I tried to move the desk so it faced the door. At least that way I'd have a fighting chance. But the desk was incredibly heavy. I heaved with all my might but it didn't budge.
It made me wonder how I'd cope with being in the house alone if while Tex was away. This place sure was desolate. It was so far from town. During the day, at least, the buses came out from the city to the beach. I'm not sure if that made things better or worse. All those damn kids around. Who knew if one of them would take an interest in the house on the hill? Maybe a gang of them. Those little shitters might think it'd be an easy target for a home robbery or even some senseless vandalism. Tex never thought of that when he went out to the studio leaving the door unlocked.
I'd be brained with a rock or something and he'd be totally unaware of it.
And Tex's sister had died there.
I had no idea why that thought had popped into my head. I mean, people could've died anywhere I’d lived and I'd have not known about it. Sometimes I wondered about Tex's sister. She seemed such an enigma. All I knew was people's memories of her though and they are always coloured. The only thing Tex had of her was the guitar she'd given him. Even though he prized it, he just had it leaning up against the wall in the studio. I should buy him something, some kind of mount or way of hanging it.
I'd check on Google.
The house creaked again. I'd Google it from the kitchen, I thought, unplugging my laptop.
Tex had planned to be in the studio all day but I heard his voice. I didn't want to eavesdrop but I heard my name and stopped dead before entering the kitchen.
"I can't leave her, Hannah. You know that isn't possible. Just cancel the whole thing. You're right, do it now rather than at the last minute."
"What about your career? You'll have no career if you quit now. Hell, Tex, she's a grown woman. She can manage on her own for a while. Or bring her on the road. It's not that huge a deal. Hanging out in the hotel room, taking a swim in the hotel pool. I'd love to go on tour with a band. I mean, without having to work."
I didn't hear Tex's response as I ran into the room.
"You are not cancelling. I won't let you."
Tex grabbed hold of me, pulling me into his arms.
"I'm cancelling. This isn't a good time for us to be apart. I need to be with you."
"I'm not an invalid, Tex. I have to face up to life. Anyway, I have stuff to do. You go off and play the festivals. It'll give me some peace and quiet to work without you bugging me all the time."
Hannah looked from Tex to me.
"I'll give you crazy kids a few days to think about it but it has to be settled. One way or the other."
"It is settled," Tex said in that stubborn way he had. "There's nothing to think about."
"It's not settled.”
She gathered her things and got up, turning around when she got to the door.
"Oh, are you guys coming to the wedding? I’ve not got your RSVP." She glared at Tex. “You’re still invited even if you are going to kill me with stress you cause.”
“Yeah, we’ll be there,” I said. I don’t know why I’d agreed. I just wanted to say something to make her happy.
When she'd left, I got up to make dinner. If Tex wasn't rehearsing then we could eat together.
"It's not a big deal," Tex said. "I didn't play for years and I've done enough shows this year. Maybe we can do the festivals next year..."
"There's not going to be a next year. Hannah can say what she likes but read between the lines. She's getting married. Who is she going to put first – you or her husband's band? She'd dump you faster than a stale turd if she thought his band would lose out. I'm not saying she's a bad person but she's all about the business and you are just one small part of that.”
Tex just shrugged and turned away so he didn’t have to discuss it.
CHAPTER NINE - RUBY
Why had I agreed to go to Hannah’s wedding? That was a moment of insane. I was pretty sure that I wasn't all that popular with Tex's band and I didn't know anyone else who was going. It was going to be the most uncomfortable day ever.
"You don't have to go," said Tex. He always said things like that but I felt like I had an obligation. I'd not left the house since that horrible meeting but I had to at some time. I'd been doing a lot of work with the shrink and she'd put me on some new meds that really seemed to help.
"I can do it. It's not like anyone will be paying me any attention anyway." I said that to convince myself as much as anything.
"Well, we can stay for the ceremony and a few hellos then leave. Weddings aren't that much fun anyway."
