Awakened by Sin (Crime Lord Series Book 4)

by Mia Knight

  “You’ve been so strong,” Mom murmured. “We’re so proud of you.”

  No, she couldn’t hear this now. She shook her head and tried to pull away, but Mom held her tight.

  “You’re everything we could have hoped for and more. We raised you to be confident, passionate, caring. You give so much of yourself away and leave nothing for yourself. We were so happy you found Vinny. He understood you just like us.”

  “Mom, stop,” she begged.

  “It hurts me to see you in pain,” Mom whispered.

  She desperately tried to get a handle on her emotions. “I know. I’m trying.”

  “But it hurts me even more to see you ignore it.”

  Carmen gave in. She went limp in her mother’s arms as sorrow swallowed her whole. She wasn’t sure how much time passed, but the tight embrace never slackened. Warm, familiar hands comforted her while her body was wracked with sobs so powerful, she couldn’t catch her breath. Her mother murmured soft, loving words in her ear while she rocked her. When the storm passed, she lay exhausted and empty in her arms.

  They sat in silence. She noticed that the light in the room had changed, confirmation that they had been here a while.

  Mom kissed her temple. “Come, I’ll make you a bubble bath.”

  Mom assisted her into the bathroom and prepared the bath while Carmen sat on the edge, staring into space. Mom undressed her and urged her in the tub. The sweet smell of jasmine drew her out of the darkness. The warm water soothed her aching, quivering muscles. Mom washed her hair as if she was five years old. She wasn’t capable of doing anything more strenuous than sitting upright.

  “Lyla called me this morning,” Mom said.

  It took a minute for that to make sense. “Why?”

  “Something to do with the Black Viper gang.” Mom didn’t ask questions; she just massaged her scalp, as placid as could be. “Gavin was in some kind of uproar, and Lyla tried to call you, but you didn’t answer, so she called me.”

  She tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t alarm her mother and came up with nothing. Her mother knew all about the Black Vipers.

  “Carmen Marie.”

  She suddenly found her chin caught in a firm grip. Her mother stared straight into her eyes, gaze strong and unflinching.

  “I don’t know what you’re doing to work through your grief, but I won’t lose you to the underworld, you understand me? I won’t tell you what not to do because you’ll do it, but I’m warning you, you’re running toward dark stuff. Once you go down that road, there’s no coming back.” Her expression eased a little as she stroked her cheek and then splayed her hand over the angry red scratches on her chest. “This isn’t you, baby.”

  Her chest quaked as she tried to keep the well of emotions in check.

  “I lost your father. I can’t lose you too. I’m here. I can help you through this. I need you here with me, baby. Stay with me.”

  Carmen gave a tiny nod that satisfied her mother. The hand wiped away her tears and resumed giving her a bath.

  “Gavin’s involved.”

  Oh, shit.

  “Lyla doesn’t know all the details. Something about you, his cousin, a shooting, the Black Vipers, and he left shortly after. Whatever happened yesterday is done. Gavin will handle it.”

  She rinsed Carmen’s hair as she continued to talk.

  “I prayed for a daughter because I knew your father would forbid you from becoming an enforcer.”

  Yes, she had heard that more than once over the years.

  “Your father never worried about you because he believed you could handle anything, and he was right. And what you couldn’t handle, Manny and Gavin would.”

  “Mom—”

  “Hush.”

  Her mom wrapped her in a robe and combed her hair before she led her downstairs. Mom pushed her onto a chair at the table and put a glass of water in front of her along with two aspirin. The cold water soothed her raw throat. She heard the sizzle of butter hit a hot pan as Mom bustled around the kitchen. It seemed that it took less than a minute for Mom to place a grilled cheese sandwich in front of her.

  “Eat.”

  She obeyed because she didn’t have any fight left. Mom sat across from her with her own sandwich, and they ate in silence. When she finished, she felt better, but the heavy weight on her chest was still there. Mom watched her with quiet expectation. She opened her mouth and then closed it. Her hands fisted in her lap, and she swallowed hard.

