by Don Cook
“And even then, dear non-Earthlies,” Mike preached to the aliens with an evangelist’s gusto, “the bowels of death could not keep the Good Son of Man down. For by both His Father’s Will and the power of the same Holy Spirit that gave Him a mortal body, Jesus Christ returned Him from the dead. And in so doing, He paved the only way by which anyone descended from Adam and Eve could have eternal life with the Good, Kind Lord for whom I witness to you this day — all simply for the repentant asking.”
“And thankfully, it’s all the way you need.”
“When God fashioned the first-father Adam from the soil of Eden,” Khraa/Astra continued, “and then first-mother Eve from Adam’s rib, He made them to live forever. Yes, my off-Earthly peoples have conducted DNA studies that show that only in this manner could humans have been brought about. God actually designed and created humankind to be His Divine capstone creation, the heirs and heiresses to his Universe-spanning Kingdom. But humans, being humans, strayed from the Good Lord, starting with Eve being lured away by the siren call of Satan-as-serpent who slithered in the Death-Tree — that’s the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil to you Earthlings.
“Yes, people of Earth! Satan used sweet-talking on Eve, one of the oldest tricks in the proverbial book used by evil men on women. Satan-as-serpent conned Eve into taking of the Death-Tree’s forbidden fruit, lying to Eve that she would not die, even though God had warned otherwise.
“Thus Eve, the first woman, also became the first woman to be sweet-talked into doing evil by having a bite of the fruit of the Death-Tree. And her personality turned from a carefree playfully happy woman into a lewdness-radiating soul who, when Adam saw her, saw all the coming Jezebels, Cleopatras and so on, and had absolutely no way to resist her dark charms!”
“Many well-meaning yet arrogantly presumptive Evangelical Christian men think Adam could have clobbered the snake before the snake got to Eve. But that, too is one of the devil’s deceptions that has been foisted onto a post-Falwellian Evangelical Christendom that was given a guilt-trip by feminists, especially a filthy-rich talk-show diva who specialized in making men feeling guilty just for being male. She was the kind of Jezebel who was, in her own inimitable fashion, far worse than a certain male talk show-host who was also the son-in-law of a famous comedic TV pioneer-entertainer.
“And both talk show icons lived down to II Timothy 3, verses 6 and 7. In those two verses, it is indeed written about these kinds of persons, ‘For of these are they that creep into houses’ — how’s that for a prophecy about the existence of radio, all manner of television and Internet? — ‘and take captive silly women laden with sins, led away by various lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.’
“It is, indeed, tragically and insultingly odd that so many clay-footed scaredy-cat preachers and lay-preachers from Evangelical Christendom gloss over or ignore these two verses that come on the heels of that same Biblical chapter’s previous verses that are the rap sheet of the end-times common person! Courageous, my gluties! That’s cowardice in my books! And the word ‘gluties’ is ‘derriere’ to you Earthlings!
“You Earthlings speak of your narratives!” Khraa/Astra spoke, with a sneer of righteous contempt at Earthly humankind. “What your narratives are, in fact, is a collection of collective monologues of hate! Hate speech in casts! Verbal bile. No, verbal vomit! Whatever happened to dialogue and the art thereof?!
“All your hateful narratives, Earth-humans, are only rants of the love of power so corrupted and corruptive that it only hears the words echoed from its own jaws of hell! All of your hate-speech narratives, Earthlings, are so sickening and caustic that no one really gives a damn about what other people say anymore!”
Khraa/Astra paused, and then continued with scholarly dignity, “If you cannot — or will not — listen to each other, your civilization is unworthy of continuance. I won’t destroy it, nor will any other extraterrestrials. But you, peoples of Earth, will do the dirty deeds of self-destruction all by yourselves. Because of your world’s elites ruled largely by Mephistula/Stanton and many other heinous beasts, not to mention devilish media celebrities, foolish professor-propagandists, corrupt activist-judges, politicos and even pastors and other religious leaders who abuse their pulpits and other faith-based podiums, politics has made monsters of you all!!”
“Is this the legacy your peoples want to leave, Earthlings?” Khraa/Astra said, in a softer maternal voice. “A blue streak of epithets as your kind’s epitaph?! When it comes to these ever-divisive, one-sided ‘narratives’ that wrongly pit humans against humans, abolish them! If you Earthlings want to leave a different legacy, then replace your nauseating narratives, Earthlings, with friendlier, all-directional dialogues!
