The Goodbye Boyfriend (The Boyfriend Series Book 3)

by Christina Benjamin

  “You go girl!”

  “Ronnie, I swear I thought I was having a heart attack. My heart was pounding so hard I couldn’t think straight or breathe or anything.” Camille caught her breath and sighed. “Is it always like this?”

  Ronnie laughed. “Oh baby cakes, you’re in trouble.”

  “What? Why?” For a second Camille thought maybe she was having a heart attack as her heart flipped over in her chest.

  “Because you’re in love.”

  “No I’m not. I’ve just never been kissed. Which is sad and pathetic and now it’s all I can think about.”

  “Sugar, you think I don’t know love when I see it? You two are meant for each other. And what you’re feeling, that doesn’t happen from just any old kiss. That feeling is rare and meant to be cherished.”

  Camille’s heart was pounding again and it made her voice soft. “Really?”

  “Oh yes. But you gotta keep it real, baby doll. No more lying to yourself or that boy. You hear me?”

  “Yeah. Thanks, Ronnie. I had a really good time tonight.”

  “That’s good to hear, bebe. You deserve it. Now say hi to your mom an’ them.”

  “I will. Goodnight.”

  Camille’s heart sank when she hung up. Ronnie was right, and it deflated the cloud she’d been floating on. She had to tell Nate the truth. That is if she survived whatever she’d done to make her mother so upset.

  Dread settled in Camille’s stomach. She had a pretty good idea why her mother was so mad, and it was only going to get worse.

  Nate

  Nate flopped onto his bed. He’d taken a cold shower when he got home, but nothing could wipe the smile off his face. He’d kissed Camille LaRue—his dream girl. Sudden bursts of joy kept seizing him and making him want to dance around the room or cheer like he was at a soccer match. Nate’s heart was near bursting. He wished there was someone he could talk to.

  As usual, his house was empty when he got home. But this wasn’t something he could share with his dad. They weren’t close like that anymore. It was the kind of thing Nate would’ve told Tyler. The thought evoked a stabbing sadness within Nate. But just as quickly, the pain was carried away by his memories of Camille’s face. Her shy smile, her quiet laughter, the way her lips felt against his. Nothing could steal the joy he felt kissing Cami tonight. Not even missing Tyler. And for the first time since his brother’s death, Nate felt hope lodge itself in his heart and outshine his despair.

  21

  Cami

  Camille’s mother didn’t even wait for her to get inside before she started yelling. Her eyes were tearstained and she waved a bottle of pills around as she shouted. “How could you do this, Camille? How could you sit there and lie to us?”

  “Mom—”

  “No, it’s my turn to talk, Camille, and you’re going to listen. I want to know what your plan was. I found your medications. They’ve been untouched for months.”

  “You went through my room?”

  “Well, I had to when the oncologist called to see if you planned to reschedule, again. Did you think you were just going to lie to us and pretend you were going to your appointments forever?”

  “Not forever . . .” Camille whispered. “Just until I turn eighteen.”

  The color drained from her mother’s face. “Then what?”

  Camille couldn’t meet her mother’s eyes, but it didn’t stop her from catching Camille’s unspoken meaning. Not forever, Mom. Just until I’m old enough to make my own choice.

  “No . . . Camille, no. We have been over this. You are not going to just give up. I know it’s hard but—”

  “You don’t know anything!” Camille yelled.

  Tears exploded from her eyes. She rarely cried in front of her parents, but her emotions were too close to the surface tonight. She was done lying and hiding. She knew this would have to come out at some point and she didn’t see any reason it shouldn’t be now.

  Camille moved toward her parents, pleading with them to understand. “I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t live like this. The drugs and the treatments aren’t helping anymore. They just make me feel sick and weak.”

  “But they give you more time,” her mother argued.

  “For what, Mom? I’m not going to get better. We all know that. And I’m okay with it.”

  “Well, I’m not!” her mother screamed. “We’ve worked too hard to get you here. You have to keep fighting, Cami.”

  “I have been fighting! But I’m done now. This is my choice, Mom. It’s my life. And I don’t want to spend the time I have left going to appointments and taking drugs that make me feel half dead. And I’m so sorry I lied, but I knew you’d be like this. And I just can’t do it anymore.”

  “Camille!”

  “No, Mom. I’m done!” The words came out with such finality they echoed through the room. Camille was shaking and she hated the look of devastation on her parents’ faces. She pushed past them and ran upstairs to her room.

  She heard her mother try to follow, but her father must’ve stopped her.

  Camille collapsed on her bed, letting Poo climb into her lap. She sobbed into his silky fur. “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure who she was saying sorry to—herself, her parents, Nate, Ronnie, Poo . . . there was a long list.

  Poo licked her tears like he always did, which only made her cry harder. “They had to know this was coming, right?” she asked Poo.

  Camille was almost eighteen. She’d far outlived her life expectancy after diagnosis. But it hadn’t been much of a life for the past few years. She was grateful for everything the doctors and her parents had done, but enough was enough. Camille didn’t want six more months of a half life when she could have three of a real life. It was simple math. Why couldn’t her parents understand that?

