by Ivy Smoak
"It's up to him to wake up now. We've done everything we can."
"What's the likelihood of that happening?"
The doctor pressed her lips together. "In his state, 50/50."
A fifty percent chance? I swallowed hard. "Thank you." That was finally something I understood. There was a 50 percent chance my husband would wake up. There was a 50 percent chance that my baby would meet his or her father. Fifty/Fifty. "Thank you," I said again.
She may have said something else, but I didn't hear her. I walked as quickly as I could back to James' room. I needed him. And now this baby needed him. His baby. I couldn't live without him. I couldn't raise a child without him. The thought made me feel nauseous again. James didn't want this baby. He didn't want to be a father yet. How did this happen?
"Are you okay?" Rob said as I walked back into the room.
"I'm okay," I said, and didn't look him in the eye. I sat back down next to James and grabbed his hand. Wake up. You have to wake up!
"I know you're lying."
I looked up at Rob.
He wasn't supposed to be the first person I told that I was pregnant. It was supposed to be James. It had to be James. "Wake up," I whispered. I started to silently cry again as I clutched his lifeless hand.
"What did the doctor say?" Rob said.
"I'm not sick."
"Penny, what did she say?"
If I had learned anything the past few days, it was that I had family and friends that I could count on no matter what. I didn't want to cut anyone out anymore. And I needed to tell someone before the agony swallowed me whole. Because now it just wasn't me that needed James. It was this baby inside of me that needed a father. I wanted to be strong, but I didn't know if I was strong enough for all three of us. But I couldn't do it. I needed to tell James alone.
Rob sighed. "You can talk to me. You can tell me anything, Penny, you know that."
I nodded. I'd tell him soon, but I had to tell James first. "Can I be alone with him for a second?"
"I'll go give everyone an update." Rob stood up and stretched.
"The doctor said he has a 50 percent chance of waking up." I didn't look up at Rob. I just stared at James' face.
"He's going to wake up," Rob said. "I know he will. I'll be right back." I heard the door close behind him.
My lip started to tremble and I pressed my forehead against the back of James' hand. "James, please wake up. I need you to wake up." The beeping of the machine was driving me crazy. I knew it meant he was alive. But it was teasing me. He was alive, but he wasn't here with me. "I know you can hear me," I said. I lifted my head. "Baby, I know you can hear me." I stood up and leaned forward, kissing his forehead.
I took a deep breath. James didn't want children yet. But I knew if he was awake, he'd be excited. He'd want this one. He or she would be good and kind and loving just like him. I kissed his forehead again. "I'm pregnant." I ran my fingers through his hair. "We're going to have a baby." My voice cracked on the last word.
It killed me to see him like this. It made my chest hurt. I wanted to see him smile again. I wanted to hear his laugh.
"Come back to me. Please come back to me."
***
I didn't hear what anyone said as they filtered in and out of the room. I just kept my hand in James' and continued to whisper to him.
"Mrs. Hunter, we need to have a word with you."
I didn't look up.
"Mrs. Hunter?"
I slowly lifted my head. It was a police officer. Not the same one as we had met from the precinct. But similar enough. I immediately hated him. I had a tendency to blame myself, but this was their fault too. They wouldn't listen to us about Isabella. They wouldn't let us get a restraining order.
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Well, I have some questions for you."
"Get out."
"Excuse me?"
"Get out." I had never heard myself sound so authoritative before. But the officer almost seemed to shrink at my words.
"Another time then," the officer said and retreated out of the room.
I saw Porter standing outside the room. He turned his head and we made eye contact for a second. I could see it in his eyes. He felt guilty for what happened. But I couldn't talk to him right now. I couldn't talk to anyone. My own guilt was eating me up.
I ran my hand across my stomach. How had I let this happen? The pain was too much. I was sinking. Only James could save me. I put my forehead on his hand. Please wake up.
Chapter 19
Monday
No change. I stared at James' handsome features as the doctor walked out of the room. They weren't strained with stress or worry. But he didn't look peaceful. He looked lifeless. The thought chilled me to the core.
Chapter 20
Tuesday
His hand felt colder. Or maybe mine did. It felt like we were both slipping into the unknown. I was weak. I was so weak without him. The fear of losing him was swallowing me whole.
Chapter 21
Wednesday
"Penny, it's the tenth time he's called." Rob was standing by the door holding my cell phone. I couldn't stand hearing it ring so I had given it to him. I couldn't talk to the press. I couldn't talk to James' lawyer. I couldn't talk to anyone.
"Tell him I'll call him back."
Rob hesitated by the door. "He's one of your best friends. Don't shut people out right now. The cops have been hounding him. He just needs to know you're okay."
"Well, I'm not okay." I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying again.
"Then tell him that." He held the phone out to me.
I stood up and walked over to Rob. He handed me the phone and left the room. I wanted to press the end call button. But Rob was right. Tyler deserved to know what was going on. Especially if the police were badgering him about this.
