by E. M. Leya
"What if they are hers?"
There wasn't an answer for that. Everyone in the room was aware what it would mean if any of the clothing belonged to Faith, but no one wanted to say it.
"Do you want me to turn them over one at a time?" Xander asked. The sooner they got this done, the sooner they could move on to the next step.
Matt shook his head. "I need to do this."
"Okay." Xander was proud of how strong Matt was being. If this was his child, he wasn't sure he could hold it together.
With a shaky hand, Matt slowly reached up and gripped the corner of the first photo. He took an uneven breath before he quickly flipped the picture over.
The photo was of a blue jacket, covered with blood and dirt stains as it lay on a steel table. Xander hoped Matt didn't know that the stains were blood, but by the way his face paled and the tremor that coursed through his body, Xander was sure he did.
"Not hers." Matt quickly flipped through the next one, then the next.
He made it through half the pile before he stopped. "I feel like I'm playing Russian Roulette." He used the back of his hand to wipe sweat from his brow.
"You've already passed two of them we weren't sure of," the detective told him.
"How many more are there that could be hers?"
"Just finish looking. I can't give you any more information." Detective Michaels fidgeted with his pen.
"You're almost done." Xander caressed his hand down Matt's leg, gripping his knee this time.
The tension in the room was heavy as Matt reached out and flipped another photo. With each turn, he released a long breath, almost as if he was able to finally start breathing again after not being able to from the moment he'd first gotten the phone call.
"Two more." Xander rubbed the tips of his fingers over Matt's knee.
As if he just wanted it over, Matt flipped them both quickly, staring at them for a long moment before shaking his head. "No, none of it belongs to her." As soon as the words were out, his body trembled, and a loud sob escaped him as he started to cry.
Xander shared an understanding look with the detective before he turned and pulled Matt against his chest, giving him support as the stress and emotional overload finally took its toll on him.
Matt shook in his arms, and tears were wetting Xander's shirt, leaking through to his skin. He didn't care. He didn't even want to try to imagine what Matt was going through. It was a relief that none of the clothing was Faith's, but it also meant they still didn't have any leads in the case. Faith was still missing, and no one knew where she was.
"Can we go?" Xander glanced at Detective Michaels as he continued to hold Matt.
"Yes, I'll be in touch if there is anything else. Thank you for coming down." He offered his hand to Xander.
Xander released one hand from Matt's back, shaking the detective's. "Thank you."
Matt pulled back, wiping his eyes with his hands. "Sorry, it was just a relief." He turned to the detective. "Thanks for not giving up."
"I promised you I would do all I could. I'll keep that promise." The detective stood, gathering the photos off the table before going to the door and opening it. "Good afternoon, gentlemen."
Xander turned back to Matt. "Let's go home."
Matt nodded as he silently stood.
Xander led him out the door with a gentle hand on his back, both relieved and frustrated that this hadn't opened up any new leads. The last thing he wanted was for Matt to have to face the chance that Faith was dead or proof that she was being sexually assaulted, but then again, one small lead would give them something to work with. Even if it led them to a body, knowing she was gone would be easier than not knowing.
Once in the car, Matt turned to Xander. "Thank you for that."
"I'm glad I could be there with you. Never hesitate to call me."
Matt nodded as he clicked his seat belt in place, leaned back in the seat, and closed his eyes.
Leaving him alone to think, Xander pulled out on the road. Matt needed time to process everything, and Xander would give him that. He'd make sure he was okay before he left him alone, but honestly, he didn't know how Matt would ever be okay as long as Faith was missing. It was something that would eat a parent up inside. All he could do was be there if Matt needed him. The rest was out of his hands.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Matt stepped out of the shower, his body drained emotionally. He was a mess after everything that had happened. When he'd first gotten the phone call, hope soared that this would lead him to Faith, but then the more he thought about it, the more he grasped what he was going to the police station to look at, the more he realized that it could have been the end of everything.
