Above the Noise

by Michelle Kemper Brownlow

  “It’s okay, I get it. It was stupid for me to—”

  “Shh. No regrets, Becki. You’re attracted to me, too, and I’m glad. I’m just not one to rush into that kind of thing.” He dropped his hand from my chin, and it joined my hands in my lap. I held his hand with both of mine.

  “Wow. I’m pretty sure you’re the first rock star in history to turn down a groupie.” I rolled my eyes and got up to pour more shots. Calon followed me over to the mini fridge, put his hands on my waist and spun me around. His thumbs touched my skin when my Marilyn Monroe tank flounced with my spin.

  “I don’t see you as a groupie, Becki, and I’m technically not turning you down. I can’t explain it, but I feel like there’s more here between us, a connection that we should pay attention to.” He rubbed the outside of my bare arms with his warm, strong hands. Those fingers…

  I didn’t know what to say. I suddenly felt mute. He had all the right words, and I didn’t have a single word in my head. He left me speechless, which was no easy task.

  “So, am I crazy? Or, do you feel it, too?” He tilted his head.

  “Yeah.” It was all I could muster, but admitting just that much sucked the air from my lungs. I wasn’t the sappy, talk about your feelings kind of girl. In my experience, it just made life messier. But there was something about those green eyes and sexy grin that pulled the sap right out of me without even trying. He was so incredibly intense, and, even though it took years for me to build the walls I had around my heart, he’d already knocked away a couple bricks, and something told me he could get through to my whole heart if he really wanted to. Calon may be ready for me, but what if I wasn’t ready for Calon?

  “CALON, IF I have anything else to drink, I can’t be responsible for what happens when we get back to the room.” Becki spun around and leaned back into me. My chest rumbled with a groan, and she looked back at me and grinned, which told me she very well may have been picturing the same thing in her mind that played out in mine.

  “Mmm, Becks. You’ll have to control yourself as long as we are sharing a room with those punks.” I nodded in the direction of Manny, Bones, and Spider, who were wallowing in the LA groupie attention that came as soon as the word had spread around the bar about our upcoming tour with Smiling Turkeys. I finished the last of my beer and set the bottle on the bar then laced my hands around Becki’s waist. I clasped them across her belly and rested my head on the top of hers. We swayed to a beat much slower than the one that pounded in the hotel bar. Her clean but sultry scent gave me a buzz no alcohol could touch.

  She loved when I called her Becks. And I loved that no one on the planet smelled as good as she did. But I didn’t love that we hadn’t yet had a moment without ‘the punks’ since we’d left Knoxville. It had only been a couple of days, but it felt like a lifetime since we’d been alone. Our regular late nights in her dorm had grown more frequent just before we left Tennessee, so I was hoping for our own room once we finally got to LA and the management company started footing the bill.

  “So, do you want another beer?” I leaned down and whispered in her ear. As I pulled her closer to me, she laid her head back against my chest and closed her eyes.

  “You have to ask?” She spun within the circle of my arms and gripped the sides of my t-shirt, stood on her tip toes, and crashed into my mouth. I bent slightly as I tightened my grip around her waist and lifted her until her feet dangled toward the floor.

  “Bartender,” I called, motioning for another beer. Shit, Becki was hot. I tried to convince my dick I wanted to take things slow, but, she was naked in my mind so often, it was hopeless.

  It felt like years since Gracie was all I thought about. The connection Becki and I had hit me like a freight train. That first night we met at Mitchell’s, when the two of them snuck into play on our stage before Buzz opened the place, my heart was tugged in a new direction for the first time since the night I kissed Gracie two years before. When Becki introduced herself to me that night, it was like something from her soul reached right inside me. I remember I winked at her and something about her reaction was different than the typical groupies. She said something about being daring and pushing the limits, and I knew she’d be a challenge. So, I decided to accept the challenge.

  Each time I saw her, it was like she crawled deeper inside me. The first night I walked Becki home after she and Gracie came to see us play at Sid’s, I felt like a love-struck teenager on his first date. My palms were sweaty, and my heart beat a mile a minute, but something seemed off kilter. I still hadn’t shaken my feelings for Gracie, and, at that moment, both beautiful girls took up space inside my heart. It was just a matter of time before one squeezed the other out.

