Addie Gets Her Man (A Chair At The Hawkins Table Book 6)

by Angel Smits

  She’d asked Marcus to come with her. Invited him with the intention of telling him about her past. But now, she wasn’t so sure.

  Instead of waiting for him, she hurried her steps, sliding, half on her feet, half on her backside, down the sandy hill. Soon she found herself on the small stretch of beach that remained.

  She was on Haymaker land now. But Pal was gone now, too. Trey had run off, and Pal Jr. didn’t care about this strip of land anymore, either. She’d be safe hiding here.

  Marcus, though, wasn’t going to leave her alone. Part of her loved him even more for that deep caring.

  She froze. Love? Glancing over her shoulder, she saw his silhouette against the night sky. Could she love again? Could she let go and love him?

  Right now, feeling like this, she didn’t want to talk to him about Cal or about the past she’d worked so damned hard to escape. Her family’s glances earlier said it all.

  Thirteen years wasn’t long enough. Halfway across Texas wasn’t far enough.

  A lifetime wouldn’t take away the past.

  “Addie?” he called again, this time from the top of the rise where she’d stood only a minute ago.

  He was the dark shadow against the star-studded sky. He, though, wasn’t a memory. He was real. And now. And—the future? Dare she hope?

  The ever-present wind dried the tears and the sweat on her skin. That same breeze fingered through the branches of the tree, clicking the last few charred leaves together. Whom was she fooling? Certainly not herself.

  She closed her eyes, seeing Cal’s image behind her eyelids. The boy who’d stolen her heart. The boy who’d never become the man he could have been. He’d always be there.

  Between them.

  She’d lost so much on this beach. Oh, it wasn’t anywhere near the ocean. But the rushing of the water, the feel of the wind, the sound of it in the trees, was like that shoreline down on the gulf. And eventually this water ended up there. Spilling into the sea somewhere far away.

  This was the only beach she’d ever loved.

  The sand was wet today, not from the river, but from the rain that had fallen this year. Since the flooding, few people looked forward to the rain.

  Addie Hawkins wasn’t a crier. She’d worked hard after Dad’s death to be the grown-up, to be strong for her younger siblings. She’d taught herself to compartmentalize her feelings. About everything.

  Closing her eyes, she could imagine the neat little boxes she’d mentally created to help herself do that. Dad’s box was a deep, dark green, like the vines that grew over his workshop. Mom’s was a bright sunny yellow, like the curtains in the kitchen where Addie had grown up. Cal’s...she wasn’t sure what color his was. She was afraid to look. She’d hidden those feelings away so far and deep she didn’t even know where to look.

  And her son’s? That was the baby-blue box, with the little elephants on it. She didn’t know why elephants. It was what it was.

  “Addie!” Marcus’s alarmed voice broke through the night. The pain and worry in it tore at her heart. She couldn’t hurt him anymore, but right now, she couldn’t respond. There was nothing left of her. Nothing but the shell of a person whose head was full of odd little boxes she didn’t know what to do with.

  “Addie!” he yelled again. Was his voice farther away, or was she slipping away? Huddled there, on the beach, the sand sinking between her toes, she wrapped her arms around her knees and sank a little farther down. She could almost imagine it swallowing her up.

  “Addie.” This time relief filled his voice. It was closer now. Warm. Strong. She closed her eyes. Afraid to look at him, afraid of what she’d see there. Of the censure. Of the blame. Of the pity.

  “Addie?” he whispered as he sank beside her. Instead of looking up, she leaned her head forward, resting it on her knees. She couldn’t curl in any more. She couldn’t hide from him—or herself, but oh, how she wanted to try.

  He didn’t speak. Instead, he settled beside her. He reached around her, encircling her with his legs, with his arms, and resting his chin on top of her head. A cocoon. Holding her, keeping her safe. Warming her. And she hadn’t even realized she was cold. She shivered, and he absorbed that, too.

