Heavenly Desire

by J. L. Sheppard

  She shook her head.

  “I’m sure some of the skirts will be fine,” Jocelyn advised. “You can wear stockings and a light cardigan. Stockings are in now. And some of the dresses are below the knee, they won’t show anything.”

  She smiled, relieved instead of pity they expressed concern, understanding and compassion.

  “That’s a good idea,” Jenna said. “What do you think?”

  “That sounds good.”

  They tried on loads of clothes, picked up several stockings and paid. By the time they finished, it was nearly two p.m., and they decided to stop at a sub shop for lunch. After ordering their food, they sat down to eat.

  “So, Ash,” Jenna said with that amused look on her face. “Have you gotten your powers yet?”

  “Yes,” she said then took a bite.

  Jocelyn, who was swallowing a bite of her sub, began to choke. Jenna patted her back until her coughing subsided. “What?” Jocelyn squealed.

  “Yes, I used my power over the wind twice.”

  Jocelyn’s eyes widened, a huge smile claiming her face. “O-M-G! Do you know what this means?”

  “Yeah, I’ve met my mate,” she replied, still trying to grasp their reactions. She hadn’t realized it was such a big deal.

  Jenna quirked a brow, “Do you know who it is?”

  No, she didn’t, but she knew who she wanted it to be. “Asher said I was his,” she blurted.

  Jenna dropped her sub, her enthusiasm dimming. Jocelyn’s eyes widened nearly popping out of their sockets. They spoke simultaneously.

  “Don’t believe that for a second, Ash,” Jenna said.

  “Asher isn’t yours,” Jocelyn said.

  “I’ve put a lot of thought into this. Clyde told me angels don’t mate, but what if on rare occasions they do? Asher was my guardian angel after our mother died. What if he fell because he realized I was his. Maybe that’s why—”

  “No, Ash,” Jenna insisted. “If Asher was your mate, he would’ve never attacked you. Males are possessive, overly jealous and overprotective to a fault. They do not hurt their mates, and they can’t stand to be away from their mates.”

  Exactly how Clyde had explained it. Hearing it from Jenna assured her Asher wasn’t hers. She sighed, the burden lifted.

  Jenna’s words also explained Lucas and Landon’s insistence they not leave the demon compound alone and why both men seemed jealous when her sisters hugged Clyde.

  “Only the stubborn ones like Landon try to stay away, and fail miserably. It almost drove him mad,” Jenna added with a smile.

  “Huh?” She peered at Jocelyn.

  “Werewolves are reclusive by nature. Landon’s the alpha. To breed another alpha, you need to mate with a werewolf or well…so we thought,” Jocelyn explained, placing her hand on her belly. “He met me then disappeared for three months thinking I could never give him an heir, which the pack needs.” She shrugged then smiled widely. “Of course, he couldn’t resist me.”

  “Do you have any idea who your mate is?” Jenna prodded taking a sip of her soda.

  Jocelyn’s eyes snapped to Jenna then she said, “Well, duh! It’s Clyde.”

  Jenna glared in Jocelyn’s direction, making Ashley think perhaps Jenna didn’t want her to be Clyde’s.

  “It’s not,” Ashley said hoping she didn’t sound disappointed.

  “It has to be,” Jocelyn insisted.

  “He’s an angel, and angels don’t mate. He explained it to me,” she reasoned. “He also said that’s why Asher couldn’t be mine.”

  “But how do you feel about him?” Jenna asked.

  She brought her hands to her face hoping her cold fingertips would make the flush in her cheeks dissipate. “I don’t know,” she lied.

  “Ash,” Jenna said. “You can tell us.”

  “Okay, that was a lie. I like him…a lot…but I’m worried.”

  “Why?” Jocelyn asked, placing her sub on the foil wrapper.

  “Because it can’t be him, and I know whoever is meant for me is out there somewhere, and we’ve met, still I’m attracted to Clyde in a way I can’t understand. I mean I’ve never… I’ve never felt anything like this… He’s so…him. And sometimes he looks at me like…like I’m the only woman in the world, and he can comfort me with a touch. I can’t ever repay him for everything he’s done for me. He saved me from Asher and because of him I’m having this conversation with the two of you, but I don’t really know him.”

