In the Midst of Innocence
Page 17
I went over to Darlene’s house to tell her about it, but no one was home.
January 14, 1932. Guess what happened yesterday? Arkansas just swore in the first woman to the U.S. Senate! Mrs. Hattie Caraway is actually from Tennessee, having been born and raised right here in our own Great State, so I know she will do an excellent job.
Miss Weston says that women do not belong in politics because they are exposed to too much ugliness, and on that she and Daddy agree. However, Miss Janey Jo, Mama, and I have different opinions. I hope Miss Hattie Caraway can do something to end this Depression we are in, and I am glad she is against ending Prohibition. If people can buy whiskey legally, then my business will be over, and I will be too plumb broke to buy new shoes for Easter. Miss Weston also is in favor of keeping prohibition, but for a different reason than I am! Ha ha! It is a good thing she will never see this version of my Journal.
Jasper caught Ralph Lee Bittertree peeping through Mama’s bedroom window this evening. He was just coming in from milking and found him with his face mashed right up to the glass and his hands cupped around his eyes. Jasper threw a rock at him, and he lit out through the woods. He did not see anything because Mama was in the kitchen at the time. She tacked up a quilt across her windows to keep that nosey Ralph Lee from peeping in again, and we will be sure to keep an eye out for him. I surely hope his daddy has not told him anything about my side business. He might have been peeping in to catch me at it. I would not be surprised if he sics the law on me.
This is all I have time to write. Darlene is coming over to spend the night again tonight, and I have to take Jake Hatton a pint of whiskey before she gets here. He has a friend who wants it. As much as I love Darlene, I think it is better if I do not take her along. I do not need her making fun of Jake Hatton. She gets to mocking him, and you should see her hippy-hopping, cussing and twitching, just exactly like he does. Now, neither one of us can keep a straight face when we see him.
January 15, 1932. A funny thing happened today. I was on my way to Darlene’s house and saw a big buck standing right out in the clearing by the creek, then he went moseying off into the woods, and I followed him. I sort of wish I had had a rifle with me, because I know I could have got him, and he would have made some fine eating, but I did not, so I had to content myself with just looking and following. He went over to beech grove, which is so pretty with the light coming though the leaves and turning the whole place into a glowing fairyland.
When I was coming through there, I saw Uncle Woodrow and Mrs. Carlton sitting on a log under the giant tree, and they were having the biggest time, laughing. Uncle Woodrow then stood up, took his hat off, took her hand, and bowed low, and she laughed again. I felt funny coming up on them like that, and I did not want them to think I was spying on them, so I eased back and went on over to Darlene’s. I keep going over in my mind about why they were sitting there laughing, and it makes me feel odd and a little scared. I bet that if Billy Ray Carlton could see that he would be fit to be tied.
I mentioned it to Darlene, but she just shrugged and said sometimes her mama likes to go for a walk in the woods alone, and maybe she just happened to come across Uncle Woodrow. I reckon that is what happened.
January 16, 1932. Daddy is home for today and tomorrow. He is not drinking as far as I can tell, but he seems dull, not at all like he usually is when he is sober. I hope he is not sick.
I did not see Darlene today. I wanted to go over to see her, but Mama up and decided that we young’uns should go spend the day with Pap-pa, and she shooed us out the door right after breakfast. She even let us take Ruby along. Jasper carried her on his shoulders most of the way.
I am glad we went, even though it seemed strange not to spend time with Daddy or with Darlene. We had a good time with Miss Janey Jo and with Pap-pa. Pap-pa and Jasper each whittled out a cross for Beryl and me to wear around our necks. Pap-pa’s was a little better, but not much. I let Beryl have that one to keep Jasper from feeling bad about not being as good a whittler as Pap-pa is. Sardius did not play with us much. He mostly sat by the fire and read his book. He is getting very serious about school these days.
Miss Janey Jo cooked up a great big dinner, then packed up the leavings for us to bring home, and then Pap-pa brought us back in his wagon. Daddy was looking more chipper when we got home, and we had a fun evening together.