  “I’m here,” he whispered. And then he fell silent, simply holding her until she was ready to emerge into the light. “I know that feeling. I know that hurt. You can tell me. But don’t shut me out,” he whispered, holding her close, letting her rest against him. He waited.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  ADDIE DIDN’T WANT to feel the grief anymore, and she certainly didn’t want Marcus to feel it, either. She pulled away from him, turning to look into his eyes. She wished she could see him better. The moonlight was dim.

  “I loved someone. Once. A very long time ago.”

  “What happened?” he whispered.

  She held her breath. For so long, everyone she knew had known about Cal. She hadn’t had to explain. She hadn’t had to speak about him, about the events, or the pain.

  She didn’t even know what to say now, but somehow the words began. She glanced at him, gauging his reaction. “Cal Ferguson was my boyfriend in high school. I thought he was the one.” She paused. She still did sometimes. She still loved that boy. Her heart hurt thinking about him.

  “He was Dutch and Elizabeth’s only child. The couple I introduced you to earlier? He was a bit spoiled, I think. He got everything he wanted. Which, since his dad was the sheriff, pretty much gave him star status.”

  Marcus rubbed her shoulders. She nearly purred it felt so good to let him take the tension away.

  “I came out here to spend the summer on the ranch. And being the new girl—let’s say it was a fun summer. Wyatt and Granddad had a heck of a time.”

  He laughed and kept massaging her shoulders. “Sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “It was.” It had been the best summer of her life. “It’s the only time in my life where I focused on what I wanted. What I needed. I had that one summer of wildness.”

  She couldn’t hold back the hiccup of her tears. The massaging hands moved around her and pulled her up against him again. She let him comfort her.

  “Cal was wild. Living on the edge. That day...we...we were all down here at the river. Someone had smuggled some beer in a cooler, and he was pretty drunk.” She sobbed. “We were barely seventeen.”

  “You don’t have to tell me. It’s okay,” Marcus whispered.

  “I need to.” As much to rid her soul of the pain, as to make sure this man who’d become more than just a neighbor or a friend knew exactly what he was getting into. She hadn’t said the words aloud, barely even thought them in years.

  “This used to be where we swam. All summer long.” Addie’s voice broke.

  “Used to?” he asked.

  She took a couple of steps, moving more carefully down the bluff this time. Now she stepped out in front of him, dipping her bare toes into the gentle current. “I haven’t been here since...” She tilted her head back and stared at the sky. “Since Cal drowned.”

  Several minutes ticked by, the rush of the water filling the void.

  “That’s why Elizabeth says water’s evil.” Realization dawned on his face and in his voice. His arms tightened for an instant. “I’m so sorry, Addie.” And she could tell he really was sorry, he felt for her. “So sorry.”

  She nodded, letting the rough fabric of his shirt against her cheek comfort her.

  “Elizabeth never recovered from that night. I think I’ll always hear her screams when Dutch told her.” Why she’d been with him, she didn’t remember. She didn’t remember much else of that night beyond the pain and screams. She’d wondered if any of those screams had been hers.

  Slowly, cautiously, Addie turned to face Marcus. “When Emily asked you tonight about why you left Chicago, I saw it.”

  “Saw what?”

&
nbsp; “That flash of pain. That grief that I feel, that follows me everywhere. I hated that you have that, too.”

  He nodded, and she saw the darkness creep into his gaze. She wanted to scream and chase it away. “I don’t want them to be between us.”

  “Are they?” He pushed her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her curls.

  “I feel like something is.” She leaned her cheek into his hand, loving the warmth of his touch. “For so long, I was afraid to see anyone. Everyone kept warning me about rebounding.” She looked down. “I don’t want to be your rebound.”

  Even in the darkness, she could see his throat move as he swallowed. He didn’t look away. “I never planned to find someone new,” he said softly. “For a long time, I felt guilty even thinking about being with someone else.”

  “Me, too. I felt like I was betraying him. Betraying what we had.”

