by Don Cook
“Not this August?!” Rick said, even more aghast.
“This very August, mon cher mauvais garçon!” Khraa/Astra quipped sardonically.
“Videos ready for playback, Captain” the Dingharton’s female-voiced computer spoke.
“Activate a mid-air VR monitor in front of Rick Perry and play the promos.”
A mid-air hovering VR screen materialized and expanded before Rick. The cheesy new TV/video ads for Take 22 and Checking Out Canada played on the VR-screen, with up-and-comer Aja Kanata Singh as the new host for both shows.
Rick was far more incensed than before at the betrayal by his sole employer since right after he graduated from the University of Toronto.
“But how?!” Rick verbalized. “How the H-E-double-hockey-sticks — How dare they make like —?!”
“Computer,” Khraa/Astra said, “play back our chronoprobe surveillance video of the conference at CTC’s Toronto head office back in late June.”
She then spoke to Rick very smugly, “Like I had informed the people of your planet earlier, our peoples have the technology to peer back into time and get excellent sound and images of what was based upon the vibrations left behind by the events of all yester-times. The closer to the present, the better the chrono-signals. And since this chrono-signal emanated from within the last few weeks, what you’ll see next is sooo reliable a tale of woe for you, and a big laugh for the rest of us.”
The Checking Out Canada promotional footage instantly changed to footage filmed in an executive office at the CTC Toronto office where Stéphane Gagnon, a high-ranking executive with the broadcasting network, conferred simultaneously in person with Ms. Singh and by video-conference with Peter Giannopoulos, a higher-ranking official with CTC. Rick angrily grimaced, while Khraa/Astra giggled quietly with smarmy glee during the playback.
“We’re aware, Aja,” Gagnon said, with a graceful yet also annoyingly thick Quebecois accent, “that you and Rick have not been getting along lately, and that like you’ve said, he’s got a serious case of swollen head syndrome.”
“What we’re prepared to offer you,” Giannopoulos said, “is the hosting of Take 22 and Checking Out Canada, and anything else Mr. Perry has been responsible for.”
Gagnon continued, “And as for Mr. Perry, he has become a major prima donna pain-in-the-butt and, well —” Gagnon snapped his fingers. “You know how it is.”
Darkly appreciative of the gestures of these two men, Aja said, “When do I start?”
“Can you start tomorrow?” Giannopoulos asked.
“I could start yesterday!” Aja said, with conniving delight.
Aja, Gagnon, and Giannopoulos shared a good belly-laugh as the recording ended and the VR screen vanished.
Rick shouted an unintelligible Quebec-French blue streak in vicious outrage, as two female med-techs walked up behind Rick and his ENG crew.
Rick, gaining his composure, snarled, “WAS THIS FOR REAL?!”
Khraa/Astra nodded in the affirmative with a smarmy grin.
“THEY CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!” Rick shouted, even more madly enraged. “I’M THEIR GOLDEN-BOY! I WORKED, SLAVED, GAVE MY SOUL TO THE CTC, AND WHAT THANKS DO I GET?! THEY TREAT ME LIKE I WAS CAESAR, LIKE THEY WERE CASSIUS AND BRUTUS AND STAB ME IN THE BACK!! GET ME BACK TO EARTH PRONTO! I’LL TAKE IT UP WITH THE CANADIAN HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION!! I’LL EVEN TAKE MY CASE ALL THE WAY TO THE
SUPREME —!!!”
The med-techs each slapped a neuro-restrainer implant into the necks of Rick and his CTC coworkers, which instantly caused Rick and those in his ENG crew to each take a quick hiccup-like breath and then enter into a cyber-trance controlled by the med-techs.
“Med-Techs,” Khraa/Astra ordered, “take Mr. Perry and the CTC crew to the detention area, and prep them up for thorough psych-rehab.”
“Gladly, Captain,” the senior med-tech said. She then said to the “zombified” Canadian news crew, “Come along, CTCers.”
The med-techs controlled the zombified CTC employees and walked them to the exit where the doors slid open. As they left the room, the doors slid shut behind them.
A moment later, Mike entered the teleportation center, saw Khraa/Astra, and romantically ran to her. Khraa/Astra and Mike, both still spacesuited, excitedly embraced each other and tried to kiss, but were hindered by their cumbersome spacesuits. They laughed.