  But no one could. Only those who’d been through a debilitating disease knew how it continued to eat away at you on the inside, stealing bits of you away each day. And Camille had fought long and hard. She’d staved off the darkness and exhaustion that made her want to give up more times then she could count. But everyone had a breaking point, and Camille was at hers.

  She had a plan and she was going to stick to it. Routine was what had gotten her this far. She just had to keep going a little bit longer. She needed to tick two more boxes off her wall. Beach and Graduation. Then she could finally rest and let go of it all. She even planned how she would do it. She’d been taking medicine since childhood. By now she knew what combinations proved lethal. She didn’t want her death to be tragic or obscene. She just wanted to say goodbye to everyone she loved and drift off to sleep one last time.

  She knew it sounded selfish, but deep down she didn’t think it was. She was a burden on her parents. There were so many things they’d given up to provide her with the stable life she needed. Her father quit working to be her full-time caregiver when she was first diagnosed. And her mother worked constantly to be able to afford Camille’s endless medical bills. It was time they got a chance to live again. And when Camille was gone, they could.

  Her parents were strong. They would heal from this. And so would Nate. If he could survive losing his brother, she would only be a bump in the long, wonderful road of his life. She was just a girl that he kissed a few times. She didn’t really matter to him.

  But even as she thought it, Camille knew it wasn’t true. Nate made her heart hurt in a way not even cancer could. He made her ache with love. And every second she spent with him would never be enough. She missed him even when they were together.

  Her parents’ voices drifted upstairs. They were still arguing.

  “It’s her choice, Josie. You know how much pain she’s in. She’s fought long and hard. If this is what she wants . . .”

  “She’s my daughter, Ray!”

  “I know, baby. I know. She’s my daughter, too. But we have to think about what she wants.”

  “She can’t ask us to do this,” her mother sobbed.

  Camille
couldn’t stand to listen to her parents crying. She grabbed a hoodie, kissed Poo and climbed out her window.

  Despite all Camille’s talk about Romeo spikes, her house wasn’t much of a fortress. It had been outfitted with fire escapes long before she moved in. Anyone wanting to break in only needed minimal upper body strength, because of course her parents kept the ladders in perfect working order—God forbid a fire kill Cami before the cancer did.

  Her parents truly thought of every precaution. Even Camille’s car was virtually a tank. She slipped into the driver seat and started the near soundless engine of her Range Rover with a push of the button. She hit the remote for the gate and counted the seconds to freedom while it slowly rolled open.

  The benefits of having such a large house was that it was easy to sneak out of. Especially when the cars were kept in the old detached carriage house that had been converted into a garage. All Camille had to do was take the fire escape to the street and walk in through the courtyard entrance.

  While she waited for the gate to open, she kept the headlights off. She held her breath until she was a block from her house. She didn’t really know where she was going, only that she needed to get away. She couldn’t stay in her house a moment longer. It was sucking the life out of her—at least what she had left of it anyway.

  By the time Camille knew where she was going, she was already there. She parked in Nate’s driveway, still wiping tears from her eyes. She shouldn’t go in. It was late and she was a mess. All she’d accomplish was upsetting Nate and ruining the memory of their perfect night by telling him the truth.

  “That’s what I deserve,” she muttered to herself.

  But then Nate would never kiss her again. He’d never look at her like she was beautiful and desirable. Again she was in tears. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t ruin the only good thing that ever happened to her. She knew she was only delaying the inevitable. Nate would eventually find out she had cancer. But with the rest of her world crumbling around her, Camille only wanted to hold onto Nate tighter.

  A knock on the driver’s side window startled her. When Camille looked up, Nate was staring at her, a look of genuine fear in his eyes.

  “Cami?”

  The worry in his voice made her cry harder.

  Nate tried the door handle, but the car was locked. “Cami, can you let me in?”

  That was a loaded question. She shook her head. Her vision blurred so badly from the tears she was having trouble seeing Nate. It made it easier to not let him in. Because she knew if she saw his face, that would be it, she’d let him into her heart fully and he would tear it to pieces.

  “Please, Cami. I need to know you’re alright.”

  His voice was ripping her apart. She was already mourning her loss of his affection, which she knew was stupid, because Nate wasn’t hers. Even if he wanted to be and she let him in, they couldn’t have a future together. She could never belong to someone the way she wanted to belong to Nate. Camille belonged to cancer. And her destiny was written a long time ago.

  “Cami. It’s killin’ me to see you like this. Please. Let me in. Tell me what’s wrong so I can make it better.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear her. “I’m so sorry.”

  Nate

  Nate pounded on the window when he heard the car ignition turn on. There was a desperation in Camille’s gray-blue eyes that unsettled him. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he couldn’t let her leave like this. Not after the way he’d lost his brother. He wouldn’t lose another person he loved to a car wreck, and Camille definitely shouldn’t be driving in the state she was in.

  “Cami, please let me in. I want to come with you, okay?”

  She just kept mouthing I’m sorry as she backed out of the driveway, so Nate did the only thing he could think of. He leapt onto the hood. It must’ve startled Camille, because she slammed on the brakes and he slid into the windshield.