"Hi, Tyler," I said softly into the phone. I turned to look at James.
"I saw what happened on T.V. I..." his voice trailed off. "Penny, I'm so sorry."
I didn't say anything. I had heard so many people say they were sorry. Sorry for what? This wasn't their fault. Sorry for my pain? No. I wasn't who they should be feeling sorry for. Sorry wasn't the right word. I looked away from James and stared out the small window.
"Penny?"
"I'm here."
"How are you holding up?"
"I'm okay."
"You don't sound okay."
"What do you want me to say, Tyler? That I'm dying inside? That I can barely look at him because it hurts too much?" I put my hand down onto the windowsill. I couldn't hold it together anymore. I couldn't do this.
"I'm coming back to New York."
"Don't do that."
"I want to be there for you."
"Come back when you're ready to come back. Not like this. Not right now."
"I'm sorry," he said.
I cringed at the words.
"The police want me to come in for questioning anyway. I have to come back."
"No. You don't." I couldn't imagine Tyler coming to the hospital. I knew James wouldn't want him to be here. My grip tightened on the windowsill.
"Of course I do. I have to do what the cops want."
"Just ignore their calls. Stop picking up the phone."
"I can't do that. It makes me look guilty." His words hung in the air. "I'm not, Penny. I would never do something to hurt you."
"I know. And James has people looking into it. Just...don't come back. Don't answer their phone calls. I'm taking care of it." I'm going to take care of it. After I sit with James for a few more minutes. I just felt so tired. All I wanted to do was wait for him to open his eyes. And I needed to be here when that happened.
"He's going to wake up, Penny."
I nodded but didn't actually say anything into the phone.
"Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"I will." I swallowed hard. "How...how are you doing?"
"I'm okay."
He wasn't o
kay. I could hear it in his voice. But I wasn't going to question him like he had me. Because I couldn't handle anything else right now. I felt guilty enough as it was. "Call me when you find the sunnier place you've been searching for."
"Yeah. As soon as I find it."
"Bye, Tyler."
"Tell James he'd better wake up. Tell him to fight."
Before I could say anything, Tyler hung up the phone. I turned away from the window. James was my sunny place. And I knew I couldn't exist in the dark.
Chapter 22
Thursday
"She has an alibi."
I looked up. I hadn't even noticed Mason come in. No one but immediate family had been allowed to visit him yet. I wasn't sure if he had sneaked in or if they had let him back. I was supposed to be taking care of everything like I had told Tyler, but I hadn't left James' side. It felt like I was frozen in time. I couldn't do anything. It was like time was standing still until he came back to me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean, someone vouched for Isabella being in another state on the night of your wedding."
"That's impossible. I know it was her."
"I have some guys looking into it."
I didn't need to ask any questions about that. I knew Mason would hire the best of the best. "Who vouched for her?"
"Her boyfriend I think."
I took a deep breath. Austin? Was Austin her boyfriend? I shook away the thought. I couldn't put any more blame on myself. I was already drowning. "Why would they believe someone close to her?" Austin and I hadn't ended on good terms but that was on him. Why was he trying to ruin my life? Why would he do this?
"We'll get her. In the meantime, you need to go talk to the police."
"I'm not talking to them."
"You have to."
I squeezed James' hand. "They already had a chance to listen to us. They chose not to."
"Penny, they just arrested Melissa."
"What?" I immediately stood up. "For what?" I imagined her yelling and screaming in the halls of the hospital demanding answers. I had been held up in here for days. I should have been out there keeping everyone updated.
"Conspiracy to commit murder."
"What are you talking about?"
"They're saying it was her. Because of the speech she gave. Because of her relationship with Tyler."
Fuck. "Stay with him." I walked past Mason.
"Hey," Mason said and caught my arm. "We both know it was Isabella. I'm going to prove it." He handed me an envelope that was already opened. It was a manila envelope. The same kind Isabella had been sending me. It was addressed to me.
My hand shook as I pulled out the note inside. It was written in the same font as all the rest.
"I was aiming for you."
I couldn't seem to stop shaking. "Where did this come from?"
"Melissa went to pick up your mail. This was in with everything else. That was the last evidence the police needed. They think she put it in with the rest of your mail. I opened it because James had told me about everything that was going on. I thought you needed to see it."
"She's trying to kill me."
"And I'm not going to let that happen. Go talk to the police. And then I'll work on getting Melissa out of jail. Penny, you have my word. I'm going to take care of this." He put his hand reassuringly on my shoulder.
"Don't leave him."
"I'm not going to leave his side until you're back."
I glanced once more at James and then ran out the door. Isabella had been trying to kill me. The guilt I had already felt weighed even heavier. My best friend was not going to go down for this. Tyler wasn't going to go down for this. Isabella was going to pay. Even if I had to kill her myself.
I recognized the detective that had tried to talk to me a few days ago in the hospital waiting room. And standing right next to him was Officer Daugherty, the detective that wouldn't take us seriously at the precinct. They were both talking to James' father.
