Above the Noise

by Michelle Kemper Brownlow

  After the amniocentesis results came back positive, we decided we would be open to the public and the press about the fact that Abigail would be born with Down syndrome. We talked a lot about all the good we could do by raising awareness. Even Spider, Manny, and Bones brought up the possibly of supporting The Knoxville Extension School as our own personal philanthropy. It wasn’t a Down syndrome facility, per se, but much of the student body happened to have Down syndrome.

  When it was time for the guys and me to head out to The House of Blues, Gracie and Jake knew it was up to them to get Becki there by nine and have her as close to the stage as they could get her for our encore. I’d alerted the bouncers at our show the night before what was going down and who would be asking for their help to get down front. All in all, everything was going according to plan, but I was a fucking nervous wreck.

  “Dude, you sure you wanna do this?” As much as Bones loved Becki and was excited about our little girl, marriage scared the piss out of him. I was pretty sure he would be a career playboy and never settle down.

  “Yeah, I’m nervous as hell. But I’m more than sure, I’m positive.” Manny and Spider clapped me on the back and then shook my hand. Bones shrugged and gave me an awkward hug. Sucking in a deep breath, I leaned past Bones to see out into the crowd from the side of the stage where we were hidden. The crowd was even bigger than the night before. Danny had gotten word that there were at least two record labels coming, the ‘missed conference call’ label being one of them. Both were interested in approaching us with deals.

  “Relax, man. You got this.” Danny pulled me in for a hug.

  I nodded and squared my shoulders.

  I’d always thought the guys who looked so scared just before they were about to propose, were afraid their girl may say no. Well, I knew Becki wouldn’t say no, and I was still shaking in my Docs.

  “Ladies and gentleman, gracing our stage for the second night in a row, please welcome Alternate Tragedy!” The voice bellowed from the rafters, and the crowd went wild. We always waited just a little longer than most bands before we walked out on stage, just to keep the hype up; however, my feet felt like lead tonight, and I struggled to move them when the guys made their way onto the stage. They always insisted I be the last one out, because that’s when the crowd’s energy skyrocketed. I didn’t get it, but they were right. The second I got my feet to move and my body hit the edge of the stage, the crowd lost it. I could do nothing but chuckle, and I felt the natural peace I always felt on stage drown out my unnecessary jitters.

  “Wow!” I hoped my voice would last. The crowd was insane. “Thank you all for such an amazing welcome. We are Alternate Tragedy, and we’re ready to party. Y’all up for the challenge?” They went wild again, and there was no way they would hear me over the roar, so I took that time to scan the scene for Becki. The crowd was huge and unlike the smaller clubs we played, there was no bar within my view. Being pregnant, Becki was more comfortable sitting at the bar than she was getting down into the mix. I wasn’t sure how I would find her. I had to let that go, though, and trust Gracie and Jake to do what we’d planned.

  We rocked the house. There was nothing more surreal than seeing people singing every word to songs you’d written. It was the best compliment, and the emotion that came from it was indescribable. We invited Danny out, and she sang a couple songs with me then blew the crowd away with her own rendition of “Criminal” by Fiona Apple. It was a sexy song, and there was little about Danny that wasn’t sexy especially in skin tight jeans and cowboy boots. She was an amazing performer and had a great head on her shoulders. She knew the music industry forwards and backwards. The guys and I had talked to her about being our opening act at venues that would allow us one. She was thrilled. I’d been almost afraid to run the idea past Becki, but she echoed our excitement. It was a great set up.

  We left the stage after our third set, and I knew with all of my heart and soul that what I was about to do was not only the biggest decision of my life but the best.

  “You ready, lover boy?” Danny, still trying to catch her breath, put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

  “Danny, you killed that!” I gave her a high five. “And, I’m fucking nervous as hell, but I’ve never been more ready for anything.” I sucked in a big breath and felt all the emotions of everything Becki and I had been through in the short time we’d been together well up just under my heart, which was about to pound out of my chest.