January 17, 1932. Daddy did not go to church with us today. Instead, he stayed home and got drunk. You would think he would behave himself right after he begins his important new job. I am disgusted with him, and I hope he suffers from a terrible hangover all day at work tomorrow. I hope his boss does not notice, though. I would hate for him to get his walking papers so soon after he started his new job.
I am happy that he did not seem to notice that I have stolen a gallon of his whiskey.
Miss Weston preached on the Breastplate of Righteousness today. I am sure it was very good, but I was distracted because I kept thinking about Daddy and how disgusted I am with him. Mama looked glum all through the service, also. We went to Pap-pa’s for dinner, and Miss Weston came, also, and so did Uncle Woodrow, but it was not the same without Daddy. Everybody seemed quiet and sad.
January 17, 1932
Dearest Cecilia,
These long winter days are becoming quite dreary, and for the first time since I have been here, I find myself missing the bright society of our old friends. It would be such a pleasure to attend a party or a ball, to feel the crisp cold on a snowy day and enjoy hot chocolate with a group of rowdy young people! The cold here is damp, so that it gets into your bones and makes you chilled from the inside out.
The church service this morning was adequate, but I was less than inspired, and it showed. Afterwards, I had my usual Sunday dinner with the Aiken family, but everyone seemed quite glum. I tried to draw Mr. Woodrow out, even asking him to go for a walk with me, but he was uncommunicative and cut the walk short, saying he was cold and wanted to get back to the fire. I feel singularly distressed. He is a mysterious, lonely man! Breaking his barriers is more difficult than I thought it would be, but I will not give up trying. He is deserving of a happy life, and I believe that someday, I will be able to draw him out of his sorrow. Please pray for me, dear Cecilia! The house is cold and empty, and I am lonely and sad. I love and miss you.
Emily
January 18, 1932
My School Journal, grade 7, Miss Weston’s class
By Pearl Wallace
At school we learned about the rotation and revolution of the earth around the sun. My teacher, Miss Weston, says that if we could see the earth from heaven as God sees it, it would look like a small, blue marble swimming in a black pond, filled with sparkling diamonds, which are all the stars. All the stars are suns, and to the planets revolving around them, they are bright, like our sun. Our sun is just one tiny speck of light when it is seen from far, far away.
It makes me happy to think that God is watching us from out in space, holding our little blue marble in the palm of His hand, breathing His life into it. Even though to Him we are tiny specks, even smaller than chiggers, He still loves us because we are His own children, and He knows about all our sorrows.
January 19, 1932. Jake Hatton was waiting down by the springhouse when I got home from school today. Of course, I blessed him out for coming so close to the house and risking people seeing him. He did not even apologize, but started twitching and hopping around, excited as all get-out. One of his friends needed some whiskey since the federals found his still and all six gallons of whiskey he had just made last week and busted it all up. They did not catch him, but now his important customers are in need, and he says if I will sell him just one gallon, he will pay me extra.
I asked him how much extra, and he said half again, but I felt a stubborn spell coming on, and I just crossed my arms and said, “double.” Jake about had a fit, but I would not budge. I figure anybody as desperate as he seemed would give in if I stood strong enough. Finally, he gave in
, but when I told him he would have to pay me cash up front, he hemmed and hawed, cussed and twitched, then finally agreed to pay me half now and half at delivery, which will be tomorrow. He gave me $2.00, although he tried to cheat me by saying that there are only six pints in a gallon, but I told him I knew my arithmetic better than that, and I scratched out the numbers in the dirt with a stick. There are two pints to a quart, four quarts to a gallon. That means there are eight pints in a gallon, and at 50c per pint, that makes $4. I told him he had to pay me $2.00 now and $2.00 on delivery. He stood over my ciphering for a long time, muttering and jerking, then he tried to cheat me again by paying me mostly in nickels, dimes, and pennies so he could shortchange me. I am on to him, though, and I counted out every red cent right in front of him so that he had to pay me the whole $2.