The wedding was going to be super casual. Just a smallish gathering in the garden at Hannah's house. I wasn't sure what Hannah's definition of small was though.
We didn't sit with the rest of the band but slipped into some empty seats in the back row.
Luckily, the weather was perfect. The sun shone, filling the air with the aroma of the roses and jasmine. The garden looked amazing. I thought Hannah would have a live band playing but she'd said hell no. The last thing she wanted to deal with on her special day was a bunch of temperamental musos. It was bad enough that she had to invite them. Even worse that she had to marry one. But she laughed when she said that and the light shining in her eyes made it clear that she wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
As the music got louder, Jack, Hannah's soon-to-be husband, stood at the front waiting for her. He had that casual coolness, just like Tex. Was it a necessary thing for a rocker to be all hot and dirty and arrogant? Or maybe being a rock star did that to you. He wore a pinstriped suit that made him look a little like a gangster from the 20s. Dangerous but charming. The best man was from his band. The Korean guy. I couldn't remember his name. He wore a similar suit but it seemed too baggy on him.
Tex slipped his hand into mine and I squeezed it tight. There was something about weddings that made you feel all mushy inside but I couldn't imagine ever going through with one. I mean all that attention on you as you walked down the aisle and all the fussing around. I'd hate it. I'd always thought that committing to be with someone else for the rest of your life was a bit dodgy but that was before I met Tex. I was starting to warm to the idea. Maybe we could elope.
Then Hannah appeared. With her willowy figure, anything would look good on her but she was stunning. Absolutely stunning. She wore a dress that was borderline white and blue. It had sparkly crystal things on it so that she looked like an iceberg. In a good way.
Beside her, Angie, the bridesmaid, wore a brighter blue vintage dress with a swirly skirt.
The two of them bent over to laugh at some joke as they walked down the aisle then Hannah glanced up at Jack and her eyes shone brighter than any of the sparkles on her dress. I thought I was tough but throughout the ceremony, I sobbed like a little bitch. They both looked so happy and shining. It really did seem like they were blessed.
"Will we sneak out now or stick around for a drink?" Tex asked after the ceremony.
We'd been herded to another part of the garden. I wanted to leave but I could smell all kinds of amazing food cooking somewhere nearby.
"I think we should stay. Aren't you supposed to wait for the bride to leave first? And we really should eat. It'd be rude to sneak out without eating."
"Perhaps, but that'd mean we'd be sticking around all night."
"One or two drinks won't hurt. But only orange juice for me." I couldn't drink on my medication but I didn't really enjoy drinking anyway. I just wanted that delicious-smelling meat.
While I waited for Tex, I saw Lizzie and gave her a little wave. She was pretty much one of the few people I knew at the wedding. She looked away as though she hadn't seen me, even though I was sure she had. Before I could worry about it too much, Tex came back with our drinks.
"Do you know anyone here?" I asked. "Well, apart from the obvious?"
"Not really."
The two of us found a quiet spot and then Hannah's bridesmaid, Angie, came over to cha
t to us. I'd met her once before but we'd not really talked. When she sat down, I noticed the tattoos and the piercings. She seemed like the most unlikely bridesmaid for Hannah but they were best friends.
Angie talked. She talked a lot. I couldn't really keep up with her conversation. It was a little overwhelming but I let it wash over me like a wave.
"Sheesh, Tex, I remember seeing FORSAKEN play at a festival. It was one of the first festivals I ever went to. I was determined I'd marry you. I thought you were the most devastatingly handsome man I'd ever seen in my life. Of course, I was only 10 years old at the time so I didn't have much to compare you to."
"I'm not that old," Tex said, but his eyes crinkled.
"Don't worry," she said in a fake whisper to me. "I'll get Hannah to throw the bouquet at you. I've met someone else since then."
Then she winked. I wasn't sure how to react. Not that it mattered. Before I could respond to anything she said, she'd already raced ahead to some other topic. Usually people like that exhausted me but Angie was so funny that I enjoyed her conversation.
