Camille grinned. “We made it.”
“This is just the beginning, Cami.”
“I know.” She looped her arms sleepily around his neck and pressed her lips to his.
He groaned. “I’m just gonna tell my mom to take a cab. She’ll understand.”
She giggled. “Nate. You can’t.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Café Beignet?”
“Yes. We have lots to plan.”
“Hell yes we do,” he said kissing her again. “I love you, Cami.”
“I love you, too.”
Nate stared into her beautiful gray-blue eyes. He could get lost in them and die a happy man.
“You better go,” she said, still grinning.
“Okay, okay.” Nate managed to untangle himself from Camille and her bed. “But you’re killing me, beautiful. I’m gonna have to take a cold shower tonight.”
“Dream of me,” she said blowing him a kiss.
“Always.” Nate bent down and kissed her one more time. “Till our next hello.”
Camille smiled. “That word is growing on me.”
“Duh. It’s way better than goodbye.”
“Way better.”
“Love you, babe.”
“I love you, too.”
Cami
Camille watched Nate’s silhouette as he left the room. He turned around twice to blow her kisses. It made her heart squeeze with joy until she was almost breathless. She closed her eyes to catch her breath and she could still picture his face. The way his lips curved into a perfect bow. How the right side of his smile always started first. The amber glow of his eyes that danced every time the light hit it. The calm beauty that washed over him when he played the violin.
The melody of ‘As Time Goes By’ was stuck in her head. It would always make her think of their perfect prom night together. Dancing and moonlight. The ocean at night. Affection rushed into Camille’s heart as she thought about Nate and how deeply she loved him.
She’d never imagined she could feel this way about someone. It was overwhelming. She’d found herself wondering how different her life might have been if Nate hadn’t said hello to her that day. Would she even still be here?
Emotion made her throat tight and she hugged her pillow against her. Camille’s heart threatened to burst as she recalled all the joy Nate had brought her in the few months they’d known each other. She was so grateful for the way he’d shaped her life. He’d taught her not to be afraid to hope for so much more in life. And now that she was, she couldn’t stop.
She’d never expected to meet the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with at eighteen. But now that she had, her future was wide open. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be worth it. Cami wanted to fight for every moment—for graduation, for Paris, for college and beyond. She wanted to fight for Nate and the endless possibilities his smile evoked. She knew her time wasn’t guaranteed, but she was grateful for however much she had left.
Camille closed her eyes, letting visions of Nate carry her off to sleep. She felt her lips curve into a smile as her heart squeezed. His face was so lovely, even in her dreams. His voice, his smile, his music—her favorite images of Nate flickered through her mind like a film reel. Nate and Cami dancing in the rain. Nate and Cami in the ocean. Nate and Cami in Paris. Nate and Cami. Nate . . . Nate . . .
Nate
Nate was chattering nonstop to his mom on the ride home from the airport. She was staying at the swanky Hotel Monteleone, in the French Quarter and had gotten Nate a room, too. They talked nearly every day over the past week, but nothing beat seeing his mom in the flesh. She’d nearly smothered him at the airport. And now she was teetering between tears and laughter as they drove back toward the city.
“I wish it wasn’t so late,” Nate said. “I can’t wait for you to meet Cami.”
“Me too. But strangely I’m not that tired. I’ll probably crash tomorrow, but for now, I’m wide awake.”
“Are you hungry?” Nate asked.
“Always.”
He grinned. He’d inherited his sweet tooth from his mother. “Then I know just the place.”
“Oh yeah?”
Nate nodded. “How about you check into the hotel and I’ll run across the street and grab us some coffee and donuts.”
“That sounds like heaven, Nate.”
Nate walked into Sweet Thang’s and Ronnie popped his head up from behind the counter to greet him, cheerful as ever.
“What are you doing here?” Nate asked, surprised to find Ronnie working the graveyard shift.
“I knew you’d be stopping by and I have something for ya.”
Nate grinned, shaking off the goose bumps. “I’ll never get used to your all-knowingness.”
“I’m not all-knowing, sugar. Just blessed with a deeper vision and impeccable style.”
“Obviously,” Nate said taking in Ronnie’s ensemble.
Tonight he looked more subdued than usual. He wore black tuxedo pants, a royal blue short-sleeved dress shirt and a yellow-plaid bowtie. His hot pink apron and vibrant hairnet took the outfit to a whole new level of colorful.
“So, since you knew I was coming, I’m guessing you know I’m here for donuts and coffee?”
“One doesn’t need to be clairvoyant to know that, Nathaniel.”
Nate laughed. “Guess not. I just picked my mom up from the airport and I wanted to treat her to the best donuts in town while we catch up.”
“What happened to the ones you picked up earlier?”
Nate blushed. “Yeah. I sorta ate those while I was waiting for her flight.”
Ronnie laughed, already boxing up Nate’s favorites. “How’s my Camille doing?”
“Amazing. I swear, I didn’t know it was possible to love someone like this. She just makes me smile.”
“Don’t I know it, bebe?”
Nate stuffed his hands in his pockets, his cheeks heating. “And I’m gushing like a school girl.”