  Camille was out of the car in a flash, screaming his name. “Nate! Nate! Omigod! Are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

  “Well that’s one way to get you out of the car,” he groaned climbing off the hood.

  Camille was shaking, touching him all over as if checking for bruises. Tears streamed down her face and she was whispering I’m sorrys like it was some sort of prayer. There was definitely something wrong, and suddenly Nate couldn’t get his arms around her fast enough.

  “Hey, hey, I’m okay. Camille, look at me.” He placed his large hands on either side of her face and forced her eyes to meet his. “I’m okay.”

  Her pretty features crumbled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t. I’m okay. I promise you, beautiful. I’m okay.”

  Nate held her for a while, and when her shaking stopped he pulled back to look at her. “What happened?”

  “Can we . . . can we go somewhere?” she whispered.

  “Sure. Where do you wanna go?”

  “Anywhere. I just-I wanna keep moving.” She hiccupped between sobs. “I can’t-I can’t stay here,”

  “Okay. Let’s go.”

  Surprising him, Camille walked to the passenger side and got in. Nate froze. He hadn’t driven since Ty’s accident. But as he looked at Camille, he knew she needed him more than he needed to hold onto his fear. He took a deep breath and opened the driver’s side door.

  22

  Nate

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Nate asked after a while.

  They’d been driving for about thirty minutes. In that time Camille teetered between crying and collected about half a dozen times.

  “I got in a fight with my parents.”

  Nate was surprised she answered. “About what?”

  “Stuff.”

  “Stuff you wanna share with me?”

  “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “That’s okay. But if you do wanna share, I’m here for you, alright?”

  She nodded, and Nate reached over to take her hand. They drove like that for a while—filling the silence with all sorts of heavy things left unsaid. Nate wasn’t sure what was going on with Camille, but he was pretty sure it was more than just a fight with her folks. He’d met them both. They seemed like good people. And Camille wasn’t a problem child. She didn’t skip school or get bad grades. This was definitely something more.

  He knew he was a new addition to her life and he prayed he wasn’t the reason for whatever this was. The last thing Nate wanted was to get Cami in trouble.

  He knew it was no use worrying. Camille wasn’t going to tell him until she was ready and he wasn’t going to push her. The best thing he could do for her, was just be there. That was something Ty had always been good at.

  Nate pulled off the road onto a dirt path, squinting for any signs of recognition. He’d only been here once before with his dad. It was years ago and during daylight. Nate prayed his memory served him.

  “Where are we going?” Camille asked when they’d bumped down the dirt road quite a ways.

  “My dad took me out here once. And I remember thinking it was a really nice place to just be. And if I’m right . . . Ah ha!”

  Just as they rounded the bend, the road opened up into a dirt parking lot with a fence marking the mouth of the bayou. The headlights made the water glow green, like an alien planet.

  Nate parked and turned off the lights. He cracked the windows a bit to let the night sounds in. Crickets, cicadas and bullfrogs picked up their songs, and after a while even the lightning bugs returned, floating across the lagoon like stars over the ocean. The moon was bright, but the thick trees filtered the light so it dappled the forest with thousands of tiny rays of light. When the wind blew, the shafts of light danced through the trees like a disco ball made of moonlight.

  Nate turned to look at Camille. Her large eyes were illuminated by a moonbeam as she stared toward the water, looking utterly beautiful. She took his breath away. He didn’t know when it st
arted, but his love for her stretched farther than he could see—like moonlight on water.

  He wanted to reach out and touch her, but sometimes Nate felt like Camille wasn’t real. Like touching her would shatter her perfection. And tonight when they’d kissed, he’d felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

  Nate offered Camille his hand and she surprised him by moving closer. She perched on the large center console so she could rest her head on his shoulder. She reminded him of a tiny bird trying to get warm. She didn’t look comfortable at all. Nate pushed his seat back and tucked her into his side. It felt like heaven to have her next to him. He could’ve stayed like that forever, just listening to Cami breathe against him.

  Cami

  Camille soaked up the peace she felt being so close to Nate. He was kind and patient. She loved that he didn’t push her to talk or make her feel bad for acting like a hot mess in front of him.

  “Thank you for taking me here tonight, Nate.”

  “You’re welcome. I want you to know you can always come to me. With anything, Cami. I mean it.”

  She nodded.

  “And I don’t know what your fight with your parents is about, but just give it time. Time makes most things better.”

  She squeezed her eyes closed. Time was the one thing she didn’t have.

  Thunder rumbled in the distance and heat lightning lit up the sky.

  “Do you want to head back?” Nate asked.

  “Not yet.”

  Rain began to splash down and Camille watched Nate roll up the windows. When he looked back at her, a huge mischievous grin had replaced his normal smile.

  “Come on,” he said opening the door, pulling her behind him.

  “Nate! Are you crazy, it’s starting to rain.”

  “Exactly!”

  Camille stared at him through shielded eyes. She had no idea what he was talking about and her look told him so.

  “Dancing in the rain!” Nate called over the thunder as the rain picked up. “It was on your Before I Die wall!”