Now, I feel like I have fought a great battle and won it, but I also am ascared. A gallon is a lot of whiskey to steal, and if Daddy is sharp when he comes home this Saturday, I may have to pay with my hide.
January 20, 1932
Dear Cecilia,
I have just heard the most terrible news about a situation over in Alcoa. One of the colored men living there caught a white man in a compromising position with his wife, and violence ensued. The white man was killed, and now the community is up in arms over it. The colored man is being held in jail, but there is talk of a lynching. I heard this from Ruth Halfacre, the other teacher here at the school, and we are trying to keep it concealed from the children, because we know this would frighten them.
Cecilia, I have to admit that I am terrified! I have heard about lynchings going on in the Deep South, but I never dreamed they could occur here in the mountains of Tennessee. People actually are suggesting that they might storm the jail, drag the poor man out, and hang him! I understand police have been sent over from Knoxville to help maintain order, and I am sure they will do their best, but the very possibility of such violence makes me quake.
Please pray for the situation here, Cecilia. I think of the poor child who is friend to Pearl. I think her name is Darlene. It is awful to think that she might be dragged into this somehow. Alcoa is some 20 miles away, but anger can flame up anywhere, once it has been ignited. Please pray for me, as well.
Love,
Emily
January 20, 1932. Today was just awful, and I feel terrible for poor Beryl. Since I am the oldest girl, I get new underwear whenever I outgrow mine, and Beryl has to make do with my old drawers and things. Today she had on a pair of my old step-ins, and halfway through the morning, when she was playing outside at recess, the elastic gave way and they fell down! Thank goodness they did not make it all the way to the ground. She caught them halfway with her knees as they dropped, but then she had to waddle to the outhouse with her knees mashed together to keep them up. I could see them drooping down below her dress, and her face was red as fire, so I ran over and walked behind her so no one could see what was going on. We made it to the outhouse all right, but the poor thing cried for the longest time. These step-ins are about as raggedy as they can be, and we both would die if anyone could see how poor they look. Mama would, too. Thank goodness we managed to hide them from everyone. She took them off and stuffed them in her pocket. I bet it was uncomfortable having to go through the rest of the day without any drawers on.
I wish it had happened to me and not to Beryl. I would have been scundered about it, but she was mortified. She ended up crying again all the way home, and she would not let me tell Sardius what had happened. He is so worried about her he is about beside himself. I think Mama may have let him in on it later, though, just to stop his hovering. Mama was very sweet about it. She says she will make Beryl all new drawers and throw these old ones away. They are ready for the ragbag, anyway, and she is sorry she made Beryl wear my old hand-me-downs in the first place.
I got my other $2.00 today! Instead of stealing four quart jars from Daddy’s stash behind the hay bales, I took just three and poured just a little from each of the other jars into a new jar. I am praying I do not get caught. Oh Lord, if you ever wanted to protect me, please do it now!
January 21, 1932. Guess what I did today? I ordered Beryl 7 new pairs of step-ins from the Sears & Roebuck! Darlene helped me pick them out. There are 7 different colors, one for each day of the week: pink, blue, turquoise, white, yellow, green, and tan. Darlene had the smart idea of having them sent to Pap-pa’s house so no one will see that I am getting a package.
It is good to have Darlene to trust with my secrets. She says she will help me if I ever decide to start making whiskey on my own. I wish she knew how to make it. That is the only thing that is holding us back.
I am feeling bad about keeping secrets from Mama, but she would not approve of my breaking the law. She very much believes in living an upright, respectable life. It is hard to hide the fact that I have money from her. I already am pushing my luck buying all those Christmas presents. If Mama figures out I have money to burn, she will also figure out where it likely came from. I will be sure to tell Pap-pa to save that package for me when it comes. Now I need to figure out how to get them to Beryl with no one suspecting that I bought them.
I also ordered Daddy a handsome, all-cotton handkerchief and a pair of bobbing floats for Jasper. Their birthdays are coming up. I should have ordered Sapphire something. It is her 3-month birthday.
