by S Doyle
Except it wasn’t her name on the screen. It was Chrissy’s.
My gut clenched. “Chrissy, what is it?”
“Jake, something is wrong I think. Ellie only had one glass of wine, but she started acting really weird. Like really weird and I just came back from the bathroom and I can’t see her. The place is packed, but still she wouldn’t have just left me. I tried to call her, but she’s not picking up.”
I could see that. The parking lot was full. Cars lined the street.
“Do you know who gave her the wine?”
“Bobby bought all of our drinks.”
I didn’t need to hear anymore. “You keep looking for her and you text me the second you see her. I’ll be right there.”
I was turning off the engine and calling Ellie at the same time. Then I was out of my truck, running down the street to Pete’s.
Ellie didn’t pick up. I stopped long enough to text her.
Get away from Bobby now!
Doug was sitting outside of Pete’s, acting as the bouncer.
“Hey, Jake. Place is packed. I don’t think I can let any more people in tonight. Homecoming. You know how it is.”
“Doug, I’ve got to get in there. Ellie might be in trouble.”
“Oh shit. Yeah, no problem. Just muscle your way through.”
Hold on, Ellie. Just hold on.
Ellie
Something was not right. I knew that. I could feel it. I was sipping my wine. Slowly, because I could only have two glasses, because I was not going to do anything as asinine as drive drunk.
But I wasn’t halfway through it and already I felt like I was trashed.
Or not exactly. Just like I couldn’t think. But at the same time I felt so good. Like the best I had ever felt. I was hanging with my girls, and Bobby was there. He’d offered to buy us our first round.
Lisa didn’t even seem to mind despite the fact he’d jerked her around a lot back in high school.
He gave us our drinks. I was the only one who ordered wine. Naturally. And he seemed pretty normal for a while. Simply hanging with us. Then I had this crazy urge to touch him so I reached out to stroke his arm and I thought it was really hard.
“You have hard arms,” I told him. Actually I shouted it at him. The place was packed with people. I could barely hear myself.
“Thank you,” he shouted back.
“Jake also has hard arms.”
“Thanks for sharing.”
Then Lisa and Karen went to play pool. Chrissy went to the bathroom and it was me and Bobby. I was weaving a little bit on my stool. Bobby put his arm around my waist to steady me. I put my empty wine glass on the bar and it toppled over. Would have broken if it hadn’t been made with such thick glass.
“Want another one?” Bobby asked. Close in my ear so I could hear him.
I was planning on two. That’s what I told myself coming in to tonight. I could have that and still be okay to drive home. But the way I felt now, there was no way I was driving. I needed to call Jake.
“No. I don’t think so. I feel really…”
Not drunk. Not like I was out of my head. More like I was out of my body. The press of people around me felt like it was all too much.
“Yeah, I can see you don’t look so hot. It’s too crowded in here. Let me take you out back to get some air.”
Air. Cool air on my face and skin. Yes, that was exactly what I wanted.
“But I can’t leave Chrissy.”
“I’ll text her. Let her know I’ve got you. Karen and Lisa are still here.”
That was true. I needed the air so very desperately. Bobby helped me off the stool and I caught myself before almost falling. His arm was around me, and that felt good. I had this longing to touch every part of him, which was crazy because I had never wanted to touch Bobby MacPherson. Ever.
We may have called a truce, but it was not like I was interested in him. Despite what Jake said about him having a thing for me. Although I might be more inclined to be grateful if I could get some air. The crush of people as we moved through the crowd was disturbing, because in some ways I hated it and in other ways I liked the contact.
He was guiding me down the narrow hall where the doors to the bathroom were, and I could see the door at the end with the exit sign over it. Yes, that’s what I wanted. To be gone. To be able to breathe. To shake this crazy feeling in my head like I was flying so high. Higher than I ever wanted to fly.
Bobby pushed the door open and there it was. I tilted my head back and breathed in as deeply as I could. As if I hadn’t been able to breathe at all and suddenly there was all this oxygen. I teetered a few steps and pressed my back up against the brick wall which was the back of Pete’s. There was a light attached to the wall that was shining, then suddenly it went dark.
“Why did it go dark?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
The next thing I knew, Bobby was trying to kiss me. His lips were on me and I could feel his tongue trying to press into my mouth. I lifted my arms to push him away, but he was too heavy.
“Bobby, no!”
I think I said that. I tried to say that. But I didn’t want to open my mouth. I turned my head away from him and he started sucking on my neck.
“Stop. No.”
“Come on. You know you want this. You’re begging for it.”
Begging for it? Hardly. “Seriously, stop. This is not cool.”
I tried pushing him again, but he was like this wall that wouldn’t move. Then he was spinning me, so that my cheek was pressed against the rough brick.
“I know you want it. I’ve seen your toys.”
I was trying to make sense of what he was saying. But I could not fucking control my brain. He pulled my hips back against his and then I felt his hands on the buttons of my jeans. I bucked against him hard and that moved him away a little.
“See, you’re like a bitch in heat,” he laughed. “I’ll make this so fucking good for you.”
“No!”
