Engaging Love: A Historical Regency Romance Novel

by Abby Ayles

  It wasn’t a fear that she would disgrace her good name and his. That would give him the right to be possessive. But surely he had no other. If he felt more, then that might suggest…

  Ugh. His thoughts were all muddled up in his head. He couldn’t think properly.

  “There are the usual gifts, of course,” Perry went on. “But I should think that you would be well acquainted with how to woo a woman. I have heard stories of your flirtations on the Continent.”

  “Flirtations are different from a proper wooing, as you surely are aware.” A flirtation meant nothing in the end, although it might lead to something and was why many women placed too many hopes upon it.

  “I am well aware, that is true,” Perry conceded. “But don’t all matters of wooing start with flirtations?” He looked over at John, frowning slightly. “Are you experiencing concerns, Ridgecleff?”

  John held in his sigh. “Not exactly. It is more that…I’ve been busy, as of late. My father is preparing for me to take over the day-to-day matters of the estate at Mountbank.”

  “A wise decision. So many men stubbornly hold onto their responsibilities and do not prepare their sons, then when the man dies the estate is mismanaged through want of training.”

  “I agree, yet it has left me unable to devote the proper time to my intended.” That was all that John dared to say. He trusted Perry, but he did not trust that someone else might not be overhearing. It happened so often at these balls.

  Not to mention that Perry might let something slip out by accident. John did not wish for either himself or Miss Natalie to be embarrassed by his own carelessness.

  “That is an easily smoothed over matter, I should think,” Perry observed. “Personally, I should treat her as you would any young lady with whom you are beginning a flirtation.”

  “That seems to me rather callous.”

  “Nonsense. My sister—she was married two years ago as you well know—confided to me that when her husband flirted with her it made her feel desirable again. As though she was still a young lady out on her first season.

  “It reminds her that she is still someone that you find pretty and engaging. That you are caring enough about her opinion of her to make an effort just as you would with someone you did not yet know well. It shows that you do not take her for granted.”

  John thought about that. He hadn’t even really flirted with Miss Natalie in the first place. She must think he did not care for her at all.

  Did he, care for her?

  He watched her as she moved about the ballroom. It seemed as though she knew everyone, and everyone knew her. People were stopping her to chat, always exclaiming and smiling, glad to see her.

  If he had gotten a chance to see her like this…in her element…

  He could easily see why so many men had fallen for her initially. She was laughing, smiling, making others laugh. She looked radiant in her dress, with her hair done up like that, revealing her pale swan neck and framing her face.

  Yes, he could imagine himself falling for her had he met her in this setting. Such a vivacious young lady. How could he not?

  Perry laughed. “You look quite struck, my friend. Lightning could hit you and you wouldn’t notice.”

  John shook himself. “I assure you, I look no such thing.”

  “You cannot even see yourself. I had worried considering how quickly you seemed to take a lady for your intended. I thought perhaps something might be afoot. But now I see that you are merely trapped in love the same as many other men.”

  John felt his stomach twist. He couldn’t tell if it was a pleasant feeling or not. On the one hand he felt embarrassed, called out. On the other hand, he felt something inside of him soar a bit, like a dog that hears its name being called and perks up its head to say yes, that’s me, here I am.

  “I can hardly blame you,” Perry went on.

  “I am not the sort of man to fall in love abruptly,” John replied. “I proposed to her for her name and her face and qualities. You know that I do not believe in this whole true love business.”

  “Yes,” Perry drawled, his tone dry, “and you not being in love with her is why you are staring at her in such an intense manner whenever a young man speaks to her. Come now, you can’t think I’m stupid.”

  “I never suggested such a thing.”

  “You don’t sound particularly happy at the idea of being in love.”

  “How many of us are truly in love when we marry, Perry? It is a luxury, you know that. Marriage is to find someone you can esteem who will help secure the continuation of the gentry. Something such as love…it’s fantastical.”

  His voice was firm, yet his words sounded feeble. Like they were excuses he was giving himself just as much as Perry.

  “Yet it’s something we can find unexpectedly,” Perry said. “Surely you did not propose to the woman without feeling some manner of warm feelings towards her.”

  If only he knew.

  “Is it not possible that at some point along the way something greater than esteem crept into your heart while you were not looking for it?”

  John glared at his friend. “Perhaps you have been reading too many of those new novels, Perry.”

  “It is merely a suggestion,” Perry replied, still good-natured.

  John watched as Miss Natalie was asked to dance. She could hardly say no. Although she was engaged and would be certain to tell the young man so, only once a woman was married—or if she was the hostess of the party—did she have the excuse of not dancing.

  Men had no such privilege even after they were married. If a man was married and there were young ladies without partners, he was obliged to dance with them still.

  Ironically, a man was not allowed to dance with his wife. It was considered rude, for of course a man would favor his own wife and many a man would dance only with her if he could. The purpose of dancing was for young people to strike up an acquaintance and perhaps find a match for marriage. Therefore, a married person should have no reason to dance. A married man should only dance to oblige any poor young ladies stuck without partners.

