No Ocean Deep

by Cate Swannell

  “He certainly can’t hurt,” she said aloud, mustering a smile for Cadie. “Tell me more about... what was it...? Tenney Park?” she asked. “Is it in Madison?”

  Cadie grinned.

  “Mhmmmm. It’s a lagoon with a big island in the middle and seating for outdoor concerts and picnics and stuff. And in winter the lagoon freezes over and the kids go wild.”

  “And you went a little too wild, huh?”

  Cadie felt herself blushing despite the teasing smile on her lover’s face.

  “I was a pretty decent athlete back then.” She put the laptop down on the deck and turned towards Jo, leaning her elbow on the supine woman’s hip. “Part of that was because of Sebastian,” Cadie murmured.

  “Your brother.”

  “Mhmmmm. After he died… well, he had been into everything, y’know?” Jo nodded as she listened. “Football, hockey, track...”

  “All-American boy, huh?” Jo said, watching the memories of childhood and a now-distant grief cross her partner’s face.

  “Oh yeah …” Cadie answered softly. “Anyway … I kind of picked up where he left off, I guess.” She smiled. “So playing pick-up games of hockey on Tenney Park lagoon was pretty much my preferred winter activity.”

  Jo chuckled.

  “Somebody get a little rough with you?”

  Cadie snorted.

  “Nope. I just zigged when I should have zagged and slid into a tree branch. Broke my arm in two places."

  “Ouch.”

  “Big time.”

  Mephisto sauntered across the deck and draped himself over Jo’s shoulder and arm.

  “Don’t mind me, boycat,” the skipper said dryly. “Feel free to use me as your personal cushion.”

  “Riaaaaaaaoooooooooow.”

  “Oh shut up.”

  Cadie felt a peaceful sense of happiness settle over her. However quickly their relationship had snuck up on them both, however drastically their lives had changed, she felt completely blessed to be here with this beautiful woman. On a yacht. With a cat. She laughed and scratched the feline between his ears, an action which produced one of the most blissful expressions she had ever seen.

  She glanced down at her lover, whose half-lidded blue eyes watched her avidly, a tiny smile gracing the full lips.

  Except perhaps for that blissful expression.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” Cadie said softly.

  The tiny smile grew wider.

  “I love you.”

  Oh my.

  Cadie felt a warm ball of… it’s mush, that’s what it is, she thought happily… spreading through her gut. When did I start to crave her, she wondered. The idea of her has always been in my mind, I know that now. Naomi never did fill that need.

  “I love you too,” she answered. They basked in each other for a few more seconds before Jo laughed a low rumble of amusement that sent Mephisto scurrying away.

  Jo turned her attention to the laptop.

  “I thought you said you couldn’t connect to the internet out here,” she asked, noting that Cadie had been surfing the Australian government’s Department of Immigration website.

  “I can’t,” the blonde confirmed. “I downloaded these sites to my hard drive yesterday before we left.”

  “Ahhh, okay.” Jo flicked through a series of hyperlinks. “So what have you been able to figure out about your visa?”

  Cadie sighed. She wished she had good news to tell her lover, but so far her research had yielded some pretty depressing results. She pulled herself upright and sat cross-legged.

  “Well,” she began. “You know I’m here on a standard, three-month visa, right?”

  “Mhmmmm,” Jo answered. “And you’ve got about six weeks to run on that.”

  “Yes. The good news there is I can apply for a three-month extension.”

  “Okay,” Jo said cautiously. “That’s a good thing, right?” She pushed herself up off the deck and turned around, sitting with her back against the cowling. Cadie smiled and took the opportunity to stay close, sliding between Jo’s knees and leaning back against her lover’s solid frame.

  “It’s a good thing,” she said as she settled back, sighing contentedly as strong arms encircled her waist and held her close. “Mmmmmm, nice.” Warm breath tickled her ear.

  “Yes you are,” Jo burred. She captured Cadie’s lobe gently between her teeth and nibbled it playfully. The blonde groaned and dropped her head back onto the taller woman’s shoulder.