  It had been years since Chloe passed away, four to be exact, and she’d moved from taking up space inside my heart to simply inhabiting the man I’d become. I never wanted her to look down from Heaven and see me as a man-slut musician. I stayed grounded, didn’t do drugs, or fall into the party scene, just played my music, wrote lyrics, and drank a little when I felt like it. As a band, we’d pretty much walked the straight and narrow, and we owed that all to Chloe, my first love.

  Over the last three months, my heart bounced all over the fuckin’ place. Gracie caught me off guard when I ran into her at the beginning of the summer. She had me all torn up, and when we started working on her music, all I thought about was taking her face in my hands and kissing her like I did the night we met. But then I’d walk Becki home from one of our shows. Becki and I would spend hours lying across her bed, propped up on pillows, laughing at some ridiculous story one of us told, or standing our ground on some inconsequential argument. Becki and I connected on a very different level, and that intrigued me.

  I’d dreamed about Gracie and what we could be together. I was in love with someone that was born inside my head, held captive inside the memory of a single night. Once I could see it was all a fantasy and began to dig down deep to translate my feelings for Becki, my emotions intensified and came at me like a tidal wave.

  Becki slammed her beer bottle on the table, which shook me out of my own mind. She stood on her tip toes and looked me in the eye.

  “Calon?” She batted her eyelashes at me.

  “Becki.”

  “We are dancing. Now.”

  I chuckled at her bossy nature. “Lead the way, Becks.”

  She took my hand and pulled, but lost her grip and flew chest to chest into some drunk muscle-head. Shit. My fists clenched. I walked up behind her and held onto her waist.

  “Whoa, babe, I got women fallin’ for me all over the place, but you’re a little pushy.”

  I could only see the back of her head, but the way she moved it assured me she’d just rolled her eyes at him.

  “Falling for you? Passing out because of you, maybe. You smell like ass. Ever heard of a shower?” She pushed past him with a grunt. I followed.

  The guy made eye contact with me as he passed. “Good luck with that one, dude. She’s a handful.”

  I realized then, Becki was going to handle touring with us just fine on her own. I also realized that I wanted her to know I’d protect her. I’d been in enough fist fights to not fear them. But, it appeared she didn’t need my protection, even toe-to-toe with a guy she could fit inside. Both Chloe and Gracie were delicate, almost breakable, because of all they’d been through. Becki wasn’t delicate. I got the sense she’d never had anyone to rely on to protect her, so she learned to do it herself.

  She spun in front of me, and I had to catch her when she lost her balance again. “Dance, rock star.”

  “I think you’re too drunk to dance,” I teased.

  “Oh, really?” She stood perfectly still and brushed her golden-brown hair from her face. She took a deep breath and started to move. She dragged her hands up her body from her hips to the underside of her arms, then her hands went in the air. Those hips moved in small circles. Holy fuck, she was gorgeous and so incredibly sensual. I firmly grasped her hips and pulle
d her into me. Her head fell back, and I leaned down and kissed her neck. Our bodies were so close I felt like she was climbing inside me, when, in reality, all I could think of was being inside her.

  I slid one of my legs between hers, so she was gently perched on my thigh, which wasn’t going to deflate the wood that’d formed behind my zipper, but I was too busy feeling her dance to care. She moved against my leg, and I held her there with my hand on her lower back. She leaned back, and her cropped top slid from her shoulder, baring enough of one of her breasts to catch the admiring eyes of a few of the men around us. I scrambled to cover her back up. In a quick, sharp move I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her into me again, which knocked the wind out of both of us. She looked up at me with her mouth open. Her tongue peeked out at the corner of her mouth then slid across her bottom lip. I wasn’t sure if she was doing it intentionally, but it was hot.

  “Let’s get out of here.” She was breathless.

  “Lead the way, baby.”

  “THANKS FOR WALKING me home.” Her words slurred a little, and she leaned against my chest with hers.

  “You’re welcome, Becki. Are you sure you’re okay?” I’d walked her home before, but I was pretty sure she hadn’t been this drunk any of those times. I didn’t want to assume I was to follow her into the building, but I did want to make sure she didn’t pass out before she got to her room.