  Marcus nodded. “But if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t want Carolyn to live the majority of her life alone. Cal wouldn’t expect that of you, would he?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. We were too young to think about forever and death. We were invincible then.”

  “Carolyn and I never talked about it until she got sick. It doesn’t usually come up.” He shrugged.

  She looked at him then, and he saw fresh tears in her eyes. “I—” She stopped. She’d never told anyone what was on the tip of her tongue.

  “You can tell me. What?” he asked gently.

  Addie bit her lip, as if that would keep the words inside. She couldn’t ignore the shame. “Looking back...” Deep breath. She focused on the button of his shirt. “I don’t even know if we’d have been together forever if he’d lived.” She rushed her words. Another deep breath.

  There, it was out there. She couldn’t control what he thought of her now.

  “You’ve tormented yourself too long with that guilt.”

  She looked at him again. “Maybe.” She couldn’t look away. “I don’t know how else to feel.”

  For a long time, he sat there, holding her, not speaking, not moving. Finally, he spoke. “The day Carolyn died, I felt a huge relief. She was at peace. She wasn’t in pain anymore and I wouldn’t have to watch her suffer anymore.”

  “Oh, Marcus—” She reached up to soothe him, but he grabbed her hand and pulled it away from touching him.

  “I’m not telling you this to get your sympathy. I want you to understand. The guilt I felt is why I drank. I was ashamed.” He breathed in deep, his chest expanding and moving against her. “For being glad...she was gone.” His voice hitched, and she knew it was from unshed tears.

  Only the rush of the river nearby broke the quiet of the night. She didn’t know what to say. She understood. “Marcus?”

  “Yeah?” he whispered.

  “Will you do something for me?”

  “Anything.”

  She reached up and ran her fingertips along the rough line of his jaw, stopping to linger on his lips. “I know we won’t ever forget.” She didn’t really want to. “For the first time, I’m ready to move on.”

  His smile was bittersweet. He leaned closer. “Let’s make some new memories.”

  “Yes.” She sighed, her breath fanning over his lips just before he settled them on hers. So warm. So firm. So right.

  She kissed him back, parting her lips to silently ask for more. Marcus gladly complied, deepening the kiss.

  Gently, he slid his big, strong hand into her hair, cupping the back of her head and holding her to him. His other arm slid around her waist. Somehow, they were stretched out on the cool sand, her curves snuggled against his solid angles.

  Where her mind had been full of memories and words just a moment ago, it was now blessedly blank, filled with nothing but the sensation of his taste, his touch.

  She couldn’t get enough of him, and she reached up to the buttons of his shirt that she’d stared at earlier. The simple white pearl buttons slid easily through the worn buttonholes. The t-shirt he wore underneath held his body heat, and she savored the warmth as she slid her hand over the hard muscles of his chest.

  “Addie,” he whispered as his lips left hers and slid along the edge of her chin to the sensitive skin of her neck. “You feel so good.”

  He slid his hands along her shoulders and arms, finding the curve of her hip. Then, slowly, cautiously, he slid his hand up, over her ribs to the soft curve of her breast.

  Surprised, she gasped. As if he took the sound for protest, he halted the movement of his hand—until she encircled his thick wrist with her hand and hesitantly guided his hand upward.

  There was no mistaking his groan for a protest.

  Heat washed through her veins, and her body tingled in places she’d nearly forgotten about, reminding her that they wanted more. Of him.

  Arching her back, Addie begged him with her body for more. Much, much more.

  Marcus moved, rolling over so that she was beneath him, the sand warm against her back, his body hot over hers. They were eye to eye now, and he looked at her, pushing her hair away from her face, giving him more access.

  For an instant, he paused, staring at her. “The moonlight suits you.” Marcus lowered his head, kissing her with an intensity he hadn’t before.

  This man. His touch. His kindness. His smile. Everything about him fit into her heart. She gasped as she realized how much she wanted him. How much she cared for him.

