To All a Good Night

by Donna Kauffman, Jill Shalvis

  “I made the tape for Charlie, but also for me.”

  Spence’s hold tightened on her shoulder but he did not say anything.

  “When you lose weight, you can’t always see it. That’s how it is for me. I see the same fat person I used to be in the mirror.”

  “Please don’t call yourself that.”

  “Forty-five pounds has to show. I know that on an intellectual level.”

  “I guess that’s something.”

  The next part was not as easy to tell. “Charlie wanted to make a tape. A sex tape.”

  Spence’s body tensed. “I’m not sure I want to know this.”

  She did not want to tell the story any more than he wanted to hear it, but he deserved an explanation. He needed to understand who she was and why being with him was such a big deal for her.

  Why she could not just be a means to an end in his fight with Charlie.

  “I was too self-conscious. But, when I lost the weight, I thought, maybe.”

  “You don’t have to tell me this. Honestly, I don’t want to know all the details of your time with Charlie.”

  “I don’t plan on going into detail on everything. Just this.”

  “He’s not going to bother you again.”

  She heard anger in Spence’s voice and hugged him closer. She appreciated the way out, but she could not take it. “I decided to try making a tape. I’d strip, try to be sexy—”

  “You don’t need to try. You’re sexy just as you are.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “It’s natural for you…or do you need another demonstration?”

  She poked him in the side. “I couldn’t do what Charlie wanted but I thought I could make a gesture and maybe, just maybe, in the process, I’d be able to check it out and see if I noticed the weight loss.”

  “Which is why you were watching it.”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s better than the reasons I came up with.”

  “Which were?”

  He laughed. “You don’t want to know.”

  She loved the deep, rich sound of his voice. The eager touch of his hands. The way he listened and made her feel. There wasn’t anything about Spence she disliked.

  She knew she was falling in love with him. The thought should have sent her into a panic, made her feel awkward and exposed; but she experienced a different kind of emotion. A sort of strength that came from deep inside and spilled over into everything else.

  That’s why she had to be clear. She had to know.

  She shifted around until she sat cross-legged, facing him. “I don’t want to go back.”

  “To Charlie? You’re not.” Spence reached out and held her hand.

  “To feeling the way I did with Charlie.”

  “Okay.”

  “With anyone.”

  Spence stopped smiling. “I’m not him, Nat.”

  She drew a design on the blanket with her finger as she worked up the courage to take the next step.

  “What is it?” he asked, and then squeezed her hand in encouragement. “You can tell me.”

  “You only showed an interest in me after I lost the weight and after you and Charlie started fighting.” She’d blurted it out in one fast sentence, but did not regret the words. They were true.

  “That’s not true.”

  “Come on, Spence. It’s okay.” It actually was. She understood physical attraction.

  “How could that be okay with you?”

  She skipped to the question she really wanted to ask. “What is this to you?”

  “This?”

  “Us.”

  He did not hesitate. “The start of something.”

  Falling for him jumped right to love with that answer. “I could gain it all back again. What then? What would you feel?”

  “You’re still stuck on your weight?” He dropped her hand. “Damn it, Nat. That was who you were.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. It’s part of me. And, if all of those pounds come back, all forty-five pounds or even more, what happens to your feelings, your attraction, then?”

  “You still think I’m shallow. That I’ll leave you for a thin woman.”

  She did not want to think it, but she did. “Can you blame me?”

  “I blame Charlie.”

  “He did not force the food in my mouth.”

  “But he made you feel worthless.” Spence got out of bed and tugged on his pants.

  “And I let him.”

  “Look, I’m here for the long haul. I don’t know how to prove that to you.”

  “Putting on your pants and acting as if you’re about to leave is not the best way.” He was taking the easy way out. Walking away and blaming her. Typical.

  “I’m going, but I’ll be back.”

  Sure he would. Two seconds after never, he’d walk back through her door and express his undying devotion. Right.

  “Just go,” she said.

  He shrugged on his shirt. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  He leaned down and kissed her. “You want a Christmas miracle, I’ll give you one. Your only job is to believe in me for two seconds.”

  “I do.”

  “No, honey. You don’t. Not in me, or in yourself.”

  11

  "W hat are you doing here?” Charlie opened the door to his condo but did not usher Spence inside.

  “I need to talk with you.”

  Charlie pointed to his bruised jaw. “You can talk to my lawyer.”

  “We are lawyers, you dumb-ass.”

  “What do you want?” Charlie lifted his chin, then groaned in pain. “Shit, man. You got quite a punch.”

  “Think of how it would hurt if I hadn’t raced down fourteen flights of stairs first.”

  Charlie hesitated for a second, then stepped back. “Come in.”

  Spence walked into the sterile black-and-white living room, and sat down on one of the leather chairs near the balcony doors. There he could see the condo from every angle. No tree. No decorations. No warmth. He could not imagine Natalie in the room for two seconds.