"I think the food's ready soon. Let's go get in a good spot. It's a buffet so we want first dibs on the best stuff."
I'd have thought Angie would've run off to her friends but she seemed happy with us. She led us through the garden but, before we got anywhere near the food, Hannah called Angie away.
Lizzie came running over. She had on a lovely blue-grey dress with a matching hat. I was about to tell her how great she looked when she shoved me.
"What the hell are you playing at?" Lizzie said. Even though it was still quite early in the day, her eyes didn't focus well and she slurred her words. The red wine had spilt on her dress, causing a spray of red spots that you noticed when she was up close.
I shrugged, not sure what she was talking about.
"You screwed up all our plans. Isn't it time you just got over yourself and your little turns? Pull yourself together and stop ruining other people's lives."
I recoiled, not sure of the reasons for the venom in her eyes. The change in her shocked me and I wondered what I could do to make her stop.
"What's wrong?" I asked as I backed away.
"You know what's wrong. We were relying on that money and you screwed it up. We've got payments to make and those payments aren't going to happen now because you ruined everything."
She yelled in my face, the red wine strong on her breath. I hadn't even considered how the situation would affect Lizzie. The things she'd said when we'd gone for coffee came back to me. About the mortgage.
Lizzie lurched forward to push me again but Tex stepped in.
"Lizzie, you're out of line. Just settle the fuck down." He put his hands on her shoulders to hold her back. "You're acting like a kid."
"You get out of my way, Tex. You're so pussy-whipped you don't even know what is going on under your own nose. You agreed to play the festival then, just because Ruby had a hissy fit, you pull out."
I didn't know what to say. There were no words. I'd thought Lizzie was my friend but then I'd had "friends" like that before. Then I looked at Tex. I could see the anger in his eyes and the twitch of his nostrils.
"Let's just leave..." I tried to grab his arm.
"Yeah, you should. No one here wants you around. You're a menace."
"Get a hold of yourself, woman. You look like a complete dick." Tex said.
Lizzie put her hands on her hips. "You are threatening my home, the two of you. This isn't some stupid game. This is Brownie's livelihood."
"You'd have not even had that damn house if it wasn't for me so don't get too full of yourself."
I tugged on Tex’s arm, trying to get him away. He wasn't making things better and I could see Lizzie's point. I had made things difficult for them. She'd told me, that day at the coffee shop.
"Brownie, get over here and control this bitch." Tex yelled across the garden. It only called more attention to us. All these people, so well dressed and fancy, and we were in the middle of a fight.
"Tex, let's just go."
But Tex had his mouth set in a determined line, like he was going to fight this out to the bitter end. I didn't want to fight. I just wanted to get away before things got even worse. People were looking at us. Staring. Wondering what the commotion was. I just wanted to go, to bolt out of there as fast as I could.
"Yeah, run home. I can't even believe you'd turn up here when you've just caused trouble for everyone."
I started to walk away but Tex didn't follow me. I turned back, hoping he'd have the sense to leave too. Instead, Brownie came over and stared up at Tex.
"What the hell is going on?”
"This bitch is way out of line. Try to shut her up."
Lizzie thumped Tex on the chest but he just held her wrists so she couldn't move. I rushed back, hoping I could salvage the situation.
"Don't talk to Lizzie like that." Brownie's voice was low and soft but there was a real threat in his tone.
My hands were shaking. This tension scared me.
"If she's going to start something, I'll talk to her however I like. I've got no beef with you but she’s pissing me off. She should stay out of things that don't involve her."
Tex shouted at Brownie and Lizzie shouted at Tex. Suddenly, Devon joined into the mix for no reason that I could figure other than wanting to hear the sound of his own voice. I covered my ears, the cacophony of voices becoming more than I could handle. This was no way to act at Hannah's wedding. We'd ruin everything.