  “You’re going to get through this, Carmen.”

  “I used to be strong,” she whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek.

  “No one is strong all the time. You’ve been taking care of people for a long time. You took Lyla under your wing when you were kids, you took care of Vinny, and then you took on Lyla after the attack. Then you came home and took care of me.” Her voice shook, and she reached for Carmen’s hand and squeezed it. “I know it wasn’t easy. You have a good heart, Carmen. You take on so many things without thinking twice. You don’t have a mean bone in your body.”

  “I killed the leader of the Black Viper gang.”

  Mom paled. “What? Why?”

  “H-he said Vinny becoming crime lord was a joke, that Gavin signed his death warrant, but he was wrong …” She shook her head as memories cascaded through her. “He was wrong.”

  “Carmen?”

  “It’s my fault,” she whispered.

  “What’s your fault?”

  “I killed Vinny.” Her mother shook her head and opened her mouth, but she spoke over her. “I did. I told Vinny to do it. I encouraged him. I called Gavin and told him to make Vinny crime lord.”

  Silence filled the kitchen.

  “I knew what to say to make Gavin give in. I’m the one who made it happen. It’s my fault.” She stared straight ahead as she said, “Hearing him mock Vinny’s life, hearing him blame Gavin …” She hung her head, too ashamed to meet her mother’s eyes. “If Vega hadn’t killed Vinny, Gavin wouldn’t have gone crazy. Uncle Manny would still be alive, and Lyla wouldn’t have s-scars.”

  “It’s done, Carmen.”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s not.”

  “Carmen, let it go.”

  “I can’t.”

  Mom gripped both of her hands hard enough to get her attention. “Do you know why I married your father?”

  “You loved him.”

  “Yes, but I didn’t marry him until I got pregnant, and I knew there was no going back.”

  This was new information, but a little out of the blue. “What does that have to do with—?”

  “I don’t know why I fell in love with a bad man, but I did. I knew what your father did for a living. I didn’t want to worry about him every time he went to work. I didn’t want to live like that, wondering if he would come home to me, but I got pregnant, and I committed.” Mom leaned forward. “Sometimes, innocents get hurt. Sometimes, he made mistakes. I saw the news, and I could put two and two together. I should have turned him in.”

  She stared transfixed at her mother. She had never seen this side of her. Her mother had never voiced anything like this in her life. She had always seemed totally accepting of the ways of the underworld.

  “Your father did what he did best and came home and was the best father to you and an amazing husband to me. I never turned him in.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I loved a good man who did bad things for a living. Even though some of the battles in the underworld are fought for money and territory, I told myself what he did was for the better good.” Mom stroked her face. “Your father had a code. It’s not one that everyone would understand, but he had one, and he was a good man.”

  “He was the best,” she agreed.

  “I supported your father even when I shouldn’t, even knowing people would lose their lives. Do you understand?”

  “But—”

  “Even if Vinny hadn’t become crime lord, there was always a possibility he could be tar
geted because he’s a Pyre.”

  “Yes.”

  “You supported your husband because you wanted what he wanted. That’s what a million other women and I have done for men who risk their lives for country or code. Loyalty, that’s what we bred in you. You’re your father’s daughter. He gave you grit, but he also gave you heart. You took action last night to protect your man. I’m just glad you’re breathing today.”

  “Mom—”

  She grasped her face between both hands. “You loved him, Carmen, more than life. You love me, which is why you gave your blessing when you found out about Marv.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “You love, and there’s no shame in that. You care. You deserve to be happy. Vinny wouldn’t blame you, would he?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered.

  “No, he wouldn’t. What’s done is done. You did what you thought was right at the moment, and there’s no going back. You have so much life to live, Carmen.”

  She sniffled. “I do?”

  “You give so much you don’t even notice. My friends are fighting over whose son you get to meet first. You listen to them, spend time with them, take care of them. You tip the pregnant waitress without hesitation. You spread good wherever you go. You help with your friend’s businesses, volunteer, and don’t hesitate to drop everything if someone needs help. You’re a good person, and you won’t convince anyone otherwise.” She eyed her sternly. “Let it go, Carmen.”