  When she finished explaining, she was drained and relieved to have said aloud all she held inside from the moment she’d met the insanely handsome angel.

  “It has to be Clyde,” Jocelyn assured.

  “It’s not, Joce. It can’t be,” she repeated.

  “You’re too close to the situation so you don’t see it, but I do, I’m sure Jenna does, too,” Jocelyn said.

  “But he’s my guardian. He’s supposed to—”

  “Bullshit!” Jocelyn said loudly. Several patrons in the restaurant turned to look their way. She lowered her voice then said, “Yeah, he is your guardian and yes, he’s supposed to guard you but that doesn’t explain why he lost his temper with Benjamin when he asked ‘who’s Ashley’ or how for any little thing he’d hold your hand or wrap his arm around you. Not to mention, how his eyes practically bulged out of their sockets when Cain said ‘it’s a date.’” Jocelyn laughed aloud as if the memory was the funniest thing in the world.

  “That doesn’t mean anything,” she contradicted.

  Jocelyn rolled her eyes. “Jenna, please knock some sense into her.”

  Ashley looked at her older sister expectantly, waiting for her to say anything. After several moments that seemed like an eternity, Jenna smiled.

  “I think it’s him.”

  “But it can’t be—”

  “It is,” Jenna said, firmly. “I don’t know how it’s possible because everything he told you is true, and I don’t know why it’s happened, but it has.” She paused to take another sip of her soda then said, “Congrats.”

  Looking away from her sisters, Ashley muttered, “I hope it’s not.”

  “Why?” Jenna asked worriedly.

  “Because if he’s my mate, then what does it mean for him? Will he still be an angel? Will he fall or be banned from heaven? I mean just because of me?” she said, disturbed by the thought.

  “Ash,” Jenna said. “Don’t do that.”

  Her eyes welled with tears, “Do what?”

  Jenna leaned toward her and whispered softly, “Don’t borrow trouble. If he is yours, it is meant to be.”

  She swallowed the lump in her throat then said, “He’s supposed to be impartial and—”

  “Clyde feels, Ash. He always has. Maybe the reason he does is because he’s meant for you,” Jenna said.

  She wanted to believe it. She was drawn to Clyde in a way she couldn’t put into words. What she’d told her sisters didn’t quite describe how she felt, a deep and profound feeling, one she’d never felt and didn’t truly believe existed. From first sight, she’d been drawn to him and trusted him with no reason. She felt she knew him when in fact she didn’t. To top it off, she was insanely attracted to him. No other man she’d ever met had captivated her to such an extent. Even so, she didn’t believe he belonged to her and feared no man would ever compare to him, not even her mate.

  He was her double edged sword: her desire made her wish he was hers, yet she’d never forgive herself for causing his fall from heaven. Maybe she wouldn’t be his fall. After all, she didn’t believe anyone would pick her and her scars over heaven.

  Ashley glanced at her food and realized she wasn’t hungry, not anymore.

  “Hey,” Jocelyn said, distracting her. Her brows were drawn. “Don’t you guys think it’s strange Lucas, Landon and Clyde let us come alone? I mean…I figured they would put up more of a fight than they did. I thought for sure I’d hear about it all night, but when we went to bed, Landon didn’t mention a word about it. Then this morning, he did
n’t mention anything either. You know Lucas sent guards with me everywhere before Landon and I—”

  “Oh my God, that’s true,” Jenna interrupted. “Lucas was mum about the whole thing after…” Her eyes lit up as if she just realized what had occurred. “After Clyde told them it was fine.”

  “And then they went into the kitchen…” Jocelyn recalled.

  “Oh boy,” she whispered remembering Clyde could shift to spirit form. Her cheeks grew rosy, remembering all the private conversations they’d had: about the scars, about Clyde. He had probably overheard everything. Would he have seen the scars? No, Clyde would never spy on her changing, would he? She brought her hands to her face.

  “Ash, are you okay?” Jenna asked.

  “I think I know,” she whispered. “Clyde can shift to—”

  “Spirit form,” Jenna finished for her. “What an asshole! Wait till I get my hands on him!”

  “Ash, you’re really pale,” Jocelyn commented.