Not this. This was not happening. I was not about to lose it to Bobby MacPherson behind Pete’s bar when I didn’t want this to happen. I should have done it with Jake when he was drunk. That would have been better than this.
Jake. God, he was going to be so mad at me.
“Jake!”
“Jake’s not here,” Bobby growled in my ear. “I am.”
Then he was tugging off my jeans, or trying to, when I heard a crash. I turned my head toward the sound. The back door had popped open and there was Jake. Like I had somehow summoned him. He was this amazing superhero who I could see from the light pouring out from the bar behind him.
“Help.” I don’t know if he heard me. It didn’t matter.
Abruptly the weight Bobby had been using to hold me in place was gone. I turned around to see him running, and then Jake was tearing after him. Chrissy, who had followed Jake out of the door, came over to me.
“Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. Are you okay?”
No. I was shaking. I tugged up my jeans and buttoned them back up. I looked to where Jake had gone after Bobby. Jake had caught him fairly quickly and now he was very clearly beating the shit out of Bobby.
“Help me. We have to stop him.”
“Uh…I don’t think we’re going to stop Jake.”
“We have to stop him, Chrissy!” I started to run but my legs felt like noodles so it was more like stumbling. I got close enough to hear the sound of Jake’s fist impacting with Bobby’s face.
“Stop!”
“What the fuck did you give her?” Jake screamed at him.
“Fuck you,” Bobby groaned. “She wanted it.”
Jake hit him again and blood spurted out of Bobby’s nose.
“Jake, stop…”
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU GIVE HER?”
Except this time Bobby couldn’t answer, not with his mouth filled with blood.
“Jake.” I couldn’t stand anymore. I could feel myself falling, my ass hitting the gravel hard, even
as my hands tried to brace my fall. Chrissy tried to help me up, but I was too heavy for her.
“You are fucking going to jail for this, you little shit,” Jake told Bobby, who was now crumbled in the fetal position in the dirt, moaning.
At least he was still alive. I didn’t think Jake would get in trouble for hitting Bobby, but if he had actually killed him I’m pretty sure that would have been bad. Then Jake was bending over to help pull me up. I managed to get to my feet, but he lifted me into his arms.
This was much better.
“Chrissy, you go back inside and stay with Karen and Lisa. I’ll make sure Doug knows what to do with Bobby.”
We didn’t go back through the bar. Instead he walked me around the outside of the two buildings that were connected. I was grateful. I couldn’t have handled going back inside. Jake carrying me in his arms, everyone knowing what Bobby almost did to me. What he seriously almost did to me. I started crying, and even doing that my brain still felt wrong.
Jake got me settled in his truck to the point of fastening my seat belt. That’s how out of it I was. Then he was gone—for how long I couldn’t tell, but each minute was this tiny agony without him.
Finally, he was back and the relief was palpable.
“Okay, listen to me, Ellie. We’re going to have to go to the urgent care.”
“Noooo,” I cried. “Home.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I want them to get a blood sample now, while it’s still in your system.”
Gosh, needles really? After I was almost… I couldn’t even form the word in my mind. If I did, then it would have made it too real. While I was still in this hazy reality, I could pretend it was all a dream.
Jake being Jake, there wasn’t a choice. He drove me to the clinic and carried me inside. I told him I thought I could walk, but he wasn’t having it. Fortunately, it was empty except for Dr. Jenkins and Mary, who recently graduated from nursing school. Technically she wasn’t a nurse yet because she hadn’t passed the boards, but in Riverbend she was considered good enough.
They led Jake, who still wouldn’t put me down, to one of the two exam rooms and I sat on the edge of the examination table. Mary was nice. She didn’t say much. She cleaned up my palms, which I had scraped when I fell.
Dr. Jenkins shone a light in my eyes and asked me to try and describe how I felt.
“Sort of euphoric. Dreamy a little, too. Like I need physical contact, except I’m not a touchy kind of person. It’s so strange.”
It was the best I could come up with. Jake and the doctor were talking to each other, but I couldn’t follow what either was saying.
Then I felt the prick of the needle and winced while Jake held my hand. I thought it was over, but the worst part came when Dr. Jenkins quietly asked Jake if they needed to take a rape kit.
“No! It didn’t happen. He just…undid my jeans.”
Mary was rubbing my back, and again I started to bawl even though it still felt wrong.
“You’ll have that tested,” Jake told Dr. Jenkins. “That prick is going to jail for this.”
Then Jake was lifting and carrying me again until I was back in the truck.
I didn’t say anything for the ride home. Clear thoughts were still hard. But by the time we were home, I felt a little more normal. I was able to get out of the truck and up the stairs of the porch without Jake, even though he was right behind me.
I didn’t stop or say anything. I wasn’t sure what Jake’s mood was like. If he was mad at me because I hadn’t followed the rules about making sure I kept my eyes on my glass when I was at a bar.
But it was Bobby. He was… Bobby from high school. He’d been mean to me that one time and then he apologized. Beyond that, and knowing Jake didn’t like him, I didn’t think much about him at all.
Now I probably wouldn’t forget him, which just seemed wrong.