Maybe Lizzie was right but she had no business bringing it up here. That was no way to deal with things. I backed away, wanting to run. If I'd known this was going to happen, I'd have stayed at home. I prayed that Tex didn't mention cancelling the tour because that would just be like adding dynamite to the mix.
In amongst the melee, one voice rang out. Lizzie's.
"This is all Ruby's fault. I'm not even sure if her fits are real or if she's just putting them on to get attention."
Then everything kinda went black and all the rational thinking in my brain shut down. How dare she say that? How dare she pretend to be my friend if that's how she really thought? The blood rushed to my head.
My normal reaction would be to run and hide but I was too angry. Instead of fleeing, I attacked.
I punched out, smacking Lizzie on the jaw.
Everything stopped then. The noise. The confusion.
I took my chance.
"Come on, Tex, we're leaving."
CHAPTER TEN - RUBY
I curled around Tex enjoying our Sunday morning sleep in even though it wasn't a Sunday. Basking in the afterglow of sex, I ran my fingers up his chest. The warm glimmering of the late morning sun filled the room. Moments like that made me realise how blessed I was. Most people in the world would give anything to have a midweek sleep in, let alone having a sleep in with a hot guy like Tex.
"You look satisfied," Tex said. "Like a well-fed cat."
"Pretty much. There's only one thing that would make this better." I grinned at him, hoping I was being beguiling enough. I didn't really know much about being beguiling though.
He raised his eyebrows while he pushed me back against the crisp, white sheets. His hands ran down my body. "Anything you want."
"I meant French Toast. That would be awesome. Or maybe some pancakes."
"If you're making them, I'm eating them," he said.
His fingers tickled the small of my back, the spot that made me squirm and giggle. If he kept that up, maybe I'd never get out of bed again. I wondered how long we'd survive. Maybe we needed a small fridge next to the bed so that we didn't have to go all the way to the kitchen. Having a big house was definitely not a good thing at times like this.
"What are you doing?" I asked Tex. He'd worked his fingers down to my butt.
Then the doorbell rang. I jumped as though the person at the door could see us in bed together.
"Were you expecting anyone?" I asked.
"Nope. Were you?"
/> "Ha, right. Because I'm the getting visitors type? It's not like I have a whole string of friends doing the pop in visit. Let's ignore it." I relaxed back into Tex's arms.
The bell rang again.
"Ignore it," I said. "No one good ever comes to the door unannounced. If they were our friends, they'd call first. It's actually quite rude to just pop out here."
"Maybe it's Lizzie, here for round two."
"Not funny. God, you don't really think so? Definitely ignore it. We don't need that."
I felt a whole heap of remorse about that. After the wedding, when the adrenalin wore off, I had a good, long think about things. I shouldn't have punched Lizzie. That was a dreadful thing to do but, even as I thought that, part of me felt good. Did that make me a bad person? I wasn't sure but I'd put up with shit like that for literally decades. I wasn’t just hitting her but every so-called friend who'd turned on me the moment things got tough. Every bitchy "friend" who'd gone behind my back laughing about my problems. And especially the ones who'd said they were so supportive but, the moment any situation didn't go their way, they ditched me.
Then I told my shrink about it and she laughed!
"It's probably not the best solution but it seems like it was cathartic."
Yep, it sure was. And it wasn't even like I hit her hard. I hadn't broken her jaw or anything. It was more a shock thing than actual pain. Tex, being a guy, thought it was the greatest thing ever. In the car on the way home, he'd kept grinning at me and, a few times when we stopped at lights, he'd do a punching motion and laugh. Until, in the end, I was laughing too.
Still, even though it had been cathartic, it was also the wrong thing to do. Lizzie wasn't all those other people, she was just herself and, on some level, I understood her anger. She was so proud of her house. It meant everything to her. And she saw me as a threat to that.
I’d thought that Hannah would be the one to get angry. It’d been her wedding that we’d ruined. But she’d run over the car as we were leaving, laughing about it. She even offered to send some wedding cake out to us.
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