  “This is good, Calon. You guys are the epitome of love. Y’all have raised the bar for me as far as what I’ll expect from a relationship from here on out. You’re a great catch, and I couldn’t be happier for my girl, Becki.”

  “Thanks, Danny. That really means a lot.” I gave her a big squeeze. “And thanks for your help with the undercover ring shopping. I don’t know how we dodged Malcolm’s ulterior motives that day.”

  “Could have been your ridiculous disguise. You looked like an eccentric hobo.” She threw her head back, and we both laughed hard. “Here. Take this and go make all her dreams come true.” She shoved her hand into the front pocket of her jeans and handed me the white gold, one carat emerald cut solitaire she assured me Becki would love. I’d kept it in the pocket of my favorite coat that hung on my closet door for quite some time. From a security stand point, it probably wasn’t the smartest place to keep it, but I knew it was one place Becki would never find it. She hated that coat and wouldn’t have touched it with a ten foot pole. “It’s ugly Calon. You just need to throw that thing away.”

  I waved at the guys to head out on stage, took a deep breath, and put the ring in my pocket. The crowd went nuts when we walked back out onto the stage. I took the mic stand in one hand and laid my other hand across the mic to feign calm, but my insides buzzed. I waited a minute, then put one hand up to squelch the crowd as best I could.

  “Dammit, you have got to be the best crowd we’ve performed for yet. What do you think, guys?” I turned to Manny, Bones, and Spider, and they all nodded, which made the crowd even louder. I waved again for them to quiet down.

  “Calon, I love you!” I shrill squeal from a blonde in the front row cut through the dull roar that was still rumbling.

  “Well, thank you.” I winked, and she leaned into the guy next to her. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

  “Now, we’ve never done this song outside of the studio, but it’s got a special purpose tonight. Has anyone seen my beautiful girlfriend? Becki! Are you out there somewhere?”

  My eyes landed on her, and she stole my breath. Her hair was up and sitting in a twist at the back of her head. Golden-brown tendrils swayed by her ears. The silver hoops that hung from her ears sparkled almost as much as her eyes, and I fell in love with her all over again.

  “Becki, baby, this one’s for you. I changed some of the words, so it would be just perfect. I hope you love it.” She smiled and wiped tears from her cheeks then shook her head, frustrated by the emotions she could no longer hold in. The one thing she disliked most about her raging hormones was one of the things I loved the best.

  “This song is inspired by ‘The One’ by Static Cycle.” I steadied myself with both hands on the mic and my feet planted on either side of the stand. The song was written as though someone is walking away from a relationship, so I adjusted the words to illustrate us walking into love together. The first line was the one I wanted Becki to hold onto forever.

  I’ve been loved before.

  It’s just never felt this way.

  Over and over I sang to her that she’d always be the one. I didn’t take my eyes off her for the whole song, except the few times I was overcome by emotion and my eyes forced themselves closed. When the song ended on the title words, I put my hand out toward her, and the bouncers closest to her lead her and Gracie to the wings.

  She stood in the wings for a moment and looked as terrified as I felt standing in the same spot just moments earlier. She walked out when Gracie nudged her, and she took my breath away.


  She was dressed in a white Alternate Tragedy t-shirt she’d cut up and assured me was fashionable. The sleeves were cut off and it hung down off her one shoulder revealing the strap of the black tank top she wore underneath. Both the shirt and the tank stretched down across her growing belly, and that’s when I realized both my girls were joining me on stage. The frayed jean skirt and combat boots just about sent me over the edge. The bangle bracelet I’d given her for Christmas hung around her wrist and as she walked toward me, I was convinced she was the sexiest, most beautiful woman on the planet. And, as fate would have it, she was mine. She put her hand out, and I took it in mine and pulled the mic from the stand with the other. Her hand trembled.

