by Dilly Court
‘I don’t want to hear his name mentioned ever again. Do you understand me, Kate? He is dead to me. Dead and gone.’ Picking up her skirts, Josie raced up the stairs to lock herself in her room, where she collapsed on her bed in a storm of grief that racked her whole body.
Chapter Nineteen
AFTER A DISTURBED night’s sleep when dreams of Harry had turned into nightmares, Kate rose from her uncomfortable bed before dawn. The rest of the house was in silence as she made her way downstairs to the kitchen. She was home, but it was no longer the happy place it had once been. Honoria’s presence had soured the atmosphere in the farmhouse. The shadows seemed darker and the whole building seemed to be sighing. Chiding herself for her silly notions, she picked up the hod and was about to go outside to fetch coal for the fire when Molly burst into the kitchen. Kate opened her mouth to greet her but the words stilled on her lips. ‘Molly, my dear, what’s wrong?’
‘It’s Sam,’ Molly sobbed. ‘He’s going away. He’s leaving us, Kate.’
‘I don’t believe it. Sam wouldn’t abandon you.’
Molly’s dark eyes swam with tears. ‘He says he can’t stay any longer. He’s going to sea, Kate. He says he wants to get as far away from here as he can.’
Kate’s worst fears were suddenly realised. If Sam was leaving she knew who was to blame. She made an effort to sound positive. ‘He won’t do it. He’s just saying that because he’s upset.’
‘He’s going away forever. He said so last night.’
‘We’ll see about that.’ Kate gave her a reassuring hug. ‘I’ll go and speak to him. You’d better make breakfast. You know how Pa creates if he hasn’t got a cup of tea waiting for him when he comes downstairs.’ She took her shawl from its peg near the door. ‘I won’t be long, Molly.’
A cool green light in the sky was rapidly giving way to an orange glow as the sun rose in the east. Birds were singing their spring song and Kate could hear the soft lowing of the cows as she picked her way across the muddy farmyard towards a beam of light emanating from the open barn door. She found Sam inside, and to her relief he was on his own. He was sitting on a three-legged stool, leaning against the haunches of the cow that he was milking. The rhythmic sound of the warm, sweet-smelling milk hissing against the side of the wooden bucket seemed to have a soothing effect on him, and, for once, he appeared to be calm and relaxed. He looked up and grinned.
Encouraged, Kate returned his smile. ‘You’ve begun early, Sam.’
‘I have much to do today.’
‘Molly says that you are going away.’
He nodded his head. ‘Aye, it’s true.’
‘But why, Sam? Why must you leave us? What will Molly do without you?’
‘I have to go, maidy. I can’t bear to stay in this place another day.’
‘But running away to sea isn’t the answer.’
He turned his head away. ‘I have to go, and I know that you will look after Molly for me.’
‘Of course I will, but you don’t have to leave the farm. Pa relies on you and so do I. Why must you do this to us?’
‘Don’t question me, Kate. My mind’s made up.’
‘It’s to do with Josie, isn’t it?’
‘She’s set on marrying that Challenor fellow. She told me so herself.’
‘You’ve always known that she would marry within her own class, Sam.’
He leapt to his feet, knocking over the bucket in his haste. ‘Leave me be, Kate.’ He backed away from her, and there was a wild gleam in his eyes that sent cold shivers down her spine.
‘What happened? You can tell me.’
‘I can’t.’ Sam ran his hand through his thick mop of dark hair. ‘You would hate me if you knew that I’d almost dishonoured the girl I love with all me heart and soul.’
‘I could never hate you, Sam.’
‘I was going to take her on the floor of the summerhouse like a common whore, and would have if Hickson hadn’t come upon us at that moment. Is that plain enough for you? Do you still love me like a brother? The miserable wretch that I am.’
Kate caught her breath. She had guessed that something had happened between them, but Sam’s crude admission shocked her to the core. ‘I – I don’t know what to say.’
‘No, of course you don’t. It’s not the sort of thing that you would expect a high-born lady like Josie to do with a rough fellow like me, is it? Well, I’m not proud of myself, but I really love her, Kate. I love that girl with all my heart and soul, and without her there is nothing here for me. I’m not going to stand by and see her married to someone else. I can’t stand it any longer and I have to get away, don’t you see that?’