  “Do you guys think…you know…when we were in the dressing room—”

  “No way. He wouldn’t do that,” Jenna said as she placed a reassuring hand over hers. “Don’t worry.”

  “He wouldn’t dare. Besides all three of us were changing in there. Lucas and Landon would kill him. Literally,” Jocelyn assured.

  Her shoulders slumped, the tension inside her dissipating.

  “Speaking of, they’ve been getting along,” Jocelyn said.

  “Who?” Jenna asked.

  “Ugh, keep up with the conversation, Jenna,” Jocelyn sighed.

  Jenna rolled her eyes then mouthed, “Hormones.”

  “Lucas and Clyde. I mean if Lucas went along with this plan. It has to mean—” Jocelyn was cut off.

  “Why don’t they get along?” she asked before she could stop herself.

  “It’s a long story. I’ll give you the short one. When I met Lucas, Clyde and I were roommates and best friends and co-workers. Anyway, Clyde was concerned because Lucas is a demon. Let’s just say, Clyde gave Lucas and me a hard time about mating. I forgave him.” Jenna shrugged then took a bite of her sub.

  Smiling widely, Jocelyn asked, “So Clyde never mentioned anything about this to you?”

  “He mentioned he and Jenna are best friends and he told me the story about how Lucas’s twin, leader of the Malums, kidnapped you and that’s how you met Landon. He also mentioned Lucas’s twin killed their family, but nothing else.” She paused trying to recall if she’d left out anything. “Oh, when he told me Lucas was a demon, I kind of freaked a little, but he told me there are good immortals and bad immortals and Lucas started the Guardians to fight the Malums—”

  “Well, there we go. Another sign he’s your mate,” Jocelyn said clapping her hands excitedly.

  “What? How?” she asked forcing herself to take a bite of her sub.

  “Because he obviously isn’t a fan of Lucas and never has been, but he still goes out of his way to make you like him, so you won’t be afraid of him,” Jocelyn explained.

  “But maybe it’s just because he realized Lucas loves Jenna and would never hurt her. He’s said that to me several times.”

  Jenna and Jocelyn exchanged a knowing look.

  Ashley gave up trying to convince them Clyde wasn’t hers and changed the subject. “How come Lucas’s eyes change colors?”

  “Demon’s eyes grow red when they’re angry, close to turning, when they’re in demon form or when they―”

  “When they’re horny,” Jocelyn interrupted, grinning.

  Her face flushed, and she mumbled, “What?”

  Jocelyn laughed. Jenna rolled her eyes then explained, “It’s true. Desire can make their eyes change colors, too.”

  “Werewolves’ eyes change too, so do vampires’,” Jocelyn elaborated. “A werewolf’s eyes turn bright yellow, and vampires’ eyes turn green.”

  “Really? For the same reasons?”

  Jenna nodded. “Yeah, although as Lucas explained vampires’ eyes can also turn when they’re controlling mortals.”

  “Controlling mortals?”

  “Yeah, vampires have the ability to read minds, immortals and mortals. They can’t control immortals, but they can control mortals, wipe their memories, and so on.”

  “Wow.”

  “Our eyes change colors, too,” Jocelyn said. “When we use our powers or when we’re about to.”

  “They turn red when we use fire, green for earth, silver for wind and blue for water,” Jenna elaborated.

  Ashley had no words.

  ****

  Clyde followed the cab to Lucas’s home, ensuring they arrived safely then drifted through the building to find Landon and Lucas. He found them in the living room watching a movie.

  “We’ve got trouble,” he said without pretense. “They know.”

  Landon bolted off of the couch. His expression panicked, he asked, “What? How could they—”

  “Wait—” Lucas began.

  “They figured it out.”

  “How could they figure it out?” Landon asked loudly.

  Clyde took a step in their direction, glaring at each of them. “Don’t look at me. You’re the idiots.”

  “What?” Lucas and Landon asked simultaneously.

  “You should’ve continued to pester them about not going alone. When do you ever let them go anywhere unguarded? Then out of nowhere I say ‘it’s fine’ and you both agree? Neither of you would have dropped the subject and let them go alone, but you did, so we got busted. And they’re on their way up so act nonchalant.”

  Immediately the three of them sat on the couch. The elevator doors parted and Jenna, Jocelyn and Ashley entered, each carrying several of bags.

