My eyes fluttered, and I reached down to cup his balls. When my palm touched his warm skin, he sucked in a sharp breath. Grabbing my wrist, he gently restrained me from moving while he caught his breath. Calon shook his head, let his hand fall from my wrist and then moved his feet apart just a little, so I could get my hand all the way around. We were both panting. I lifted my eyes to his, and there was a second we just stared. That stare was a whole conversation between us.
“Touch all of me, Becks.”
I reached and covered his hand with mine. I squeezed a little, and he gasped. His hand slowly slid out from under mine, and he cupped my breast. His thumb rubbed my nipple hard as I gently pulled my hand toward me, and he let out a low growl. I felt him get harder in my hand, which made him thicker than my grasp. I was dizzy, probably from the heavy breathing.
“Becks, your body… I’ve thought about this so many times.”
I let go of him and put my hands on my hips to lighten the mood enough to catch my breath. “You were picturing me naked?” I hated how breathy my voice sounded, but I pushed that thought from my mind in yet another attempt to relax and just be.
Calon’s hands dropped to his sides, and his head bobbed. “Really? You think I could lay in your bed and on your lap and under your covers all those times and not imagine how a scene like this would go?”
“You did? ‘Cause I was doing the same thing.” I blushed and reached around and grabbed his ass cheeks, pulling his hips into me hard and quick. He grunted and ran his fingers through my hair and down my back.
“So, if you thought about me naked, and I thought about you naked, you think we both did the same thing after I left your place?” A grin spread across his face quickly.
“Ew. You jacked off outside my dorm? That is super creepy, Calon.”
“No!” He was adamant, but then his expression turned slightly guilty. He dropped his chin a little. “Well… not outside your dorm. In the privacy of my apartment, I may or may not have pretended your hands were on me.” He guided me backwards toward the bed.
“Oh!” God, that was hot. The bed hit me on the backs of my legs, and I fell back onto my elbows with Calon standing between my knees.
“Now it’s your turn. Show me what you did after I left, Becks.”
So, there I was, completely naked and now he was asking me to… touch myself for him.
Just be.
“Well, Calon, let me show you.” I slid back, so my legs were no longer dangling off the end of the bed. I propped myself up on my elbow, bent one knee and stuck my thumb in my mouth and sucked. His eyes rolled back but not all the way as though he was afraid allowing them to do that would keep him from seeing everything I was about to do. I took my entire breast in my hand and brushed my wet thumb across my already peaked nipple. The tingling that it caused ran from my nipple in a straight line to where my hand was headed.
He was breathless. “Becks.”
My hand left my breast and trailed down my ribs, then my stomach, and stopped on my hip bone. I let myself fall back onto the bed, and, without a second thought, I brought my hand back to my mouth and sucked my forefinger then let it glide back down my stomach.
My eyes flashed up to Calon, and he was standing motionless at the edge of the bed between my ankles, my legs spread open in front of him. I could see the hunger in his eyes, but I was going to take this further than he expected. My right knee fell to the side, opening me up even more for him. There were uncontrollable spasms inside me, and I couldn’t stand it any longer. My hand shot down between my legs and into the pleats of wet skin that burned with Calon’s gaze. A moan escaped my lips, and my finger circled the tiny nub that was the center of the universe to both of us at that very moment.
My eyes slid up Calon’s thighs to his hand that was once again grasping himself, but this time he wasn’t shy. I almost came. I pushed myself up on my elbows again.
“Calon, I can’t do this.” My chest was heaving, and I could hear the blood pumping in my ears.
A sudden disappointment crossed his face, and the hand he was pleasuring himself with stopped moving. “I… I—”
“No, Calon, I meant, if I touch myself while you’re touching yourself, I’m going to explode before we even go any further.”
Relief washed across his face, and he chuckled softly. “Tell me what you want.”
I felt like the walls were pulsing along with the sound in my head.
“Make love to me.” I gasped as soon as the words were out of my mouth. It was just a matter of seconds until every fantasy I’d ever had about this beautiful man standing over me came to fruition.
“I was hoping that’s what you wanted, beautiful.” He dropped forward with his hands on either side of my hips. He dipped his head and kissed me on those lips again, very gently but with just enough pressure to make me unravel. Then, without warning, his tongue broke the surface and skimmed down through my folds, and then his face was buried deep.
I thrust my fingers into his hair and grabbed two big handfuls of curls. “Calon, wait!”
He lifted his head, and I could see the sheen of my wetness on his lips and chin. I grunted at the sight, and he laughed. My eyes closed, but I felt the bed dip in enough places to know he was climbing up toward me. When my eyes sprung open, he was mere centimeters from my face. I could smell me on his mouth. He didn’t move, but his eyes flitted around my face. He glanced at my eyes, my lips, my nose, and then back to my eyes. “You wanted me to wait. Well, I’m waiting.” His voice was smooth and deep.
I wrapped my legs around him and pressed my heels into his firm ass. He didn’t budge. I glanced down at the space between our bodies and peeked one more time at the large part of him that hovered just above my hips. He slowly lowered his body into mine and held himself up on his elbows right by my shoulders on the bed. He used his hands to brush my hair back. He was taking all of me in one bit at a time, as though he wanted to make sure he would never forget one second of our first time. He licked his lips.
