Be With You

by Candy J. Starr

  "What the hell is going on with you guys? You cause me more problems than the rest of my bands put together." Hannah was not happy.

  "Hey, it's not us, it's Brownie," Devon replied. I made him call her since I'd been the one to call after the fight.

  “So, what did you guys do to Brownie,” was the first thing Hannah said when she picked up the phone.

  Devon held the phone out from his ear. Hannah was so loud, I could hear her without him having to put her on speaker. She was livid. I don't know why were the ones copping her anger when Brownie had caused this but I could understand that she needed to vent.

  "I'll cancel the side gigs. That gives you a week until the next festival. I'll find a new drummer."

  "A week's not long enough," I said. "Tell her a week's not long enough."

  No one could learn all our songs in a week. That was being ridiculous. We'd look like a bunch of clowns up there on stage without a functioning drummer.

  "What's our other option?" she said. "I've talked to Brownie and he's not going to change his mind. He won't talk about the issues, he just said he can't do it any more."

  "We should cancel the tour. It's cursed," I said.

  Devon glared at me but didn't say anything. He had no other suggestions. It wasn't like you could pull a drummer out of thin air. Especially not one as good as Brownie.

  "Let me work on it," Hannah said and hung up.

  Hannah called back the next morning. She'd found a guy. He'd done covers of a few of our songs, so he knew them. She wanted to know if we could change the set around to accommodate him. That was the best she could do.

  I checked the clock. It was 7am. A man can't survive on next to no sleep. I told her I'd think on it and call her back later. Even if he knew the songs, we'd have to rehearse day and night before we could even think of getting on stage and we only had a week. It wasn't as easy as Hannah thought.

  Sure, the guy had done covers of our songs but he'd done them with his own band, their own way. It wasn't like slotting in a new widget to replace a broken one. It was about chemistry. If there wasn't that connection between us, it'd never work.

  Maybe this was a sign to get out while I could. Brownie had said he was too old. Maybe we were all too old. Could we just keep hacking bits together to keep this thing running until it became some kind of monstrosity? That's what it seemed like to me.

  Of course, the one thought that kept coming to me was that, if we abandoned everything now, I could go home and I'd be in the same city as Ruby. That would mean I could see her and be with her. I'd be able to win her back.

  On the other hand, I'd already cancelled that one performance. We had two more festival appearances to go along with the side gigs. If we decided to pull the plug now, that'd pretty much be it. We'd have the hugest black mark in this industry, we'd never recover. No one would want to book us. And the fans' love would turn to hate.

  I rubbed my face, not wanting to make this decision. The night before, after we'd gotten off the phone to Hannah, Devon and I had had a few drinks and hadn't stopped until the sun came up. We'd talked around in circles for hours, completely deciding to scrap the band then, five minutes later, have another plan.

  Half of Devon's plans involved getting a hot drummer wearing a bikini.

  "No one would care if she couldn't play," he'd said. "So long as she's hot."

  "No one will see her behind the drum kit."

  "Oh yeah. Still, hot chick in bikini..."

  The conversation had deteriorated from there into a drunken ramble and speculations about Brownie. Devon didn't know any more than I did. He sure as hell didn't like Lizzie though.

  "She called me a drunken man whore," he said, many times.

  "Yeah, well, she's not wrong about that," I finally said.

  Climbing back in bed and sleeping off this hangover seemed like the best option but Hannah wanted to move fast if we decided to go with this guy. I pulled on my jeans and went to bash on Devon's door to get his opinion. If I had to be awake and thinking, he could too.

  As I waited for him to register that I was knocking, a maid wheeled a room service trolley down the hallway. She saw me and did a double-take. Hell, I should've put a shirt on. The poor woman blushed and ducked her head.

  "Just a minute," Devon yelled.

  I heard giggling from his room. He had a woman in there? But how? Had she been waiting there for him all night or had he picked her up on the 30 second walk from his room to mine?

  I leaned against the wall, waiting for him. Still more giggles. I could go back to my room and wait for him there, I guess. It was cold.

  The maid wheeled her trolley back down the hallway. She paused, not quite looking at me. I waited for her to speak. Was she going to tell me this hotel had some kind of rule against standing in the hallway shirtless?

  "I am not really supposed to do this," she said. "Interrupt guests, I mean. But I wanted to thank you."

  "Huh? For what? Standing around in the hallway?"

  She glanced at me then turned away again.

  "No. For yesterday, I mean. The festival. I went with my sister. She's really sick and has been depressed for months. But she loves you guys, FORSAKEN. She listens to your music all the time. And she was so happy when she got to see you play. It was better than anything the doctors have been able to do for her."

  Before I could answer her, Devon opened the door. Two girls in cut off shorts and skimpy tops ran out. Hey, were they twins?

  "Just a minute." I snapped my attention back to the maid. "Do you want an autograph? For your sister?"

  The girl beamed at me, her eyes lighting up. "Yes, please."

  Sometimes, you joke about life giving you a sign and then that sign smacks you in the face like a wrecking ball. It was time to pull my head out and stop thinking about myself. We played these shows for a reason and that hotel maid showed me exactly what that reason was.