  “You are so wicked,” Cadie murmured, pressing even closer.

  "Mhmmmmm, and I'm beginning to think you quite enjoy that," Jo whispered back, loving the way Cadie's body responded unconsciously to her touch.

  Cadie's answer was to turn her head slightly so she could claim Jo's wandering lips in a soul-deep kiss that left them both breathless.

  "Mmmmmm, what were we talking about?" Jo sighed a few minutes later.

  "I have no idea," the blonde replied, happy just to be cradled in Jo's arms as the sun set behind them.

  The skipper pressed her lips against Cadie's hair and gazed out across the gold-flecked sea.

  Only one thing could make this more perfect that it already is, Jo thought.

  "I want you here permanently, Cadie," she said quietly. "I don't think you having to shuttle between here and the States is going to work for very long. It's not fair on you." She smiled as Cadie snuggled closer, burying her face against the taller woman's neck. "So, as long as you want to be here with me, I think we should do everything we can to make sure you can stay without all that hassle."

  Cadie took a few seconds just to let the words sink in.

  It’s so different from being with Naomi, she reflected. I can’t remember the last time she told me she loved me just because that’s what she was feeling. There was always an ulterior motive with her. She looked up at her new lover’s profile, the setting sun throwing her face into shadows. There was still enough light to catch the pale blue of her irises, though. With Jo it’s real, Cadie realized. There’s no pretence, no artifice. She says what’s in her heart, not what she thinks I want to hear.

  “I want to be here with you, Jo-Jo,” she said softly. Those blue eyes looked down at her, and Cadie caught her breath at what she saw there. “More than anything in the world.” She sighed. “I just don’t think it’s going to be as easy as we want it to be.”

  A dark brow quirked at her.

  “I thought I just had to sponsor you,” Jo said seriously. “You know, I guarantee to cover whatever debts you might incur in the first couple of years, that sort of thing.”

  Cadie shook her head.

  “Not that simple I’m afraid.” She sat up again and pulled the computer towards her, flicking through the pages she had downloaded until she came to the relevant set of information. “See, according to this, there’s two ways of immigrating to Australia.” She pulled the laptop up and rested it on her knees, making it easier for Jo to see. “There’s a skilled program and there’s a family program.”

  Jo’s brow furrowed.

  “Meaning what?”

  “Well, the skilled program means if you are in an occupation that’s listed as being crucial to Australia’s economy then you have an excellent chance of being accepted.”

  Jo looked at her.

  “And is literary agent on the list?”

  Cadie shook her head.

  “Not even anything close, as far as I can see,” she said.

  “So what about the family program?”

  “That’s a little more hopeful, but it’s still not simple.” She clicked through a couple more pages. “Here we go,” she murmured. “A spouse or fiancée or de facto can sponsor someone as an immigrant. It doesn’t specifically include same-sex couples.” She thought about that a moment. “Of course, it doesn’t specifically exclude them either. But there are other conditions.”

  “Like what?”

  Cadie looked at Jo.

  “For a start we have to have been together
for a minimum of 12 months,” she said quietly.

  “Ah.”

  They smiled wistfully at each other.

  “Sometimes I have a hard time believing we’ve only been together a few weeks,” Cadie whispered. She reached for Jo, brushing her cheek with the pad of her thumb. “But somehow I don’t think the immigration officials are going to buy the ‘but we’ve been together forever in our hearts’ line.”

  Jo sighed and shook her head slowly. She didn’t think she could trust her voice so she took a moment to just rest her forehead against Cadie’s.

  “There are exceptions,” the blonde whispered after a few seconds. “We don’t have to actually live together for 12 months, but we do have to prove we’ve been in a committed, sharing relationship for at least that time.”

  Jo blinked at her from close range.

  “So that means …” She thought about it some more. “That means, even if you have to keep going back to the States every few months for a while, as long as we can prove that we’re still in contact and still together … then, after a year, we will meet the criteria?”