I went through the normal nightly ritual. Changed into my pajama bottoms and tank top. Pulled my hair back and washed my face. Brushed my teeth. Went back to my room and sat on the bed.
Jake knocked on my door and I told him to come in. He had the entire Brita water container in his hand along with a glass.
“Drink this,” he said, handing me the full glass. “The doc said it was probably Molly. The more water you drink, the more it will help to flush it out of your system. When you finish that glass, drink another.”
I nodded.
“You want me to stay with you? I can sleep on the floor.”
I nodded.
He left then and a few minutes later he came back wearing the pajama bottoms I got him for Christmas last year, which looked like he’d just taken them out of the package, and a T-shirt. He had a bunch of pillows and a blanket, which he spread out on the floor next to my bed.
I got under the covers and lay down, but I didn’t think I would sleep. I liked that Jake was close. I liked that I could hear him breathing. I wanted him on the bed with me. I still had this crazy urge to touch and be touched, and there was no one else I wanted to be touched by.
“Jake?”
“Yes, baby.”
Baby. That was new. That was him trying to be gentle with me.
“Can you hold me for a while?”
It felt like it took a thousand years before he finally said, “Okay.”
Thirteen
Jake
“Can you hold me for a while?”
I sucked in a breath. I was so raw right now I didn’t know if it was a good idea. She’d feel the tension in me, and that wouldn’t relax her. But the idea of denying her anything right now seemed wrong.
“Okay.”
I got up and she was lifting the covers on her bed even as she scooted over to the left. I crawled in behind her and wrapped my arm around her waist. She sighed as she pressed her full body against me.
“That feels so good.” Her bottom wiggled against my crotch and I had to bite down on the urge to make a sound.
“It’s the drug,” I said tightly.
It’s what MDMA did. Increased pleasure and feelings of emotional warmth.
She was stroking my arm that was over her stomach, and I thought maybe this wasn’t the best idea.
“I don’t care. It feels so good.” She did this full-on body wave and it felt too damn good to me too. So good I squeezed her a little, telling her, I hoped, she needed to stop.
“Jake…”
“Try to sleep.” The sooner she fell asleep, the sooner I could get back to the floor.
“I can’t. I’m too awake.”
That was the drug too. I was going to have to suck it up. For her.
“Please,” she said.
“What?”
“I’ve… I’ve never… I mean I’ve tried, but I’ve never…”
“What?”
“Had an orgasm.”
I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything else except what Ellie would look like coming. It didn’t work. I remembered that night I saw her, heard her. I remembered that last groan of frustration.
“I can’t stop thinking that if Bobby did that to me, that would be my first experience. Then what if I could never do it again? I would never get to have an orgasm. Ever.”
“Shh, shh,” I said, trying hush her. It was the drug. It was still in her system. She was feeling the effect of it, but it didn’t make hearing what she was saying any easier. In fact it was making it a hell of a lot harder.
“I feel like I could now. With you. If you were touching me. I know we can’t have sex, but maybe you could do that for me. Just that.”
That was it. I needed to get up and get out of the bed now. Go back to my room and let her suffer the effects of the drug on her own. Except I could hear the desperation in her voice.
“Please, Jake.”
Fuck.
I tried not to think about how right or wrong this was, but in the end I thought if I could make her feel good, if I could give her her first orgasm, that might be what she remembered most about this night.
<
br /> I just needed to stay in control. This was just about her and getting her off. It had been a while, but I was pretty sure I remembered how to do that.
I slid my hand that had been around her waist down her stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to be as removed as I could be. I felt the soft hair of her pussy and pressed my fingers against her. Immediately, she pressed back as if she was seeking them out. I dipped further and I could feel that she was already slick. Her neck arched and her body pressed against me. Then she was spreading her thighs, lifting one over mine.
It was the trust that killed me. After what had happened to her, she still trusted me implicitly to do this for her and take nothing else.
I dipped my hand lower and she gasped. I started with gentle strokes just to open her up, and that had her thrashing a bit. I pushed my other arm under her neck and wrapped it over her breasts to hold her more firmly against me, even as I started to slip my middle finger inside of her.
“Jake,” she cried. “Please. More. I can feel it. It feels so good.”
I pushed my hips away from her. I didn’t want her to know how hard I was. Between her arousal, the adrenaline, and the violence that were still pulsing through me, it was impossible to not be fully erect.
Instead I just concentrated on her, and what she liked by the sounds she made. She was so slick and tight, but she was moving her hips in rhythm with my thrusts, pushing my finger deeper inside her.
I pulled away.
“Nooo!” she wailed and brought her hand down over mine. Pressing it against her.
“Trust me, Ellie. Let me do my thing.”
She moved her hand away and I brought my thumb down on her clit. It was a hard little nub and her whole body tightened like a bowstring when I found it.
“Oh, Jake. That’s it. Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop. So good!”
I sent two fingers inside her this time and she bucked. She was so damn wet. I tried not to think about how she felt, how she sounded. Only on what I was doing. Her breaths were coming faster, her hips were pumping. I pressed down on her clit again with my thumb.