If those clothes had been Faith's, it would have meant she was probably dead too. It meant that, because they were found with another body of a child, that whoever had her was willing to kill.
His mind went nuts with the what-ifs and the possibilities. By the time he'd called Xander to go with him, he'd been ready to lose his mind. He didn't know what to do.
Now, somewhere in the area, other parents were identifying their child's clothing or worse yet, their child's body. How selfish was he to be thankful that it wasn't his daughter when others weren't as lucky? He hated the joy and relief that had hit him as he turned over that last photograph.
The sound of Xander working in the kitchen echoed down the hall. As much as he wanted to be alone and wallow in his own emotions, he was glad that Xander insisted on staying. He'd sent him off to shower while he cooked dinner for the two of them.
Matt wrapped the towel around his waist before stepping out into the bedroom, his gaze immediately going to a photo on his dresser of Jill and Faith sitting on a rock. He remembered the day he'd taken the picture. Faith had been about three years old and they'd gone on a short hike up to a lake in the area. They'd just finished lunch when Jill and Faith had walked up a short path and sat on the rock to look over the valley below.
Matt followed them lazily, pulling his camera out and snapping pictures so they could always remember the day.
God, how he missed them.
Tears started to fall again as emotional pain swelled inside him. How was he supposed to live through this? He thought losing Jill was as hard as things could get, but now, losing Faith was so overwhelmingly painful that he thought he was going to explode with the worry and fear he had to face each day she was gone.
The pain quickly turned to anger as he thought about how everything he loved had been taken from him. Wasn't losing one person he loved enough? Did he have to lose his daughter as well?
He grabbed a bottle of cologne off the dresser and threw it across the room, watching it shatter against the wall. "Fuck!" he screamed as he reached for a small porcelain statue and tossed it too, the sound of it shattering somewhat satisfying. He turned, sweeping his arm across the dresser, sending everything flying off it as he gave into his rage and let the emotions overwhelming him finally take over.
"Matt." Xander was suddenly in front of him, pushing him hard, back against the wall and crowding him with his body. "Stop. This isn't going to do any good."
Matt pushed Xander back. "Nothing does any good. No matter what I do, it does no good. She's gone. They're both gone. How the fuck am I supposed to go on like this? How can I live knowing she's out there, probably being hurt, and I can't protect her?" Matt shoved Xander again.
Xander gripped Matt's arms, holding them at the wrist as he lifted them over Matt's head, again pushing him hard against the wall. "Stop, you don't want to destroy everything. I know it hurts. I know you're angry, but this isn't the way." Xander's chest pressed against Matt's, holding him to the wall as his hands continued to trap Matt's hands over his head. "Stop and breathe."
"I don't want to fucking breathe. I want my daughter back!" Matt closed his eyes, his breath coming hard. He didn't fight Xander. It was pointless, he was too strong, and honestly, he was right. None of this was going to solve anything.
Tears still fell as he tried to calm himself down, but his emotions were so all over the place he didn't know how to control them. Just for a little while, he wanted this all to go away, for it to go back to how it had been before Faith was taken. He needed the sanity he hadn't been able to find since the call had come that she never came home from school.
"I can't do this." Matt cried as he again struggled against Xander's hard body.
"You don't have a choice." Xander's voice was calm. "You aren't going to give up. I won't let you."
"I can't do this anymore. I can't." Matt fought again to break free of Xander.
"Stop fighting me. You have to calm down. Destroying things isn't going to help."
"You're right. Nothing helps." Matt tried to push Xander away by thrusting his hips forward, but all he managed to do was cause the towel he had wrapped around his waist to come free.
Xander seemed to ignore the fact that Matt was naked against him as he continued to hold him against the wall. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself or destroy things."
Matt glared at Xander, wanting to hate him. He wanted to fight, break things, let all of his emotions take control and go on a wild rampage, but as he locked eyes with Xander, some of the fight was forced out of him. Broken and tired, Matt finally gave in, letting his head fall against Xander's chest as he took several deep breaths.