  He also took a minute to check around for the tape or boxes of case files while they talked. Did not see those, either.

  “You haven’t been here in a while,” Charlie said, as he slouched down into the modern white couch and picked up the beer bottle in front of him.

  “We haven’t exactly been on friendly terms for months, now. Socializing was impossible. Probably always was.” He always respected Charlie’s legal skills. His people skills were another matter.

  “Does Natalie know she’s the reason for our partnership dissolution?”

  They had fought this battle a hundred times. Spence tried one more time to explain. “She’s not the reason. She was symbolic of our differences.”

  “Sounds like lawyer-speak to me.”

  “How about this: She was not the only reason.” Spence realized that was the truth.

  “Unless I’m remembering this wrong, and I’m not, you told me I treated her like shit and should let her go.”

  “I was right about that.”

  Charlie stared down at the top of his beer. “She left soon after.”

  “We have different ways of dealing with people. Different styles. The partnership wasn’t working long before we disagreed about Natalie.”

  “We made money.”

  For a time, that was good enough. “We fought every day. There has to be something more to life than that. We both deserve to walk into work and want to be there.”

  “Is that why you’re here now? To fight about work?”

  “No.” Spence tapped his fingers together. For once, he was at a loss for words. He was the guy who could stand in front of the jury and, off the top of his head, find the right phrase to make any point. When it came to Natalie, words failed him. It was as if words were not good enough.

  Which was why he was here. To make a sacrifice. To show her that she deserved to be put first. That s
he mattered. That thin or chubby, he wanted to build a life with her. He was falling, and falling hard. If she did not give him a chance…well, he could not think of that possibility.

  “I have a proposition.” Spence glanced around one last time.

  “I’m listening.”

  “I’ll give you the perfect deal. One you will never get in court or from an arbitrator or from me again if I walk out that door without your agreement now.”

  “Why? You have the advantage in our dissolution, or so you keep telling. So, why negotiate now?”

  “We’re not negotiating.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m putting a one-time offer on the table.”

  Charlie did not move but his body held a new awareness. Charlie was a lot of things. A bad businessman was not one of them.

  “What are the terms?” he asked.

  “We both know you can’t afford to buy me out.” Spence held up his hand when Charlie started to object. “It’s not a statement on your lawyering skills. I brought you on as a partner and I did that for a reason. But you haven’t been practicing as long as I have.”

  “That just makes you older.” Charlie chuckled at his joke.

  Spence was not in the mood for humor. “I have more money and more clout. It’s a fact.”

  “Not that I agree, but what kind of deal are we talking about here?”

  “I’ll sell you my interest in the condo suite for a steep discount. Instead of coming up with all of the money now to buy me out of the property, you can put up a small down payment and pay over time.”

  Charlie’s eyes widened in surprise. “I get the office?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Even though you had it before our partnership?”

  That part stung a bit, but Natalie mattered more than a bunch of rooms. “That’s the good part of the deal.”

  Charlie tried to hide his satisfaction but his eyes gave him away. “It’s fair.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t get too excited. It will be a bigger down payment than you want to pay. One that will hurt but be doable.”

  “I can work with that.”

  “And we’ll divide the clients and split the accounts payable fifty-fifty, even though we haven’t brought in money and clients on a fifty-fifty basis.”

  Charlie stared for a few seconds before speaking up. “Why are you doing this?”

  Spence only had one answer to that: Because he was an idiot falling for a woman who did not trust him.

  “I need something in return,” Spence said.

  “Name it.”

  “A look through the Watson case boxes. You have them here, right?”

  The confusion on Charlie’s face proved he had not stumbled across Nat’s masterpiece. “Yeah, but why?”

  “I’m looking for something.”

  “It’s my case.” Anger strained Charlie’s voice.

  Spence knew he had to defuse the situation or risk losing everything. “I don’t want the appeal. The case is yours.”

  “Then what?”

  “There’s a tape in there.”

  “There’re a bunch in there. Crime scene tapes and—”

  “This tape is unrelated to the case.”

  “Huh?”

  Nat would kill him, but there was no other way. Charlie was too curious to let the comment slide and Spence had no intention of stealing the damn thing. “You picked up one of Nat’s tapes when you left her house. One she wants back.”

  “Which one?”

  “I’ll find it.”

  Charlie was smart enough to know this was important. To try to work an angle. “What the hell is on it?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Charlie grinned. “Maybe it does.”

  Spence balled his hands into fists to keep from knocking Charlie on his ass a second time. “You don’t get to look at the tape, keep a copy, or know anything about it.”

  “What’s in it for me?”

  Leave it to Charlie to look for an even better deal. Frustration boiled in Spence’s gut at the thought. “An office suite you can’t afford and a law practice you did not work to build.”

  “And what’s in it for you?”

  “I owe her. Hell, Charlie, you owe her.”

  Charlie scoffed. “I treated her fine.”

  “You made her feel worthless.”