  “I’m fine.” She hiccupped and shushed me like I was the one making all the noise.

  “Listen, let me walk you to your room, or I won’t get any sleep.”

  “Deal.” She tried three times to swipe her card through the lock on the exterior door; however, not one of those times did she actually swipe it with the stripe facing the right way.

  “Here. Let me.” First try and we were in.

  “Wow. Calon Rockstar, you are magic. But Gracie already told me that.” She giggled and tripped into the lobby. “You know, Gracie says you’re pretty good with your lips. Can I try them?” She spun toward me and puckered while fighting to keep her balance.

  I laughed at the one-of-a-kind come on. The comment about Gracie broadsided me, though. Reuniting with Gracie had been unbelievable, but it hadn’t turned out the way I’d imagined it would. Her heart belonged to Jake, and mine was left calling out to someone who would never hear it. But, then there was Becki. She intrigued me. She was cocky and forward, which was refreshing and fun. Something pulled me toward her. As much as I wanted to kiss her, I knew she would never remember it, and I wanted her to remember it.

  Up until that moment, I’d never heard anyone but Gracie speak about the night we kissed. I had a feeling the guys never mentioned it because of the accident that sent me crashing through the windshield less than an hour after kissing her and stole my memory for so long. And now, the girl I felt drawn to spoke of a kiss that had once kept hope alive that I would someday fall in love again.

  “Let’s wait for a night that we haven’t had so much to drink to try out that kiss.” I followed Becki down the long hallway all the while wondering if her kiss could wipe Gracie’s from my mind.

  “Damn you, rock stars, always so logical.” She giggled and fell hard against a door that I hoped was hers.

  “Let’s get you inside, and then I will leave you alone.” I helped her with the key, and we walked into a room that was nothing less than what I would have expected. There was a brightly colored tapestry draped from the ceiling on one side of the room and what looked like Christmas lights taped to the ceiling above her bed. She had a poster of Audrey Hepburn from Breakfast at Tiffany’s on her closet door, and the quote that ran across the middle seemed like a window into the psyche of this girl I was a little more than fascinated by, ‘You mustn’t give your heart to a wild thing…’

  “Could you tuck me in?” She sat down on a bed completely void of covers and pushed her bottom lip out into a pout. She could barely keep her eyes open, let alone sit upright.

  I took off her shoes for her, and she fell over onto her pillow. I lifted her legs onto the bed and covered her with a blanket from a pile on the floor. She snuggled in, eyes closed, and with a smile that spread across her face slowly. She hummed a contented sound, then her breathing slowed, and her lips parted a little. She was out. I stayed crouched next to her for a little bit and just watched her sleep. Her hair fell across her pillow like someone had placed each tendril just right. Her bottom lip was full and pouty, and her cheeks a little flushed, probably from everything she’d had to drink.

  I stood and turned off the glaring overhead light, walked to the door, and turned back to see her sleeping under her twinkling lights. That’s when I realized I couldn’t lock her door from the outside without her key, and I couldn’t take her key with me. The space under the door wasn’t big enough to slip a key through from the outside. So, I couldn’t leave without waking her up to lock the door behind me. I didn’t want to wake her.

  I chuckled to myself and flopped down into the well-worn, oddly shaped, pink overstuffed chair in the corner. I covered up with what looked to be a ‘Made by Grandma’ afghan and watched Becki sleep until my eyes forced themselves closed.

  The sun pouring through her windows woke me the next morning. Becki was in the exact same position she’d been in when my eyes closed. It was daylight, so I felt better about leaving her alone with her door unlocked. Folding up the afghan and placing it carefully over the back of the chair, I knew she’d never know I’d stayed, which was fine. I’d stayed to keep watch over her, not to get credit for doing something thoughtful. My only intention had been to keep her safe.

  CALON AND I stumbled out of the bar and headed toward the elevators. I’d been hot for Calon for years. Gracie, Stacy, and I were technically Alternate Tragedy’s first groupies. We’d been going to see them play at Mitchell’s since the night we first tried our fake IDs. Stacy and I even lied to our parents and drove to Chicago to see them once.