January 23, 1932. When Daddy got home today, he had a black eye and his hand was bandaged up. He did not say anything other than the hobos are a rougher bunch than he had counted on. Mama looks worried, but Daddy laughed about it. He said he had had quite a time of it, but those hobos will not be back on his train. Then he announced that tonight is the full moon of the Wolf, and that he was going hunting. This is the first time he has even acted like he wanted to go hunting ever since Sapphire came to us, and even though Mama was not happy about it, she just said, “Well, be sure to dress warm.” Daddy left out right after supper.
He is out there now, along with Harvey Madison, Walt Bittertree, John Jay Breem, and a couple others of his cronies who go hunting with him. I can hear the hounds baying back and forth all over the hills, and I can hear the rifles going off. I can only imagine how drunk Daddy is getting. I wish I could just leave and run over to Pap-pa’s for the rest of the night.
Darlene did not come over today. I wish she was here now. I would like somebody to talk to, and Mama has already gone to bed. Beryl has, also. Jasper and Sardius are having their own conversation. I am very lonesome.
January 24, 1932. Today was a very big day. During the invitational, which was Jesus Gave it All, Sardius got up and walked down the aisle. He has dedicated his life to Jesus! Miss Weston was grinning so hard I thought her face would split in half. Mama cried, saying she had always hoped he would make a preacher. Jasper and Uncle Woodrow shook his hand and told him they were proud of him. Miss Weston looks as proud as if he were her son. I am proud of him, also. Sardius will make a good preacher, or a missionary, depending on what his calling will be. He always has been the kindest boy, and he loves to study the Bible.
What a wonderful, exciting day, except for the fact that Daddy did not have any part of it because he was too drunk to stand by the time he got home last night. I hope he is ashamed of himself, missing such an important part of his son’s life. After church, we all, including Miss Weston, went to Pap-pa’s for dinner and shared the good news. Miss Janey Jo looked tickled and hugged Sardius. Pap-pa did not look as pleased, but he shook his hand and said he was happy for him. Sardius is glowing like a new penny. Miss Weston is, too.
When we got home, Daddy was still drunk, but he was pitiful rather than mean. When we told him the news, he cried, then went to bed and passed out. I heard him in there weeping later on. He does not hardly ever cry when he is drunk, just those times when there has been a tragedy, like when my baby brother died two years ago right after he was born. I hope he does not think Sardius’ dedicating his life to Jesus is a tragedy.
January 24, 1932
I have some wonderful news! I have written to you before about my favorite family here in the Cheola community—the Wallace family. Well, you will be very pleased to know that God is working here in a very big way. Today, their second to eldest son came forward during the alter call, to declare his calling to preach the Gospel! He says he made the decision because of my inspiration. He has shown himself to be a wise, dedicated student who loves the Lord with all his heart. Until recently, he did not realize he could have opportunities to expand his learning, but with my encouragement, he recognizes his own potential and wants to take advantage of it to help others come to know God.
You see, my efforts here are not wasted. Now that Sardius has made the leap to follow God, I know others will come forward. I am grateful that I have had some influence in this wonderful event! I hope you are, too.
Much love,
Emily
Cold, gray waxing days, frozen nights.
I have been dancing with the Great Orb for days
Lost in the splendor of her light,
In the frenzy of her lust,
In the ecstasy of mine.
Her light shines through the darkness;
Cold heat, mingling with the stars.
My upright children are a confusion
Of joy and pain, of relief and weight.
But the Spirit smiles on all
As the Darkness sits sullen.
January 25
My School Journal, grade 7, Miss Weston’s class
By Pearl Wallace
My brother Sardius has dedicated his life to Jesus! I am very proud of him. He says he will be a preacher or a missionary, depending on what God calls him to do. I hope he is a missionary because I want to be one also, and we can go to Africa or India and serve God together. It will be very much fun to lead people into the Path of Righteousness and to see them be saved and baptized. I cannot wait until we can do that.