  Clyde immediately stood and turned toward them. “How did it go?”

  “Fine,” Jenna said harshly, glaring at him. “You have a lot of explaining to do, Clyde.”

  “Well, well, aren’t you boys acting guilty?” Jocelyn commented, pushing her hair off of her shoulder.

  “What? We aren’t acting anything. We’re watching a movie,” Landon replied.

  He rolled his eyes. I tell them to act nonchalant and they ignore their mates.

  “You too, Lucas,” Jenna said.

  “I didn’t do anything,” Lucas replied.

  “Don’t lie to me,” Jenna snapped.

  “Okay,” Lucas said. He stood from the couch and closed the distance between himself and his mate. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry?” Jenna asked. “How sorry? A surprise trip sorry or a new car sorry?”

  Lucas hid a smirk, then said, “All of it sorry, but it isn’t safe for you three alone out there.”

  “Five,” Landon corrected. “It isn’t safe for the five of you out there alone.”

  “Did anything happen to us?” Jocelyn asked.

  “Well…um…no,” Landon mumbled.

  “Nothing happened, so Clyde was spying,” Jocelyn said.

  “Or because Clyde was there nothing happened,” Lucas suggested.

  With a sharp glare at her mate, Jenna retorted, “That’s a load of bull.”

  “Maybe we should just all calm down,” Clyde advised.

  Jenna’s glare darted toward him. “Says who, the spy? I think we all would have preferred the three of you follow us instead of what you did, Clyde. Having you shift to spirit form and listen to all our private conversations is a bit too much.”

  “That’s not what I intended to do. I was trying to keep you the three of you safe,” he insisted.

  “Five—the five of them,” Landon interrupted, fisting his palms and shoving them in his pockets.

  He turned to address him. “Yes, Landon, the five of them.”

  “Clyde,” Jenna’s voice deadpanned. “Pay attention…it might not have been what you intended to do, but you did anyway.”

  “I did what?”

  “Ugh! Keep up! You listened to our private conversations,” Jocelyn barked.

  “You guys act like it’s the first time I
’ve done it,” he admitted unwillingly, then realizing his mistake, his eyes widened. I’m going to get it now.

  “What?” Ashley asked softly. The first time she had spoken.

  Everyone quieted. He shifted his gaze toward her. Her forlorn and distressed expression nearly undid him.

  “I mean…” he said. “I did it to find Jocelyn when she was kidnapped—”

  “Have you done it with me?” Ashley asked. Her eyes holding his were just as somber as her voice.

  Something inside him urged him forward to comfort her. He took a step toward her, and she stepped away, unwilling to allow him any closer.

  She’s pushing me away. I did it again. I hurt her. “Yeah,” he admitted grudgingly. He couldn’t lie to her. “But it was to keep you safe, I swear. It’s my job…”

  Her face fell, the somberness in her dissolved, replaced with hurt, a deep hurt he’d caused. Painfully, his heart clenched in his chest, aching for her. There was no denying it. No logic behind it. Her pain triggered his.

  The apology on the tip of his tongue, he took another step in her direction, but she turned and strode away. With each step, the pain in his chest compounded until it throbbed violently.

  Frozen in place, drowning in his misery, he watched Jenna and Jocelyn follow. Defeated, he slumped on the couch, rested his head on his hands and closed his eyes, hoping to dispel the image of her crushed expression from his mind.

  Lucas placed his hand on his shoulder and patted him, “It’s okay.”

  He lifted his head, met Lucas’s stare then snapped, “No, it’s not. It’s not okay. I hurt her again. Did you see her face? She looked so…”

  “After we apologize, they’ll get over it. They’re just angry now,” Landon said.

  “Jenna and Jocelyn are angry. Ashley isn’t. She’s sad, so damned sad. And it’s my fault.”

  “But at least she’s not angry,” Landon reasoned.

  His eyes narrowed, “It’s worse than angry. When was the last time Jocelyn looked at you like Ashley looked at me just now?” His gaze shifted to Lucas. “How about you? When was the last time Jenna looked at you like that? Do you know what it makes me feel like? It makes me feel like there’s nothing I could ever do to change it. I’d take angry any day over that. I’d rather have her scream and yell at me than feeling like I broke her.”