“Oh, baby,” Mike said, “we did an awesome job!”
“We sure did!” Khraa/Astra said. “It worked!”
“By the grace of God, it did!” Mike turned to Vryan and asked, “Vryan, how are things at the Three-Cross Ranch?”
“Everything’s ready, Mike” Vryan said.
“Ready for what?” asked Khraa/Astra, puzzled with uncertainty.
“I’ll have some Yeo-beings escort you to your respective dressing rooms” Vryan said. “I’m sure you’ll want to change, and I think you’ll appreciate, Captain, what will happen at the ranch.”
“What do you mean?” Khraa/Astra asked, even more puzzled.
“You’ll see” Mike said with a wide grin.
“Attention all hands, this is Commander Vryan” the Dingharton’s commander addressed his crew. “Standby for quadro-sonic dash-flight to Three-Cross Ranch in Texas, USA, in five, four, three, two, one.”
FRONT ENTRANCE AREA, MINNEAPOLIS CONVENTION CENTER
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA, USA
2:00 PM CENTRAL TIME
The Dingharton majestically rose 75,000 feet into the air out of naked eyesight and dashed southward towards Texas!
OUTDOOR MEETING AREA, THREE-CROSS RANCH
TEXAS, USA
15 JULY 6:59 PM CENTRAL TIME
“And so, by the power vested in me by the State of Texas, and in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,” said Silas Paul, a shaven-headed, middle-aged local non-denominational evangelical Christian pastor who had a reputation for using light humor at every function of faith (except for funerals) near the end of Khraa/Astra and Mike’s cowboy/girl-themed wedding, “I now pronounce you, Mike and Astra, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. But please, you two, keep it PG.”
Everyone laughed, as Mike lifted Khraa/Astra’s veil, which revealed that Khraa/Astra had restored her skin and eye color to those that once graced Astra Downey as her new default appearance. The newlyweds embraced and shared their first, very tender kiss as husband and wife. Pastor Silas presented the newlyweds with a book with the proper legal documents for them to sign as proof of their legal state of matrimony, while the band played a lovely instrumental country tune befitting a wedding.
The pastor and the newlyweds turned to face everyone seated before Pastor Silas said, “And so, I have the honor of presenting to you, Mr. and Mrs. Mike Bonhoeffer!”
Everyone stood and applauded as the band played a bold country music version of “The Wedding March” in C Major, as Mike and Khraa/Astra, playfully pelted by confetti from all those present, walked quickly down the aisle to start their new life together.
“Well, my son,” happily newlywed Khraa/Astra said to her new son Donny thirty minutes later, “Looks like you got your wish.”
“Thanks, Mom!” Donny said, as his new mother bent down, and gave him a motherly hug-and-kiss, as Mike, Glenn, Val, Jim, April, Velbya, Makarrth, Har, Dr. Goldshtein, and Abby looked on with fondness. “Thanks for marrying Dad. And thank you, Dad, for making Khraavie our new Mom!”
Mike bent down to hug Donny as he said, “Thanks, son. We wouldn’t have it any other way.”
The newlyweds stood straight up again. Glenn hugged Khraa/Astra as he said, “Welcome to our family — which is now yours, too. I love you, Mom.”
Khraa/Astra hugged Glenn, knowing that Glenn’s love for her was that a young man ought to have for his mother.
“I love you too, son” Khraa/Astra said. “Well, Val?”
“It’s about time you guys got hitched! Congrats!” Val said in witty jest, which brought laughter from the entire newly-blended family a
nd friends.
“Looks like we’ve got one big, happily blended family” Jim said warmly. He shook Mike and Khraa/Astra’s hands as he said, “Congratulations from me, April, and the gang here at Three-Cross Ranch.
“You’re welcome, Jim” Khraa/Astra said.
“And from me, too” Mike said.
“And from us!” Donny said.
Val, noticing that Khraa/Astra’s looks had reverted back to those of Astra Downey as opposed to her true physical appearance, asked her new mother, “Mom… when you addressed the whole world, you had bronze skin and piercing blue eyes. Why did you decide to go back to looking like Astra Downey?”
“I was sort of thinking the same thing” Mike said, puzzled. “There are still a lot of things I don’t get about you, Khraavie. One of them is why you’ve decided to revert to Astra Downey’s appearance, even though Ms. Downey had Crohn’s Disease.”