  CHAPTER TWENTY - RUBY

  My shrink told me to get out of the apartment once a day. For my mental health. I wasn't sure if she meant it was good for me to go out or if it was to make me appreciate not going out more – because outside the apartment really did suck. If we were meant to go outside, why did we have the internet and Netflix and online grocery orders?

  "People don't have to leave the house to be mentally healthy, you know," I said to her. "Don't you think it's just as weird to need constant stimulation? That seems all kinds of weird to me. Noise and stuff going on and people wearing strong perfume."

  She wrote some notes down on her pad and didn't say much.

  Sheryl was a great shrink but she needed to understand that I never wanted to be "cured" into being a bouncy extrovert. I wanted to get over the crap I'd been through, the shadows the kidnapping had left behind. If I got back to being cranky introvert Ruby, I'd be happy.

  "It looks like your meds aren't helping," she said.

  "Yeah, well, there is only so much they can do. They can't cure the world of misogyny and general buttholeness." I told her about being sacked from my job.

  "People can be strange in the workplace, especially if they think their position is being threatened. I think the greater issue here is why you don't voice your concerns."

  "Have you worked in a male-dominated industry? Do you know what it's like to deal with men?"

  She smiled. I knew that smile. She wanted me to tell her about stuff. Then she went on about some assertive training techniques I could use. I think she was being totally optimistic if she thought those kinds of things would work on a bunch of jerks who just talked over the top of you and denied your existence. You can't voice your concerns if no one will listen to you to begin with.

  But, since she had control over important things like my medication and recommending me for more intensive therapy -- or, my worst nightmare, being committed, I thought I should follow her advice as far as leaving the apartment was concerned. Then I could tell her I'd tried it and all it'd meant was missing vital drama watching tim
e.

  Going to the cafe downstairs and getting a takeaway coffee counted. She'd said to leave the apartment not the apartment building and, even if that was a technicality, I did have to get dressed. Although, it seemed a waste of clean underwear to me. It’d slipped on my cutest summer dress, not because I wanted to look cute but because it was the easiest thing to wear.

  I'd talked to her about calling Tex, how I missed him every moment of the day. I wondered if being separated from him was the right thing.

  "You made the decision to live apart and you were happy with that decision. What’s changed to make you think differently?"

  “Have you got all day?”

  I wondered though. We'd been happy. We'd been so happy together. We'd been happy right up to the moment of my breakdown. Then it’d all shattered and Tex had treated me like some kind of broken bird.

  When I tried to get beyond that, he attacked like he had at dinner. I'd been content with all my thoughts locked up in that box, hidden away behind the bright, bubbly layer of my TV, but the shrink's visit stirred them all up again.

  There was no holding them back after that. A deluge of Tex thoughts rained down on me. The pain and misery seeped into every crack in my life. His smile, his voice, his hands.

  I put in my coffee order then went to the bench near the window because a bunch of women with those huge prams crowded the counter. I flicked through the newspaper, not really paying any attention.

  Someone approached the café on the other side of the street. I must've gotten to the point of obsession because I could swear that person was Tex. I shook my head, trying to clear it, and looked again. But he wasn't even in town. It was someone who looked like him and I just wanted it to be him.

  He was in the shadows and I couldn’t really see his face but that walk, that confident, own-the-world swagger could only belong to him.

  I kept my head down, not wanting to be foolish. My heart skipped and floated; my heart was stupid. There was no way in hell it could be Tex.

  The next minute, he stood in front of me.

  "Ruby. It's you."

  It was Tex. Well, I hoped so and not some freaky Tex impersonator. He seemed to have a shyness and a hesitancy he’d never had before. Normally, he’d just sweep me up in his arms without a second thought.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "Do you have time? I tried to call you but your phone wasn’t on."

  "I've got time," I told him. Had he planned on sitting in the cafe and waiting for me to come downstairs? He might've been waiting all day.

  "So, how's the job going?"

  I wavered, fully intending to tell him the whole story but I couldn't. I would, later, but I didn't want to ruin this moment by dragging all my emotional bullshit into it.

  “Ruby, I’m sorry. I was a shit, I know it.”

  I nodded. He had been but I was so happy to see him like this that I just wanted to sweep all that away. And I didn't want to get into any discussion that would end in a fight or bad feelings.

  We sat down and ordered lunch while he told me about Brownie. A horrible nagging feeling settled in my belly that maybe that happened because of me. I'd triggered this whole thing, sowed seeds of discontent within the band. In hindsight, I wished I'd never turned up to that stupid meeting. That company had caused ripple upon ripple of trouble. I'd created a huge jinx on everyone I knew because I'd gone to that initial meeting.

  "It's been crazy," he said. "Once I decided to give this new drummer a chance, we flew back here. We'll give him a tryout and, if it works, it's back on the road tomorrow. If it doesn't work, we're screwed."

  "And you have no idea why Brownie quit?"

  Tex shook his head. "None at all."

  We were both silent for a while. Tex grinned at me with that crazy, lopsided grin and didn't take his eyes off me. I blushed and lowered my head to avoid his scrutiny but, when I looked up, he was still doing it.

  "What?"

  "Nothing."