  Gracie and Calon’s musical connection had Calon closer to me than arm’s length for the entire summer. He and I started something the moment he winked at me back in June. I couldn’t explain our connection then, but there was no doubt we both felt it.

  I liked music and all, I just didn’t ‘get it’ like Calon and Gracie did. I simply hung out with them to enjoy the view. There were times they’d speak in their special music lingo and discuss things like motif and tempo. Whatever. I just sat there thinking, blah, blah, blah, lick those lips one more time, Rock Star, and I will be in your lap.

  It felt like Calon and I had known each other longer than a couple months. Not to mention, I’d just travelled half-way across the country with him and the band. And now I was headed toward an empty hotel room with Calon Fucking Ridge. The thought made me dizzy.

  “Let’s race, but no running.” Calon took off like an Olympic speed walker, wiggling his ass like a pro. It was all I could do to not piss myself laughing at how ridiculous he looked. I was so fucking tired I could’ve probably fallen asleep standing up, but I’d have to be able to stop giggling at the dork in front of me to do that.

  We were exhausted. Spider had driven the last leg of the trip, which was the longest. We’d met with Greystar Management and checked into one of their hotels in Los Angeles. Mr. Barnes was a cheapskate and, much to our chagrin, put us all up in one room. We’d been down at the hotel bar since Happy Hour, and when it comes to drinking, I have a hard time with moderation. It’s usually balls to the wall for me, which was another reason why Calon should’ve gotten us our own room.

  “Becks, shh!” Calon swiped the key card and aimed one finger toward his lips but completely missed, which made me giggle even harder. He turned toward me.

  “Go! Dork!” I pushed him through the doorway, making him stumble backwards. When he fell, I tripped and landed right on top of him.

  Oh, damn. Our noses touched, and if we hadn’t already been out of breath from our race, we would have been at that point. His body felt hot against the weight of mine. His hair was spl
ayed out under his head, and his hands were on my ass. Fuck! As much as I enjoyed our lengthy and sometimes deep conversations, I’d wanted to move past talking and, well, just fuck for a while. There was no doubt it would be mind-blowing. No man could be as panty-melting sexy as Calon Ridge and not know what he was doing in bed.

  “Calon?” I tried to catch my breath.

  “Becks?” He raised one eyebrow and started to smirk. I loved when he called me that. There’s no way he hadn’t pick up on how sexually attracted I was to him. Our relationship, if you could even call it that yet, had moved slower than molasses in January. We’d spent many nights in my dorm, snuggled up together talking about… life, really. We talked a little about our pasts and our beliefs and the things we stood for. I found out he believed in God. I told him all the reasons behind my choice to become a vegetarian. Our conversations were easy and sometimes very intimate. Intimate on a level I’d never been while keeping my clothes on. Getting to know each other on a deeper level had been great, but now I needed to cross that line with Calon, or my ovaries would explode. Boom! Done.

  “Calon, I really need to be alone with you.” My hair feathered against his face, and he reached up and tucked both sides behind my ears.

  “Becks, we are alone.”

  “Yeah, but just until the guys get here. I mean alone alone.”

  “Ohh, alone alone.” He chuckled and smacked my ass then pushed himself up so I was sitting in his lap with my legs wrapped around him. Yeah, this was going to calm the fierce throbbing going on inside my panties. Not!

  His eyes didn’t leave mine, and I could feel his hot breath on my face. He moved his hands up my back. One grabbed the back of my neck while the other cradled my face. He rubbed my nose with his, and we just sat there. Staring. He closed his eyes and licked his lips, then he sucked in a slow, deep breath. His eyes opened, and when his lips touched mine, the pit of my stomach clenched. I swear I felt my heart stop for a split second. His lips were full and soft but strong at the same time. He tasted the corners of my mouth, his tongue ran across my bottom lip, and he moved his hands to the sides of my head. He’d only kissed me this passionately once before; the night before we left Knoxville. Since then, we were conjoined with Thing 1, Thing 2, and Thing 3. We’d stolen a couple more-than-a-peck kisses over the past few days, but nothing like the way he was kissing me at that moment. What he was doing now—yeah, that’s what I needed.