"It's going to be okay," Xander whispered against his ear. "I'm not going to let you fall apart. We'll get through this together."
As the tension eased from Matt's body, he leaned hard against Xander, needing his support. When Xander released his hands, he didn't think twice about dropping them around Xander and hugging him tightly. "I'm so tired of trying to be strong."
"You don't need to be strong with me." Xander pulled back and gently lifted Matt's chin in his palm, forcing him to look at him. "It's okay to let go. I just won't let you hurt yourself. I won't let you destroy things."
Matt stared into Xander's eyes, seeing the concern, the compassion. It was something he hadn't seen in a long time. Everyone else looked at him with pity. Xander understood him. He didn't try and make it all okay. He accepted it for what it was and allowed Matt to do the same. Suddenly needing the closeness, the compassion, the touch of another person, Matt closed the distance between them and softly kissed Xander's mouth.
Xander tensed for a brief moment, but then seemed to give in, his arms tightening around Matt as he moved his mouth against his and gave Matt exactly what he desired.
It had been years since he'd kissed another man. In college, he'd dated a guy for several years before he graduated and went on his way. It was soon after that, Matt had met Jill, and that was all there ever had been in his life, until now.
Xander's hands caressed up and down his back, slowing just at the base of his spine, stopping before sliding down over his ass.
It was a vivid reminder to Matt that he was naked in Xander's arms, but he didn't care. He wanted this, needed it. It had been too long, and even if it meant nothing, the arousal that was growing was exactly the thing he needed to separate from the real-world problems that were starting to consume him.
He kissed Xander back hard, parting his mouth and caressing his tongue over his lips, deepening the kiss. He moved his hips forward, brushing his arousal over Xander's hardening cock, groaning against his mouth in pleasure at the feel of another man against him. Even through the clothing Xander still wore, his arousal was evident.
Xander was the one to pull back, his breath coming hard as he rested his forehead against Matt's. "We have to stop."
"Not unless you want to. I want this, need it."
Xander closed his eyes as if he was debating on whether to argue or not. When he opened them, he stared directly into Matt's. "You're sure?"
"God, yes. Please." He didn't care what repercussions there would be later. For just a little while he needed something else to focus on. He needed to feel something other than despair and fear.
That must have been enough for Xander because he dipped his head and claimed Matt's lips, this time he controlled the kiss, teasing his mouth, and pressing his tongue inside as he wrapped his arms around Matt's body and hauled him tightly against him.
Matt slid his hands under the back of Xander's shirt, running his palms over his warm skin as he rocked his hips, pressing his cock against Xander's, wishing they were both naked so he could feel the heat from him there as well.
As if thinking the same thing, Xander suddenly lifted Matt off the ground before turning and carrying him to the bed. He gently set him down on the mattress before stepping back and lifting his shirt from his body.
Matt watched as Xander worked open the button, then the zipper on his pants, his own cock pulsing with need and growing harder as he enjoyed the show that Xander was giving him.
"Touch yourself." Xander's eyes narrowed as he focused on Matt's cock even as he kicked off his boots and bent down to pull off his socks.
Matt didn't hesitate. He parted his legs as he wrapped his fist around his cock and slowly started to stroke. He was so hard it hurt, harder than he could ever remember being in his life. Precum dripped from the head as he slid his thumb through the glistening moisture with each stroke of his palm.
"You are so fucking hot." Xander rid himself of his pants.
Seeing Xander naked, his pale skin covered in dark ink, his muscular body tensing with each breath he took, it was a thing of beauty. He wanted to taste every inch of it, feel every curve of skin, and enjoy it being pressed tightly against his own. "Let me taste you." Matt scooted to the edge of the bed, reaching out, hoping Xander would come to him.