  “It’s not that easy,” she whispered.

  “You’ll get there.”

  “How?”

  “Be around people who love and appreciate you.” She stood and hugged Carmen from behind. “We’ll love you back to life. It’s the most powerful force on the planet. It can do wonders.”

  She let out a long breath and let her mother’s love soothe her raw wounds. “Okay.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “We’re gonna get through this. One day at a time.”

  “How do I do this?”

  “You find something that makes you happy. You do that, and it’ll give you a break from the pain. Then you find something else that makes you happy, and you do more of that. Eventually, the good beats out the bad.” Mom stroked her hair. “How many shots?”

  It took her a moment to figure out what she was talking about. “Two. I missed on the first, but the second got him in the chest.”

  Mom kissed her temple. “Your father would be proud.”

  Carmen’s lips curved. “I know.”

  The faint ring of a phone echoed through the house.

  “It’s probably Lyla,” Mom said and rushed out of the kitchen.

  Carmen folded her arms on the table and rested her aching head on top. She took a deep breath and then another. Mom’s ministrations definitely worked. The bath to wash away the memories, the food to fill the emptiness, and the love to hold her in the present.

  “Carmen.” She grunted as Mom walked in the kitchen. “It’s Gavin.”

  She tensed. Gavin was the last person she wanted to talk to when she was feeling this way. She played possum and didn’t raise her head.

  Mom sighed and said, “She can hear you.”

  Gavin’s angry voice filled the kitchen. “What the hell were you thinking, Carmen?”

  She raised her head and glared at Mom who shrugged.

  “Neither of you can stay there. It isn’t safe. Pack a bag and stay with us.”

  Carmen felt all the blood drain from her body. Oh, shit. It was starting all over again. Her impulsive stupidity put Mom’s life in danger.

  “I just moved in with Marv,” Mom said,

  “Who’s Marv?” Gavin asked brusquely.

  “My fiancé.” When Gavin didn’t comment, she added, “I’ll invite you to the wedding, of course.”

  “Of course,” Gavin echoed and then, “I guess that should be okay since I didn’t even know you were engaged. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks, Gavin,” Mom chirped gaily. “You’re going to love him. He’s so sweet.”

  “I’ll take your word for it. There are two guards outside, Mickey and Frederick. They stay on Carmen at all times. Keeping you out of sight is just a precaution, Isabel.”

  “I understand,” Mom said.

  “I want you gone in the next fifteen minutes.”

  “Will do. Thank you, Gavin.” Mom waited a good twenty seconds before she lowered the phone. “I guess he hung up. Let’s go, Carmen.”

  Someone pounded on the door, and they both jumped. Her survival instinct kicked in. She shot up from the table, climbed on the counter, and pulled the shotgun from the top of the cabinets. Mom pulled a tiny pistol from its hiding place behind the bread maker. She tiptoed to the door and waited.

  “It’s Mickey and Frederick. Pyre says you need to be gone in fourteen minutes.”

  She relaxed slightly. Fucking Gavin. She opened the door with the shotgun still in hand. Two men stood on her doorstep. They looked FBI rejects with the blinding white shirts, black ties, and black suits. The Mexican built like a tank had sprawling tattoos on the back of his hands that twined around each finger. Probably covering up a gang tattoo. The second guy couldn’t be older than twenty-five. He looked bright-eyed and excited before he noticed the gun. He took a step back while the other guard’s lip curled.

  “I hope you know how to use that,” Mexican Hulk said.

  She lifted the barrel. “Want me to show you?”

  Mom bumped her to the side. “Carmen was taught to shoot when she eight years old, and I’m not such a bad shot myself.” She waved to Lamar, a teenager who lived three doors down and who was currently parked at the end of their driveway on his bike, watching avidly. “Hey, Lamar!”

  “They straight?” he called.

  “Yes, they work for Gavin.”