  "You've got something on your mind."

  "Listen, Ruby, I have an idea. It's just a thought. Don't get angry with me."

  "As if I would."

  "You might. You might punch me." He put his hand over his arm as though he needed to protect himself from me.

  I poked my tongue out at him. "Just tell me."

  "Okay, I'm back in town for less than a day. What do you think about coming back to the house for the night? I won't be around much because we'll be in the studio rehearsing and trying to get our shit together but we'll have a bit of time before the guys turn up and, well, this is the only way I can think of..." He looked up at me with expectation in his eyes. That expectation glowed with possibilities.

  "Umm, maybe. I'll think about it." I teased. "Yeah, okay." As if I could say no for reals.

  I was pretty sure that my shrink wouldn't approve but screw her. She wasn't the one who lay in bed every night crying out to have Tex's body beside her, not knowing how to deal with the absence of him. It would be like a test run to see how we'd go back together again. Maybe this was the start of a sparkling future for us. We'd both grown and matured. We could work though our problems and be stronger.

  "So, what are you up to now?" I asked.

  "I've just come into town to pick up some gear I need then I’m heading back to the house. Devon and the new drummer are staying over too so it's going to be a bit strange. Especially with this new guy. Do you want to grab your stuff?"

  I threw some clothes into a bag and packed up my laptop. It took me about 10 minutes, singing a little song as I worked. The deluge of pain I'd felt earlier had been replaced by something awesome. A flood of glitter and sparkles and mushy stuff. Everything seemed to glow a little brighter. I would be spending the night with Tex.

  I grabbed my bag and hoisted it onto my shoulder.

  "Goodbye, apartment, I'll see you tomorrow," I said. I didn't really want to think about tomorrow and coming back though. I went down to the street and waited for Tex to get the car.

  On the way back to the house, my excitement grew.

  "What's this new guy like?" I asked.

  "I'm not sure. I've only talked to him for about five minutes. He played in a cover band and they did some of our songs. He also has a band of his own, small time stuff. We're going to have to mix things around, make sure we do the stuff he knows. Hannah said he's got a good reputation though and can catch on fast. I sure as hell hope so."

  "What's his name? I can't just call him new guy."

  "Dong."

  "Dong? You're kidding me, right? I can't say that with a straight face. Is that his real name or a nickname?"

  Tex shrugged. "I have no idea. And don't laugh at him. I don't want the poor guy running away before we even start."

  We didn't talk for a while, just stole glances at each other.

  "Are you going to talk to Brownie while you are home?"

  "When am I going to have time for that? And screw him, if he'd wanted to talk, he'd have talked."

  Even though he said that, his mouth tightened the way it did when he put on his tough guy front. Brownie leaving the band must've really hurt him. Strange, if anyone was going to leave the band, I'd have thought it'd be Devon. But then, I guess, Devon got what he wanted out of it – money and groupies. He wanted those things a lot, enough to put up with Tex being a shithead.

  We got stuck behind the bus on the way to the house and ended up crawling along at a snail's pace.

  "Damn it. This is not what I had planned."

  "You had a plan?"

  "Hell yeah. I had some heavy seduction planned." He turned and winked at me.

  The Ruby Wonderland flooded with heat. I squirmed in my seat as the part of me that had been hibernating came alive. I cursed the bus. I cursed myself for taking so long to pack. If I'd been faster, we'd have been back at the house already. Tex tried to overtake the bus but the road was so narrow.

  "Stupid frigging bus, why is he driving in the middle of the road. I have no clea
rance at all. Surely, they have to stop somewhere." Tex bashed the steering wheel.

  "Where? There is nothing along this road. The bus only ever stops near our place. Then it turns around and goes back again. It's okay if we don't..."

  "It's not okay, Ruby. I'm on the world's tightest time schedule. I don't want to bring you all the way out here so you can sit around while I rehearse. I've screwed things up. I should've called you first but I wanted to surprise you. Everything in town took longer than I expected. Those clowns at the music shop dithering around... Curse every single person who has thwarted my need to have sex with you."

  I nodded in agreement. Why did we stop to have lunch? Why had we talked? We’d wasted valuable time.

  "We could pull over to the side of the road," he said.

  "Where? There's not one single place to pull over along here. You know this road."

  He shot me that sexy grin that made my body tingle.

  This felt so happy and so right.

  Until we got to the house.

  I had a strange pang of dread. That day I'd first come to the house, it had loomed over me, so dark and ominous. Then the house had burnt down and we'd lived in the studio. With the house rebuilt, I’d thought those feelings would be long gone but, as I looked at it again, a shudder of dread went through me. That house was going to wrap me up and smother me in some way. That's what the feeling said.

  I ignored it. Stupid feeling. I was with Tex and things would be perfect. I just knew it.

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE - RUBY

  We'd barely had time for a few kisses when I heard Devon's car pull up.

  "I could tell them to wait for five minutes," Tex said.

  "Five minutes?"

  "Well, okay, ten."

  That would be so weird though, having them wait around knowing Tex and I were in the house screwing. But Tex pushed me against the kitchen cabinet, pressing his body against mine. His kiss became urgent, fuelled with need.