“I actually like Astra Downey’s physical and non-physical persona” Khraa/Astra said warmly. “But even though I look like Astra Downey on the outside and in the eyes, every bone, tooth, and all of my body has been restored to its true, extremely healthy state. My appendix has been fully regrown and now works at peak efficiency. The same thing holds true for my intestines — which means I’ve got all my guts back!”
Everyone laughed as Khraa/Astra continued, “And if look into my mouth... Look, pa! No cavities!”
Mike chuckled in amazement as he looked into Khraa/Astra’s mouth and saw that her teeth were astonishingly 100 percent cavity-and-filling-free. Everyone else had a look and also saw the ultimate in cavity-free dental health before the bride closed her mouth.
“And as a result, my intestines, appendix, teeth and the rest of me is fully regrown and restored.” Khraa/Astra went on, “On top of that, I’ve been officially declared by the AMKEXPRA medics as 100-over-100 — sorry, 100 percent fit for duty!”
Everyone laughed at Khraa/Astra’s linguistic faux pas, as Mike said, “Well, no matter what you look like, sweetheart, I will always love you, now and forevermore. And now…” Mike playfully swept Khraa/Astra off her feet, which surprised and delighted Mike’s new bride to no end, before Mike himself said, “Shall we lovingly seal the deal?”
“You bet!” Khraa/Astra said with a bride’s giggle, as she telepathically opened all the ranch house doors that led to the master bedroom, which Jim allowed them to have for the wedding night.
Khraa/Astra whooped and hollered like a happy cowgirl as the newlyweds quickly walked into the ranch house, merrily following the trail of open doors leading to the master boudoir. One they reached the master bedroom, Khraa/Astra telepathically closed all of the doors she had psychokinetically opened.
“Those two don’t believe in wasting any time!” Val said in salaciously witty jest.
“Well, duh!” Glenn said, as he and Val looked with smug “if-only-Donny-knew” elder sibling contempt at their little brother. But Donny did know better, and decided to show up his older twin siblings.
“I know what’s going on!” Donny said, semi-self-righteously. “When I asked Dad about what makes a man and a woman fall in love, he and I had ‘the talk.’”
“What?!” Val said in shock.
“But you’re only eight!” Glenn said angrily.
“Since he and Mom were interested in each other, Dad told me all about the facts of life in a way I’d understand and not be grossed out. It made me feel more grown up.”
“But why did our birth-mom wait until I was ten to have ‘the talk?’” Val said, mildly miffed that Mike told Donny about the birds and the bees at age eight.
“That was when you had your first period!” Glenn said with a smarmy sneer. “And I don’t mean the hockey kind! But why did Dad wait until I was about twelve?!”
“Because we gals mature faster than you guys do! Na-na-na-na-na-na!” Val sneered cattily at Glenn, before she childishly stuck her tongue out at her twin brother.
Yes, we had the talk at different times with each of you, Mike telepathically scolded his children via Khraa/Astra’s mind. But just be thankful we had the big talk with each of you at all — lots of dads and moms don’t!
And I know you just made a big, bad fool-baby-girl out of yourself by sticking out your tongue, Val, Khraa/Astra mentally scolded Val and her brothers so that the others could also “hear” her thoughts. So do us all a favor and grow up — all three of you!
What she thought, Mike mentally quipped, supportive of his new wife.
“Better do as your Mom and Dad just thought out to you kids” Jim said, in gentle grandfatherly admonishment. “It will make you grow up better — trust me on that one.”
Glenn, Val and Donny, humbled by their newlywed parents, shut up promptly.
With Mephistula’s death, Earth and the rest of the Universe were never the same again.
The day after I married (love-bonded) with Mike, the United States of America and the rest of the planet Earth had a major rebuilding task ahead. Most of the persons in the US presidential line of succession had died, and so, oddly enough, as a result, a completely-chastised octogenarian African-American congresswoman from Stanton’s party named Ruth Esther Madison took the presidential mantle, and made the humblest speech any Commander-In-Chief ever made.
In her first speech as President, she abandoned and denounced all of her radical feminist-and-Black-Panther planks, and with a humble heart, reached out to men, whites, Christians of all denominations, those in her opposing party, and to all Americans in general, asking her fellow country-people with maternal softness to calm down, for Americans and the rest of the world to treat all others as they would have all others treat them, and for America to humbly cleanse the nation’s wounds before binding them up, saying in her own, humbly heartfelt words, “only this will make America whole.”