  Lamar threw the peace sign and pedaled down the road. Mom turned back to the guards and waved them inside. “Carmen needs help with her things.”

  It finally penetrated that she would be moving again, and this time to her future stepfather’s house, a man she’d met twice in her life. “Maybe I should get a hotel.”

  “No.” Mom pushed her toward the stairs. “You have ten minutes. Don’t dawdle. Just take what you need. I’m sure you can always send someone to get more if you need it.”

  “Marv doesn’t want—”

  “You don’t know what he wants, Carmen Marie. Now, hush and hurry.”

  It wasn’t until she felt an uncomfortable breeze that she realized her robe had loosened, giving a glimpse of her modest cleavage and stomach.

  “You’re hurt?” the smaller guard asked as he stared at the angry scratches on her chest.

  “No,” she said shortly as she cinched the robe and headed upstairs with the shotgun under her arm. She surveyed her room and heard the two guards stop behind her.

  “I want those four piles,” she said, pointing at four mounds of shoes, clothes, and shopping bags.

  “All of those?” Wannabe Blade grunted.

  “Yes.”

  She could feel his irritation, but he didn’t argue. He opened her closet, found a duffel she used in high school for cheerleading and got to work. She kicked through a pile of clothes and found a purple velvet tracksuit. She went into the bathroom to change as the guys got to work. She looked in the mirror at her bloodshot, puffy eyes and took a deep breath. There was no time to think. No, once again life was propelling her forward. She found a bedazzled Ed Hardy hat, which she pulled low over her face, oversized sunglasses, and slipped into a pair of black platform sandals decorated with studs.

  She packed up her makeup and jewelry and handed it off to the younger guard before she hefted Vinny. She waved them off as she carried the urn to the Aston Martin. Her things had been loaded into an SUV.

  “Will one of you drive her?” Mom called from the beat-up Toyota. “She’s under the weather.”

  “Mom!”

  “Don’t argue, Carmen. I ga
ve them the address. They know where we’re going. I’ll see you there!”

  Mom waved as she backed out of the drive. She probably needed a head start to explain to Marv why she was showing up with her twenty-nine-year-old daughter in tow.

  “Ma’am?” the young guard asked tentatively.

  She tossed him the keys and settled Vinny on the floorboard between her feet. She sat back and closed her eyes as the car began to move.

  “I’m Mickey.”

  “Carmen,” she said with her eyes closed.

  “Of course, we know all about you, Mrs. Pyre.”

  She ground her teeth. “Just call me Carmen.”

  “Okay.”

  She felt congested and lightheaded from her crying fit. All she wanted to do was lay in a dark room and sleep, preferably for a week or two. Her phone rang. She hesitated before she fished it out of her purse.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey. I just wanted to remind you about Saturday,” Alice said.

  “Saturday?”

  “The animal adoption. You’re coming right?”

  The meeting she attended with Alice over the arrangements felt like a month ago. “Oh, right. Yes. What’s today?”

  “Thursday. Are you all right?”

  No, she wasn’t, but she was a world-class actress. “I’m good. I went out last night and am only getting my day started now.”

  “Oh, okay. Saturday, Cimarron Elementary.”

  “Right. I’ll be there. Do you need anything?”

  “A crowd to get these animals adopted.”

  “Right. I’ll see you then.”

  “Bye.”

  After she hung up, Mickey said, “I doubt Pyre’s going to allow that.”

  She held up a finger. “Don’t.”

  He glanced at her. “Don’t what?”

  “Tell me what I can or can’t do.” It was Maddog’s dare that put her over the edge last night. Mom was right; if someone told her not to do something, she would be compelled to do just that.

  She sat back and stared out of the window. She felt dead inside. It took a week for her new outlook on life to plummet to its death in a hail of blood, violence, and a reminder of past sins. Angel thought she needed to risk her life to keep her restlessness at bay. Mom didn’t want her going down that road, and neither did she. The last thing she wanted was to rub shoulders with people like Maddog and George Wotherton. Mom was right. She would find little things that made her happy and hold on for dear life.