming and going. Of course, we’ll wait.”

  Janae stood behind Nerea and cupped her cheeks as she leaned over the top of her head. “Hey, you. Turn off that TV and let’s get you dressed.”

  “Aww, Mommie. This is the good part.”

  “It’s always the good part. Come on.” Janae hesitated and looked over at Matt. “Or we could leave her here until we get back.”

  “No.” Matt answered for Nerea.

  She knew he would take that attitude. That’s why she had started getting Nerea up to get dressed. Matt wasn’t ready to let Nerea out of his sight. The three of them ate breakfast together. After Janae cleaned Nerea’s face and hands, they were on the road to Kyler’s office.

  “Matt,” Janae said when they were all piled into his car, including Maria, “what did Kyler tell you?”

  He glanced into the rearview mirror. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  She sat back, chewing a thumbnail, and not too long later, they arrived at their destination. Matt held the door open for Janae to precede him. She held Nerea’s hand, and Maria followed behind them.

  Margaret and Kyler waited in his office. Like the last time, the old woman sat at his desk, and Kyler occupied a spot near the window. When they walked in, he seemed to be lost in thought as he watched the cars below. She suspected he was nervous about meeting his brother face-to-face. Maybe she’d get to see Matt punch him in the jaw.

  No, Matt isn’t the violent type. He would never do that.

  If Janae didn’t get to see Matt crack his brother in the face, at least she got something almost as good. When she strode in the door with Nerea, all the color drained from Margaret’s face. She stared at Janae’s daughter as if Nerea was an apparition. Janae loved it.