"Fuck…" Xander took two steps and stopped, standing inches from the bed and between Matt's legs as they hung over the edge.
Matt smiled, not giving Xander a chance to refuse him as he leaned forward and took him into his mouth. He loved giving head. It was the only thing he'd missed when he'd married Jill. Being bisexual, he found pleasure in both men and women, but there was something about sucking a hard cock that gave him something he could never find with a woman. He licked up his length before sliding his mouth down him, taking him as deep as he could.
"Jesus!" Xander fisted his hands in Matt's hair. "Fuck, that's good."
Matt didn't mind that Xander rocked his hips, feeding his cock into his mouth. He took it, craved it, let pleasing Xander become his only focus. Unable to go as deep as he wanted, he slid off the bed, going to his knees before Xander, never releasing his cock.
Xander moaned, and as Matt looked up, he found him with his head back, lips parted, and painted skin starting to glisten with beads of sweat.
It had been years since Matt had been with another man, years since he'd sucked on a hard cock, but he had no problem remembering how, relaxing his throat, opening himself, and taking Xander as deeply as he could.
His own cock ached, but he didn't touch it. As much as he wanted to get off, he also wanted this to last as long as it could. It was the first distraction he had in forever, and he was taking full advantage of focusing on someone else for a change instead of his own problems.
He gripped the back of Xander's legs, then slowly slid his hand up until he was cupping Xander's ass, kneading each cheek, and wondering how far they were going to take this.
The taste of Xander against his tongue was like honey, the slight flow of continuous fluid dripping from the head of his cock urged Matt to keep working so he could get the full reward.
Xander's hips moved back and forth as he continued to hold Matt's head, staring down at him with a matching hungry need that consumed Matt.
Matt slid his hand over Xander's ass, pausing at his crack for a moment before sliding a single finger down the crease and pressing against his hole. He was tight, but there was no hesitation from Xander at his touch, only a pleasured groan when Matt pressed the tip of his finger over him and circled the sensitive spot.
"Fuck this." Xander finally stepped away, his cock falling from Matt's
mouth with a pop. "I need you to fuck me." He turned, picking his pants off the ground before pulling a condom from his pocket.
He turned back, reached down, and pulled Matt off his knees as he brought their bodies tightly together again and kissed him hard.
Matt clung to Xander, his knees almost weak at the thought of being inside him. He hadn't expected Xander to let him fuck him, he'd been ready to be the one receiving, but hearing Xander say he wanted Matt to fuck him shot his need to almost uncontrollable levels.
Xander broke the kiss, pulling back just enough to look at Matt. "How do you want me?"
"On your knees." Matt needed the fuck more than the intimacy right now. The thought of gripping Xander's hips and watching his cock slide in and out of him nearly made him come.
Xander stepped back before going around Matt and climbing onto the bed. He went up on his hands and knees, his legs spread, his ass like a welcome sign that had Matt's cock at full attention.
"You look good enough to eat." Matt climbed on the bed behind him, and without any warning, he buried his face between the cheeks of Xander's ass and started to lick over his hole.
"Fucking hell." Xander groaned.
Matt loved the way Xander pressed back against his mouth, and it took no time at all to have him wet enough that he could slide a finger deep into Xander's ass.
"I can't wait to feel you around my cock." Matt fucked him deep with his finger, then added another.
It was a sight he'd never tire of. Xander's ass stretched around his fingers, slowly opening for him. Beneath, thick, heavy balls swung back and forth as Xander fisted his own cock tightly in his hand.
"I wanted this to last, but fuck if I can wait." Matt reached over and opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube before going back to his spot behind Xander. Taking the condom, he ripped open the package and rolled it down his cock, the feeling almost foreign to him, it had been so long since he'd worn one. After spreading lube over his latex-covered length, he drizzled it over Xander's ass, enjoying the way it pooled against his hole. "Ready?" He leaned forward, kissing a spot on Xander's spine where there was no ink.