“And if you believe you have a grudge, Earthlings, you had all better remember this!” Khraa/Astra boldly admonished the people of Earth, her disappointed outrage sounding with her every word. “All have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God! All! Everybody! That means each and every last one of you is just as sinful as your neighbor! Stop nitpicking the specks out of each other’s eyes and start to pull the billions of board feet of lumber out from your own!
“You’ve each got your own guano to deal with, so stop pointing your dirty little fingers at others unless, and until, your own hands are so clean that they make an aerospace clean-room look like your planet’s foulest pig-sty!
“And if you think I’m bluffing, Kannatikan invaders,” Mike said with policeman’s somberness, “I remind you again of your current situation. You are hopelessly trapped in space, unfathomably far from your civilization. And I can safely say that the Amkerians can and will destroy your physical selves with neutron weaponry, and then take every spacecraft in your Starfleet, which I know are all Amkerian-built star-vessels. They can and will decontaminate them of all microbial contagions and unsafely excessive radioactivity.
“And also, Kannatikans, bear this in mind. The Amkerians, despite their orders to take the sentientarian approach (or what we Earthlings would call the humanitarian approach), can and will shoot to kill any and all Kannatikan star-beings who put up any resistance. But they also are offering humane treatment to any of you who surrender peacefully. Their desire not to do unwarranted harm or violence to your persons is the sole motivation for this order of restraint. But if you resist and rebel, they will act…”
“And before you feel so utterly helpless and hopeless that you want to go and kill yourselves,” Khraa/Astra said, as both her voice and her view of Earthlings waxed more sympathetic, “remember that the only way to have a heavenly hereafter and a relationship with your Creator I had mentioned earlier? The Lord knows fully well that you humans cannot work your way to Him. Not now, not ever!
“That, dear Earthlings,” Khraa/Astra continued, “is the very reason Almighty God sent his Son. That’s right, Jesus Christ, Risen Son of the Living God. He sent His Son to be born as a flesh-and-blood baby boy of the Virgin Mary by the power of the Holy Spirit, grow to be a man of age 33, to preach the good news He had for all humans. Every last descendant of Adam and Eve, even those whose ancestors were carted off as slaves to other planets by half-human, half-demon Nephilimites from Atlantis, Lemuria, and other pre-Flood kingdoms. Even for certain humans with Nephilimite blood who seek Him. And the Son of God was cruelly executed, paying the ultimate penalty for our sins that we could never pay.
“And as it also says in the Good Book,” Khraa/Astra told Earth’s people reassuringly, “Jesus was risen from the dead, having taken the rap of our sins upon himself. For all of us. And tasted the horrible, vile taste of hell’s ultimate eternally living death so we could still receive His pardon and forgiveness, have this same risen Jesus Christ as our new Lord, Savior, God and King, and receive the gift of God’s Holy Spirit. All for the heartfelt, honest and totally humble asking.
“As well, Jesus was taken to the Heaven of Heavens, or, as you Earthers would simply call it, Heaven, to be with His Father at His
right hand. And yes, Jesus Christ is coming back to this increasingly vile Earth to take it back for His sake, to set up His Divine, Eternal Kingdom on this special planet Earth that will neither decline nor fall, but instead last forever and prosper. Yes, the signs are lining up like divinely obedient ducks in a row. It’s only a matter of time before Jesus the Christ returns to Earth and begins the ‘Jesus Millennium’ and the Beautiful Beyond.
“So where does this leave you, dear individual humans…?” Khraa/Astra asked Earthly humankind. “Where will you be? Do you want to fry, suffer and painfully agonize in the eternal living death that is hell once you die? Or would you love to spend a happy hereafter with the Lord who is so powerful and loves you so much, that His Son Jesus came to pay the price for your sins and mine, and had also vanquished death?
“The death and resurrection of Jesus shows that the Lord is indeed the Almighty. Many among you have heard this message spoken time after time by various Christian pastors and others who have professed to have Jesus Christ as their Savior. But I guarantee you that this is the first time in the history of this planet since Jesus had become flesh and walked on the Earth, that this good news was given with such frankness, to all the nations at the exact same time, by an extraterrestrial.