She stared at him in dismay. His words were shocking, but she felt his pain as deeply as she felt her own. They had both loved deeply and were having to face the loss of the one person in the world for them. She wrapped her arms around him. ‘Oh, my poor Sam.’ She felt his hot tears on her cheek as he pulled away from her, dashing his arm across his eyes.
‘Leave me be, Kate. I’m not worthy of your sympathy. I know how bad I’ve behaved and I also know that she despises me for it. She told me so herself. She don’t never want to see me again.’
‘She said that?’
‘Aye. That’s what she said all right. And I don’t rightly blame her. How could she wed a fellow like me? What have I got to offer her?’
‘You love her,’ Kate said softly. ‘What more could a woman ask than to hold the key to a man’s heart and soul?’
‘It’s not enough for Miss Damerell of Damerell Manor. I thought she might have second thoughts and come to see me, but she hasn’t. She wants more than I can ever give her.’ He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and sniffed. ‘Leaving you and Molly is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I’ve got to go. I’m going to tell the gaffer now, and I’ll be off by mid-morning.’
‘Please, Sam. I’m begging you not to do this.’ Kate choked on a sob, unable to hold back tears. ‘Let me speak to Josie. Let me tell her how you really feel.’
‘It won’t do no good, maidy. She’s engaged to that toff Challenor. She told me so herself.’
‘I know, Sam. She told me yesterday. I know it’s hard for you, but won’t you reconsider, please?’
‘My mind’s made up,’ Sam said firmly. ‘I’ve got to go and tell the gaffer I’m leaving. I can’t run off without a word. He’s been good to me and Molly and I won’t never forget it.’ He marched out of the barn, walking purposefully towards the house.
Kate followed him slowly, but even as she approached the open doorway she knew that her father had received the news badly. She hesitated, not wanting to go inside and make matters worse. She could hear Pa shouting at Sam and calling him an ingrate. Hadn’t he always treated him like a son? And now he was going away, leaving the farm just as the fields were ready for spring sowing. If he must go, why could he not wait until after the hiring fair, giving his master time to find a replacement for his best worker?
Kate could bear it no longer and she entered the kitchen as Honoria joined in, shrieking insults at Sam and uttering veiled threats to evict Molly from the cottage. Robert hastily denied this, but Kate could see that Sam was in an agony of indecision. He hugged Molly and over the top of her head his eyes pleaded with Kate for help.
‘I’ll move in with Molly,’ she said hastily. ‘I’m sure that Honoria will be glad to get me out of the house.’
‘That’s nonsensical talk,’ Robert protested. He shook his finger at Sam. ‘See what you’ve done? You’ve upset everyone with your selfish talk of going to sea. Change your mind, boy. Stay on in the cottage and work for me as you’ve always done.’
‘I can’t, gaffer. You’ve always been good to me, but I have to find my way in the world. When I make enough money, I’ll send for Molly and set her up in a home of her own, but until then I’d be more than grateful if you would let her live on in the cottage.’
‘I can do some of Sam’s chores,’ Kate said stoutly. ‘I can mil
k the cows. The other men can share his work between them until the hiring fair in Dorchester.’
‘And who are you to tell your father what to do, I’d like to ask?’ Honoria spat the words like an angry cat. ‘Tell her to mind her own business, Robert.’
He had the look of a man defeated. ‘I’m tired of all this bickering and fighting. If Kate can cope with the extra chores, I’ve no objection to her moving in with young Molly, but it’ll only be until I find a replacement for Sam. Is that understood?’
Kate nodded her head. ‘Yes, Father.’
‘Thank you, Kate. I’ll never forget this.’ Sam gave her a grateful smile. He turned to his sister who was sobbing uncontrollably. ‘Be a good girl, Molly. Send me on me way with a smile and not a tear.’
She grasped the lapels of his jacket, holding on as if she would never let him go. ‘I c-can’t. I’ll never smile again. Don’t leave me, Sam.’