  She mouthed, What are you doing? I pulled her close and kissed her mouth softly, which resulted in a communal sigh from what sounded like all the women in the crowd. And I’m sure a collective eye roll from all the men they came with.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day, Becki,” I whispered her name into the mic, and the crowd went silent. And, I mean silent. I placed her trembling hand over my heart and pressed it against me with mine. “You’ve stolen my heart, and you’ve rocked my world. A more perfect soul I’ll never know. After our first kiss, just six months ago, I knew I’d never find anyone more perfect for me than that one crazy girl in the crowd; one I’d had my eye on for a while. I love you, Becki Jane Mowry, but I’m really not that crazy about your last name.”

  She gave me a look like I’d just poked her in the forehead, and it made me laugh so hard I had to hold the mic away from my mouth a little then clear my throat to continue.

  “I’d like to change your last name, if that’s okay with you.” The crowd gasped.

  I watched her body absorb what I tried to say, and she sucked in a deep breath at the same time I did. I held onto her hand and knelt down on one knee in front her. We were no longer in front of thousands of fans. It was just us.

  “Abigail Kate, I love you, baby girl.” I leaned in and kissed Becki’s belly. “I want to marry your mommy. I hope that’s okay with you.” I felt Becki’s body shaking. I looked up, and her cheeks glistened with tears. She tried as best she could to wipe them away with her one free hand.

  “Becki, I’ve been loved before, but it’s just never felt this way. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life—if you’ll have me. With all my heart and all my soul, I want to spend the rest of my days on this planet by your side. I love you more than words can express, and I want to make you my wife. Becki Mowry, will you marry me?” The crowd lost their mind.

  She nodded and said, “Yes.” I had to read her lips because the roar of the crowd was deafening. She covered her mouth and sobbed. I pulled the ring from my pocket slipped it on her finger, and then I stood and wrapped my arms around her waist, crashing my mouth into hers. Lifting her off the stage, I kissed her for the first time as my wife-to-be.

  “Calon James, you are the most amazing man on earth. I can’t believe you just did this in front of all these people. On Valentine’s Day! You really do love me.” If her lips hadn’t been right next to my ear, I’d never have heard her.

  “I’ll love you forever. Thank you for saying yes.” I kissed her again and set her down gently on the stage then turned toward our fans.

  “Gracie!” I spoke into the mic and searched the wings and the crowd for her but couldn’t find her. “Now the shower can be a baby shower AND a bridal shower!”

  “CALON!” I heard Gracie’s voice even over the still-screaming crowd. And at that same moment, Becki cracked me in the arm with her open hand.

  “SHIT! Gracie, I told you I was bad at this.” I threw my hands into the air. There was nothing to do but laugh.

  “Thank you all for being witnesses to one of the most magical moments in my life. The next magical moment will happen in a little over three months.” I reached down and patted her belly again. “Now, do you all agree that Becki Jane Ridge sounds way better?”

  There were cheers and whistles, and Becki giggled. I put the mic back in the stand, waved good-bye to the crowd, and hello to a new chapter of my life.

  I STEPPED INTO the shower with my fiancée and pulled her to me. Our bodies slick and warm in the stream of hot water. I took her face in my hands and kissed her deeply. She groaned into my mouth, and her hands splayed across my lower back and pressed me into her. She finished our kiss and pulled her face from mine.

  “You know, marrying me means sex with me, only me, for the rest of your life.”

  “Yeah?”

  “That doesn’t freak you out at all?”

  “Nope.” I ran my hands up and down her warm, wet back and over the bulge of her belly. “Why? Were you not done having sex with other people?”

  “Calon, baby, what your body does to mine, I am perfectly happy with just you for the rest of my life.”

  “Well, good.” I smiled and kissed the tip of her nose.

  We washed each other thoroughly, and it was, bar none, the most sensual, intimate thing I’d ever experienced without actually having sex. It was like another language. It was beautiful.

  We dried each other off, and I carried her to our bed. I laid her down gently and hovered over her body, covered in goose bumps.

  “Tonight, I’m going to make love to my fiancée all night long if that’s okay with you.”

  She batted her eyes at me and breathed out the words, “Please do.”