“Ain’t nuthin to apologize for.”
“It’s just so good to see her excited about the future.”
Ronnie tied the white baking twine around the pink box and handed it to Nate with a smile. “That it is, bebe.”
“How much do I owe ya?”
“On the house, sugar.”
“Thanks, Ronnie.”
“And I have something for you and Camille. It’s a bit of a graduation gift, but something’s telling me to give it to ya a bit early.” Ronnie slid a white envelope across the counter. Nate reached for it, but Ronnie held tight. “You’re a good man, Nathaniel. What you’ve done for Camille . . . you made that girl glow and that’s a gift I want you to hold in your heart.”
Nate nodded past the lump in his throat and Ronnie released the envelope. The intensity of the moment passed and Ronnie was smiling again. “Open it.”
“Don’t you want me to wait for Cami?”
Ronnie waved him off. “I’d rather see your face.”
Nate opened the envelope and pulled out two flight vouchers.
“They’re non-refundable so don’t even think about arguing.”
“Ronnie . . .” Nate was in awe. He didn’t know what to say. They hadn’t told anyone they’d officially decided to go to Paris. But of course Ronnie knew. Nate ran around the counter and threw his arms around Ronnie. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“No, thank you, bebe.”
45
Nate
Nate got to Café Beignet early. The airline vouchers from Ronnie were practically burning a hole in his pocket. He couldn’t wait to tell Camille about them. He ordered two café au laits and beignets before settling in at their usual table. He set the tickets next to the coffee and pastries and snapped a photo. He thought about texting it to Cami, but decided he didn’t want to miss the soft smile spread across her face when she realized they were going to Paris for real.
He’d brought
the Tulane course catalog in his backpack, but was too excited about Paris to even worry about picking college classes. Nate sipped his coffee as he browsed Paris sight-seeing options. By the time he looked down, there was only one beignet left. Nate glanced at his phone. Camille was late—as usual. He grinned thinking of her lame excuses. He’d been about to send her a text when her number flashed on his phone.
He answered, a smile in his voice. “Speak of the devil.”
The other end of the phone was silent.
“Cami?”
“Nate?”
But it wasn’t Camille’s voice. It was Ray’s, and Nate’s stomach dropped to the floor.
Nate was on his feet, running before Ray finished speaking. He didn’t want to hear the words. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. His heart was pounding so loud he couldn’t hear or think. All he could do was run. Nate ran all the way to Camille’s house. He flew in the front door and nearly knocked Ray over.
“Nate . . .”
“No!” Nate screamed.
Ray tried to put a hand on his shoulder, but Nate wouldn’t let him. He couldn’t stop moving. He had to get to Cami. Nate shoved past Ray and raced upstairs, stumbling into Camille’s bedroom, breathless and shaking. Josie was there, sitting at Cami’s bedside, quietly holding her hand as tears slid down her cheeks.
Nate felt the world tilt. He staggered forward. “Camille? Cami . . .”
Josie stood up, not meeting his eyes. She put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing before she stepped aside, giving Nate a view of Camille’s bed.
She was lying there, right where he left her last night. Tucked beneath her covers, her head resting on a mountain of pillows. She looked so small and peaceful and Nate’s heart slammed into his ribs. She’s asleep. She’s only asleep.
Nate sat down on the bed and touched Camille’s hand. Her skin was like ice and it bit into his heart. He couldn’t breathe.
“Cami?” His breath was a strangled sob as he pleaded with every ounce of his being. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up! His pulse throbbed in his ears making it impossible to think. This wasn’t real. This wasn’t happening. Now Nate’s voice was roaring at him to wake up. This was a nightmare, not reality. Wake up. Wake up. Wake the hell up, Nate!
He pulled Camille into his arms, sobbing at the strange weightlessness of her still body against his chest. She couldn’t just be gone. Cami had been the brighter half of him. Nate rocked her back and forth crying out as the world turned dark. He clutched her tighter in his arms, kissing her forehead. If he could just hold her tight enough, he could keep her there with him. He had to keep her there. There was no light in the world without her in it. This couldn’t be real. Camille couldn’t be gone. But she was. And Nate knew it the moment he’d picked up the phone.
Epilogue
Nate
Moonlight sparked off the Seine River and Nate drank in the smell of lavender drifting across the water. Paris even smelled like Camille. He’d never been anywhere else that he felt her so deeply. It made him smile, because maybe she was already here—lost among the glittering light and delicate beauty.
Nate was enraptured with Paris. And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Camille would’ve loved it there. The city of light captured so much of her essence—its pale fragrance, gentle music and vibrant art. Each time Nate walked down a new street, he saw Camille. She was in the pattern of a bright dress. The hue of a flower garden. The soft laugh of young lovers.
Being in Paris without her was breaking Nate apart, but at the same time he felt a renewed strength. Like maybe he was doing something for Camille by coming here. He’d started small, carrying out tasks he’d copied from her Hello Wall. And with each task, he fit a piece of himself back where it belonged. It was a long road, and there were still things he couldn’t bring himself to do. College was one.
