“Gracie. That was unbelievable. Your voice. Just wow.” I truly had no words. I’d heard Gracie sing a billion times. Hearing her sing something that would be engraved into the memories of everyone present at Buzz’s funeral forced me to hear her not as my best friend, but as a vessel that could easily pour out an ethereal blessing at a moment’s notice. She could stop time with that talent.
“Jake, she’s gonna sing to your babies with that voice someday.” Jake smiled and looked at her the way he always did, like she was the only girl on the planet.
“And Calon will be singing to Abigail.” Gracie smiled and glanced down at my obvious belly.
“He already does. She can hear him. Over the last three weeks that he’s been away, each time we talk on the phone, before we hang up he has me hold the phone to my belly, and he sings a song he wrote for her called, ‘Absolute’. She squirms all over the place when she hears her daddy’s voice.” I put both hands on my stomach and took a deep breath. I was exhausted, and it must’ve been all the standing and walking, but it felt like I was carrying bricks in my belly.
“Shouldn’t he be here by now?” Gracie picked up her phone to check the time.
“Turn that up! Can someone turn that up?” One of the doctors from a large table of white coats stood and pointed to a TV that hung in the corner of the cafeteria. He grabbed his phone, held it to his ear, and then spoke to the people at his table as if he was repeating what he was hearing from whomever called. “Looks like an MVA on Alcoa Highway. We’re the closest trauma center. Prepare the ER for incoming injuries.”
The sharp but sober tone of his voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I looked up at the TV and watched a helicopter’s view of an accident just under an overpass. There were ambulances and police cars and a line of traffic backed up for miles in each direction. The footage from the helicopter was so bouncy it was hard to actually make out the vehicles in the accident. There was fire. Flames shot from what looked like a tractor trailer truck. The helicopter zoomed in on the flames, and then I saw it, a bright yellow bumper that jutted out from underneath the trailer portion of the truck.
“Oh my God, it’s a taxi.” Every muscle in my body tensed to the point of being painful. My heart pounded so hard in my chest I could feel it in my head.
“Becki, relax. There’s more than one taxi in Knoxville.” Jake spoke so calm, and his steady voice was reassuring. He reached across the table and grabbed my hand.
The room started to spin and a wave of panic crashed down onto me. “But what if…”
I saw ambulances pull away from the scene, a couple with lights and sirens blaring and one without. Debris littered the highway and numerous rescue people milled around in all different directions. Police surveyed the scene, I assumed to prepare an accident report.
“The four victims from the accident on Alcoa are headed our way.” The doctor was on his phone and calling out to the other doctors at his table. “One deceased, two critical, and one in serious condition. Get your teams in place. They’re fifteen minutes out.”
Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes. My stomach cramped so hard I cursed out loud. Gracie scooted over to my side of the booth and held my hands while we watched the screen. I saw the volume icon appear in the bottom corner of the screen. Someone finally turned up the volume for the doctor, but he already had the information he’d wanted. The voice of the reporter was all I could hear but couldn’t make out a word she said. The camera zoomed in on the yellow bumper one more time. The numbers 5525 came into focus just as one of the reporters interrupted the other.
“Excuse me for interrupting, Bob. But we just got word from one of our reporters on the ground.” The male voice drew out his words with way too much time in between each one. “There’s a possibility that one of the four victims in this crash is Calon Ridge, lead singer of Knoxville-based band, Alternate Tragedy. We are unsure at this time of his injuries.”
All the air was forced from my lungs, and, for a split second, I had hope that everything on the TV had been my imagination running wild. But, all I had to do was look at Jake and Gracie’s ashen faces to know everything I’d seen and heard was my reality. Calon was one of four accident victims headed toward the hospital. And one of those four was dead.
“We have to get to the ER. I need to see him!” I scrambled to get out of the booth.
“Becki, listen, that news channel has been known to jump the gun and release false information.” Gracie was in her safe place, the state of denial.