  Miss Natalie curtsied and allowed the young man to lead her out onto the dance floor. It would be rude of her to say no, despite her engagement.

  John could not help the feeling of frustration that he felt, however. He could, if he wanted, dance with her as well and put his name on her dance card. As her fiancé he could, in fact, take the privilege of dancing with her twice.

  Yet he found that he did not merely wish to dance with her. He wanted to cut in and inform the young man that Miss Natalie was already with someone else. With him.

  Perhaps Perry was not so far off the mark after all.

  Perhaps…while he had not been looking, he had developed stronger feelings for Miss Natalie than he had expected.

  He engaged Perry in a discussion of other matters concerning mutual acquaintances and such. The entire time, he kept an eye on Miss Natalie.

  She was an exceptional dancer and seemed almost to him to be showing herself off. He could see many other young men watching her. They were undoubtedly planning to ask her to dance as well—and unfortunately, they could, for he was certain that she knew many of them.

  John felt that spike of dangerous heat inside of him again, that desire to remind everyone that Miss Natalie was his intended and not a lady for the rest of them to consider as a potential wife.

  He watched as she moved across the floor. They were not to be married this season. As a respect to Miss Elizabeth and her intended Mr. Denny, they had to wait a short bit after their wedding in order to be married themselves.

  He would have to take advantage, then, of this one opportunity to dance with Miss Natalie. He was reminded of how he had enjoyed the one dance they had together at the masquerade ball. He would dance with her as much as he could this season both for his own pleasure and to remind everyone assembled that they were, indeed, engaged.

  Perry had a point—wooing began with flirtation. And he h
ad not bothered to truly flirt with Miss Natalie. He hadn’t taken the time to show her that she was desirable to him.

  And she was, he was realizing, desirable to him. He felt possessive towards her. He wanted to remind people that she was his and his alone. That they were partners. He wanted to make her blush and laugh and feel wanted and valued.

  When he saw that Miss Natalie was free, he excused himself from Perry.

  “Off to stake your claim?” Perry said, smiling in a manner that was entirely too knowing.

  “When you are engaged, Perry, I shall take great pleasure in poking fun at your state,” John replied. He felt entirely justified in getting a parting shot in. Perry was having rather too much fun with the idea of John being a fool in love.

  He moved through the ballroom towards Miss Natalie. She was practically surrounded by men, and he could see them talking while she held out her dance card.

  At one point he lost her in the crowd, and then suddenly felt a hand on his arm.

  It was Emma.

  “John!” she said, sounding breathless. She held up her dance card. “Miss Natalie filled my card for me!”

  John stared at her, uncomprehending. “What do you mean?”

  Emma’s smile could have lit up the entire room, or so it seemed to him. He had rarely seen her so energetic in her happiness.

  “Miss Natalie danced with one of the young men with whom she had previously made an acquaintance. She then talked to every man who came up to dance with her after and explained that her dance card had her fiancé on it next but she would be happy to direct them to me.

  “She simply praised me up one side and down the other, said that I taught her everything that she knew! I was quite speechless. But my dance card is quite full, look.”

  Emma showed him that, indeed, her dance card was already filled for the evening. John recognized several family names—all of them quite rich and respectable.

  Miss Natalie had managed to fill his sister’s dance card with the most eligible men in the ballroom.

  John sucked in a breath. This was quite selfless of Miss Natalie. It was, quite honestly, something he had not expected from her. He knew how much Miss Natalie loved to dance and interact with others.

  Yet she had refused a dozen offers to dance, risking being called rude and insolent, in order to give his sister the best partners. She had made sure that his sister’s first ball would be a memorable one where she made valuable connections with potential suitors.

  It was clever and thoughtful of her. John hadn’t thought for a moment that she was dancing for any reason other than she wanted to. But she must have done so in order to get the attention of all her male acquaintances.

  Giving Emma a dance card like that would give her an immense leg up on finding a suitor for her to marry. Saying that Emma had taught Miss Natalie all of her dancing and conversation was also a huge benefit to his sister. Miss Natalie was known for her conversation and dancing at balls.

  John had admittedly not thought Miss Natalie capable of such a thing. He had to thank her.

  “She said that I was the next partner on her dance card, did she not?” he asked.

  Emma nodded. “The next quadrille will be starting soon, you ought to find her so that she does not seem a liar or rude.”

  Very true, but John had to admit at least to himself that he was going to find Miss Natalie for his own purposes as well.

  He had to thank her. Such a selfless and thoughtful action could not go unremarked upon.

  She was speaking with some other young ladies, Miss Louisa nearby, conversing with some acquaintance or other.

  “Miss Natalie?”

  All the other ladies tittered when they saw him. John ignored them. No doubt they had heard plenty about him on the Continent. But even if they hadn’t, a man from a family such as his would be known to them. They must have plenty of excitement in simply being in the presence of a future earl.

  He did his best to ignore them while still being polite.