  Cadie leaned closer and kissed the soft lips in front of her.

  “Yes, I think so.”

  She was rewarded with a stellar grin that transformed the somber mood of the moment.

  “So what the hell are we worried about?”

  Jo balanced herself on the Seawolf’s bowsprit. The narrow railing encompassed the big yacht’s pointed nose and if she shuffled herself out far enough, Jo was hanging out over the cool, clear ocean. She wrapped her legs around the snub end of the rail and let the slightly chilled pre-dawn air settle around her. Away to the east the horizon was just beginning to be tinged by pink, the mist from the breakers that crashed on the edge of the outer reef creating a hazy layer that diffused the rising sun's rays.

  Jo let herself relax into her deep breathing exercises as she watched the slowly spreading colors. It had been quite a while since she practiced her early morning meditation routine, she realized. What with one thing and another, every minute of sleep had been precious.

  She grinned to herself. And of course there is the fact that Cadie and I can't keep our hands of each other, she admitted. Can't say I mind too much about that.

  But this morning she had woken before dawn and her body had shown every sign of wanting to be up and about. Cadie was deeply asleep against her side. Somehow she had managed to untangle herself from the blonde's unconscious grasp without waking her and had tiptoed out of the cabin.

  Slowly she inhaled and exhaled, listening to her breath. Jo closed her eyes, reaching out with her other senses to experience the sunrise - the gentle slap of water against the Seawolf's hull, the distant roar of the breakers, the clinking of the rigging against the mast as the breeze disturbed them.

  She took another deep breath, this time concentrating on the smells of the ocean, tangy and full of life. She started the meditation techniques, imagining the breeze blowing through her rather than around her.

  Bit by bit she felt herself relaxing, her consciousness spreading outwards as if her molecules were scattering with the wind. She let herself drift with it, sensing the growing warmth of the sun.

  Cadie rolled towards her lover, disappointed to find an empty space in the sheets where the Jo's lanky frame should have been.

  "Jo-Jo?" she mumbled, pushing herself up and blinking sleepily at the obviously empty cabin. "Where did you go?" The door to the head was open and Jo was clearly not in there. Cadie slumped back into the bedclothes.

  She’s probably just getting a drink of water, or something. Contented with that solution for the time being, she allowed herself to hover between wakefulness and slumber.

  Unknown minutes later, and with no sign of her bedmate, Cadie came awake again. This time there was a little gnawing worm of anxiety in her gut as she let her eyes adjust to the cabin’s lack of illumination. She couldn’t see much and could hear even less. There was no movement either in the main cabin or up on deck.

  Well, it’s a boat. It’s not like she could go far, she chastised herself. Unless she fell overboard. She thought about that for a few seconds and dismissed it. For god’s sake, Arcadia, would you relax? Impatient with herself she punched her pillow, fluffing it up and thumping back down into it. And then another thought occurred to her. Maybe she needed some time to herself.

  “In the middle of the night?” she wondered aloud. The small clock on the bedside table mocked her. “Okay, so it’s not the middle of the night,” she muttered. “But near enough to it, damn it.”

  Cadie clutched the pillow to her and curled up on her side in the middle of the bed, suddenly feeling irrationally insecure.

  Am I crowding her, she wondered. She’s been alone so long, perhaps having me around has been a little too much, too soon. She gnawed at her bottom lip, giving it some more thought for a few minutes. She hasn’t given any sign that she’s unhappy, though, she conceded. And I’ve never yet seen her manage to keep anything like that hidden … so …

  She made up her mind to get over the insecurity and rolled up out of the bed, reaching for her cutoff denim shorts and a t-shirt. A couple of minutes later she stepped up into the Seawolf’s cockpit.

  “Oh wow,” she murmured, taking in the gentle pinks and oranges that suffused the sky. A warm, furry body bumped around Cadie’s calves, weaving back and forth between her legs. “Hello boycat,” she said quietly. “How about we find your mom, hey?”