Kate moved to her side. ‘You still have me, Molly. I’ll look after you, and Sam won’t be gone forever. He’ll come home as often as he can. He’ll bring you presents from foreign places, you’ll see.’
‘I’ve got to go.’ Sam hurried from the kitchen, leaving the door swinging on its hinges.
‘Stop that caterwauling, you stupid girl,’ Honoria said, covering her ears with her hands. ‘And think yourself lucky that we don’t throw you out on the street. Heaven knows, you’re not much use as a cook or a housemaid.’
‘I’ve had enough of this.’ Robert made a move towards the doorway. ‘I’m going to gather the men together and divide Sam’s work up between them. They won’t like it one bit, but it’s him they’ll blame, not I.’ He stomped out of the kitchen.
Honoria glared at Kate with narrowed eyes. ‘Take her outside and hold her head under the pump until she stops wailing. And as for you, miss, once you’ve left this house, don’t expect to come back.’
‘Don’t worry, Honoria,’ Kate said calmly. ‘Wild horses wouldn’t drag me back to that beastly attic room.’
Later that day, while Honoria took her customary afternoon nap, Molly helped Kate to move her things into the cottage. A steady drizzle had begun to fall from a desultory sky and the lane was thick with mud and cow dung, but Kate was so relieved to be moving out of the farmhouse that she cared little for wet feet and damp skirts clinging to her legs. The tiny cottage with its thatched roof and whitewashed cob walls looked welcoming, even as the rain dripped off the thatch like teardrops. It had a garden, which, although small, was big enough for the occupants to grow vegetables at the back and a few flowers in the front. Surrounded by a picket fence, it was to Kate like a small fortress and her spirits lifted a little as she trudged up the garden path. Sam had left the wood store stacked with logs and bundles of dried furze, and they soon had a fire blazing merrily in the hearth.
Kate took stock of her new home. There was just the one room downstairs, which served as a kitchen and a living room. It was simply furnished with a pine table and two fruitwood chairs, a pine dresser and a beech-wood rocking chair by the fire. It was spartan but clean and it felt like home. She slipped off her wet jacket and hung it on a peg behind the door. ‘We’ll do very nicely here, Molly. Where do I sleep?’
Molly filled the kettle from a battered enamel jug and set it on a hook over the fire. ‘You can have Sam’s room. He won’t be needing it now.’ Her voice hitched on a sob, and Kate went to her and gave her a hug.
‘He’ll be home again before you know it.’
Molly managed a watery smile. ‘Yes, you’re right. Come upstairs and I’ll show you where you’ll sleep.’ She led the way up a narrow staircase to the first floor, where there were two small bedrooms. ‘This one is yours,’ she said, flinging the door open. ‘Mine is across the landing.’
Sam’s room was uncompromisingly masculine with a narrow wooden bed covered with a patchwork quilt and a small chest of drawers beneath the window. The bare walls were whitewashed and in its unadorned simplicity it could have been a monk’s cell. Kate put the carpet bag containing her clothes down on the bed and turned to Molly, who was standing in the doorway, watching her anxiously. ‘This is splendid. I’m sure I will be a lot cosier in here than I was in that draughty attic room.’
‘Really? I mean, I know you’re used to a much grander way of living at the farm.’
‘I’ll be perfectly comfortable here, and the best part of it is that I no longer have to put up with hateful Honoria.’
‘Oh, heavens!’ Molly clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘I must get back before she wakes from her nap and demands a cup of tea, and then I have to start preparing supper. I’ll leave you to settle in, Kate.’
‘I would love that, but you’re forgetting that I have to do some of Sam’s work now, and that means the late milking, or there will be no cream to skim off in the morning, and neither butter nor cheese.’
‘Can you really manage all those extra chores?’
‘I don’t know, Molly. But I’m certainly going to try.’ Kate managed a cheery smile, but inwardly she was worried. She was painfully aware that one slip, one false move on her part would give Honoria the ammunition she needed to have them both turned out of the cottage. She knew that her father would take her back in the house, but returning to the attic room was unthinkable, and now she was responsible for Molly as well as herself. She would have to step warily.