  Was it possible? Could she...?

  She didn’t know how, didn’t really care how, but she knew she’d fallen in love with him. How could she have been so foolish as to confuse this with anything else?

  “Marcus... Please...”

  “What?” He lifted his head, giving her space, time to think, though she saw the strain on his face. She smiled, loving him even more for the restraint he was struggling with.

  “Make love to me,” she whispered. “Tonight. Now.”

  His gaze darkened, passion shadowing the eyes she knew were a rich, deep blue.

  “I want you.” He kissed her swiftly. “You’re killing me.” But instead of coming back to her and touching, kissing her, he pulled away.

  She frowned, afraid she’d said too much, afraid he’d changed his mind. “I—” He didn’t pull away.

  “I did manage to get to a drugstore. Not a lot of good it will do us in my backpack at your brother’s house.”

  And then she laughed. At first soft, sweet, almost a giggle. And then it grew, loud and hard. He joined her until his eyes shone with mirth. He rolled her over in the sand. “I still want you.”

  Her laughter melted away as quickly as it had come. An ache grew in her chest, spreading lower, deeper, to the hollow inside her that ached to have him.

  “My room is across the hall from yours,” she whispered. “It’s already late.”

  “Late enough?”

  She nodded slowly. “It will be by the time we get there.” She reached up to pull his lips to hers. He didn’t even bother to resist.

  * * *

  THE HOUSE WAS empty when they approached. That wouldn’t last much longer, even though the party would last well into the night.

  Addie hoped no one was sitting on the porch or relaxing in the kitchen. And no one was. She held Marcus’s hand and led him in the front door.

  The old house muffled the sound of outside. She didn’t hear anyone even snoring, which was a good thing. They had the place to themselves. “This way.” He followed her instructions as they climbed the stairs.

  It was one thing to want to make love, it was another thing completely to sneak into the house and actually do it. Her entire body shivered at the realization she’d be as close as she could possibly be to Marcus. It wasn’t soon enough.

  She couldn’t see much from the doorway, but when he went into his room, she saw him put something into h
is jean pocket.

  The realization of what that was, and what was ahead, made her entire body ache with longing. Finally, he walked to her, silently closing the door.

  They stood there. Staring at each other. Waiting for what? She felt smaller now that they were on solid ground. “Did you change your mind?” she whispered.

  “Ah, babe.” He ran a rough finger down her cheek. “I couldn’t if I wanted to. You are so damned beautiful.” He leaned in and kissed her. Slowly, she backed up, bringing him with her until she reached the door across the hall. She reached behind and turned the doorknob. It opened silently, and she mentally praised Wyatt for his maintenance skills.

  Then all thought was gone as Marcus scooped her into his arms. She laughed softly, hiding her face against his neck to muffle the sound. He paused only long enough for her to close the door. “Lock it,” he said.

  She did.

  * * *

  MARCUS STRODE ACROSS the floor through the darkened room. The moonlight, falling in through the single window and landing in a square of white on the bed, was all the light he needed. He didn’t stop until he reached the bed, where he laid Addie on top of the old-fashioned quilt.

  The light fell over her, wanting to touch her as much as he did. The moonlight in her eyes, she smiled. “Marcus.” She said his name. “Love me,” she whispered.

  “Ah, honey.” He leaned in and joined her on top of that quilt. He put his lips on hers deep and hard, not even hesitating. There was no reason to hold back now. Nothing could interrupt them now.

  But that didn’t mean he intended to hurry. He was ready for this, and he was going to make sure it was special for them both.

  Slowly, he pulled back, just wanting to look at her. He wanted to make sure he saw her in his mind’s eye as well, and that she was seeing him. He needed to make sure.

  Her hair, all those luscious curls, was tangled and scattered around her face. He pushed a few stray strands out of her eyes, loving the soft feel of them between his fingers.

  Her cheek was smooth and warm against his fingers, and those lips. They tasted sweet and turned up so adorably when she smiled.