“Calon was in taxi 5525, Gracie.” My legs were too shaky to even think of running, but I left the cafeteria and followed the signs to the ER. Gracie and Jake followed. My heart flipped through emotion after emotion, switching up the intensity each time. Sadness. Terror. Anger. Another stabbing pain in my lower belly made me grunt, and I broke out into a cold sweat just as we rounded another corner.
“Becki, listen to me.” Gracie caught up to me. “Abby can feel your stress. You’ve got to try to calm down. I have a feeling she’s fierce like you. If you keep freaking out, she’s gonna keep kicking you. Harder and harder each time until you chill.”
“Gracie, he can’t die. He can’t.” I stopped walking, buried my face in my hands, and shook my head, wishing it all away. Moments with my beautiful Calon flipped through my mind, like I was paging through a scrapbook of memories.
THE NIGHT ALTERNATE Tragedy played at Sid’s last summer Gracie and I got tanked. I yelled for Calon to sing something for Gracie when she pulled me onto the dance floor. Who knew he’d play the sexiest song of all time. His panty-dropping looks paired with that sultry stare and seductive voice froze me in my spot as he growled out the words to Finger Eleven’s “Paralyzer”. Calon and I had met a couple days prior when Gracie and I kind of broke into Mitchell’s. We’d watched Calon perform a zillion times, but there was something about that night that flipped a switch for me. I knew it would be hard for anyone who knew me to believe it, but even though I didn’t know it at the time, a brick in one of the walls I’d built around my heart smashed to the ground each time he sang, “Your place or my place,” with his eyes locked on mine.
When we left the bar after dancing our asses off, Calon caught up to us, being the gentleman that he was, to make sure we made it home safely. He and Gracie fought about whether she needed an escort, and he finally stole her phone and called Jake. He walked me home that night. He held onto me the whole way, making sure to point out the lifted sidewalk squares, so I wouldn’t trip.
He walked me all the way to my room, and I invited him in. He walked in with his hands stuffed in the front pockets of his well-worn jeans.
“You wanna stay?” I was sure I knew why he accepted my invitation to come in. I wasn’t that girl wasting time fantasizing about the dreamy guy who would steal her heart and live happily ever after, so I was prepared to simply give Calon Ridge a night both he and I would never forget. No strings attached.
And I never will forget that night but not for the reason most people, especially the girls standing in my hall when the door closed behind him, would think.
“Becki, listen. Don’t think I’m not incredibly attracted to you. I am. I really am. But, I didn’t walk you home to give you a one night stand. I just needed to know you got home safely.”
“I want to kiss you.” I tried so hard to speak those five words without slurring them.
“I want to kiss you, too, Becki. But, I’m not going to.” He winked and turned for the door.
“You’re a tease, Calon Ridge. I could make this night worth your while.” I definitely slurred those words and lost my balance and fell onto my bed.
He walked over to my bed and pulled a blanket up over me. He rubbed the hair from my forehead and smiled. “But, I’m thinking you’re worth the wait.”
It was a string of ordinary words that people speak every day, but that night it was almost as good as I knew his kiss would be. Almost.
I could hear his voice as clear as day ev
ery time I recalled that night.
THE ER WAS eerily still. There were a couple nurses talking behind the counter, a handful of people waiting to be seen and the three of us, standing in the middle of an almost empty hallway looking for something that wasn’t there.
“The accident on Alcoa. Have they brought in the victims yet?” Jake spoke when I couldn’t
“Are you family?” She almost looked annoyed when she asked me the question.
“My name is Becky Mowry. I’m Calon Ridge’s fiancé. I know he was in that accident, and I need to know where he is.”
“Let me call a doctor for you. He’ll be able to answer any questions you may have. Why don’t you have a seat over there?”
I was shocked she believed me. I turned to Gracie as soon as we sat down. “How many girls could just walk in here and say they were Calon’s fiancé. Would she just let anyone who claimed him in to see him?”