“Becki, I want you to know that it’s not just happenstance that’s kept me from going this far with anyone over the past few years. I need you to know that it was a purposeful decision, one I didn’t make lightly. I’m positive what I’m feeling right now wouldn’t be nearly as intense if I hadn’t waited for the perfect soul to crash into.
“I knew there was someone out there, someone who would one day cross my path that deserved as much as I could give her. Becki, that someone is you. I want to make love to you so bad it hurts but not because I’ve been horny for the last four years and not just because you’re a beautiful naked women lying on a hotel bed underneath me. I wouldn’t want to share this moment with anyone else but you. What I feel for you runs so deep I barely have words to do it justice. I love you, Becki Mowry. I love you.”
You love me?
He leaned down and kissed me so passionately it sent shivers through me. Our breathing increased again, and I could feel his heart against my chest. Holy fuck, he loved me.
He tilted his hips just enough that I could feel the hot skin he pressed against my opening, and then he pressed into me so achingly slow I could feel my insides grabbing for him. The stretching that needed to happen for my body to accommodate the size of Calon was the most perfect pain I’ve ever endured. He slid the rest of the way in, and then his entire body stilled.
“I just want to feel you.”
“God, Calon. You’re… really… big… you… know… that?” My words came out in staccato similar to the rhythm body squeezed around him.
“Did I hurt you, Becks? That’s why I went slow, so it wouldn’t hurt.” He rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs and kissed me on my nose.
“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt, Calon. It’s never felt that way before.” I picked up my head, so I could reach his lips to suck his bottom lip into my mouth. He groaned.
“So, it’s the first time for both of us, just not in the conventional sense of the phrase.” He wiggl
ed his hips a little and took my breath away.
I nodded and tried to hold back the tears, or he would really think he hurt me, when he’d actually done the opposite. In that short sentence he peeled away years of tough skin and healed a part of me I wasn’t proud of. There were times in my life I used sex to self-medicate: I barely even remember my first time it was such a non-event, and I regretted that. The words he spoke were a mirror into his heart, a mirror that reflected a love that didn’t give a rat’s ass about how many guys I’d been with. He really was my first, because sex had never, not once, touched my soul like it did with Calon, and we’d only just begun.
There was a beautiful burn as he pulled himself almost completely out of me and then gently and ever so slowly entered me again.
“Calon. Oh. My. God. You feel so incredible.” I could explain the physical feeling of him, but, when paired with the deep emotional connection that accompanied our bodies becoming one, there were no words in the English language that would do that feeling justice.
“Becki, you’re grabbing me, pulling me in. I’ve never dreamed it would feel like this.”
The rhythm of his thrusts picked up speed, and I squeezed him harder with my legs that were still wrapped tightly around him. I tilted my hips up, and he slid his arms under me and grabbed onto my shoulders from behind. He pulled against my body each time he pumped into me. My body slid down his, and his body raked over mine headed in the opposite direction, which opened me up to his body grinding across my most sensitive spot and bringing me closer and closer to a torrent of sensations with each movement.
“Calon. Oh, Calon. Slow down. I don’t want this to be over yet.”
His body immediately slowed, and then he did something I would never have expected. First, he moved his arms out from under me and placed them back beside my head and took my face in his hands. A look washed over his face that took me somewhere else. We were all that existed. His body and mine, intertwined and fit together like we had searched our whole lives to find each other.
He brought his face to mine and kissed me deeply. His tongue tangled with mine, and he tasted me in a way that kept everything around him clenching. Then he pulled back a little, so he could look into my eyes as he softly sang.
Baby, this is it.
What we’ve craved all along.
I’ve got you in my grip
We’re singing a brand new song.
With each verse of his beautiful song he moved in and out of me slowly. He caressed my face and sang to my heart
Your eyes are my peace.
Your heart’s got mine in tow.
Your body is my release
Like it’s all I’ve ever known.
He stopped completely after the last verse, and then while completely inside me, he began to roll his hips in a circular motion, which took the sensations to still another level. I closed my eyes and lifted my chin toward the ceiling as a means to try and control what I felt so I didn’t come yet.
This is beauty defined
Our hearts sharing one beat
Our souls intertwined
You’re all I’ll ever need.
I was convinced I was dreaming. There was no way it was really this unbelievable in real life. Holy shit! Every pore was craving him. I needed more of him. I needed to come with him.
“Calon. I have no words.” I was breathless. He smiled and continued to stare into my eyes. What he was doing to my body was incredible, but the way he just touched my heart and awoke my soul… this was what all the hype was about. This is what had Gracie gushing. This was it. It was real.
I put my hands on either side of his strong and beautiful face. I rubbed his nose with mine. I parted my lips to speak something I didn’t know I could feel so soon. But, he captured my mouth in his, and as he kissed me deeply, he began thrusting into me again, faster this time. He spoke the next four words against my mouth.
“Come with me, Becki.”