“Remember, the Rapture, Great Tribulation, and Second Coming are still on their way, whether you like it or not. But for now, thankfully, as you have witnessed, that this makes you, the humans of Earth, now freer than ever to decide for yourselves the future you want.”
COCKPIT OF FIGHTER-SPACECRAFT “BLUE 1”
18:56 COORDINATED UNIVERSAL TIME (EARTH-TIME)
“And this same goodwill from my Lord and Savior,” Mike continued, “is what spurs me on to give each Kannatikan this offer of eternal salvation, along with the offer of benevolent treatment from the Amkerian victors. Amkerian star-beings will soon board your vessel. They will offer you political sanctuary from your tyrannical Kannatikan authorities, along with readjustment to a new life as Amkerians, if you want it. And Jesus offers each of you what He offers each of my people on Earth, if you want that. An offer that I, for one, have long ago gratefully accepted.
“So, vanquished invaders from Kannatika, what will it be? Eternal living death in the hell of Perditia — or a brand-new life as Amkerians, with God walking with you every step of your way, and eternal life with the same Lord God Almighty in His Happy Hereafter? That choice is strictly and individually yours. This is Mike Bonhoeffer from planet Earth, piloting Blue 1, over-and-out.”
Mike, having ended his sermon from Mars’ orbit, radioed across the void, “Blue 1 to Karsarvan, do you read?”
“Karsarvan to Blue 1” Nimmax replied. “Go ahead.”
“Permission to rendezvous with the Dingharton in Earth’s atmosphere.”
“Permission granted, Blue 1. They’ll look forward to meeting you.”
“Thank you, Karsarvan.”
Mike guided Blue 1 into a direct warp-jump line with the Karsarvan, placed his thumb on the warp-jump button and said, “Blue 1 to warp-jump in five, four, three, two, one.”
UPPER ATMOSPHERE OVER EARTH
18:58 COORDINATED UNIVERSAL TIME (EARTH-TIME)
The heavy-class shuttlecraft USS Dingharton majestically descended through the atmosphere, just as a streak of blue light dashed downward from space until it became a blue light-orb that materialized into Blue 1 over the northeastern Pacific Ocean. The shuttlecraft and the small fighter were roughly 500 miles apart as the Dingharton lowered itself over Minneapolis until it came to hover over the American Midwestern city, while Blue 1 flew eastward towards the same Minnesota city at a breathtaking speed of Mach 4.
EXHIBIT HALL THEATER, MINNEAPOLIS CONVENTION CENTER
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, USA
SAME MOMENT
“And so, people of Earth,” Khraa/Astra concluded her address to all of Earth’s humankind with somber urgency mixed with otherworldly assertion, “your choice is pivotal yet also simple. Either change course, repent to the Lord, ask Jesus to come into your heart, mind, soul and life, always have God via the Holy Spirit within you, and enjoy both His happier, eternal tomorrow and His unique peace — or stay your present course and end up in hell and damnation. The Good Lord Almighty awaits your answer today. That decision, Earthlings, is totally, individually and solely yours.”
Around the world, the peoples of the Earth, collectively and individually, were completely humbled by Khraa/Astra’s global address. Everyone’s mind was swimming with doubt and disillusionment that much of what they came to blindly believe in was a pack of lies, as Khraa/Astra re-donned her helmet and thus auto-activated her spacesuit and its external speakers.
Khraa/Astra radioed, “Khraa-Veh to Amkerian shuttlecraft.”
“Shuttlecraft Dingharton” radioed the manly voice of the ship’s commander. “Commander Vryan here.”
“Twelve to teleport, Dingharton: Myself, our Bonhoeffers’ doppelgangers and the six designated Earthlings.”
“Affirmative, Captain. Ready to teleport.”
Khraa/Astra’s voice sounded through her helmet, “Transport, now.”
Three blue light-orbs formed. One completely enveloped Khraa/Astra. A second orb that enveloped Har, while the third formed in Khraa/Astra’s apartment and enveloped the four doppelgangers there, while the fourth covered Rick and his five-person CTC team. And then, the light-orbs vanished…
TELEPORTATION CENTER, USS DINGHARTON
19:20 COORDINATED UNIVERSAL TIME (UTC)
Four blue light-orbs instantly flashed behind the teleport chamber’s translucent double-doors and quickly morphed into Khraa/Astra, Rick, his CTC crew, Har-as-Mike, Toccs-as-Glenn, Velbya-as-Val, Yordy-as-Donny and Tranxa-as-Khraa/Astra. After the teleportation was complete, the chamber doors opened, and all of the teleported persons stepped out of the teleport chamber to meet with Vryan and some of his crew.