“People in Knoxville know your face. You’ve been hyped almost as much as he has around here. You’re the local celebrities.” She tried to hide her fear, but I could see it.
“Miss Mowry, could you come with me, please?” A handsome Indian doctor waved his hand in the direction of an empty, more private, waiting area.
I nodded and grabbed Jake with one hand and Gracie with the other. The waiting area was made up of three glass walls, which gave us privacy, but, at the same time, made me feel like we were in a fishbowl. Like everyone would be watching to see what reaction I had to the words they couldn’t hear the doctor say. Then they’d all text and tweet the assumptions they’d made.
“I’m Dr. Shevaz. Have a seat.” He pulled a single chair over and sat across the bank of connected chairs Jake, Gracie, and I sat in.
“Look, don’t draw this out. I need you to tell me if Calon is alive.” I rubbed my hands on my legs.
“He is alive, yes.”
I gasped, and Gracie grabbed my hand.
Dr. Shevaz looked down at his clasped hands. “He’s being prepped for surgery now. Calon has had extensive damage to one of his legs along with some internal bleeding and minor head trauma. It could be touch and go for a while, but I assure you, we will do everything we can.”
“Can I see him before he goes into surgery?” My throat tightened not knowing exactly what I would see.
“Come with me, I’ll see what I can do.” He stood and motioned for me to follow him through a set of doors to our right. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take you all back. You two will have to wait for her here.”
“Gracie, can you call my mom and Mrs. O’Brien?” I glanced back over my shoulder just as she wiped her cheeks. She nodded and slid her hand from Jake’s gentle grasp. “Here’s my phone. Call Danny and Spider, too. Please.” I tossed my phone to her.
I locked my eyes on the back of Dr. Shevaz’s white coat and followed him down what felt like a never ending hallway. I didn’t want to see anything happening around me. I didn’t need to see other people’s pain when I had more than I could handle on my own. I pressed my hand into the side of my protruding belly and rubbed her gently.
“He’s in here. Now, I need you to know—”
I pushed right passed Dr. Shevaz and stepped into a small room that squeezed the breath out of me. I slowed my pace and took a couple deep breaths. I followed the beeping sounds and rounded the curtain. Two nurses looked up at me, then behind me at Dr. Shevaz. They left Calon’s bedside. I didn’t look any further than the foot of Calon’s bed. I was terrified of what I’d see.
I turned toward Dr. Shevaz, who stood at the edge of the curtain. He spoke in a quiet, calm voice.
“When the OR is ready, we will need to take him for surgery immediately.”
“Can he hear me?” I thought of what Dr. Stevens had said about Buzz.
“We can’t be certain, but it wouldn’t hurt to let him know you’re here. Just a couple minutes, Miss Mowry.” He turned and left the room. The beeping of the heart monitor split my ear drums, but I silently begged it to keep beeping. I started to shake, but I wasn’t about to let myself lose it. I had to hold it together.
I kept my eyes down and walked around to the other side of the bed. The first thing I saw was his hand, poked and threaded with IVs. A gentle hand that knew every square inch of my body lay still and lax against the white sheet. I took his hand in mine and prepared myself to see the extent of his injuries. I said his name quietly as I lifted my eyes.
“Oh, God.” I grabbed the bedside with my free hand and then reached up to touch his hairline. His head was wrapped in gauze, and it covered the scars from his previous car accident. I remember Calon telling me the doctors reconstructed part of his face because it had been peeled back from his hairline when his head went through the window. He lost his memory for a short time. I sucked in a gasp at the thought.
“Calon, baby, don’t go anywhere, okay?” I touched his face lightly. The right side of his face was swollen, and there was significant bruising around his right eye and down his cheek. “It’s Becki… and Abigail. We need you, Calon. They’re gonna take you to the OR and fix you, okay?” I sobbed. “But you hang on! Do you hear me? Calon James, you do not have our permission to leave.”