The living conditions in the cottage were basic; the privy was a little hut set over a stream that eventually filtered into the River Frome, and water had to be drawn from a well in the back garden, but Kate was happier now than she had been since her father’s wedding. She had achieved an uneasy truce with him, although she sensed that he still blamed her for upsetting Honoria, but she had little time to brood over what had happened in the past. She rose at four o’clock every morning and trudged the half-mile or so to the farm. There was the milking to be done, cream to be skimmed, butter to be made, hens to be fed and eggs to be collected. When she finished scouring the butter churn and scrubbing the dairy floor it was late in the evening, and she waited outside the scullery for Molly so that they could walk home together. There was hardly any respite from the daily grind, even on a Sunday, but Robert still insisted that everyone must attend matins. He drove to church every Sunday morning, with Honoria sitting beside him decked out in her best clothes and Tilda hunched in the back of the farm cart clutching the baby in her arms. Kate watched them drive past the cottage, but she never received as much as a nod from Honoria, and Robert kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead. Tilda was the only one to acknowledge her presence, and she would either stick her tongue out or cock a snook. Kate and Molly were left to walk to the village, whatever the weather. Kate’s boots were in desperate need of mending: rainwater seeped through the worn soles, so that she often had to sit and shiver through the service with wet feet. Perhaps even more disconcerting were the curious looks that she and Molly received from the rest of the congregation. The whole village knew that Sam had left in rather a hurry, although the true reason for this had not yet been identified. Rumours abounded. Some said that he had been making up to Kate and that Farmer Coggins had discovered them in a compromising situation. Others said that he had fallen foul of the new Mrs Coggins and she had sent him packing, but to Kate’s intense relief no one had linked his name with Josie’s.
As she sat at the back of the church on the third Sunday in April, Kate could see Josie sitting in the Damerell family pew with her mother, Hermione and Sir Joseph. Kate could only guess that Josie was present to hear the final reading of the banns, and she bowed her head. Once the wedding date was set there would be no going back. She longed to see Josie, but she had not had a spare moment since Sam left, and Josie had not attempted to make contact. She was obviously preparing for her life in a quite different world.
As the congregation stood to sing a hymn, Josie turned her head and looked at Kate. Their eyes met for an instant, and the blank expression on Josie’s face shocked Kate to the core. They might be com
plete strangers. She had not expected to be greeted with open arms but she could not imagine what she had done to deserve such a look. The page of the hymnal blurred before her eyes as she stared down at the print, which seemed to have turned into dozens of wriggling black tadpoles. Molly’s clear soprano voice rang out beside her, but Kate’s mouth was dry and she could not utter a single note. As the hymn ended and everyone sat down, she looked up and caught Squire Westwood’s eye. He smiled at her, and, feeling suddenly lost and quite alone, Kate smiled back at him. He was waiting for her outside the church when the service ended. He doffed his top hat. ‘Miss Coggins, how delightful it is to see you looking so well.’
‘Thank you, Squire.’ Kate could think of nothing else to say to him. His two precocious daughters were standing behind him, giggling behind their hands.
‘I really must call at the farm and pay my respects to your father and his wife.’ He inclined his head in the direction of Robert, who was assisting Honoria to climb onto the cart. ‘And I suppose there will be a christening soon.’
‘I don’t know, sir.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘I heard that you had moved out of the farmhouse and into the cottage with young Molly.’
‘She is too young to live alone, and I’m very fond of her. She’s like a sister to me.’
‘You have a sweet nature, Kate, and I lived with Honoria under my roof for long enough to know that she is, or can be, a difficult woman.’
‘I really must be going, sir. Molly will be waiting for me.’ Kate looked round for Molly and saw her standing by one of the yew trees with her friend Sal. They were chattering like a pair of excited starlings, totally oblivious to their surroundings.
‘I think young Molly is enjoying herself with Farmer Cobb’s daughter,’ Squire Westwood said, smiling. ‘Why don’t you come back to the Grange with us, Kate? You would be a most welcome guest at luncheon, and I have something particular to say to you.’
She glanced over his shoulder at the mean little faces of Amy and Letitia. ‘Thank you, sir. But I’m sure your daughters would prefer to have you to themselves.’