He straightened his arms and threw his head back. My eyes rolled back in my head, and we lost all control. Together. There was a twinge of nervous energy as we passed into territory I’d not experienced. The swell of pure ecstasy overwhelmed me, but I wanted this so badly I rode the wave no matter where it took me.
We panted. Our bodies bucked, and our voices growled and whined. We called out each other’s names, and then as if our bodies spoke to each other, our rhythm increased and the sensations intensified. I opened my eyes just as Calon looked down at me. His eyes fluttered, and I could tell he was just as close as I was and the explosion of what we were together was about to happen.
“Calon! I’m… I’m gonna come.” I thrust my hips up against his and unintentional sounds made their way from my lips.
He wrapped his arms under me again and held onto my shoulders, pulling me into him. “Yeah, baby. Come with me. God, Becki. Now!”
When Calon started grunting, and I could feel the strain of his back muscles under my fingers, I let go. Waves crashed over me, and I lost all control. We thrust harder and harder as we chased something bigger than the two of us, and with each thrust we came closer and closer to climax.
I dug my nails into his shoulders, and he clenched mine. I felt him swell inside me, and that was my undoing. I started to come, and he followed suit. We writhed. We were wild and loud, and it was so real, so raw, and so right. We bucked against one another and both came so hard, my legs and arms sprung from around him. My feet slammed into the bed at the same time my hands slapped the mattress beside me and captured handfuls of sheets. At that moment he was fucking me, I had to let go in surrender to an orgasm that threatened to shatter me, but he held on and pumped the rest of what he had into me. Then he slowed just as I hit the end of my climax and after a couple shakes and twitches our bodies went lax, and we tried to catch our breath. The sheets were wet underneath me, our bodies slick between us from sweat, and there was as scent that hung low in the air that was primal.
He slowly rolled off of me and onto his side. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t sure I could even see. I turned my head toward him and forced my eyes open. He reached over and laid his hand on the side of my face and touched my lips with the pad of his thumb. Unspoken words hung in the air between us. At first, I hesitated, but then I took a deep breath, licked my lips, and spoke them.
“I love you, Calon Ridge.” His eyes fluttered, and he gasped. Hesitant tears burned my eyes, and we both laughed. We were in love. Real love for the first time. Calon was my first in so many ways.
I COULD HEAR Becki singing in the shower, which made me smile. She had damn good taste in music, but she couldn’t hold a tune to save her life. I lay in bed, overcome with the excitement of the beginning of something big but, at the same time, an overwhelming sense of desistance. Somehow in the act of making love to and professing my love for Becki, my past became just that, my past. Never in all my life had I experienced a love like what I felt for Becki, and it came on so strong and so quickly. It had left me emotionally flailing to make sense of any of it for the past few months. My emotions were all over the place, and I was glad to have a moment alone to sort out what I was feeling. Not because I wanted to hide my emotions from Becki, I just wasn’t sure I could put what I felt into words, and I just needed to work through that myself, alone.
There were tears but not tears of sadness. Simply four years of tangled up emotions pouring from me and leaving room behind to fill the ache in my chest for what I could safely assume was the love of my life. I was comforted by the closure I felt. I didn’t need to forget my past or where my heart had been and how it had been hurt. I just needed to be able to let go of those emotions and move on. My past was still part of where I’d been and who I was because of what I went through with Chloe, the abuse I’d suffered at the hands of more than one of my mom’s boyfriends, the accident, and my confusion over Gracie, but it wasn’t taking up any of my heart anymore. Realizing I was in love with Becki, being forthright with those feelings, and having h
er reciprocate them had given my soul permission to move on and finally let go and accept all that life had thrown at me.
When Becki walked out wrapped in a towel, I realized how long I’d laid there trying to sort out the tornado of emotions coursing through me.
“Hi.” Her voice was timid, and her smile sweet.
“Hey there, beautiful.” I winked and patted the bed next to me.
“You’re very naked. Don’t you wanna cover up or something?” She sat and looked me up and down.
“Do you want me to?” I folded my arms behind my head and stretched out a little. She shook her head and raked her eyes up and down my body one more time. Her eyes passed more slowly over my cock than any other part of me, which brought it to a more firm state, and that made her giggle. She leaned down and kissed me.
“Calon, I have never… I don’t have… just, wow.” She climbed over me and slid between the sheets. I pulled my arm out from under my head, so she could use me as a pillow.
“Yeah, me too, Becks. I love you.” I loved the way that felt rolling off my tongue.
“You said that already.” She giggled.
“I know I did. I just want you to realize that, although I was completely caught up in the moment, I would never have said those words if there was even the tiniest sliver of uncertainty. There’s none. I love you, absolute!”
“I like that you absolutely love me.” She smirked.
“No, I meant it the way I said it—I love you, absolute.” I turned and kissed her forehead. She flipped onto her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows. She reached across my chest and grabbed her phone from the night stand. She tapped the screen a bunch of times, and then looked at me out of the corner of her eye then back at her phone.
“You do know what that means, right?” She smiled, knowing I was a pretty damn good lyricist, so challenging me on my vocabulary was a moot point.
Above the Noise Page 8