“Congratulations, Captain!” 30-something-looking Level-2 Commander Kolmo-Vryan enthusiastically said to Khraa/Astra as they shook hands at the elbow. “You and your man did it!”
“It was really the Good Lord who did it all through us, Commander” Khraa/Astra humbly replied. “Now, where’s the love of my life that helped me save the Earth and countless other worlds?”
“Bridge to Commander Vryan” a semi-deep female voice spoke over the intercom, which prompted Vryan to walk to the wall panel to his left and answer.
“Vryan here.”
“Blue 1 is approaching the ship and slowing, requesting permission to board.”
“Tell Mike Bonhoeffer that permission is granted,” Vryan said, “and tell him to turn over control of Blue 1 to the hangar-deck to allow our tow-beams to take Blue 1 on board.”
“Order acknowledged” the female voice said. “Bridge out.”
“So,” Rick said sardonically, “your Eliot Nutcase is coming on board, too, eh?”
“Commander,” Khraa/Astra said, “please remove Rick Perry and his CTC crew to the detention area, and have them put into suspended animation. Rick’s attitude nauseates me.”
“With pleasure, ma’am” Vryan said.
“What?!” Rick shouted with alarm into the air before he shouted directly at Vryan, “You — you’re in charge of this ship, uh… Vryan, isn’t it?”
“I am, Mr. Perry,” Vryan said, with dutifully blended matter-of-factness and moderate smarminess, “but Captain Veh outranks me by what you Earthlings would call two pay grades.”
Rick, angrily speaking for his CTC crew, got right in Khraa/Astra’s face with macho defiance atypical for a Canadian of his ilk.
“WE ALL STRONGLY PROTEST THIS ALIEN ABDUCTION, CAPTAIN! NOW YOU JUST BEAM OUT BUTTS BACK ONTO THAT THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN, OR ELSE —!”
“Or else you’ll all go crying the blues to your local Mountie?” Khraa/Astra, said with sneering false sympathy. “Oh, for shame, Rick, for shame, my boy! Before you pass up this chance of a trillion lifetimes, you ought to know that Alph) despite your bureaucra
tic imbecility that makes Homer Simpson look like Albert Einstein, you’re actually a man who knows way too much, and Bett) —”
“Alph-and-Bett?!” Rick shouted. “What the hell’s that?!”
“Sorry, Rick” Khraa/Astra said, smugly rubbing it in. “That’s ‘A)’ and ‘B)’ to you Earthlies. And ‘B’, you, Rick have built up ten star-freighter-loads of bad will at CTC. Because of that, your job with that media-casting corporation has been deep-sixed! They made like The Apprentice-era Donald Trump and said, ‘You’re fired.’”
“What?!” Rick shouted in flabbergasted outage.
“I have an atom-molecule-duplicate of the letter of dismissal they sent to you as proof.”
Khraa/Astra removed the atom-molecular-duplicate of the envelope and the letter within from her strapped-on right hip pocket. As she handed it to Rick, Khraa/Astra said, “Read it, and weep! Et lisez-le et pleurez, s’il vous plaît!”
Rick was angrily baffled at Khraa/Astra’s sarcastic bilingual challenge to him.
“At least you’ve got to give me credit for telling you off in both of Canada’s official languages!” Khraa/Astra quipped sarcastically.
Rick whipped open the envelope and read the atom-molecular-duplicated letter, printed with CTC’s letterhead, which informed him in Canadian-polite-but-passive-aggressive wording that his job with the broadcaster had been terminated. Rick was diva-riled at the thought that he, Rick Perry, one of Canadian television’s best-known faces who was also related to a former Canadian Prime Minister, could be canned so easily.
“But who will do Take 22?!” Rick said, aghast. “Or Checking Out Canada?!”
“Computer,” Khraa/Astra spoke into the air, “play back the new Take 22 and Checking Out Canada promotional videos that are set for TV and Internet release this August by CTC.”