He’d tried to attend Tulane in the fall, but his heart wasn’t in it. In fact it wasn’t in New Orleans. It was lost somewhere with Camille. Perhaps it had stopped beating when hers did. It was one of the things Nate found comfort in. Camille had died of a heart attack. She had another coronary spasm in her sleep.
The doctors said she hadn’t felt a thing. Of course Nate had to look it up for himself. But strangely, he took comfort it what he found. The symptoms of Camille’s type of heart failure was often described by patients as a tightness of the chest, where the heart seems to swell too large.
Nate knew he was romanticizing it, but those were the same words he would use to describe what it felt like to be in love. When he thought back to the moments he was with Camille, he remembered distinctly thinking his heart was too big for his chest. Cami had always made him feel that way, filling him with her light and love that she’d chosen to share with him.
He felt it even now, as he sat alone at a café table with a stunning view of the Eiffel Tower. It was lit up, twinkling in the night sky, its glow blinding even the stars. Nate pulled the large envelope from his pocket. Camille’s parents had given it to him after her funeral, but he hadn’t the strength to open it until now.
Now seemed as good a time as any. Nate had put it off long enough. He’d dropped out of Tulane for the semester after his parents convinced the school to let him defer for a year. And Nate had spent that year living. It was impossible and wonderful all at once. Just like Camille had been. And that seemed to make his adventures that much more fitting.
There were days when he wanted to give up and cry, and sometimes he did. But then he would think of Camille and her quiet strength. And how everyday, she put one foot in front of the other. And that made him fight. It made him live. He owed that to her.
So Nate had spent that last six months living, for Camille. Seeing all the places he knew she would’ve wanted to see. Doing all the things she would’ve wanted to do. He was living for both of them, and somehow, it was making things easier.
Every time he felt weak or sad, he pictured her face. And in every memory, she wore a smile that touched his heart. How could he be sad when he’d had the privilege of knowing her? How could he be weak when she had been strong?
At some point, Nate turned his sadness into fire. Letting the sorrow take hold would’ve been a disservice to Camille. She had brought him so much joy and life. She was too bright to last, and perhaps that’s what had drawn him to her in the first place.
Camille had it all wrong. She’d always said Nate was her sunshine. But Camille had been Nate’s. Her light filled the unquenchable void that Tyler left. And though she was gone, her light would remain—left behind to inspire Nate, and everyone else whose life she’d touched.
Nate took a deep breath and finally opened the large envelope Camille had addressed to him. Inside were four smaller gray envelopes. Each had a handwritten note on the outside, penned in Camille’s looping handwriting. They read:
Open first.
Open when you feel sad.
Open when you feel happy.
Open when you need to hold my hand.
Nate gently opened the first envelope with shaking hands. His eyes misted as he read her words.
You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is still just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by
And when two lovers woo
They still say: I love you
On that you can rely
No matter what the future brings
As time goes by.
Moonlight and love songs, never out of date
Hearts full of passion, jealousy and hate
Woman needs man, and man must have his mate
That no one can deny
It’s still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die
The world will always welcome lovers
As time goes by.
She’d written out the lyrics to ‘As Time Goes By’—their song. And beneath it, she’d written him a note.
&nb
sp; Nate,
I love you. Like moonlight and love songs. Like the oceans and rivers. Like dancing in the rain. I will never stop loving you. And I am forever grateful that you gave me so much more than time. You gave me life and chaos and adventure. And I have no right to ask for anything more. But I need you to promise me one thing. Promise me that you’ll stay the boy I fell in love with. The boy who says hello and isn’t afraid to go after everything he wants. Because there is so much life left for that boy. And I want you to use every second of it to be happy. You are good, Nathan Hawthorne. You make me happy. Be happy, too. It’s time to live for yourself now.
I’ll love you ‘til the end of time.
Until our next hello,
XO – Your Cami
The shimmering lights of the Eiffel Towel blurred in the distance as Nate’s tears spattered the letter. He was trembling as her read her words over and over. He needed more. He tore into the letters titled when you are happy and when you are sad. Because Nate had never felt both so equally in all his life. Camille’s words breathed life into him. And for a moment, it was like she was there beside him and the happiness overwhelmed him. But it faded quickly, ripping the remains of his heart out along with it.
His eyes poured over the letters. They both said the same thing.
Nate,
I love you. Thank you for saying hello.
Cami
He tore into the last letter. The one that read Open when you need to hold my hand. Inside was a pattern she’d traced around her hand. In the palm she’d written a note.
Nate,
The greatest thing I ever held in my hand, is yours. Don’t be afraid to let someone else hold it.
Cami
Nate sat alone for a long while. He read and reread the letters until every word had cemented itself in his heart. He felt a weight lift as he tucked the letters back into his breast pocket, above his heart. He had one thing left to do. He picked up Camille’s Polaroid camera and took a photo of the Eiffel Tower. He watched the shimmering image of light come to life on the film. When it shone back at him in all its glory, he wrote two words on it before tucking it into his pocket.
The Goodbye Boyfriend (The Boyfriend Series Book 3) Page 24