  Charlie’s face fell. He actually looked hurt and offended by the suggestion. “That’s not true.”

  If Spence had the time and inclination he might have given Charlie a lecture on how to treat women. Since he had neither, he got to the point. “She needs the tape. I’m getting it for her. You’re giving it to me.”

  “I don’t know anyone who negotiates blind. I want to see this tape.”

  “You don’t even get to talk about it.”

  “You’re planning on monitoring my discussions now?”

  “You’re going to sign a confidentiality agreement regarding the dissolution of our partnership. There will be a clause in there about Nat. You talk about her or the tape, say anything derogatory or come near her again, and you lose the office suite.”

  Charlie rolled his beer bottle between his palms. “No way.”

  “That’s how it’s got to be.”

  “Now that I know what you want, what’s to stop me from upping the ante? You leave here, I look at the tape. You stay, I’m going to need something else.” Charlie took a long swig.

  “How about being a man for once?”

  “Your negotiating skills need work, partner. Insulting the other party is a bad strategy.”

  “I’m handing you a perfect professional situation. You get a new start, nothing but public goodwill from me, and an office that will impress clients.” Spence balanced his elbows on his knees. “Compare that to what you can afford without this deal.”

  “You don’t give me enough credit.”

  “I gave you too much.” He stood up. “So, do we have a deal?”

  Charlie glanced in the direction of his kitchen. “One tape.”

  “I get the one I want and the rest of the file stays with you.” There was a beat of silence, but Spence knew he had won. Charlie was too savvy to let his curiosity kill the deal. Something Spence had counted on before he stepped in the condo.

  Charlie tipped his beer in a salute. “Deal.”

  Spence walked into the kitchen with Charlie trailing behind. Two boxes and stacks of paperwork sat on the table. Spence did not waste any time. He fingered the thick black boxes and located the one with Nat’s handwriting. After a quick check inside, he grabbed it and tucked it under his arm.

  “I hope she’s worth it,” Charlie said, from the doorway.

  “You know she is.”

  “What if it doesn’t matter? If you do this grand gesture and she dumps you anyway?”

  “That’s the difference between us, Charlie. I’m not expecting anything in return.”

  12

  N atalie dragged her fork through her frozen diet dinner entrée. Spence said he would be back. About twenty-four hours had passed, and nothing. She had even called the office and talked with Sue in the hope of getting some inside information, but Sue did not spill a thing.

  Nat pushed out her chair and went into the kitchen. There had to be something with taste in her refrigerator. Just a little piece of—

  The doorbell rang.

  Her hand dropped from the fridge, and every bone in her body shuddered to a halt. She refused to run to the front door or get excited. It could be a neighbor.

  “Open the door.” Spence’s voice carried above the second round of dinging from the doorbell.

  She did not run. It was more of a jog with a short stop by the mirror in the living room to make sure she did not look as messy as she felt in her battered blue jeans and gray sweatshirt.

  She opened the door to find Spence agitated and pacing in the hall. He wore his suit and had his winter coat slung over his arm.

  “What the hell took you so long?�
�� he asked, in the least welcoming voice ever.

  “And good evening to you.”

  He glanced at his watch. “It’s six o’clock.”

  “You came all the way over here to give me the time? How thoughtful.”

  Odd was the right word. The cool, calm Spence she saw every day had disappeared to be replaced by this fidgeting one. Something had happened or he had something very bad to say. Either way, she wanted to know and get it over with so she could move on to mourning whatever they might have had.

  “It’s not evening.” He pushed past her and into the apartment. “Have you eaten yet?”

  “I was munching on that tray.”

  He peeked at the entrée. “That doesn’t even look like food.”

  “It’s actually okay—” Now there was a lie.

  “I have your Christmas gifts.”

  The abrupt change in conversation caught her off guard. “Plural?”

  “Here’s the first.” He handed her the videotape. More like threw it at her.

  That explained the harried state. He probably just stole it and was wracked with guilt.

  She should have been thrilled. She could set aside all the worry and embarrassment. Charlie did not have her tape. She could destroy that horrible mistake and pretend it never happened. But all she could muster was concern for Spence. “How did you get it?”

  His unease started to settle. Instead of walking around in circles as he had been doing, he sat down on the arm of her couch. “I traded for it.”

  Not the answer she’d expected. “Charlie watched it?”

  “He didn’t even know he had it.”

  That did not make any sense. “Then how did you trade?”

  “I told him I wanted a tape.”

  “So you did tell Charlie all about it. Great. Now I’ll never hear the end of this.”

  “Yes, you will.”

  Spence’s assured reaction stopped her tirade. “What did you do?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Something, I think.” Knew. She knew it. Could feel it.

  “I made Charlie an offer he could not refuse.”

  “Tell me.”

  A huge smile broke across Spence’s face. “And in other good news, we settled our partnership issues.”

  She knew what that meant. How could he smile? “You used the tape to make a deal, didn’t you?”