"Penny." James' dad put his hand on my shoulder when I reached them. "Penny, we're taking care of this. Go back to him."
No. Everyone was "taking care of this." Yet, Isabella was still out there. And my best friend was in jail.
"You said you had a few questions for me," I said to the detective that had tried to question me before.
He glanced nervously at James' father and then nodded his head. "Yes. We wanted to talk to you about your friend, Melissa Monroe."
I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to distract me from my anger. I was going to lose it. I tried to take a deep breath, but it just made me even more upset. "You mean the fact that you're here to apologize for arresting the wrong person?"
"Besides for Tyler Stevens, she's our lead suspect in the threats and shooting..."
"Suspect? Isabella is the lead suspect. Why isn't anyone listening to me?"
"Is it true that Miss Monroe threatened to kill James during her speech at your reception?"
"What? No."
"And I quote, 'I will literally kill you if you hurt her. So stop doing it. I'm serious this time.' " The detective stared at me.
"She was joking." I thought about what Melissa had said during the rehearsal dinner. How I should be enjoying it while I could because it could disappear in an instant. I knew she didn't do it. But she had been saying weird stuff. What if Tyler had been in on it? What if he had told Melissa? What if she had known this was about to happen? No. They were just twisting my thoughts.
"Given the circumstances, we have to take her threat seriously."
"And what about Isabella? Why don't you take my concerns seriously given the circumstances?"
"We talked to Isabella this morning," Officer Daugherty said. "She's on vacation in Maine. She wasn't even in the state this weekend."
"And the only person who verified that was the person she's currently having sex with? Check your sources."
"Mrs. Hunter..."
"Don't you dare. Don't you dare show me the respect you should have when we came to you with this problem in the first place. My husband is dying in the next room because of you. And your incompetence."
"You gave us a dead end. We're trying to determine who was actually behind the threats and the shooting, but you keep putting up road blocks."
"Just because Isabella wasn't here doesn't mean she didn't hire someone else to do it. Of course I don't think she was actually behind the gun."
"We're still trying to get a hold of Tyler Stevens. And we already have Melissa Monroe in custody. The investigation is going well. Go be with your husband. We'll continue our discussion with the victim's father."
Fuck you. "Officer Daugherty, Tyler didn't do this. And neither did Melissa. If you don't investigate Isabella further and it turns out to be her, which it definitely is, I will...sue you."
Officer Daugherty laughed. He was staring at me like I was insane.
No, I didn't know if I could sue the police. I didn't know if that was even possible. But how dare he laugh at me. At my grief. At my pain. I would end him and the stupid detective next to him that was trying to hold back a laugh too. My hand was already in a fist. I tightened it even more and was about to pull my hand back when James' father grabbed my arm.
"Penny, go be with James. Let me take care of this while you go take care of my boy. He needs you."
But I'm not strong enough. I tried to take a deep breath. "She'll never stop." I handed Officer Daugherty the manila envelope. I had never felt so defeated. She's never going to stop.
Chapter 23
Friday
"Wake up, James." Tears rolled down my cheeks. "Please. Please, I need you." I gripped his hand a little tighter. It killed me that his fingers didn't intertwine with mine. I dropped his hand and put my face in mine. My hope was fading. I was drowning. Darkness was encroaching and I had nothing left to fight it off. Nothing.
Chapter 24
Saturday
A knock on the door made me look up. Everyone had just
been coming and going. No one ever knocked.
Porter slowly put his head in. "Can I come in?"
I nodded.
He closed the door behind him and walked over to the opposite side of the bed that I was on. His eyes locked on the monitor that was showing James' pulse.
There had been no change. The doctor said that each day that passed, the likelihood of him waking up again went down. It had been a week. I didn't know what that meant for the likelihood now. A fifty percent chance was bad enough. And I didn't have the courage to ask. I tightened my grip on James' hand. Wake up. You have to wake up.
"Cole."
I looked up at Porter. "What?"
"My first name is Cole." He gave me a weak smile.
"Cole Porter? Like the composer?"
"Yeah." He laughed and sat down across from me. "And Briggs' first name is Paul. Like the Australian boxer."
I laughed. It sounded weird. I realized I hadn't laughed since my wedding night. I closed my eyes.
"We really just go by our last names because we both have embarrassing full names."
I shook my head. I was pretty sure that wasn't true. But I could tell he was trying to cheer me up. The only problem was that it wasn't working. Nothing could cheer me up except James opening his eyes. "Thanks for telling me."
"James and I met in A.A. He knows those things about me. You should know them too." He gave me another small smile.
"This isn't your fault, you know." Maybe he had just come in to tell me his first name and to help me preoccupy my mind with anything but worry. But it seemed like he needed to hear that the blame wasn't on him. Because it wasn't. It was on me. It was all my fault. I bit my lip so I wouldn't start crying in front of him.
"It is, ma'am."