  “My lord?” Miss Natalie said, turning and looking up at him.

  He bowed to her. “I believe I had the next dance with you?”

  The other ladies all looked at one another and smiled in that sly, supposedly secretive but in reality quite obvious way that they had when they were all thinking the same thing about a man.

  Miss Natalie graced him with a pleased smile. “You are quite right. It would be my pleasure, my lord.”

  She allowed him to lead her out onto the dance floor as the other couples assembled. John could feel an unexpected rush of relief now that they were together again. Everyone could see the dancing. Everyone would be reminded now that they were together, a couple, engaged.

  “Of what were you and those other ladies speaking?” John asked by way of starting the conversation. It would not do to simply jump right into thanking her. He did not wish to embarrass her overmuch.

  “It was a trivial matter,” Miss Natalie said, her voice odd.

  John suspected it was not a trivial matter but rather a matter that Miss Natalie was not comfortable speaking of. He would let it lie, then. It was not his business.

  Perhaps it was something of a gossiping matter. In which case, he was surprised that she was not more enthusiastic about such a prospect. Maybe, then—just maybe—this was another sign of the change in her.

  “I know what you have done for my sister,” he said, feeling it best then to simply plunge into the heart of the matter. “She showed me her dance card. I cannot even begin to thank you enough for your generosity of spirit.”

  Miss Natalie blushed. It surprised him but pleased him as well. He rather liked the idea of bringing pleased color to her cheeks. It made her look most handsome.

  “It was a little matter,” she said. “I was happy to help your sister out in such a fashion. She has been a pleasant companion to me all this while.

  “Not that I mean that as an insult to yourself,” Miss Natalie added hastily. She sounded put out with herself.

  Miss Natalie, the consummate conversationalist, babbling? John thought he’d never see the day.

  “I do not take it that way,” John assured her.

  Miss Natalie smiled at him. “It is only that—you have been busy learning from your father. As you should be. And so she has occupied that empty space quite well as a sister should.”

  “I hope that I have not abandoned you too much,” John admitted. “I fear that I have been a sad excuse for a fiancé.”

  “You have been most generous,” Miss Natalie said, hastening to correct him. “Your flowers, the ribbons—it has all been beyond what I expected.”

  “None of that can replace my actual presence.”

  “Well, you are present now,” Miss Natalie pointed out, spinning a little on her next step, making her skirt twirl.

  John couldn’t help his smile. “That is true.”

  He took a deep breath. Flirt. He knew how to flirt. He had done it dozens of times. Why did it now feel so difficult with Miss Natalie? Why did he go from a competent person who had flirted with many a woman on the Continent to an idiot who didn’t know how to get words out of his mouth?

  “Have I mentioned—your dress quite brings out your eyes.”

  Miss Natalie smiled at him, looking surprised but pleased. “I am glad that you think so. I must say that I look forward to being married. I shall be able to wear more jewelry and feathers.”

  John could easily imagine Miss Natalie in such accessories. Could imagine himself gifting her with them.

  Unmarried women were expected to look modest. To wear such feathers and jewelry was to be vain. It suggested that you were showing off for men, in order to get them to marry you.

  But a married woman could show herself off as much as she liked, for she was already married and was therefore not doing it to ensnare any man.

  Furthermore, a woman in such accessories suggested that she was used to wealth and would spend her future husband’s money on frivolous things. />
  “We shall have to take you shopping once we leave the church,” he teased. “Although I hope you shall permit there to be a luncheon first.”

  Miss Natalie laughed. “Do not mock me, or I shall indeed take you into town for shopping every time and force you to choose between two very similar shades of green, insisting all the time how very different they are.”

  “The horror,” John replied, deadpan, which only made Miss Natalie laugh harder.

  “You are awful,” she replied, but she was smiling.

  “Well, if you like, I can simply stay at home and then compliment you when you return. You can model your purchases for me and I shall comment on the artful use of them and your esteemed and unparalleled taste.”

  “I suppose that shall do,” Miss Natalie replied. “And I shall have to tell you something similar when you discuss the running of the household. Perhaps I shall be playing solitaire or something so that I might better express with subtlety my boredom.”

  He laughed. “Do you warn all your suitors of such a future? It must make them quite excited over the prospect of marrying you.”

  “Oh, no, you are a special case,” Miss Natalie assured him. “You should consider it quite an honor that I am being honest with you. Most men prefer pretty lies and so I deliver them.”

  “One could say that women prefer the same. Would you like me to speak to you about how you are the most radiant woman in the room?”

  As soon as he said the words, though, he was not altogether certain that they were untrue, at least in his mind.

  Miss Natalie wouldn’t believe it if he said it, especially now that he’d just made a joke of it. But looking around at the other ladies assembled…

  None of them smiled as brightly as her, wore their dress as wonderfully as she did. None of them glowed like she did.

  He stepped around her for the dance and remembered that he didn’t have to hide his admiration. She was his fiancée. He could gaze at her with as much adoration as he pleased.

  Adoration? Was that the right word?