  “BECKI, PLEASE! I really can’t run this whole thing by myself!” Gracie’s voice was a little too whiny for seven thirty in the morning on a Saturday. Calon didn’t budge. We’d taken a red eye to Knoxville after Alternate Tragedy’s Friday night show in LA and climbed into our bed just a couple hours prior to Gracie’s call. We had another doctor’s appointment on Monday. It would start off the week Calon would go back to LA without me. So, we decided to make a whole weekend of it and spend as much time as we could together. Now, my best friend was panicked and begging me to leave his bed and come help her with some carnival out at The Extension School that benefited the Special Olympics.

  “All right, Gracie, but I don’t think I can be there before ten.” I yawned and rubbed my eyes then watched my big diamond sparkle in the morning sunshine.

  “Becki, that would be amazing! It doesn’t start until then, so that’s perfect. I’ll be at the registration table, where my assistant was supposed to be, but the flu had other plans for her.”

  “It’s funny, that day I spent with you at the school, I was so uncomfortable. But, I’m looking forward to spending time with those same kids today. Is that weird?”

  “Not at all. You’re going to be the mom of a special needs kid, and everything within you is getting you ready. I really think that kind of thing happens naturally and can’t be forced.”

  “Can I bring Calon?” I looked over at him, catching his deep green eyes looking back at me. He smiled.

  “That would be awesome. You two can run a couple of the carnival games with Samantha.”

  “Did I meet Samantha when I was there?” I stood up and walked to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for Calon, who I knew would be ready to pass out by lunchtime. In rock star world it was still night time until about three in the afternoon.

  “No, Sam is nineteen. She was an accelerated student and graduated earlier than most special needs kids. She’s who I turn to when I need to count on something to get done quickly. She helps me in the classroom sometimes, but she wasn’t there the day you were there.”

  “Sounds good. I think I hear Calon moving around in the bedroom. We’ll be there as soon as we can be.”

  “Just be here by ten. The kids will love that a real rock star is running the carnival games.” She giggled. “Oh, crap, I gotta go, one of the food trucks is parking in the wrong spot. See ya when you get here.”

  Calon and I leisurely got ourselves ready, ate some breakfast, and decided we would walk out to the school grounds. It was a gorgeous sunny day, and Calon’s schedule didn’t allow him a lot of
daylight. I knew he’d enjoy it immensely. Besides, there weren’t many things hotter than Calon in a pair of Aviators. That sight stole my breath.

  We walked hand in hand down the sidewalks and crossed campus into the little residential neighborhood that bordered it. We came out of the tree-lined streets and stepped onto the grounds of The Extension School. The green expanse of the grassy lawns spoke volumes about the care that went into the school. The actual building was at the back of the property, and Gracie’s carnival was set up in front of it.

  “Wow. She planned this all herself?” Calon was like a wide-eyed child headed toward his favorite place on earth.

  “The faculty helped her and local businesses offered their services for free, but the planning and coordinating, that’s all Gracie. She loves this place. She even said she’d like to continue working here after graduation. I think she and Jake are considering staying in Knoxville. Couldn’t you see them living in one of those little Cape Cods we just passed?”

  “Definitely. What would Jake do? He’s a business major, right?” Calon helped me hop over a puddle.

  “Yeah, I guess he and Buzz are trying to work something out. I think he’s talked to Jake about possibly running the place.”

  “That would be great.” There was a twinge of sadness in Calon’s eyes that I didn’t quite understand.

  “What are you thinking?” I squeezed his hand and stood on my tippy toes to steal a kiss.

  “Don’t get mad at me, but there’s always been a part of me that sometimes wished we hadn’t made it so big, so fast. I really love Knoxville. I love playing at Mitchell’s. I love the campus town feel. Ya know?”

  “I do.” I’d been feeling the same way, but was so afraid to say anything to Calon for fear he would make a rash decision and sacrifice his dream just so I was as happy as I could be. I wasn’t willing to let him do that, but it was comforting to know he felt the same way about Knoxville that I did. Besides, I was pretty sure most bands would tell you that they second-guessed their search for fame in the beginning of their careers taking off.