Party hack Joe “The Poetic Fool” Byron automatically assumed Stanton’s place in the election. President Madison, as a result, supported Turnbull to the hilt, with Donovan Jonathan Turnbull being sworn in as US President the following January.
Velbie, Har, me and the other survivors of the erstwhile Rubiaar IV expedition, as well as Mike, Glenn, Val and Donny, and scores of other Earthlings, were naturalized as full-fledged Amkerians within two days after our victory in the Battle for the Solar System.
In addition, with the aid of Jim Stock and his benevolent clandestine anti-New World Order network of operatives, the United Star-systems also set up a benevolently created sociocultural survey expedition of Earth, code-named Project Culture Vulture, after a term often used to describe a Terran obsessed with his or her planet’s culture. Har, due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder he suffered from the Rubiaar IV attack, returned to Vaxerthony as an accountability board member to oversee Project Culture Vulture as its chief budgetary “watchdog.”
For a mission with goals involving intense, lab-cloaks-on-the-planet sociocultural observation, the name is wittily appropriate. Each scientist-operative on the project is a doppelganger of Mike, our three children, several carefully chosen Earthlings and their children, including Glenn and Val’s brother-sister best friends Malcolm and Brittany Brett and myself. As for “our authentic selves”, to borrow a term from famed Terran psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw, we had a mission of our own among the stars...
Dr. Khraa-Veh ven-Bonhoeffer
Admiral, Platinum-Class, AMKEXPRA (Ret’d)
My Cosmos-Spanning Memoirs
MAIN SPACECRAFT DOCKING BAY ALPH, USS WINSTON CHURCHILL
(WITHIN AMKEXPRA NEIL ARMSTRONG MOONBASE HANGAR A-6)
31 JULY 01:30 COORDINATED UNIVERSAL TIME (EARTH-TIME)
“And yes, the mission of this trio of starships is to peaceably explore the heavens immediately beyond Earth” said Winston, the Churchill-alike computer-human interface tactile hologram of the USS Winston Churchill, to the ship’s mixed Terran-Kannatikan-Amkerian crew and their children, which included Glenn, Val, and Donny.
“This is to discover any and all connections of h
istory, anthropology, and other factors,” continued the hologram who emulated Churchill with chilling believability, “that would create a ‘culture-trail’ that links our Known Universe to your planet Earth.
“To aid us in this vast undertaking, we shall utilize sixth-generation Seeker probes to explore your Milky Way Galaxy, as well as neighboring galaxies. If you think that given the vast distances of space that this is impossible, we can and will cover plenty of territory with these unmanned probes — that is why they were designed and built.”
“And as for my fellow probers from Earth,” Khraa/Astra said, as captain of the new Pershant-class heavy base-cruiser, “each of you was selected on what Earthlings would call a quid pro quo basis.”
Khraa/Astra stood before her attention-standing mixed Amkerian-Kannatikan-Terran crew smartly dressed in her new captain’s form-fitting standard duty uniform.
Khraa/Astra further briefed her crew, “That is because you are all malleable enough to learn new skills. Also, your Earthly lives were in varying types of hopelessness yet you were neither incarcerated nor wanted by your nations’ law-authorities.
“Each of you has a secret yearning to see what lay beyond your world, and, oddly enough, and each of you is a huge devotee to at least one of your planet’s many science fiction multimedia franchises that include, but are not necessarily limited to, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, The Twilight Zone, Star Wars, ‘V’, The X-Files, or any film or TV series produced by Gerry and Sylvia Anderson from Supercar and Fireball XL5, through Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons, all the way to Space: 1999.
“Many of you regular AMKEXPRA probers are wondering why my fellow ex-KERC personnel from Kannatika were automatically given the ranks we were assigned. This was mandated by your President Trombart personally, with the Kannatikan personnel awarded positions based on equivalency of KERC-AMKEXPRA service ranks.
“Besides, because I had worked well with AMKEXPRA in the past, your President Trombart, who is an Amkeria-first-type leader, and rightly so, saw fit to bestow upon me my equivalency rank, the command of this base-ship, and the privilege of the naming of this vessel after the UK’s legendary wartime Prime Minister.”