I broke down; my soul weak and my heart preparing itself for an irreparable wound. I couldn’t even process the emotions that raced through me. I was sad, angry, lost, hopeful, nostalgic, lonely, and terrified. I needed Calon to be okay. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. The connection we held was primal and its depth vast.
“Calon, listen to me. I don’t care what bright light shines your way, your life here… with me, with us… is just beginning. Don’t you dare pick that light over us. Love us enough to stay here. Samantha needs her brother. Abigail needs her daddy, and I need you. I need you so much it hurts.”
I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, gently. I held our kiss and whispered.
“You’re my absolute, my forever. Please, don’t go.”
“Miss Mowry, I’m sorry, but the OR is ready.” I looked up and two nurses stood at the curtain, seemingly hesitant to come closer.
I carefully took Calon’s face in both my hands and pressed my lips to his again.
“I’ll see you soon. I can’t wait to see those beautiful eyes… open. I love you, Calon James. I’ll see you soon.”
I stepped back against the wall and nodded. Tears streamed down my face, and I covered my mouth with my hands to try and subdue the sobs I’d lost control over. I didn’t want him to hear me crying.
The song he sang to the crowd at the end of their very last show at Mitchell’s slowly dragged through my mind. The lyrics of Sum 41’s “Crash” gutted me as I watched them wheel Calon’s gurney out of the room.
Please, don’t go.
I LOVE YOU, too, Becki.
I could hear her voice and feel her touch and her kiss, but my eyes refused to open. My body void of response. I didn’t want her to leave my side.
I wasn’t aware of the time of day or even where I was. My head throbbed and the sharp, stabbing pain in my leg made me nauseous. There were voices, but I couldn’t make out what they said. Nothing was as clear and audible as Becki’s voice had been.
I felt a rush of cool air, and there was music. Another voice spoke as clearly as Becki’s had.
“Calon, I’m Dr. Shevaz. I’m going to fix you up so you can go home with that beautiful woman waiting for you. So, you stay with me, and we’ll get this done. Deal?”
A sensation entered my body that made me feel like I was floating. I became less and less aware of my surroundings. The pain slowly seeped from me, voices became more like white noise, and soon even the music blurred out into nothing.
Nothing.
“MISS MOWRY?”
Dr. Shevaz’s voice and gentle nudge spooked me, and my legs shot to the floor. I sat up as straight as I could. The clock on the wall said twelve-fifteen, and I struggled to make sense of that. I looked around and saw Jake and Gracie asleep, propped up against each other on a benc
h seat near the corner of the waiting room. We were the only people there.
“I’m sorry to startle you. It’s just after noon, and Calon’s surgery went very well.”
“He’s okay? Gracie! Wake up!” I called out. She stirred a little then sleepily rushed to my side. Jake followed.
“Well, he hasn’t woken up yet, so we are still monitoring him very closely. The next few hours are the most crucial. He’s got thirty stitches in his head and a concussion from the impact of his head on the widow when the truck hit the cab, but there’s no bleeding on his brain, so when he wakes he’ll most likely just have a bad headache for a while. We had to remove his spleen to get the internal bleeding under control, but that’s pretty routine for a car accident victim.”
“That’s it? A headache and a scar on his side?” I was wide awake.
“Well, no. There was extensive damage to his right leg. It was broken in three places, and the muscle in his thigh was basically shredded by a projectile from one of the vehicles.” Dr. Shevaz took my hands. “We had to remove a large part of the muscle, so he will need rehabilitation services to get him back on his feet again and rebuild the muscle that’s left.”
I reached for Gracie, never taking my eyes off Dr. Shevaz. She squeezed my hand with both of hers.
“But, he will be okay.” I purposely said it as a statement and not a question, willing it to be truth.
“Like I said, the hours after surgery are always the most crucial and sometimes touch and go, but we are keeping him closely monitored. I’m not expecting any complications. He may even be awake now, if you’d like to see him.” He smiled. “Usually I only let family in, but you two must be pretty close friends to still be here.” He stood and motioned for all three of us to follow him.
Above the Noise Page 33