  One good thing about staying on a yacht, she reflected. You don’t have to go too far to find somebody. She quickly spotted Jo and smiled at the precarious spot she’d picked to watch the sunrise. As Cadie walked closer she could hear her lover humming in a low monotone. Meditating, she realized, surprised. I swear I learn something new about her every day.

  Rather than disturbing Jo, Cadie soundlessly dropped to the deck, resting her back against the mast.

  Might as well enjoy the sunrise as well, she thought, her eyes firmly on Jo, who was silhouetted against the golden background of the sky.

  Jo reached the end of her meditation routine and let herself return to consciousness slowly. She blinked a few times, smiling at the sun as it climbed a few degrees up off the horizon.

  Mmmmmm that felt good. I needed that, she thought contentedly as she stretched. Her spine popped and crackled and even that felt good. She twisted around, swinging her legs over the bowsprit rail and sliding back onto the deck in one smooth movement. The sight that greeted her there brought her up short.

  Cadie was sound asleep, slumped against the mast, her face turned to the sun, blonde hair framing a blissful expression. Mephisto was draped bonelessly across the woman’s lap, also dead to the world.

  Jo chuckled, totally enchanted by the scenario.

  “Well, isn’t that just the prettiest picture of the morning so far,” she murmured, tiptoeing closer. Slowly she lowered herself to the deck, stretching out on her side next to Cadie, resting her head on her hand. With her other hand she reached out and tickled Mephy’s belly, making his tail twitch. The fluffy tip brushed across Cadie’s thigh and the blonde woke up to a pair of twinkling blue eyes and a broad grin.

  “Wh… b… Jesus,” she muttered.

  “And good morning to you too, sweetheart,” Jo said, beaming up at her.

  Cadie groaned and rubbed the back of her neck, where she’d developed a crick.

  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” she grumbled.

  Jo pushed herself up, placing one hand on either side of Cadie’s lap, ducking her head for a kiss.

  “Don’t worry about it,” she said after they had thoroughly greeted each other. Jo smiled again. “You looked so peaceful sitting there, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  “S’funny,” Cadie murmured. “That’s exactly what I was thinking when I first came up to find you.” She ran her thumb over Jo’s lips, tracing the gentle smile she found there.

  “Didn’t mean to wake you,” the dark-haired woman said qu
ietly, charmed by the way the sea-green eyes in front of her followed the movements of her mouth as she spoke.

  “Mmmmmm, I just missed you,” Cadie answered. “And then I started to wonder if I wasn’t crowding you, and you’d gone off to find some space for yourself.” That produced a raised eyebrow. “And then I gave myself a hard time for that, because I know you would have said something if that was the case.” She waited for the nod before she continued. “And then I just decided to get up and come find you,” she concluded.

  Jo wrapped her arm around Cadie’s waist then rolled onto her back, pulling the smaller woman down on top of her as Mephisto scurried off to find a new place to snooze.

  “I’m not feeling the least bit crowded actually,” Jo said as Cadie’s compact frame settled against her.

  “Does that surprise you?” the blonde asked.

  “A little,” Jo admitted. “I’ve never lived with anyone before, so I guess I was expecting it would be something I’d have to get used to. But it really has been easy.” She beamed up at her lover who nodded at her.

  “So it doesn’t drive you nuts that I’m not as tidy as you are?”

  Jo laughed.

  “You’re not untidy, love,” she reassured. “I’m just a bit of a neat freak, is all.”

  It was Cadie’s turn to chuckle.

  “Have you always been like that, or is it because you spend so much time on boats?” she wondered.

  Jo thought about it.

  “I think I’ve always been like that,” she decided. “I can remember, back home, my mother used to joke that my bedroom was ‘unnatural’.” She grinned. “I always had to have everything in its place, y’know?” Cadie nodded and smiled back at her. Jo shrugged. “I just like being organized, I think. It’s the way my mind works.”

  Cadie kissed her softly.

  “I love the way your mind works,” she murmured against Jo’s lips.